To Write Love on Her Arms

Story Catchers.

Aug. 21, 2009 at 11:04am

Today was a beautiful day.

Today I had the pleasure of having conversations that really matter. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am to be part of this movement—that not all organizations value stories to the point that they’ll allow for you to silence your phone, close your laptop and shut your mouth in the middle of a workday to listen and learn from another. I am thankful that in our office we are able to practice what we preach, to listen when needed, and share from the core of our being.

This morning I got to hear about the passions of a witty Scottish fellow. Our friend Stuart is currently visiting us from Scotland and has big dreams to make our presence in the UK a greater reality, and to impact those who wouldn’t naturally cross paths with To Write Love on Her Arms.

This afternoon I got to have lunch with my friend Justin. We smiled and laughed, and later shared some about hard realities as we sat behind office desks and wondered about the pain that comes with honesty and figuring out next steps.

This evening I ended my workday chatting with an author I admire; I was sitting at a desk in Cocoa, FL and he behind one in Portland, OR. It's so rare to read an author's work and also be able to exchange words in real-time. His name is Brian Doyle and he has an art for capturing truth with simple beauty and honesty. Last week I decided to email Jamie one of my favorite pieces of his, “Two Hearts.” I did this because Jamie recently gave each of our interns a copy of Rob Bell’s newest book, Drops Like Stars, as they leave us for summer and return to their communities to continue living out our mission and movement at home.

Rob’s website says, “It is the difficult and the unexpected, and maybe even the tragic, that opens us up and frees us to see things in new ways. Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right but because it all fell apart. Suffering does that. It hurts, but it also creates.”

Today was a day in believing in stories, in the idea that confession and passion and honesty and forgiveness matter so much, but that questions and pain are a part of this growth process as well, part of the process of creating something new within each of us. And sitting here now, I can’t help but wonder if any of those rich conversations I got to have today has a greater significance.

Jamie and I wanted to share Brian’s story with you guys… So, take a few minutes to read it, enjoy it, and wrestle with it. Brian shares our belief that stories matter, and encouraged me over the phone that we should all strive to become better listeners and “story catchers” in our daily lives.

We hope your day feels beautiful.

Love.
Kaitlyn

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Two Hearts

By Brian Doyle  from God is Love

Some months ago my wife delivered twin sons one minute apart. The older is Joseph and the younger is Liam. Joseph is dark and Liam is light. Joseph is healthy and Liam is not. Joseph has a whole heart and Liam has half. This means that Liam will have two major surgeries before he is three years old.

I have read many pamphlets about Liam's problem. I have watched many doctors' hands drawing red and blue lines on pieces of white paper. They are trying to show me why Liam's heart doesn't work properly. I watch the markers in the doctors' hands. Here comes red, there goes blue. The heart is a railroad station where the trains are switched to different tracks. A normal heart switches trains flawlessly tow billion times in a life; in an abnormal heart, like Liam's, the trains crash and the station crumbles to dust.

So there are many nights now when I tuck Liam and his wheezing train station under my beard in the blue hours of night and think about his Maker. I would kill the god who sentence him to such awful pain, I would stab him in the heart like he stabbed my son, I would shove my fury in his face like a fist, but I know in my own broken heart that this same god made my magic boys, shaped their apple faces and coyote eyes, put joy in the eager suck of their mouths. So it is that my hands are not clenched in anger but clasped in confused and merry and bitter prayer.

I talk to God more than I admit, "Why did you break my boy?" I ask.

I gave you that boy, he says, and his lean brown brother, and the elfin daughter you love so.

"But you wrote death on his heart," I say.

I write death on all hearts, he says, just as I write life.

This is where the conversation always ends and I am left holding the extraordinary awful perfect prayer of my second son, who snores like a seal, who might die tomorrow, who did not die today.

(A happy update: Brian shared with me that Liam is alive and well today; he’s a healthy 14-year-old!)

Posted in Journal by Kaitlyn Suveg

Comments (13)

Sometimes I find it hard to believe in a God who could allow so much pain in the lives of the people He creates...

1 | Left by Carly | Aug. 21, 2009 at 2:28pm

Maybe God is not the problem, maybe we are the problem. Life was created for greater things, lovely, pure, and joyful, yet we cannot deny these broken states we live in. We exist like a shattered mirror, not fully able to reflect the perfection of God's character. It's our sinful nature, these wretched minds and hearts that drives us further into hatred and filthiness. Yet in the midst of our desperation, in the troughs of our pain, still He loves us, pouring Himself over and over again until we are as cups running over. It takes a love so overwhelming to love such a wretched soul as I am, to cherish foolish spirits as the world's. He lifts us from our disgrace into His grace. Though we were weak, He makes us strong.

So think: Maybe God is not a god of torment and anger, maybe we're just the ones who never listen. Maybe we get so caught up in these rain clouds of thunder that we fail to notice the sunlight shining brilliantly behind. Don't fight the hands that only want to hold you. God is love and love is real.

2 | Left by Nina | Aug. 21, 2009 at 3:57pm

Kaitlyn, you truly are lucky to work doing something that matters so much ...with people that care so deeply and are so passionate about what they do.

Stories matter, thank you for sharing this ...it was a beautiful day :)

Kim

3 | Left by Kim | Aug. 21, 2009 at 6:00pm

Kaitlyn,

I hope we see more of you.

4 | Left by Katy | Aug. 21, 2009 at 6:26pm

Kaitlyn, you are a blessing to all of us. Thank you for posting this.

Nina, thank you so much for posting your above comment. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but your words honestly touched me where I am right now. God and I have been in a bit of an argument lately, and your words cut through my stubborn mind and reminded me of how wonderful He really is. Thank you. Never doubt His love.

5 | Left by Amy | Aug. 21, 2009 at 9:00pm

Brian's story was stunning and beautiful. Thankyou.

"Suffering does that. It hurts, but it also creates."

6 | Left by Katie | Aug. 21, 2009 at 10:11pm

hmm...another blog with a story that hits home.
yep. significant moments are usually those when everything seems falling apart.
peace to y'all.
God's love still rule.

7 | Left by gludz | Aug. 22, 2009 at 1:20am

I think when such pain and dispair occurs in someones life it is so hard to believe and look for help in god. I think we have to believe that he is not trying to cause pain and suffering but to maybe teach us, and create something out of the suffering and that as hard as it may be in some of these painful situations we need to look for the beauty and hope in the pain. God did not create us to torture us, but to love and care for us.
Thank you for sharing this story with us Kaitlyn and Brian

8 | Left by Alex Smith | Aug. 23, 2009 at 1:29pm

God puts situations like the one with brian and his son in our lives so that way we just reachout and grab ahold of him, of the ones we love most. God is a god of love, of kindness, of grace. Keeping in prayer and not loosing faith in what you believe and what you do will only strengthen you and will help you over come any possible obsticle that could possibly be apart of your life. God Bless. and i love to write love on her arms. its a great movment and i support it one hundred percent.
Love, Jay *

9 | Left by Jessie | Aug. 23, 2009 at 4:54pm

I believe that everything happens for a reason, either if it is good or bad. It makes us into who we are to this very day. That is why we must cherish what and who we have.

Such a good part of the book, makes me want to read the whole thing.

Thanks Kaitlyn

10 | Left by Sam | Aug. 27, 2009 at 7:07pm

Life has been hard on me my sister killer herself and her 2 chilldern, my brother cut himself and has been in and out of hospital for but is now living independantly for the last 5 years. What I learn is that faith is there went you do not have the answers to why things happen. That life unforuntunely happens, but it is the way we deal with things that is were god helps. Went friend leave because they can not handle the things that are happening to you GOD is there. When no one has the answer GOD is there the hards thing is to learn is that GOD walks with you even when you can not see him, feel him or touch him, but by keeping the faith you do get thorough life. These things have touch me deeply, but what touch me more was see what your group is doing and that to me is GOD working thorough you all to help so many people the power of this is breath taking. TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARM is so powerful I just went to take every young persons arm and write on it TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARM so they do not feel the way my sister felt or my brother as this would have help them get help. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

11 | Left by byoungbhappy | Aug. 30, 2009 at 4:49am

Maybe God want other people to feel what Jesus felt when he died for us, maybe he want us to understand the pain, to feel the suffering that his son felt.

12 | Left by Anon | Aug. 31, 2009 at 11:49pm

This is so awesome! Not only is that actor rather well versed in his confusion towards God but it speaks of a confused sort of state for every person on this walk with faith. I love this update! Thank you so much for sharing this with me.

13 | Left by Ben Francis | Sep. 10, 2009 at 11:21am

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