I just wanted to say to whomever wrote the card that you do not have anything to be sorry for. You are not letting the movement down, actually I think you are doing just the opposite. After all this is a place for broken people run by broken people. Your bravery in wearing the T-shirt despite the fresh cuts shows just how much you are fighting to win your life back while helping others do the same. I wish you all the best life has to offer.

I also want to thank you for having the courage to send the card it shows what we all feel at times when we slip up.

1 | Left by Brittany | Nov. 30, 2008 at 7:40pm

Dear Jamie,
This blog truly spoke to me.
The card expresses how I use to feel.
And it also shows how I can help others.
Tonight I was talking with a girl
that wanted to end her life.
I knew I could tell her tons of things,
but in the end it was her choice.
I told her just that
and how i use to feel,
and she is alive.
She started to apologize,
and i told her not to,
because she shouldn't feel shame.

Thank you for another amazing blog.
I do have a question,
where can I send you a card or picture?
an address would be helpful!
Thank you!

Love,
erin

2 | Left by Erin Hotchkiss | Nov. 30, 2008 at 7:45pm

To Jamie,

Your response moved me very much.
I want to thank You for all the work you do and I hope your Thanksgiving was a great one as well. Thanks to TWLOHA I have been able to face my troubles and get the help I need to get started putting my life back on the right track.

God Bless and I hope all remains well for everyone.

3 | Left by Brittany | Nov. 30, 2008 at 7:59pm

To the person who shared their secret... Me too.

4 | Left by Maggie | Nov. 30, 2008 at 8:04pm

Whoever wrote this card, I know exactly how you feel.

:/

5 | Left by heather | Nov. 30, 2008 at 9:14pm

Wearing both fresh cuts and your TWLOHA shirt doesn't mean you're letting the movement down, it means you're suffering but you're at least trying to get help. I know it's hard, I'm suffering from chronic depression as well. Here's a little trick: Give yourself a little pep-talk every morning. With your hair messy and straight out of bed. Tell yourself how smart,funny, or attractive you are. It may sound stupid, but I do this every morning and things are getting better. Learn to pamper yourself and take a little "Me Time" out of your day to do something that is only for you, something you enjoy. Hope I helped, and if anyone ever needs anyone to talk to about things, contact me via Myspace: www.myspace.com/ash_loves_cheese

6 | Left by AJ | Dec. 1, 2008 at 7:44am

I felt the same way. Until I remembered that the focus is hope and recovery. This one took my breath away.

Jamie, the word broken makes me twinge a little. I wonder if anyone else feel like that's not the most positive wording for all of us. I don't feel broken, but can't quite find the right word, yet.

7 | Left by Courtney | Dec. 1, 2008 at 7:47am

Don't be sorry for anything. You have hope. Hope beautiful.

8 | Left by Tiffany | Dec. 1, 2008 at 7:58am

This made me cry. I refuse to wear my t-shirt if i have any self inflicted wounds. Thank you for your courage.

9 | Left by Mindi | Dec. 1, 2008 at 11:09am

Don't be sorry.
By wearing your shirt I think you are showing that you care. You are helping someone else even if you can't help yourself.

10 | Left by Tana | Dec. 1, 2008 at 12:28pm

i did the same thing. i refuse to wear my shirt now.

11 | Left by meghan | Dec. 1, 2008 at 2:29pm

as they said, this is exactly what we're about... its not about perfection and never failing, because if it were, we would have to ban everyone on this page. we are not perfect people. we are people who have realized that we have a purpose! we have hope! we have so much to live for, we are worth it, we are beautiful! even with our fresh cuts or old scars, we are loved and welcomed by these lovely people.
wearing the tshirt in spite of your scars is about the bravest thing i can imagine. its shoving your hope right in the face of your pain, and not letting up.

12 | Left by savannah | Dec. 1, 2008 at 3:17pm

I know how this feels. I feel like a fake when i am like oh i don't cut i would never do that. As i sit there in my shirt with all these cuts on my body.

13 | Left by Skyler | Dec. 1, 2008 at 3:55pm

Jamie, you're right! To anyone who feels like they are letting themselves down or letting the movement down, you're not. You don't have to be sorry. Recovery is a step-by-step process, and none of us would be who we are today if we didn't have the occasional slip-up. We all make mistakes and we are all human.

It is okay to slip. Just remember to pick yourself back up and keep going.

I am here for and love you all.

14 | Left by Elizabeth Kaylene (Letters of Love) | Dec. 1, 2008 at 7:04pm

hey! you guys are great and inspiring/ and awesome in concert . im not sure if this is where to request¿ but i would LoVe for yall to come back to memphis, tn. /new daisy/ theres so many people that want to see yall around here ! hope to see you soon ~~ jenn

15 | Left by jennifer | Dec. 1, 2008 at 8:03pm

I think everyone has been in that situation before. Whoever wrote this note, I want you to know that some people spend what seems like a lifetime apologizing...for what? You have to realize that what you are doing to yourself is not something you have to apologize for. You are not a fake, so don't be afraid to wear your TWLOHA shirt even if you are cutting. Following your own advice is hard, but I am woking on it too, so you are not alone :(

16 | Left by tara | Dec. 1, 2008 at 9:25pm

My own story is one of tragic beauty. Periodically, I read this blog because it reminds me that hope is not an elusive idea. It reminds me that I walk with hope. It reminds me that he that is in me is far greater than he that is in the world.
What I love about this particular blog is the idea of confession. I think that the church does a lot of things wrong, but one thing that is sacred and good is the idea of confession. There is healing in that.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. If I measured my life my that standard, than I too am fake. If life was measured by that standard, than we are all fake. Good thing it's not. Good thing grace still counts for something.

17 | Left by Rachel | Dec. 2, 2008 at 6:45am

I love all of you sooo much. =] I've been there, but I've now found joy. I don't cut myself anymore, no more suicide attempts, and I don't have many days where I am depressed at all, not like it used to be.

Don't feel like you're fake, because just being concerned that you are fake and expressing that makes you the most genuine you could ever be.

You're not a failure, fake, or faulty. You're beautiful, loved, and amazing.

There is hope, there is life, and you can find it. People care for you, and people love you.

18 | Left by Victoria | Dec. 2, 2008 at 9:15am

Jamie,
This has to be one of my favourite blogs that you've written. Really. It made me feel so strikingly alive that I wanted to get up and run, jump, feel.

To that courageous person out there: you are loved. You are so incredibly brave to put this out there, not matter how you're feeling right now.

Thank you, Jamie, for typing such an amazing response. I really do hope I meet you someday. :)

19 | Left by Katy | Dec. 2, 2008 at 1:55pm

You're not letting us down.
You're the reason we're here. You are loved and you are brave and you have no reason to be sorry. We all support you, and wish the best for you. We pray you will find the hope and that one day things will be better, and that we can help bring you to that place.
We love you.
I know many of us are praying for you.

20 | Left by Nasheen | Dec. 2, 2008 at 5:52pm

I'm getting shirt soon, and I don't know how I'll feel when that happens to me.

The perso shouldn't be sorry, they're not letting anyone down.

21 | Left by Emma | Dec. 2, 2008 at 6:30pm

I feel the same way as whoever wrote that note does. I don't wear the shirts because I feel guilty because I cut. I feel like I'm letting the whole organization down and Jim being a hypocrite feel guilty to be having cuts and scars all over me and then having a TWLOHA shirt on.

22 | Left by Kristen | Dec. 2, 2008 at 7:24pm

I think we all feel that way at times. Like we're fake. Like we're not allowed to believe that there's something better beyond all of this.

This post speaks volumes. It's beauty and hope and the promise of tomorrow.

I remember days of feeling just like that. Feeling like I was fake. I think it's about remembering that you too are forgiven and forgiving yourself.

Thank you twloha. And thank you Jamie. You've given me more hope than one can imagine.

23 | Left by Erin | Dec. 2, 2008 at 7:57pm

Ok. So I feel awkward doing this. There are many who say they feel like they are a hypocrite wearing their shirt. Even though they cut.
First, though my “thing” is biting my lip. [which –lets face it- it’s winter. People get dry, chapped lips. So, yes, it is very easy to hide this.] And, maybe this won’t help any of you, though, I guess by writing here…. I’m hoping it helps even one of those in this “camp”.
I actually have 2 shirts, that [for various reasons] I feel, at times, I shouldn’t wear. From thoughts in my head, to actions that I take [or should have taken] I feel like/ hear in my head “you, of all people, have got some nerve wearing that.”
But, once, in a very down state. Feeling kind of solitary, I looked at my shirt from a different standpoint. It actually started with a picture that I’m not even sure I’m “allowed” to have. The picture is of friends from my church. I felt very lonely, & started feeling like: “I’m alive… who cares?” Then I thought of this picture, friends…smiling out at me. I made it my desktop. Then I put it on my mp3 player as my wallpaper. So the next time I felt this way [& turned on my computer or mp3 player] I “got an answer”. These 5 friends smiling as if to say “we do”. This would get me to count those who “should be in this picture, but aren’t”.
[so, where does the shirt fit in?] I eventually have to turn either one or both off. So, if I still feel that way [I don’t often feel like that, lately]
I have come to look at my “Stop The Bleeding” shirt, & my LWCC Tech shirt as a sort of “carrying those friends with me for support through the day”. It feels stupid/ campy to say, let alone type, but it has really helped me to remember [& personalize] 2 facts.
#1. I’m not alone. [EVER]
#2. I’ve got friends. [translation: I have people who, though they cannot take away my pain, keep me from dealing with it alone. …& give me someone to vent to]
I could write more… but this is supposed to be a comment, not a post.

Life is often desperate, but never hopeless - Robert Fripp

24 | Left by B | Dec. 2, 2008 at 8:11pm

"it is so that my transgressions have born a withered fruit,
the sun has scorched the rising plans;
alas they have no root, the bleached bones of animals bound by leather strips,
dance through the air with laughter as i wield this wicked whip,
as you did warn me carpenter, this world has weakened my heart,
so easily i disparage, self-seeking the work of my art,
and there you have come to me at the moment i bathe in my sorrow,
so in love with myself, sought after avoiding tomorrow,
where do you find the love to offer he who betrays you?
and offer to wash my feet as i offer to disobey you,
your beauty does bereave me, and how my words do fail,
so faithfully and dutifully i award you with betrayal,
the weak and the down trodden fall on broken legs,
as i walk past a smile i cast, fervor in my stead,
but my bones like plastic, do buckle backward now,
i lay in this field by Judas' bowels and anticipate the plow,
i can not be forgiven; my wages will be paid,
for those more lovely and admirable is least among the saved,
and where would i fit Jesus?
what place is left for me?
the price of atonement is more than i've found to offer up as my plea,
Jesus my heart is all i have to give to you, so weak and so unworthy,
this simply will not do, no alabaster jar, no diamond in the rough,
for your body that was broken, how can this be enough?
by me you were abandoned, by me you were betrayed,
yet in your arms and in your heart forever i have stayed

Your glory illuminates my life, and no darkness will descend,
for you have loved me forever, and your love will never end"
-Matthias Replaces Judas, Showbread, No Sir, Nihilism is Not Practical, Tooth and Nail Records

25 | Left by Sam | Dec. 2, 2008 at 9:18pm

whoever posted that card, i know how you feel. everytime i cut i think i'm letting the whole orginization down. i feel like i don't deserve to wear the shirt and sometimes i end up taking it off.[even in the middle of class, the glory of wearing three shirts everyday]i feel ashamed so i try to stop cutting but then it gets worse and i just don't know how to stop....
people at my school grab my wrist on purpose just to watch me squirm and scream in agony. everybody likes to laugh and watch the depressed kid cry and try to stop the bleeding from the reopened cuts. :( i know i'm not alone, but that's not how i feel..

26 | Left by kenzi | Dec. 2, 2008 at 9:20pm

Hey, my name is Katie, and I am 13 years old...I am struggling with depression and most recentley, cutting. That note expresses how I feel every day. I feel like a fake, like what I'm feeling isn't real. Sometimes I think the only way to know that my pain is real, is to see it sketched out on my arms.I'm getting help though, and I have been speaking with a trsusted teacher of mine...He wants to help me tell my parents. But I can't. Not yet. He is giving my until Winter Break, and I am so scared-they are mostly the source of my pain, and to face that, I could't. If anyone out their is a Christian, please pray for me, please.
Thanks.

27 | Left by Katie | Dec. 2, 2008 at 9:59pm

Hey Katie,

I am praying for you.

If you need someone to talk to, I can listen and I would be blessed beyond measure to pray for you.

I'm soooooo very proud of you for talking to your teacher. You're already taking a step in the right direction; you have so much strength in you to do that. God Bless you, hun!

28 | Left by Victoria | Dec. 3, 2008 at 7:23am

Thiss Truley Spoke Out to Me.
I know exactly what this feels like.
But its been I while.
So im praying for you.

29 | Left by Tori | Dec. 3, 2008 at 8:30am

i am 13 and i know how that person feels.
i feel so hypocritical and fake.(yes,my self esteem is LOW)
but this post helped me not to.thank you!!

30 | Left by anna | Dec. 3, 2008 at 9:34am

Hey everyone,
I'm praying for all of you!!!I used to feel the same way but i got through the feeling by learning to love myself, and letting my friends help me.I'm starting my own club at my school to try and reach out...if anyone has any ideas or advice please let me know!I feel like i have to do this.I'm keeping you all in my hearts and don't forget it!If you need someone to talk to i'm here even though you don't know me!!!

31 | Left by Shelby | Dec. 3, 2008 at 10:25am

hi my name is katherine im also a 13 years old
i've battling depression and i've been cutting for 3 years now. i also recently started smoking,i told my best friend that i cut and he understands and he wants me to get help but i dont think i can. it i guess its just really hard to think that theres help out there after i found out about this organisation it gave me so much hope that theres people out there that take the time to love and care for people they might not even know,i cant tell my parents about this i cant put them though pain. it hurts to see them sad but i can't what should i do?! i need to feel pain to see blood how can it seem so good but be so terrible.

32 | Left by katherine | Dec. 3, 2008 at 2:49pm

I understand how you guys feel. I used to abuse pain killers, sometimes taking handfuls at a time. I stopped after I really overdosed in a suicide attempt. I ended up throwing up really badly after crashing into a afternoon nap. That night I made a promise to myself that I would never again swallow another pain killer. By chance, I found an old ring of mine the next day. I put it on and called it my promise ring. I always wore it to remind myself of my former struggle. Eventually, months later, my head was throbbing really bad. my mom kept telling me to take a tylenol, but I just couldn't. eventually I did, because I couldn't explain to her why I couldn't take one. It hurt me, and I had to take the ring off, because even though I only took 1 tylenol and I actally had a headache, I still knew that I had broken my promise. eventually, the ring broke, but I still hold the promise to myself. every once in a great while, i will take the correct dosage of a pain killer when I really need it, but I still hate having to do so and it still initiates my gag reflex.

twloha shirts are a message of hope and battles and strength. you should be making an effort to wear it when you feel down to remind yourself that there is a whole movement of people that care about you. We love you and need you!

33 | Left by Nicole | Dec. 3, 2008 at 3:29pm

hi im brittany and im 13
im suffering and battling depression, thoughts of suicide, cutting and burning.
twloha gives me the hope and faith that its going to be ok and i can get through this. cutting and burning for me tells a story, and reminds me of how i overcame the hard obstacles of life. but its unhealthy, and i have to stop. i know how u feel when u say u feel fake when u wear a twloha shirt with cuts. that happens to me all the time, i dont want to tell my parents but all ive been wearing is sweatshirts. im getting help, i told my dad and now i have a physcologist, phschyatrist and im in group therapy. i hope i get better, but its just a matter of time. i also feel alone because i have no one to talk about it to..

feel free to talk to me

aim: ix3atreyuuu
email: ix3atreyuuu@aim.com
myspace: www.myspace.com/bbbrrriiittttttaaannnyyy

34 | Left by brittany | Dec. 3, 2008 at 4:00pm

ehehe just now...well a few minutes ago I cut myself, 5 or 6 times. my parents and friends know that I do that,for my parents I don't think they know what to say and for my friends they always yell at me and tell me,"The next time you do that, I'm pouring Hand Sanitizer on them". ahaha they never do though. I feel bad that I'm hurting people that I care about but I just cant stop. I want to bleed, its almost like...its a punishment to myself or something and when I see the blood I instantly feel relieved...I don't know how to explain it. I just always get caught up in the moment, cut, and feel bad afterwards. reading that letter actually made me start crying again because I too wear twloha shirts and what not, and I still cut...wow I'm a loser heh...

35 | Left by Michelle | Dec. 3, 2008 at 4:06pm

This blog was exactly what I needed to see. I could've written that postcard. I always feel like such a hypocrite wearing one of my TWLOHA shirts, and wearing a long-sleeved shirt underneath to hide the cuts. I always wondered what you would think if you knew. Thank you so, so much for this.

36 | Left by Ashley | Dec. 3, 2008 at 4:12pm

"You were meant to live life in relationship with other people. You were meant to be loved and meant to be known." I hear this and my heart tells me this, but I can't seem to. It is like attempting to defy gravity when I talk to people, even people I used to be comfortable around--people I would actually be alive around. Normal conversation, anything. It all seems so far gone.

37 | Left by Mariah | Dec. 3, 2008 at 4:26pm

Hey, if anyone needs to talk to me, i forgot to leave my sn, feel free: DustOfTheRabbi19

38 | Left by Victoria | Dec. 3, 2008 at 6:04pm

Man, only two months ago there wasnt much hope for me. I was cutting, i had no idea if i had depression but it felt like it. But worst of all, I not only didnt get help, i didnt want help. I woke up one morning on my bathroom floor,my thighs cut, an exacto knife in my hands. Just then began to think.."maybe it is worth it". They say love works n mysterious ways, but maybe so does hope. With the help of my best friend and self acclaimed sister, we worked through both our problems. Thats a understatement really. we worked our problems out individually, leaningon each other occasionally. The end result is better than i couldve expected. i feel fantastic, everything and everyone seems more beautiful.. even life now. I dont know what struck me on that bathroom floor but i believe now it was God, catching up. Your cause fills me with hope and joy, and as i struglle and grapple with being a teenager, i know inside there will always be a place for me to go. Vita e bella!

Sincerely,
Sam

39 | Left by Sam | Dec. 3, 2008 at 6:21pm

thanks so much for posting this. its exactly how i feel when i have been cutting and i wear my shirt. you'll never know how much your words spoke to me. i totally support TWLOHA. things like cutting and depression and what not arent socially "acceptable" at my school, and i love being able to show that yeah, i struggle with it, and people got my back. ya know?

thanks again

Jenna

40 | Left by Jenna | Dec. 3, 2008 at 7:21pm

Thank you Jamie for another great blog.

The moment I read the note I felt so bad, I understand just how I feel at times. Specially once when my friend noticed because he held my arm right were they were and I couldnt help but react and I pulled away, he noticed of course and looked at my shirt, then he turned and said "Yeah, I think I know what happened." He gave me a hug after and even that didnt make it better. I felt ashamed, beyond that, unworthy.
But now that I read your blog I see how right you are. I'm trying and thats what counts the most.
We shouldnt feel ashamed because we are making and effort to help not just ourself but other like us, it shows we have accepted the situation and how we are trying to recover, it is this makes us stronger.
I'm trying so much to make up for all the times I've sliped, help others as well as myself.

I must confess that reading your blogs Jamie, is what I have come to call my therapy so thank you.

Thanks again,
Izamar

41 | Left by Izamar | Dec. 3, 2008 at 8:30pm

hey its brittany again,
just wanted to say
to listen to these songs.
it might help express how u feel
i might be wrong, but here they are.

a time for yohe by between the trees
+ how she feels by between the trees

42 | Left by brittany | Dec. 3, 2008 at 9:14pm

Hi there. I read this entry while at work today, and it really hit me. After a pretty bad night, I finally made a decision. I just got home from taking my dog out for a nice long walk. During the walk I took my bag of pills and all of my blades and I dumped them in a rubbish bin. It's been at least six years. In that time, aside from hospitalisation, I've never been without blades. Six years that I've let cutting, depression, anxiety, suicide, and self destruction in general rule my life. I'm sick of it and I'm finally starting to fight back. Not just because I feel like I should, or because other people tell me to, but because I really want to. I don't want to be just another statistic. I want to be alive. I want to truly live. To love, to laugh, to enjoy life.

Thanks Jaime for posting this. Thanks for everything.

43 | Left by Carmen | Dec. 3, 2008 at 9:48pm

to the op of the postcard, i feel the same way.
but thanks for the blog- im gonna try to not feel as guilty about it ><

44 | Left by Heather | Dec. 3, 2008 at 10:38pm

I tottaly know that you mean.
U DON'T NEED TO BE SORRY...
you and everyone else who feels the same way is the reason why twloha is alive today

45 | Left by Olivia | Dec. 4, 2008 at 10:02am

hey Jamie, this site has really inspired me to help people in need. thank you. i'd like to see if i could possably have permission to promote this site at my school to make people aware and safe. since their are more people that hide than speak out. and the schhool officials thought it'd be an amazing project. i'd just like permission for the main site runner. thank you verrryy much. you could see donations from me soon :)

46 | Left by Briana | Dec. 4, 2008 at 10:15am

I feel this way just for visiting this site.. I wish I didn't have to man.. but I do.


I can't go to any outreach program or whatnot, so me and my friend made an agreement.


We're buying eachother tee shirts from here, and a braclet.

As soon as the bracelet is on, we can no longer cut.




It's gonna be hard, and one hell of a battle, but we're gonna do it.

but I don't know if I could wear the teeshirt proudly, I have so many scars.. each one a horrible memory, I can't bare look at them. It makes me cry.


Anyway, cheers.

PS: thanks for the hope man.. really.. you're a good person.

47 | Left by John Dot Doe. | Dec. 4, 2008 at 1:40pm

To all that care:

(I know how individuals feel)
I was once there...

I used to cut. Plain & Simple. It made me
feel so calm & full of adrenaline, they were in
perfect unison... it was my escape.

Then, I met this boy. He's perfect. He taught me
that I didn't need my "escape" anymore. He
saved me from myself & I can't thank him enough.
I gave him my stained razorblades, & told him,
"You can take them, I won't use them anymore..
I PROMISE.."

But, I still get the urges to return to my
utopia... But those words, they're burned on the
inside of my skull, I can't let him down,
I won't.

This post.
It made me stop & think.
The Past is in the Past.
I'm living now.

Love to all:
meg.

48 | Left by meg | Dec. 5, 2008 at 12:19pm

I don't think you're a fake.
like Renee, i became the greatest actress for over a year. nobody suspected a thing. until a girl two years younger than my saw my arm one day. she then picked up on my bad habit. seeing her suffer made me want to change myself. i went to my dad crying one night after i just cut. i told him i needed help.
by making myself better, i also helped that girl. i reached out to her. By helping yourself, you may save others too.

its been one year since ive last cut. i still get in really low moods and want to feel that sting again. but now i know my action effect more than just myself.

i hope you the best of luck.

peace.love.emily.

49 | Left by emily | Dec. 5, 2008 at 2:07pm

Thank you to whoever sent that postcard. I wont by a shirt because I am so ashamed of my scars. I am scared people will just call me a hypocrite. I keep saying I am going to stop SIing, but I can't. I need it to much!

50 | Left by cut to live | Dec. 5, 2008 at 3:32pm

hey. My name is Rebecca. im 14 years old, and i used to cut. well, actually, i kind of still do, but only once or twice, whereas it used to be alot. The words "And They Wonder Why" are engraved into my leg, and it hurts me to look at it.

I talk to my friend about it, and he thinks i need to get professional help. I cant do that. It was hard enough when i was confronted by my school principle about it. He called my parents, told them. It got so much worse after that. i would do it once or twice a week. If it wasnt for him, i wouldnt have to face so many scars every day. The word "cut" pierces me like the blades once did. even when only used in a normal sentence, not even thinking about self-harm.

I used to be able to talk to another boy from my class. It turned out he only wanted a screw, and when i didnt give him that, he went and told everyone. I cant trust anyone anymore. its had enough just getting throught the day without being asked about it by my closest friends, let alone the entire school.

i hate what i did, but it was hard for me to stop, i would sink into these moods, where nothing was right, and i could see no light at the end of the tunnel. but now i do, i see what id missed for so long, and its well worth it.

love you all, take care, please.

xx

51 | Left by becca_RAWRR | Dec. 5, 2008 at 5:20pm

This could have been me.
I had my twloha shirt and i was scared to wear it once i started cutting again.
I am so glad you put up this blog, because i dont feel as stupid for trying to be supportive and spread awareness but still doing it.
thank you thank you thank you.
i love twloha and postsecrets.

52 | Left by Hayley | Dec. 5, 2008 at 6:39pm

To the person who wrote this postcard, you're not alone.

Hi, my name is Rachel, and I'm 12. I cut. When I started I didn't think it would be hard to stop, but when my mom found out, I found that it was like an addiction. I couldn't stop. I put down the safety pin (yes, safety pin) for about a month, then started again. My friend told a counselor who told my school counselor who told my parents, and this is my second time quitting. A few days ago I started again. Now all I am is lies, hiding it from friends and family.

This is why I can't buy a TWLOHA shirt.

You are not failing anyone. By wearing that shirt you're saying that you support people with problems who want to get, are getting, or need help.

You're saying you care.

53 | Left by AnOnYmOuS | Dec. 6, 2008 at 9:19am

It's So Incredible To See All These People Who Have Never Met Before, Care So Much For One Another. Thank You For The Encourgement. Love

54 | Left by Patrick | Dec. 6, 2008 at 11:04am

After commenting here, I cut a smiley face on my hip.

Then I flushed the safety pin and promised not another person, but myself, that I would never cut again.

I just hope I can keep that promise.

55 | Left by AnOnYmOuS | Dec. 6, 2008 at 11:17am

im here for all of u
u can make it
just never give up

56 | Left by britt | Dec. 6, 2008 at 1:46pm

wow. wow. wow.
through all the docters and phsyciaatrist saying i have
ocd..personality disorder.. becausei say THINGS like i love seeing the blood,. i wake up forgetting i hugged my stomach and wrist cuts so hard that blood is all over my hands.. i cant believe all the people who feel this way...

the ones i love the most tell me if I LOVE them then id stop.. they dont understand how hard that it. part of me like most wishes it would stop but are cutting while you think thiss..

emma-lee-xo@hotmail.com

id love to talk to anyone if they ever want : )

57 | Left by emma r. | Dec. 6, 2008 at 8:31pm

I really love this organization.
It means alot to me.
I was broken before, terribly broken.
I felt fake, I felt useless, I felt like a problem,
I know im not.
I know im better.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, THAT SOUNDS REALLY CORNY BUT YOUR NOT.
I want to get a shirt because it means alot to me, to help people from what their going to, I really hope that you learn to accept that YOU are YOU and that's never going to change.
You might as well love yourself.
Your not letting ANYBODY down.
I've been there before.
WE'VE been there before.
It WILL get better.

Taryn

58 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 6, 2008 at 10:23pm

YOUR NOT A FAKE, we all have fall backs we believe in the TWLOHA, but sometime life gets all F*cked up and we don't know what to do. So we have fall backs. we are all here together to help one another and the others out there that need our help.
this is an amazing movement/organization
TWLOHA<3
<3
Ella
lets al try to have a good week.

59 | Left by Ella | Dec. 7, 2008 at 10:33pm

Ella you are so write, "we are all here together to help one another and the others our there that need our help." I bought a sweater and i cant wait to get it and start wearing it to spread the word about this movement. Just like some other people i think i might feel like a fake, and i know i shouldn't

I'll be 20 years old january 3rd. Tonight i stay awake to think about everything that has gone wrong to right and right to wrong in my life. Every holiday there always a fight a big fight, my family does not act like family we act like Animals we all fight for our own food, happens always on thanksgiving and christmas. Thanks giving was the last time i cut and did drugs. i still try drink a lot.

like Renee I've been actin for 6 years and no one knows a thing about what i do and have done. i cant talk to anyone not my friends or anyone else thats part of my "life".
Thats why TWLOHA means a lot to mean, because i can talk to all of you and i just want to say THANKS for being here. I'm glad we all can try to help each other.
Good night guys, or should i say early morning.
TWLOHA<3

60 | Left by Ashley | Dec. 7, 2008 at 11:22pm

I'm not sure whats more beautiful.

That postcard,
Jamie's reply,
or people's responses here on the blog.

Jamie, you're amazing. But I hope none of you who posted forget that you are the movement. <3 And you guys rock my world.

61 | Left by Laura | Dec. 8, 2008 at 6:24am

wow wow wow... well to start off, to whoever left that post card: you are NOT a fake, you are no different than the rest of us... we are all trying to stop something that we know is harmful to us, but yet we just can't seem to stop for one reason of another.. we all put on those shirts, bracelets, whatever, because WE ARE TRYING. think of it this way, if you let that shirt be a reminder of how hard you're trying, you'll see it as an incentive to stop, something to remind you how much you want the bleeding to finally stop, once and for all... we all have scars, wounds, things we aren't proud of, but don't ever let that stop you from wearing that shirt proudly. just remember you're not alone.. i know, i know, it's soooo cliche, and you've prolly heard it a million and one times, but IT"S THE TRUTH! we're all in this together. no one will judge you. i mean, seriously, who the hell are we to judge?? we are here for you. we love you. no matter what.
and thank you jamie for another truly amazing blog! you are amazing.


Your not alone
There is more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
-SAOSIN

62 | Left by Desiree | Dec. 8, 2008 at 9:59am

You are not fake. I just found this site and yesterday and I slipped and instead of just cutting my theighs I cut all down my arms. You just wslipped, but you can fix it by not doing it again. I'll fit along with you!

63 | Left by Kitty | Dec. 8, 2008 at 11:14am

Hey guys, we are not fakes. we can make it out, yes we have doubts. but we got to remember that we are here together. to change lives.
LETS ALL HAVE A GOD WEEK.
<3

64 | Left by Ella | Dec. 8, 2008 at 11:29am

i ment GOOD week but hey if you need a GOD week then let it be.
love you all.

65 | Left by ella | Dec. 8, 2008 at 11:30am

ive been a cutter since i was in sixth grade im now in ninth me and my best friend quit together for six months. she quit on me first. i was devastated i knew if i started again it would be worse and i couldnt stop... im now at this point just like i guessed. Its ten times worse then before every day... one more... i cant stop my body is covered with hundreds of scars. i want to talk about it and my parnents have been contacted but they acted like they didnt care they just wanted me to stop. i wish they knew how bad it was. and how much i dont want attention for it more so "help" or guidance. every day it seems like my razors or glass is not sharp enough and i need more im becoming dependant. what should i do..? btw ilove TWLOHA!

66 | Left by Freesia | Dec. 8, 2008 at 6:54pm

FREESIA you can talk to us, we will help. we are all here together to help each on an other. I know how you feel. <3
TWLOHA is the place to come and talk to people. I hope you can have a good day, everyday.
<3

67 | Left by Ella | Dec. 8, 2008 at 7:08pm

wow..

i gotta say, i think this is the one blog that affected me the most. i'm used to hearing other people's problems so much.. i didnt figure this time it'd be any different..

but i cant stand when people think that suicide is their fault, or that they have something to be sorry for... its not like people WANT this.. nobody really wants to die. not by themselves. its the world that makes us like this. its the world that breaks us...

the point is, TWLOHA isnt about saying you're okay.. or saying that you dont need help. its the exact opposite.. its saying that you're strong enough to survive, as well as strong enough to admit when you need some help..

<3

68 | Left by JessicaLynn | Dec. 9, 2008 at 6:19am

jessica you are right.

I love TWLOHA it has helped me a lot.
again cant wait for my sweaters to come in.
and PEOPLE GO BE PART OF THE STREET TEAM.

<3

69 | Left by ella | Dec. 9, 2008 at 9:18am

Wow..
This is really interesting.
I've never known so many people to actually care for one another like this..
I'm a cutter.
I've been cutting since sixth grade, and I am now in ninth.
In just ninteen days I'll be fifteen, and I know that by now, I should stop.
I've promised the few people who know I cut (and actually give a crap..) that I wouldn't do it any more, but what they don't understand is that cutting is an addiction, just like the cigarettes they smoke, and the beer they drink.
I've been cut-free for about two or three months now, but I want to turn back sooo badly.
It's really hard not to.
Everytime I hear the word 'cut' I glance down at my arm or thigh and remember the pain I was in and why I have those scars.
When people look at my arm (most likely grab it first, which tends to piss me off) and ask what happened, I can't force myself to give them a straight answer.
I just reply "Nothing." or "Don't f**king touch me." and snatch my arm back.
I respect the person who posted this, because I can understand why they'd feel that way.
Personally, I would proudly wear my pink TWLOHA shirt regardless of fresh cuts or not, because I have a love for this movement and everything it stands for.
You're not fake for wearing it.
You take pride in the movement just like we all do.
Don't ever feel any other way about it.
(:

If anyone ever needs to talk, I'm here to listen.

www.myspace.com/evilpunkchick

MSN: TaintedLoveee15

email: TaintedLoveee15@hotmail.com

Peace, <3, and chicken grease.
:D

70 | Left by Shelley | Dec. 9, 2008 at 11:09am

I've been writing how this is a place of love where all understand each other. I also wrote for everyone to have a good week. thing is I"m not. I"m having the worst Tuesday ever. Since yesterday Monday. I've been down. i was going since october with out cutting, and last night Monday night i fell back. i was crying all day and night, i gave up at 12 in the morning i gave up and went to the bathroom wiht a bottel of JD and drank then started cutting. Today i looked at myself and just cried and said WHY, WHY DID I GIVE UP, WHY DID I DO THIS. truth is it is hard. its an addication lie shelley said, its like the beer tehy drink or the cigeratts they smoke. but i drink, smoke, cut, sniff, drugs, i did it all. and i'm afraid of falling again. I'm wating on my sweater and shirt to arrive in the mail and when it does it will be the happiest day of my life. I hope i have a better night. i hope WE ALL HAVE A BETTER DAY TOMORROW>
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE. lots of love to everyone
<3

71 | Left by Ella | Dec. 9, 2008 at 12:27pm

its nice that this a place where people care about each other and actually mean it.
I'm now on 3 weeks with out cutting or anything. but its so hard. i have been cutting since i was 13 years old and now I'm 21. Its so hard. i tried so many things but had friends stopping me. just last year i went to my friends apartment and she had her boy friend over we were all talking and stuff. then when we all went to sleep i got out of my room at her place and went the the bathroom and took a bottle of vodka with me. and i started cutting my thighs and arms. i got really drunk and i had fallen a sleep on the bathroom floor. my best friend walked in to the bathroom and i was lying there and blood coming out everywhere. i thought i had locked the door but i guess not. she called 911 right away.
i have her to thank that I'm still alive today. and everyday I'm sorry for putting that horrible memory in her mind . I"M SORRY.
<3

72 | Left by Ashley | Dec. 9, 2008 at 4:33pm

we all feel like this sometimes, sitting there with our fresh cuts crying, wondering why were doing it and what we just did. then to see that shirt, you feel almost guilty. its a reaction but you need to believe in yourself. youre spreading the movement, not letting it down. have hope. dont think youre fake, you are amazing :)

73 | Left by hannah | Dec. 9, 2008 at 5:10pm

yet again,
reading stuff from this site has effected me in a way nothing else has.
i cant tell you how many times I stayed up all night reading writings on here and myspace over and over trying to figure myself out.
maybe you could call it self-help,
or a more subtle way of reaching out for help.
either way,
every night i did this,
i didn't cut.
maybe almost did,
but i didn't.
every time i almost relapsed,
i forced myself to go on here.
no matter where i was or who i was with,
i found a computer with internet,
and sat down and pondered for a bit.
basically what I'm saying is,
whomever created this card,
you've subconsciously reached out for greater help.
whether or not you'll ever read this,
I'm sure you've been contacted or it has been brought to your attention, about how much of a effect your card has had on people.
i really hope that one night you'll go through these many comments and realize that there are people out there for you,
and rescue..is possible.
it all sounds like a big pile of crap when you're going through it,
but i think that by sending this out,
you've began your steps to recovery,
and i hope you get better.
really soon.
just remember its not about turning your ties into chains to break free of..
it's about taking your ties and figuring out how to untie them.

74 | Left by cass | Dec. 9, 2008 at 11:05pm

your are not letting us down. don't alpologize either. as long as you kno you are loved, your fine.

75 | Left by Meg | Dec. 10, 2008 at 9:34am

your not letting one down, we have hard days and we fall back but we wear the shirts ans sweaters to remind ourselfs there is a place for help, and to let other know there is a place to help each other out. so wear the shirt and be proud of it. even when you fall back.
we are all here for each other <3
thanks to TWLOHA, you guys are amazing <3

76 | Left by ella | Dec. 10, 2008 at 9:53am

to the beautiful, unique, and amazing individual that wrote this postcard, i want to honour you for sharing. i know there are many other out there who feel the same way you do. Hope is here, and it's not un-obtainable. Please seek it, you will find it in Jesus. He has totally healed my pain and removed the shame of my secrets, he sakes 'when you look for me, i will be found by you and i will hear your prayer' sweet brothers and sisters. seek.

77 | Left by anna | Dec. 10, 2008 at 6:25pm

well thanks ella :]
that made me smile
also im not juts a cutter im also anorexic
i believe i am fat even thogh others say imnot
i smoke alot too it relieves stress
but my favorite is cutting
and i need to stop but im scared
to talk about it...
i dont usually cut on my wrists but last night i wanted to try it
i did it only three times. but it was the most amazing thing ever
and i know thats not right
waking up with blood on my hands makes me happy
why so?
i really dont know....

78 | Left by deleted | Dec. 10, 2008 at 7:24pm

Soundless Secrets

heres a secret you should know
its hard to love when hate is all you know
everyday new pictures emerge in your mind
and everyday sadness is all you find
i dont feel bad for myself i wish it wasnt me
but my vision of life is blocked and i cant see
my world is turning black
and its starting to attack
tears and emotions pour onto paper using no ink
and i can only cry i dont think
years of tears and bloodshed thoughts
i wish my feelings were free not caught
lots off cruel things run through my veins
visions of cuts scars and pain
through my wounds blood is to seep
and that is one secret i have to keep
pouring out the long hard memories
its like a disease
bitting me deep and hard
this is why i am scarred
for all my life i have had a dream
that my life wouldnt seem so different from everyone
this is how my life begun
well this life isnt much fun
fighting
and biting
my tear strucken self
and i cant even cry out for help
inside dying
outside crying
visions and secrets tumble through my mind
and sanity is way far behind
when i write my feelings on paper it is in blood not ink
i cry i dont think
words pouring out of me like a waterfall
it isnt hard at all
ive worked night after night
trying to find and fight
what i feel
now i know what is fake and real
i know the perfect words
im scared and it hurts
my mind is in another game
while my body is taking all the pain
hit after hit im falling
into a deep pit
and theres no way out
its soundproof so no shouts
can be heard above ground
there is nothing no sound

79 | Left by deleted | Dec. 10, 2008 at 7:27pm

To the person that thanked me, YOU ARE WELCOME. You are not alone i'm right there beside you. i cutt.drink and do drugs. and i too feel fat. its good that we addimit our wrongs. and we should change becasue we know what we are doing to ourselves is bad. but its an addiction and feel so right. when we do it.
I try to come to this page at least 2times a day. to fine courage to stop and change. but it is hard. yesterday i fallen back, got made at family anf friends and the boy firend, the sweetest guy ever. and there i was messing my life up again. but it felt good to take that sip of whiskey again, and puffing on the Joint. and cutting my arms. not worryiing about anthing but what part of the arm to cut this time. yet today i feel like crap

to the person that wrote the postcard. DONT FEEL A SHAME OF WEARING YOUR SHIRT. you wear it to suppose all of us, even when you fall back. we wear our shirts and stuff to spread the word that we come together to help.
and even if your a person that never cut of got wasted and all that jazz that we do. you are helping us and THANK YOU TO THOSE PEOPLE.
to the perosn that put the poem up THANKYOU.
TWLOHA THANK YOU FOR BRINGING US TOGETHER to REACH OUR HANDS AND HEARTS TO HELP ONE AN OTHER
<3
to all of you out there.
thank you, and god bless if you don;t believe in god then. MANY YeARS OF HAPPINESS and i wish you luck.
<3
i'm always here if anone needs someone to talk to . i wont give addice becasue its not my place and i might not be the best person to. BUT I WILL LISTEN <3

LOVE
ELLA

80 | Left by Ella | Dec. 10, 2008 at 11:02pm

ELLA
you are a very nice person and your words they help more than you know its ok that you fell back we all do sometimes
but just keep on going and i admit my mistakes frequently because there are so many i make btw
i wrote the poem

81 | Left by freesia | Dec. 11, 2008 at 5:58am

Freesia, thank you, i try to be nice. and the poem is very good.

82 | Left by Ella | Dec. 11, 2008 at 10:47am

wearing your shirt shows that your still not giving up,that your trying to get through this.Dont be sorry.Dont feel bad,.Theres no reason to be.Not one whatsoever.Wefve all been through this well most of us.And were all trying to get through this.Or stay away from cutting,or anything like that.And TWLOHA helps us have a place to talk about it were everyone knows exactly what were going through because all of us have been through it.Your not a fake.Not whatsoever.Not at all.Your special,beautiful,amazing,and an inspiration.Your making your days trying to get through this.Take it one step at a time.Im 13 and ive been through this.Ive stopped cutting and i support TWLOHA with my whole heart.And i support you.

83 | Left by Shannon | Dec. 11, 2008 at 11:12am

thank you so much for sending that.
i feel the same exact way... i hurt myself and wear that shirt at the same time. and i feel TOTALY fake.
but we're not.
we are real. the pain, the hurt, everything; its all real. and wearing my shirt shows that I care... and that ONE DAY i will be okay.
glad im not alone in some aspect of my life. THANK YOU.
PS thank you hopeline for saving my life; thankyou for twloha for giving me hope; thankyou postsecret for lifting some burdens...

84 | Left by Alex the painful... | Dec. 11, 2008 at 3:52pm

ELLA
how old are you?
you dont have to tell me but im jw.
are you a cutter?
also ha poem? blah not good
i write on my free time though
all the time
a couple of weeks ago my friend came into school and she talked to me about her dad frequently beating her.
she lifted up her shirt there was a bruise the size of two balled up fists on her stomach
i told her she needs to tell someone or i am because its not right for him to hurt her like that. i waited a while and when i heard nothing changed i talked to her again this time she showed me all the way down her arms and tigh cuts. about 800? im guessing it was horrible
she does it for attention but i dont blame her her family life is devastating. i went to the counsler
( im such a HYPOCRITE!)
and the counsler called child services,, which she didnt want
and they somehow miraculously didnt find any evidence pointing to the beatings... shes still in that house but if he ever touches her again im making sure they do something
what should i do?

85 | Left by deleted | Dec. 11, 2008 at 5:54pm

People think just because I'm African-American.
That's it's almost impossible for me to do something so "white" as cutting.
I mean sometimes i wish i was "white".
I spent most of my time wishing I was as beautiful as a "white" person, and i sometimes still do.
But I've learned to accept that I'm a person too.
I love and support TWLOHA and hopee that they NEVER quit doing what their doing.
More than with all my heart.

86 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 11, 2008 at 6:02pm

haha white people have problems but its not just limited to them. many other races can cut. it doesnt matter your skin color is how you feel what you do. and not all white poeple are beautiful. personally i prefer darker skin color :] and im white lol.
and dont wish your white its not as great as people may act like it is but there is a whole nother side of that person you may never see.
every one is beautiful despite what you think :]

87 | Left by deleted | Dec. 11, 2008 at 6:30pm

I am 20 years old. and your not a hypocrite your trying to save your freinds life, its so wrong what her father is doing. yes i'm a cutter for many reason, like all of us here. i started when i was 12 years old. umm but like your friend i have been beaten by my mother got knifes thrown at me and scares everywhere from slaping and bunching and all that stuff. that one gets from beaten up. what you are doing is right, talk to her, and be there for her. its not right that her father is getting a way with that SH*T i had a friend that helped me when i didnt want any help and becasue of her i got help. and got safe.

TARYN< I'm sure you are beautiful i wish i was african american instead of an Italian. becasue you guys have such beautifull smiles and skin. i feel very old for being 20 years old. even though people say i'm very skinny i feel fat, i feel gross. Taryn, you dont have to be white for cutting, theres so many people out there that do this, and there not white or anything, we are just the same, its not about race when it comes to this stuff. it comes to how we feel and how know one understands us. and THANK YOU TWLOHA for bringing us together.
Taryn you are beautiful and we are all here for eachother.

<3 i love all of you. that can talk openingly about this. with eachother. it was hard for me at first. to talk on here. but now seems to be ok. becauese im not alone here. <3
but its way harder to talk in person with anyone. my ffriends dont know that i come here and talk, and they dont even know that i started again with not just cutting but everything else and it hurts. but i cant talk to them at all. so thank you TWLOHA. because this is a place where i dont feel scared to talk.
<3
the weekend it coming up lets all try to make the best out of it
<3

88 | Left by Ella | Dec. 11, 2008 at 8:25pm

your 20?
wow i hope im not still cutting when im 20
no offense
i hope ill be alright
ugh i want to talk to a counsler but i dont want my parents to know
i dont want to get in trougble and get grounded forever!
ughhhhhh should i talkt o one?

89 | Left by freesia | Dec. 12, 2008 at 6:21am

Freesia, no offense taken. when i was in grade 10 a teacher went to the counselor at school and told them what i was up to. I got really mad, because how did that teacher found out about it. when i went to the counselor, he looked at me and said show me your wrist. i showed him, he said do you know need talk to someone, what is wrong. i crying my eyes out i didn't want the school to fined out or my friends and least i didn't want my family to fined out. I looked at him in the eye and said Please don't call home, i'll get help. He said, fine i wont call but i'll be keeping my eye on you. later in the convo with the counselor i asked him how he found out, i thought a student from my class told him because the kid was like what is that and it was a little cut on the top of my hand. weird i know, but i didn't do it i feel and scratched my hand. anyways i just looked at the kid and said its nothing. so i asked the counselor if this kid had told him, he said no, A teacher told me. still to this day i don't know what teacher told him. but i have my idea who it could it be. the counselor said it was because your teacher saw you had long selves on a lot and one day had a little blood stain on your selves , so he came to me.
The counselor never called my parents, and i went about my years in high-school faking that i was not cutting. i didn't want help. NOW i DO.
so my point is if you know you want help. go talk to him/her. you might feel better and change your life for the better.
i hope all goes well for you.
by the way how old are you
I'm just wondering too lol.



all of you out there, lets all try to fine help one way or another. so far i have not done anything today, the last time was yesterday morning at 11:30. so I'm trying to go on without, i just know christmas and new years is coming fast and its going to be a lot harder :( I"M SCARED.

I hope my sweater arrives soon.

lets all have a good weekend, or try to.
<3
p.s. i hoped that help. again i try not to give advice its not my place to, but i am here to listen. and then write about my experience and maybe that could help.

90 | Left by Ella | Dec. 12, 2008 at 8:42am

wow, as I read all these I was almost crying. I haven't cut since september and I'm done with it. I'm trying really hard and so far I haven't given in, but it's rough. Me and my best friend are holding each other accountable now and it's much better now that I have someone whom I trust completely to talk to. Every time someone mentions cutting I look nervously down at the back of my wrist and put my other hand over it. I hate having to hide like that but no one can know.
I'm hoping someday the scars will fade and I can really be myself again.
I'm so thankful for this page. it's given me hope and made me want to keep on trying, not to give up now. <3
I am going to be praying for everyone who posted here. It may not seem like something that'll help but prayer is a POWERFUL thing.
<3
love.

91 | Left by Paige | Dec. 12, 2008 at 12:06pm

well today im not doing so well i actually cut my wrist a few times a couple people noticed,,,
which was bad i shyed away saying "its nothing"
im 14 btw
well i had thi snotebook me and mr friend were writin to in
and a teacher took it from me read it and told the counsler
they called me parents but not my friends i was pissed
the rest of the day i cried and was terrrified to go home
today i told my mom a couple o facts about suicide and self mutilation she said is that somethingi have to worry about again i replied noo but i wish i had said yes.
blahh last night i cut my left thigh for the first time con sidering my right ones filled up.
and you r adivice helps im glad im talking to you
it helps me'
and your making a difference!!!!


PAIGE
good job keep it up i know its hard
dont relapse i did
and im having a harder time than before i quit

92 | Left by deleted | Dec. 12, 2008 at 3:19pm

hmmm hello! This is my first time posting on this site. I guess there is a first for everything right? As you can probably guess I cut as well. umm I haven't been doing it long, but the problem is that I do it. I know it's not good but it seems to help me. I find it strange that I try to help everyone around me and the few other people I know who cut, but i feel so hypocritical saying "you don't need to do that, I am here lets talk about things" and stuff along those lines, but in the mean time here i am slashing away at my legs... I guess my problem is I don't want to do it but then I do. I know that sounds totally random, but that's how I feel. Hmm so I just don't really know what to do, I am kind of stuck in a rut. I guess I am kinda like that post up there from Ella "i didn't want help. NOW i DO." Kinda like that minus the "now I do"... bleh I don't really expect any one to understand me. I feel as though I do not have legitimate reasons to cut. I mean I was never abused, and I don't disassociate. I do have my reasons, but they never seem like good ones, they just seem dumb, like me haha. It's annoying when people say "oh cutting yourself won't solve anything" because then that just proves my point of being dumb =[ so umm i know this is confusing.

Thanks TWLOHA for being in existence! It has helped to show me I am not alone. I really hope you stay around for many more years, to help others who suffer from this to.

thanks <3

93 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 12, 2008 at 5:25pm

ELLA> thank you LOADS. Thank you for saying I'm beautiful, but sometimes I feel so ugly on the iniside. I'm always checking to see if I got lighter.I only cut once.
The scar is gone, but it's bugging me again. It just bugs me that black people are soo "gangster". Not all but my school is 98% african american. But thank you. Thank you TWLOHA. I got enough money for a shirt,but how do i tell my dad about this organazation without getting him worried.Thanks everyone. Your all beautiful

94 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 12, 2008 at 5:51pm

Morgan, I know exactly how I feel, because it's exactly how I feel. I have a good life, friends, and yet I'm so depressed, and cut anyways. I understand what you mean, it makes perfect sense.

This site helps alot <3

95 | Left by AnOnYmOuS | Dec. 12, 2008 at 7:14pm

Today was interesting and if the girl i ran to is reading this HELLO AGAIN.
I was at the mall with some friends and we were walking out of know where there was this girl in-front of me walking towards me but not to me pre-say. And she was wearing a Black love is the movement sweater the one that has the hood that say "to write love on her arms" i screamed so loud and said "OMG I LOVE YOUR SWEATER" in deed i do, and i cant wait to get mine i hope it comes before christmas.

My point of that little story is, THIS MOVEMENT IS MOVING RIGHT ALONG and I'm so happy about it. i mean that people actually care and trying to help each other out.
for myself what bothers me is I'm trying to help people but its hard to help myself and thats how i feel so awful and confused about everything. But I'm glad for one thing that today i did not cut, or did any drugs or anything at all. today is a new day starting over, i had a hard week and I'm hoping this is a start to a new weekend/week to come.

Morgan you are not dumb you are confused like some of us here. You reasons don't have to be good reasons to cut or anything, you dont have to be abused or anything like that. you could just feel depressed and not know what to do so you think that would work. If you thin you need help or need to talk to someone go to the counselor at school or call the help line. Your not dumb dont ever feel that way. THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE TO.

Taryn i know how you feel i bought the sweater hoodie and just sweater, and I'm excited for it to come in, but I'm wondering what my father and mother would think about it, or anyone else in my family. i think i'll tell them the truth. but i dont think i'll tell about me, and thats me for my reason. I'm trying to get better one my own and thats all anyone needs to know. You are beautiful, we are all beautiful inside and out. and we should remember that everyday.

I'm glad to say that me and my mother are in good hands now. my family is back to normal, though its hard to look at everyone in the eyes sometimes from what happen to me when i was younger and then trying to hide the scares everyday. it is hard to wear cretin clothing so i wont show scares. I had a friend that asked me , "if your family life is slowly going back to normal, and you have wonderful friends, and a sweet boy friend, why are you still cutting and doing drugs and drinking heavy again, whats so wrong with your life for you to be doing this."?

Answer... I'm depressed, i get panic attacks, i'm scared to sleep with the lights off i'm scared of life,... i'm scared that i might get beaten again. i'm scared to lose someone i love in my life because i lost so many already. i'm scared of myself and this seems to be my escape my freedom, my way."

i now know it is really wrong and after all that i've been through. I'm trying to change. Trying to change my life around. Trying to be a better person for me, my family and for my friends.

we are all here together, we all know how it feels. to take that blade of knife, even a pice of glass. and put it aginst out skins. we know how it at times feels so right, and at others feels so wrong, but we continue anyway.
I'm trying to change my life, lets help to change everyones life. and give ourselves that second or third even fourth chance that we need for the others out there , there is never enough chances just take the chance you have today, right now. and change your life. you know you want to. so start.

I found a new path out i found it long time ago but things got more complicated that i forgot about it. i found it again. and i love it. it is to write, write poems, short stories, long stories. write how i feel. anything just write and let all the emotions out of you. as i sit here and type to all of you out there, in different parts of the world. i cry, i cry in my bed right now, crying becasue i'm glad i'm trying to fine the way out. and i hope you all do to.

Love always
Ella
<3
THANK YOU TWLOHA> thank you again for bringing all of us together. <3

and SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG <3

96 | Left by Ella | Dec. 12, 2008 at 8:26pm

I forgot to say, I'm also 14, but I was 13 at the time I cut. I never felt like I had "good" (although no reason is really "good") reason to cut either. I just kinda hated my life. I was thinking today, of getting a TWLOHA hoodie from the store, but I couldn't. First off, I would have to let my parents know what TWLOHA was, and I don't want them to have ANY reason to wonder. Second, I would feel sooooo stupid wearing it. I would probably break down crying as soon as I put it on. Maybe one day that'll change, though. This is such an amazing organization.
Still no cuts on me! I'm doing good! :)
Love to everyone on here. I'd leave contact info but my mom monitors my emails...
someone ALWAYS cares. Nobody ever forget that.
<3

97 | Left by Paige | Dec. 13, 2008 at 11:05am

This hurts..
Reading what I put on here a few days ago, and then glancing down at my wrist and looking at these new cuts and scars I've got...
If I could cry, I would.
I've told pretty much everyone that all I want for Christmas is a TWLOHA hoodie or deon, and yet I fell back to cutting.
I feel bad about it.
Honestly.
To everyone, my email/myspace is up there on my previous comment if you ever wanna talk to me.
I'm here for you guys.
Always.
<3

98 | Left by Shelley | Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:20pm

I'm happy to say that this is another day with out cutting or drugs. It is very hard, and I'm scared that i might fall back again. But I'm trying to be brave and trying to make it through, and i wish the same for all of you.
the days are long, so you blair you speakers to your favorite song. you wonder if you'll make it alone, I'm sure you will. I'm sure you can, i'll give the helping hand.

Paige!! you don't have to feel stupid for wearing it, but i know what you mean by break down and crying as soon as you put it on. i feel like i'll do the same thing.
everyone has a reason to the other out there that have done done what we have they would think there is no good reasons for doing this, and maybe just maybe they might be right, but for us it was a way out a way of escape. and as long as you know what you are doing is wrong, then maybe you should try to stop and try to fine someone that can help you.
I'm doing it on my own right now, because I'm scared and I'm 20 years old so you could just imagine how strange and pathetic it is for me, to be doing this and thinking this. but again i am trying to stop.

AGAIN THANK YOU TWLOHA <3

99 | Left by Ella | Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:21pm

Ella thank you! That is a really sweet thing to say. I guess it's true but still at times i just think.. wow why am I doing this if I don't really have an important reason... but thanks!=] I may talk to them soon...

AnOnYmOuS it's nice to know someone feels the same way. It makes me feel not as different and "crazy" if you will. I hope we can get through this :]

Taryn I know how you feel but it's opposite for me. I wish I could be anything but white, like Asian or Indian. I don't really like being white...maybe if I was from another country or ethnicity I would be prettier and thinner, and maybe I wouldn't feel so ugly. I hope that doesn't sound bad, I don't mean it to...=S

oh yea and I guess since everyone tell there age I am 17 =]

aww Shelley I know how you feel. But don't feel sad. I fall back to cutting to and it hurts. It become a cycle. well for me a least. Like I promise I won't do it, then something triggers it then I do it, it feels good, but then I feel dumb and stupid for having done it and then I want to do it again. =_= I don't know if that made any sense but I mean please don't feel bad, you are trying and that I way more than I can say!

<3

100 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:33pm

WOW 101 comments this is really effecting everyone. and it is something we all need to try and stop and try to save our lives.
Morgan you make since how its like a cycle and you try to stop but then something triggers it then you do it again, i am the same way.
this is day 2 with out cutting, and I'm hoping i can go longer, i know its only 2 and its not a big deal but for me it is.
TWLOHA thank you for bringing us together , for the person that wrote that letter, in a way thank you for writing it, you should know that we all love you. and you have 101 reviews about that letter. don't feel fake or a shame wear your shirt proudly because when you wear it, you are telling others in the world that you are not only trying to help yourself, you are helping everyone in need.
<3
thank you everyone.

101 | Left by Ella | Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:43pm

to whoever wrote the note: i completely understand how you feel. i support twloha, but i still struggle with cutting. i dont want to look hipicritical or fake, and i really do want to stop. but its hard and i still dont have it all together

102 | Left by lee | Dec. 13, 2008 at 12:57pm

ive never commented on this site before. but i really need somewhere to vent.

I dont know what to do with myself. i continue to struggle with depression. Last year my friends worried about me because they thought i was cutting (i was). so they went to the guidance counselor and by the end of the day my entire grade knew about it. for the next three months i got dirty looks, i was made fun of for it and my friends were constantly worried about me and. i continued to cut. over the summer i went to a volleyball camp and saw this skit called EVERYTHING. I broke down and came out about it to my coach. I told her about it, my addictions, and my attempts at suicide. She prayed for me and told my God could take my pain away. I felt better and when i came home i told everyone about my experience. As the new school year began, I was happy. I thought things had changed, that things were better. But now im back to where i started. depressed, hopeless and confused. I recently started cutting again and i dont know what to do. I found out about TWLOHA over the summer and i thought it was amazing, i still do. Im just so confused about everything right now.

103 | Left by Anne | Dec. 13, 2008 at 1:32pm

Ella - KEEP GOING! You may think that it won't last but if you're really determined, you can beat it! ((Try snapping a rubber band on your wrist if you REALLY feel the need to cut...it helped me.)) After reading all these things I'm pulling for you.
LOVE!!!!

104 | Left by Paige | Dec. 13, 2008 at 2:00pm

Morgan sometimes i feel crazy too. its kind of like i dont want help, i want to continue. i want this. but then i want to stop, want help, dont want these scars.

Ella its my second day too, and i feel like i can make it longer than the last time i tried to stop, which was a month and 3 weeks. keep going, it may seem hard, but once you get past 3 or 4 days, it becomes easier. dont give up.

sometimes it doesnt work to just quit, so just try to lessen how much you cut day by day. until you feel you can stop completely. try only making scratches with safety pins, or like Paige said, rubber bands help.

oh ya, i'm going to start commenting as Rachel now. just thought i'd say that =]

Peace around the world <3

105 | Left by AnOnYmOuS-Rachel | Dec. 13, 2008 at 3:19pm

i just wanted to say... how much TWLOHA has helped me. i know you get millions of these comments... all about how much u guys have helped people and all. im happy to be one among millions.
EVERYTHING about TWLOHA has helped me... so much. u guys gave me the inspiration to go out and get a councelor. that has helped so much... i stopped cutting... almost. i saw how renee said that writting has been a really good outlet for her... i tried it, and it really worked. without it, i dont think i would have been able to try and give it up.
it took soooo long to stop, and i havent stopped completely, but its gotten alot better. its so hard sometimes... i just cant stand it. especially when the people at school see them... they just dont understand how much it hurts when they make fun of it... the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that i can hurt myself worse than they ever could... and thats kinda sick. im trying. im still a work in progress. but reading all these comments you guys posted about it, all this encouragement you give eachother, it really helps. its amazing.
another thing, i know this sounds corny, but i wasnt ever able to cry. ever since i started struggling with depression. idk, its weird, but i just couldnt cry. after 7 years, last night, i cried. for the first time in 7 years. something as simple as crying... it just made me so happy. im crying as im writting this. i havent been this happy in a VERY long time. i just wanted to thank you guys.
thank you so much. i dont think i would have been able to change anything without you.

:)

peace&love,

-jackie

106 | Left by Jackie | Dec. 13, 2008 at 3:54pm

hey. i need advice. i want to stop cutting but whenever i get depressed or overwhelmed its my first reaction. is there anything i can replace it with or anything you can think of that helped you stop????

107 | Left by anonymous | Dec. 13, 2008 at 4:14pm

anonymous, you can try the elastic thing (putting an elastic on ur wrist and snapping it when u want 2 cut), or u can think of 1 person that loves you, and use that as motivation not 2 cut.

108 | Left by Rachel | Dec. 13, 2008 at 4:16pm

MORGAN> Your beautiful. I know you are. Not to sound scary or anything. But you should count yourself lucky. Be who you are.

Thanks TWLOHA!!

THANK YOU ELLA.

109 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 13, 2008 at 6:02pm

Dear Jaimey,

When i read this i started crying. i know exactly how this guy feels... i do stuff that i know is wrong, like cutting, then wear a TWLOHA shirt. it does make me feel like i'm a lost cause. and then i start thinking about suicide. but i always remind myself to not end my life and show my felings through my music and art. i also tell myself that i am needed to help others with their problems. i wish everyone out there who has ever delt with hardship could find a reason to live. good luck to everyone!
Amanda Jones
Changing_Fears@hotmail.com

110 | Left by Amanda Jones | Dec. 13, 2008 at 6:13pm

anonymous - another thing that really helps is to simply make sure all sharp objects are out of immediate reach and sight. When you catch yourself wanting to, you'll have a minute to think about it instead of grabbing that knife that's within reach and cutting before you think. Or if you're like I was/am and don't want your parents knowing, you can put the tools somewhere in your house where you would have to be seen by your parents in order to get at them.
You are loved. :)

111 | Left by Paige | Dec. 13, 2008 at 6:55pm

Wow. I know how the person wrote the card feels. Maybe I'm not fake for wearing the shirt, but I'm fake for pretending everything is okay. Posts like this make me cry realizing how many others feel the same way. We all just need help. That's why I love all these foundations set to help people who are lost in the dark silently screaming out for help.One day all this silence will end and we won't feel fake anymore.At least...I hope so.

112 | Left by DissonanceDanae | Dec. 13, 2008 at 7:03pm

i need someone to talk too.
email me? please?
secondlookback@hotmail.com

113 | Left by anonymous | Dec. 13, 2008 at 8:57pm

ELLA-
wow youve been beat?
i couldnt stand up to that
id give up
and probably kill myself or run away
you help me so much.
you dont even know
i barely know you
yet i feel like oyu care
:] thank you so much
and if i was your friend before and i knew..
i would have helped you
i wish i could help in some way
have a great night :]

PAIGE-
ha good idea
but im stupid and i find other things ,, "ways"
to cut liek the serated edge of the alumninum foil
or a knife its really hard for me
i guess i have to try harderbut good advise :]
also the rubber band works ive done it before

ANNE-
good job for quitting
and coming out im proud of you event hough i dont know you
and cutting is not something you should be made fun of for
whats funny baout it?
nothing really
dont let those people make you feel bad there not worth it

TARYN_
your beautiful
aferican americans are beautiful in a special way
they have survived so much through out there lives
and they are amazingly gorgeous
your not gonna get any lighter (its the truth)
and you shouldnt care either
you should be proud of who you are
your lucky you have so much diversity in your school we only have like 6 african americans lame huh?

ANYONE-
i wish i could cry
my body is physically unable anymore
my best friend and i we used to be inseperable
no i feel as if our relationship is slipping away
we dont talk anymore
i hate highschool
i used to promise myself i wouldnt need anyone else but her
i dont but shes almost gone
i used to cry just thinking about her telling me
she doesnt like me
now i cant cry im empty hollow
numb?

114 | Left by deleted | Dec. 13, 2008 at 9:07pm

To the person that left the comment # 114.

You are welcome, thank you for saying that you would have been there to help me before. Just to let you all know, I DO CARE
I Care about you all a lot.
(not in a scary creepy way)
Today was hard for ebing the second day, but i had work so it kept my mined off things. which was good. I hope i can go longer, the longest i've went was about 5months almost a year sorry i dont really remember i know it was almost a year or half, i used to drink a lot so its kinda hard for me now.

I just cant believe how many people posted comments this will be # 115 and its just amazing how we are all here trying to help eachother yet hard to help ouselves (sorry if that sounds rude, i dont mean it to be) i'm here for anyone i'm more then happy to "listen" considering that we are reading lol. but you know what i mean.

i cry all the time, and its somthing i wish i could stop doing because i cry to any song that is playing, or movie, or a person telling a story i'll cry. very emotional.
(hugs) = i'm hugging you all that need a hug.
<3

i hope you all have a good night/day

i hope i can go another day, and then another.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT MEANS A LOT
<3
love ELLA

115 | Left by Ella | Dec. 14, 2008 at 12:08am

Taryn> That was such a sweet thing to say. Thank you so much, but to be honest, i bet you are drop dead GORGEOUS! I am not saying that just for the sake of saying something back. I really believe that you are! I can tell you are a genuine beautiful girl that anyone would be lucky to know!
please believe in your self! I just know you are! :}

wow there are so many posts, it amazing! Everyone is here for each other without even knowing who each other is! I find this really really sweet. It makes me feel not so alone :) It may even give me some self confidence, something I haven't had for a long long long time. I cry allot to sometimes, and I feel like it makes people annoyed, and then I just feel horrible. I don't mind crying though, sometimes it works better then cutting...

You all are amazing :]

<3

116 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 14, 2008 at 11:11am

Morgan, we are all here for eachother and for ourselves. to help ourselves through each day that comes. not to cut, or feel so depressed. i'm glad you can start getting some self confidence back that is amazing.

It is day three i know its still early, but i'm feeling like i can do this.
and i hope i can, because being 20 years old and still doing this is kind of sad for me at least. i do know others out there that are older and makes me reach out to them a little more. I HOPE I CAN GET THROUGH THIS, and THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR SUPPORTING ME.

You are all amazing and beautiful. and we all can get through this. I know its hard, but we will.
<3

117 | Left by Ella | Dec. 14, 2008 at 12:22pm

this is for everyone that is having a bad morning, i hope will make your afternoon and evening a lot better. A ROSE FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE THAT NEED HELP. <3 KEEP THE COURAGE AND TRY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY <3
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118 | Left by Ella | Dec. 14, 2008 at 12:26pm

Aww Ella! You are so special and amazing. If I could, without creeping you out since we don't know each other and everything, I would totally hug you. :)
STAY STRONG!
Keep trying, DON'T give up
There's light at the end of the tunnel!
It gives me hope to know that somebody out there is trying to kick cutting too. Even though I haven't for awhile, it still makes me feel loads better knowing there's people out there who're fighting the same battle. Some are behind me, some are ahead of me. We're gonna make it!!!
LOVE.
<3

119 | Left by Paige | Dec. 14, 2008 at 2:13pm

DEAR DELETED,

thanks for the encouragement. and yeah there isn't anything funny about it. ill never be able to understand how someone could think it was.

if you and your best friend are having trouble, realize that no friendship will ever be perfect. you can't rely on her for your happiness or for things to be okay. I know what thats like.

Go to God. He is the one friend you can ALWAYS COUNT ON. he will never leave you or forsake you. my advice is that you give the situation up to God.

120 | Left by anne | Dec. 14, 2008 at 2:43pm

DELETED> Wow that is lame that you have only 6 african-americans. Thanks for the encouragement. Your beautiful, and a EVEN more beautiful person for all the nice things you said.

MORGAN> This sounds weird but I thought about you all day today. I was all like "She's not going to reply back". But you did and thanks for the encouragement. I AM NOT drop dead gorgeous, but thanks for the compliment. Your the DROP DEAD GORGEOUS one. =)

ELLA> Thanks for the rose Ella. I needed it. Our soccer team one the championships today and then we go onto area after the holidays. You CAN do this. And you deserved SOO much better than how you were treated even though I don't know the details. Thanks soo much for everything you said. YOU CAN do it. And there's so much more to your story than you think. Peace to you tonight, evening, or morning.lol =)

121 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 14, 2008 at 6:55pm

Paige
i would have given you a hug to (hugs)

Anne, you are write but i lost god long time ago, and I'm trying to fined him again and it is hard. i wish i had the strength to believe again and pray again like my best friend does but its hard. I"M LOOKING FOR HIM AGAIN THOUGH

Taryn, you are more then welcome.

THank you everyone. Taryn when i was being beaten it was a very hard time for me as it would for anyone. and i dont want to go back to those times anymore thats why i dont talk about it that much . :( but now that I'm 20 i can finally talk to my mom and we get along now. but its weird though because during the holiday times having the whole family together i get a lil scared and i dont look at anyone in the eyes. i usually would drink and get high before anyone got home, and then drink more while we are all together. know one knows that i used to cut and did drugs. and it was weird. now this year its going to be crazy, since I'm trying to stop and we are having more people then ever and I'm just scared that i might make a foo my self like every-other year.

THank you everyone for the support.
means a lot
<3

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122 | Left by Ella | Dec. 14, 2008 at 7:44pm

i was the deleted person my name is freesia
i dont know what happened
my leg stings erally bad
but its satisfactory
why?
god i believe in him, go to church
but i dont believe its his problem its mine...

have a great day ella keep going!
and everyone else
thanks for calling me beutiful!

123 | Left by freesia | Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:27am

Taryn> How could I not comment back! hehe.. I though about you to,hoping you would take my post to heart cause every thing I said I meant ok!:} You are beautiful! :] And no it doesn't really sound that weird hehehe, cause I think about all of you, and it brings a smile to my face know how hard we are all trying! I know we can do this! And thank you for the complements you are going to make me blush! :) Taryn stay strong and hold your head up high! Show the world how gorgeous and genuine you are, show them how strong you are!

Freesia> hold on okies! I know how it feels, but as good as it feels it doesn't help. I still choose not to understand that, cause thats what my friends say to me, but I still continue to block it out cause I feel I need to do it. I know we can stop, be strong ok!:] We are all here to talk!

and thanks to everyone, it's hard to change something that has been the same for many a day. It's really hard to stop an addiction, which I feel this has become for me. I guess cutting has become my nicotine in a sense. my escape from anything and everything. I know what it's like when people say "just stop", but try telling that to a smoker or a meth addict. It's not that easy. [I know that's kind of an exaggerated example, sorry...] One can only stop when one is ready to. I believe we can all stop, and we will all stop, we just have to be ready to stop! I get strength from you all, so just please know that! I sincerely wish to thank you ALL, it's helping bit by bit!

<3
minty_dreams@hotmail.com

124 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 15, 2008 at 7:56am

Morgan, we are all here for you (hugs) :)


Its been 4 days now, i hope it can go on, last night i wanted to so bad it was driving me crazy, but i dunno how i did not do it, but i didnt, and i'm proud. i know its only day 4 and its still early in the day, but i hope i'm can beat this, ITS HARD like any addict it will be hard to stop anything.

I THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR SUPPORT MEANS A LOT, AND IM HERE FOR ALL OF YOU. like morgan said WE WILL ALL BEAT THIS IN TIME.

<3

(hugs)

few years ago when things were really really bad, my boy friend send me a rose everyday, this is what the letter said "a rose a day, can slowly heal the pain, my love i hope you'll make it through, i promise i'll always be here for you, my words are honest and true. Hunny I love you. A rose a day, can slowly heal the pain. my love i'll send you a rose everyday."

He sent me one everyday for a whole year. so since i cant send you all a rose in real life i'll send you this. HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY or AT LEAST TRY TO <3

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125 | Left by Ella | Dec. 15, 2008 at 9:05am

Aww thanks Ella! :} (huge hug)

I wrote this poem, and it was inspired by this site and all of you, umm I don't think it should offend anyone but I don't mean to if it does! [I apologize]

~We Who Bleed~

We are those who chose a road less taken.
We are those whom appear to be normal,
yet are labeled "deeply troubled and emotionally unstable"
We come from different backgrounds and different pasts,
yet we all share one thing, one secret.
We all suffer from pain and sadness.
We all fall back upon it's glistening, smooth, savior-like self.
We run to it, we beg it to release us form our bonds.
We rely on this lancinating pain, to save us from the unknown.
Outside we smile and laugh, inside we scream and cry.
You can't see it, you can't read us.
We mask ourselves, so no one sees our vulnerability.
No one can know.
We are grouped and placed where you want us to be,
given names and branded like cattle.
"Emo kid" they say "stay away, their crazy and only want attention!"
Is this who we are?
Pushed aside and mocked.
Hence why no one can know.
We are the ones who create our own paths.
We mark our-selves to feel alive.
We are not bad people,
we are not sick people.
We are people like you, just with other ways to discard our pain and frustrations.
We don't want attention, we want freedom.
We want help and someone to lean on.
We are prisoners of ourselves.
We are people, we are humans,
and we shall stand strong together,
break free from our chains, and step forth into the light,
out of the suffocating darkness, together.
You just have to believe,
we all have a heart that beats like yours.
We can be free,
We just have to believe...

Morgan.E.Doowrah
©2008

um... so yea sorry if this offend any one it isn't meant to, it's just how I feel :)

<3 all

126 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:51am

Morgan, i really like the poem =] it isnt offensive, its the truth, in a way. to some of us. including me.

Ella, keep going, you can do it =] today is my fourth day too, and its the hardest. but it does get easier after the fourth day.

Taryn, you are a beautiful individual =] just remember that.

i almost fell back 2 cutting today, in school. so bad that at lunch i had to take my safety pin and drop it in my friend's drink (haha, sorry anthony...i had to (: ). I still carry around safety pins, i dont know why, it just makes me feel safe. like if i need it, its right there. my last cuts are healing, just soft scars now. and i plan on keeping it that way.

sorry i'm just randomly talking, i cant talk to my friends anymore, long story, but i cant. and i need a place to vent a little, and this seems like a good place =]

peace <3 around the world

127 | Left by Rachel | Dec. 15, 2008 at 12:24pm

this is freesia inc ase i get deleted again :]

today some one in my class saw my wrist (liek i said first time cutting my wrist)
and some one purposely said it too l oud
now everyone knows some people laughed and sai "oh im gonna go cut myslef like freesia"
and its not funny
i was soooo upset i went to the bathroom and did it again
why?
why cant htey understand....

128 | Left by freesia | Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:28pm

btw thanks morgan :]

<3 forever freesia

129 | Left by freesia | Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:29pm

Ella and Rachel - Wow. You guys are amazing. :) I'm praying for you guys. Alot.
Rachel - I know it's hard like that. Last night I had a rough time too. My best friend kinda hurt me, and basically the only thing that kept me away was this site and the people on here. I get less of those times since it's been awhile, but it still happens. My fingernails are cut short, because otherwise I scratch my arms in my sleep. One day it's gonna end though. I'm confident in that.
Freesia - Wow. omg that's hard. They don't understand. It probably scares them. So they laugh. But that gives them NO right. Just remember somebody loves you. <3 (hope you don't think I'm a creep. (; Keep trying. There's light coming for the heart that holds on :)
Love.

130 | Left by Paige | Dec. 15, 2008 at 4:55pm

Crap. Crap crap crap.

Back to day 1 =/

i got so depressed today, i just didnt know what else to do. i was going to get rid of all the safety pins...but i was in the shower, and they were right there...god, i'm hopeless. i'm sorry guys...dont give up just cuz i did. i'm a lost cause (: you arent.

Paige- i bite my nails down, so i dont think i could do that. one day, i know i'll stop too. not now, tho. i cant.

remember, dont give up (:

131 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 15, 2008 at 5:10pm

Hey thanks Rachel! :}

Freesia> I really don't understand why people find it so funny. I don't understand why they have to mock and ridicule us! Why do they do that? I think they are in a way scared maybe or afraid to understand it, or perhaps just don't want to? Sorry I am just trying to figure that out... Look, stay strong okies! It's understandable that you did it again. I mean if I was in that position I probably would have to, but its ok, we all have slip ups sometimes, but it will get better!

Today my Media Arts teacher made me stay after class, and asked me if I was depressed, because of my art piece I handed in. Of course I was wearing long sleeves, to hide my some-what fresh cut marks, and I have a habit of pulling on them when I am nervous. So it probably looked like I cut. So I told him no and that it was a reflection of grade nine. [lie] but I am really nervous now...I hope he doesn't say anything to the guidance counselors. =S

<3 from my heart shall never dwindle.

132 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 15, 2008 at 5:26pm

Rachel you must have posted like four seconds before me haha!

Look you are so strong, at least you are trying right!? That's more than I can say. I I don;t believe you gave up! I happend but you are so strong and brave for wanting to stop, and wating to put an end to this addiction! YOU ARE NOT HOPELESS!
OHMIGOSH not even! I feel like that ALL the time but I know you can do it! AND NO YOU ARE NOT A LOST CAUSE! GOODNESS NO!
Rachel you inspire me along with all of you, to try and stop, to try and see another side to things. Hearing you speak of going two or three days without cutting, gives me inspiration to try! GOSH you are so strong, and no I am not just saying that! YOU ALL GIVE ME HOPE! Please don't give up on yourself! I sure won't give up on you, or any of you!
I believe in you all!

<3

133 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 15, 2008 at 5:44pm

Aww Morgan! Thanks. :)
Rachel - It's OK. Stopping cold turkey is one of the hardest ways (although I feel like it's better because you can be proud of how many days you've gone). Just think of that as your first phase of quitting. You went 4 days. That's amazing. This time maybe you can go twice as long. Or longer. You aren't a lost cause. I don't believe in lost causes. ;) As long as you remember why you're stopping, keep the faith. Stay strong. Never give up. On your post you said "back to day 1." Ergoh, you still have hope. you're still trying. As long as you have hope, you are NOT a lost cause.
Love.

134 | Left by Paige | Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:10pm

I really need someone to talk to. I would talk to my friends but they think that i stopped cutting last year.

I havent stopd. im failing in school and my parents have no idea.every word my mom says drives me crazy. i cant stand the way she treats me but i know i can never talk to her about it. i just dont know what to do.

LEE

135 | Left by Lee | Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:13pm

Morgan- Thank you, I guess you're right. Things happen, and at least I'm trying? my friend makes me give her a safety pin every time i cut, so i owe her 1 now (:
i'm glad you awnt to try to stop too. its hard, but we'll all help you, or at least i will =]
i promise i wont give up. thank you so much (: your post really helped me.

Paige- I know 4 days is good, but i've gone 2 months before, so this is sort of a letdown for me =/ but oh well. i wont give up. promise. i do still have hope. thank you =]

136 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 15, 2008 at 6:16pm

Lee - That's why we're here. Why is it that you cut? And why is it that you wanna stop? Elaborate a little. ;)

137 | Left by Paige | Dec. 15, 2008 at 7:10pm

honestly, allot of the time i cant even explain the reason that i do it. I constantly feel like im not good enough for my parents and i hate myself for not being the friend that my friends need be to be. I just, idk whenever i get stressed i cant handle it and i just break down. I know that im really insecure but i dont know what to do about it. the things ppl say about me affect me SO much.

when my friends found out last year they freaked. they worried about me constantly and it scared them, which made me feel even worse and even more distant from them.

138 | Left by Anon | Dec. 15, 2008 at 7:27pm

forget to leave my name

139 | Left by Lee | Dec. 15, 2008 at 7:30pm

Morgan> I'M THE ONE BLUSHING. IM JUST SITTING HERE,SMILING, READING YOU LETTERS. I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE MEDIA ART THING TODAY. STAY STRONG. YOUR GORGEOUS. TRY NOT TO CUT.THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU. AS IF JAMIE WAS RIGHT THERE. BE WHO YOU ARE, A GORGEOUS, GENUINE, PERSON.

Rachel> Eh, there are moments of pure happiness and then i plunge into suicidal depression. It's weird. But stay strong, take care of the cut, let it out, cry if you have too, LISTEN TO ME, YOUR NOT A LOST CAUSE, NEVER WERE, NEVER WILL BE. Even tho i only cut once, with a swiss army knife or the edge of a spiral notebook[im not sure cause i was play cutting and then i found out i really did]. I felt so fake, i feel so fake. I'm fighting it everyday. e-mail me kay =).

Ella> YOUR SO STRONG. Happy 4 day anniversary lol. I hope you had a good day. E-mail me if you can. I BOUGHT MY SHIRT YESTERDAY AND MY DAD DIDN'T EVEN ASK WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. HE JUST ENTERED THE INFO. But it's backordered, i hope they don't take forever. Anyways, stay strong. be you. much love =)

Taryn

140 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 15, 2008 at 7:59pm

e-mail is myluvlyoctober@yahoo.com

141 | Left by taryn | Dec. 15, 2008 at 8:02pm

Morgan that poem was beautiful and true, i cried at the end of it.
Rachel wow you can talk to us anytime, we will always be here for you. :D I'm sorry you started again, i'm trying so hard right now in my time it is 11:27 pm and all i want to do is cut. i feeling so down.
Freesia no one is going to understand, but we will so talk to us anytime, i'll always be here for you. when i was in school people did the same thing. and it hurts so much. (hugs) i'll always be here.
Paige you are so sweet, and fingernails i know how that is, mine are very short to. <3

Taryn I almost want to give up like i said up top^^
aww you are beautiful and i'm hapy about your shirt, mine is taking a while since i live in canada and i ordered the shirt from this website, i hope it will come in before christmas. <3

I'm here for all of you and i'm trying hard not to give up.
even though i want to.
<3

142 | Left by Ellla | Dec. 15, 2008 at 8:35pm

Guys its 1:03 in the morning here in Canada.
I feel so alone and i just want to give up.
i dunno if i can go through day 5 with out one little cut anywhere. with any sharp thing.
your support is really nice and I'm very thank full
but i;m going crazy things here are nuts and I'm staying at the blade and all i want to do is cut, and i feel so bad.
ahh i thanks I'm just going to drink some whiskey dumb myself and sleep and try to go on with out a cut.


THANK YOU EVERYONE.
YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL
I'm going to just sleep now and try to make things go away.
i'll let you all know how things go


<3

143 | Left by Ella | Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:07pm

im literally crying. i found this place through my youth pastor wearing a TWLOHA shirt. its amazing.
im a cutter. and depressed. its f'ing horrible. From age 13 to now (I'm 14) my life has been a lie, trying to hide my cuts. and im trying to help myself. its not working. Im bleeding now to prove that...='[
this place helps me realize I'm not alone. Even though I feel I am. i never knew so many people felt like i did...

144 | Left by Kailey | Dec. 15, 2008 at 10:56pm

i have delt with plenty of people like this in my life, if anyone reading this would like to talk, my E-mail is available i may not be there 24/7, but if you send me an email i promise i will get back to you as soon as humanly possible. like this organization i to try to help with the issues of youth, even though i dont have an organization to do it through. i encouage all of you to talk to me. my E-mail is Death_by_degree@yahoo.com

145 | Left by Cole hennessey | Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:28am

You're not a fake and you're not letting no one down it just proves that no one is perfect, no one can get it all together in a day, and we don't expect you to, God knows I didn't and still have those thoughts myself. Mostly when I think about it I like to write, or listen to music, something I enjoy doing to get my mind off of cutting. I read alot of these thinking that alot of you all are just how I use to be and still think about most times. I want you to know that I love you all and you're not alone, trust me there's people out there that you wouldn't even dream about caring for you, but they do. Much love and God Bless.

146 | Left by Michael | Dec. 16, 2008 at 7:12am

oh my gosh there are so many people posting now it makes me smile!

Rachel> NO NEED TO THANK ME! yes! At least you are trying, and that counts for soooo much! I know what you mean about the owing safety pins, but for me it's my razor blades, and I give them to my boyfriend. Yet I haven't told him about my recent slip ups, but I just can't do it, considering his ex-girlfriend used to cut herself, and knowing that makes me soo depressed and I feel guilty to burden him with this again.:[ I feel as though each time I tell him, he is let down, though he tells me each time that he's not. RAWR I don't know what to doooo! Btw I am SUPER glad my posts are helping, and just know yours are to!

Taryn> heee hee, I am really happy that I could make you smile! I bet it's the most FANTABULOUS smile in the WHOLE world! :D With all this help from you and every one I am really trying, and it's working! I have gone 1 day so far! WOOOT! Keep smiling Taryn!=D

Ella> I am really happy you liked my poem, but I am sorry it made you cry! :[ YOU LIVE IN CANADA! ME TOO! XD You are so strong Ella! Four days! Shoot, I have alot of work to do to catch up :]

Lee> We are all here to listen to you. I know it feels weird at first to open up to a bunch of strangers, but after I did, it has actually really helped! I am plagued and hurt by thoughts of almost the same kind, but rather than not being good enough for my parents I feel as though, their divorce was some what my fault and my Canadian-families course [anthropology,sociology,and psychology] has kinda made that seem true... I to, kinda hate myself for not being who my friends thought I was, and for a bunch of other random reasons, [but thats another looong story >.<] Hold on Lee! You shouldn't hate yourself!E-mail me or any of us here if you want to talk OKIES!

Kailey> It's alright to cry you know! It helps. It feels like such a heavy burden always trying to conceal our cuts or scratches. I feel on edge all the time, in fear the wrong person is going to see them. You are NOT alone, you are right, we here all suffer from the same and/or similar feelings. If you ever want to talk,vent,anything, we are all here to listen! Stay strong :]

You are all so kind and understanding, at times I don't know where these kinds of people are. Its as though these qualities just evaporated into the air. It puts a smile on my face knowing there ARE still people who have these qualities. Thank you for being here!

<3
minty_dreams@hotmail.com

147 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 16, 2008 at 8:08am

Morgan, you are so sweet same with all of you.
and i'm glad there is 148 comments, saying that we are all here together.
that makes me smile.
AGAIN WE ARE NOT ALONE EVEN IN THE DARKES HOURS WHEN WE THINK WE ARE AND WE FEEL SO LOW.
early this morning at 130 am i felt so low as you will read up to #142 i think
i didnt know what to do i didnt think i could make it to anthoer day, day 5. right now it is 1128 in the morning, and i did not drink like i thought i would, i didnt not CUT and i did not take any drugs.
I'm scared that i might fall back, and i'm trying hard not to. But things are crazy.
and i feel pathic for being 20 years old and being this way, but i'm very very depressed my anti deepressince dont help anymore. and now i'm loosing my mined.

Thanks to all of you with your beautiful words to eachother and to me, i'm trying to fight hard not for myself but all of you too, because i know if i can make it atleast a month i'm sure all can to. Honestly this is the best place to come to when you feel low and not knowing what to do wiht yourself, come here and read all the messages from #1 to the very last. this way your reading all this and your not thinking about yourself anymore and the pain you feel.
that is what i did early this mornign, though i was bawling my eyes out Its hard no to cry.

MORGAN--- I will be posting some of my poems up soon to. and what part of canada you from (not being creepy here i just think its amazing how we are all here together and from different parts of the world.)
you dont have to tell me if you dont want to , i understand.


to everyone reading today, the weather is cold, and snowy. the sun is trying to make way through the clouds. but remember there is always sunshine in your life, you just got to let the light come though.
(not a poem just a lil saying i made up)

lots of HUGS TO EVERYONE OUT THERE.
here is to my day 5
here is to your first day
here is to you 9th day
here is to you trying to have a first day (not suppost to be rude-sorry if it sounds that way)
here is to everyone trying somthing new, trying to fight the battle that we are living in, here is to ALL OF US


The words of my boy friend. i pass on to you.

"a rose a day, can slowly heal the pain, my love i hope you'll make it through, i promise i'll always be here for you, my words are honest and true. Hunny I love you. A rose a day, can slowly heal the pain. my love i'll send you a rose everyday."

He sent me one everyday for a whole year. so since i cant send you all a rose in real life i'll send you this. HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY or AT LEAST TRY TO <3

......... , . ~ . ~ , ~ , ...........
......... ).. - ~. . ' ..( ............
........ ( . . . ...(......) ...........
.........| . . . . . ).....| ...........
.........{.. . . . .(. . ./ ............
............ =(.. /.)= ...............
............... -;..;-' ................
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​)​|​(​ , .................
................. || _.-'| .............
............. , _|| .._,/ .............
....... , ... ....|| .' .................
.​.​.​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​,​.​.​.​|​|​/​ ...................
..../...| /|., |Y|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
... '-...'-._....||/ ...................
........ >_.-..Y| ...................
............. , _|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​|​|​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​

<3

148 | Left by Ella | Dec. 16, 2008 at 8:38am

Taryn- Thank you, but i feel like i really am a lost cause. i cut again just less than an hour ago, actually, because i couldnt get on this site (mom grounded me). if something that small affects me so much, then how will i ever stop? i only scratched over my smiley face...but i still cut. you are NOT a fake. and you are helping so many people with your posts alone. thank you =] i'd email you, but i cant get on AOL, and i'm also a little paranoid, me only being 12 and everything.

Ella- I really am trying, but it seems like nothing helps anymore. stay strong, i believe in you =] i'm glad you made it to day 5! i promise, tomorrow will be my day 1 =]

Kailey- You're never alone. we're all here, and you can talk to me or anyone else whenever you need to. i'd love to help as much as i can.

Micheal- Wow, you're the only boy (male, guy, w/e) to post here so far...or was there one more? still, thanks for posting those encouraging words. they really do help =] i guess you're right, no one can just be okay in a day, but who really expects us to? i would write, i used to, until i found out my mom reads about everything i write...yah.

Morgan- Don't feel like you're burdening him. he wants to help, and this is probably the best thing he can do. if his ex used to cut, he probably knows how you feel, which only makes him want to help more. he loves you, remember that. i told my boyfriend i cut the second time my mom found out, and he was angry, but then he calmed down and only wanted to help. i told him when i started again, and he was beyond understanding.

theres a razor blade on top of the cabinet, and my mom isnt home...its just that, the safety pins dont seem sharp enough anymore. i'm trying my hardest not to touch it, but its so tempting...my parents dont understand that its not just something you can stop doing all together. i tried to tell htat to my mom, but she just laughed and told me i was unbelievable. she told me about the blade yesterday. she honestly thinks it isnt an addiction. that i can just stop. like i was doing it to be cool.

<3 Peace. Love. Vampire Bites. (something we say on this penpal website i go on)

149 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 9:47am

Oh ya, I forgot to mention- I ordered bracelets last saturday...hopefully theyll be in soon (: i ordered one for me and one for my friend. i was hoping theyd be here before friday so i can give it to her in school =]

150 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 9:54am

RACHEL>
dont do it becasue as soon as you start going up on sharpness you cant stop and nothing seems sharp enough anymore... im there i have to get new razor blades every 2-3 days glass knives what evers abvailable
btw whywould your mom tell you that?
i would be so pissed. shes trying to tempt you into hurting yourslef???
leave it there or tell her to move it
or i will run super fast and throw it away lolz ::]
jk

have a good day

-freesia

151 | Left by freesia | Dec. 16, 2008 at 10:40am

freesia- i know, and thats what i'm afraid of. that, and i'd get blood on the blade...
because she thinks i did this to be cool or something. when my friend told someone and they called the school, they called my mom in cause i wouldnt let them see. she pretended to understand and told me is was ok. but as soon as we got to the car she started screaming at me and grounded me. she doesnt get that its an addiction.
she thought i took the razor blade, so she asked if i did (i didnt, it was right there, i didnt even know it was there). and she left it there while she went out. its extremely tempting.
if i tell her to move it, she'll get suspicious.
lolz (:

i'll try.

<3

152 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 10:49am

Ella> Haha I live in Ottawa. Where do you live? [you don't have to answer] And BTW if you live in Ottawa, Jamie I coming here on the 30th of January, to speak and I HAVE to go to it! I really really will do anything to go! And I cannot wait to read your poems... You should check out my blog, it's where I write all my poetry, to read the older stuff you have to go to the affiliates link :)[that is if you want to go..and the passwrd is :breathless]www.x-endless-sorrow-x.blogspot.com

Rachel> Don't reach for that razor blade, please! I started with one and now I really regret that. Just as Freesia said, the sharper the object you use, the duller it becomes and then you feel as though you need something sharper, and shaper! Please just try not to touch it... please. You are 12!? goodness you have so much time to try and stop! You are such a young and beautiful girl with so much to look forward to! Please please don't reach for that razor blade! I believe that you can do it, but just know no matter what you choose to do I will always still believe in you, that goes for everyone here! Rachel thank you, i guess i get so filled up with negative thoughts and doubts about him leaving me because he is going to find it to much again. I am so scared he will leave me and I feel if that happens, i will loose control, perhaps think suicide again. If you ever feel like reaching for that blade call your boyfriend ASAP, or go walk outside, try to find something to get your mind off of it! I know you can do it:]The first time my mom caught me was my fist time. She like Karate chopped the blade from my hand haha and freaked out, then brought me down stairs and poured Peroxide on them. I know she was worried about me. But I told her I stopped, which is a COMPLETE lie and i kinda feel bad about it, but I will tell her [maybe] in time... I am sure she cares about this, but I think perhaps she is scared to thing her child is doing this, cause thats how my mom felt. [sorry if I am wrong I don't mean to offend you!] We love you!

I really hope I can order some shirts soon, I would love to wear one and show that I am trying and supporting those who are trying! I feel as though each time I would wear it you all would be there with me!

I really feel like cutting today, I have so much school work due, plus I have to work and keep my average high so I can get into University. Not to mention I have to go to work so that takes away time... I think I failed a test today and well, I don't know what I am going to do, plus I am also grounded off my computer so I won't be able to get on this site, i don;t think. I don't want to cut but, I do... AHHH >__< I am like trying not to show it cause I am on spare and in the library at school and like my friend is beside me =S

<3 shall see us though

153 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 16, 2008 at 11:45am

morgan- i'm trying, and i'm talking 2 my friend right now, and she's helping me too. i really want to use it...but i wont. ya, i'm 12. but i'm also pretty mature for my age, i guess. and no, i'm not beautiful. but thanks for trying. thanks for believing in me. i feel like that too. i love mike (my bf), and if i lose him, i'm sure i'll stop caring to hide my cuts anymore. but i'm sure he wont leave me because of this, and i'm sure yours wont either. i talk to him whenever i can, so that really helps. when my mom first found out, it was 2 days after i stared, i hadnt tried 2 hide them because it was the end of summer and it was hot out. she asked if i'd need a tetanus shot. thats it. the 2nd time, was the time she grounded me, and about a week after i started again. i'd tried 2 talk 2 my friend, which was a big mistake. she told the next day.

i believe in you =] you can do this, just dont give up!

<3

154 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 12:05pm

Rachel> I am really sorry if I sounded like a teacher or a "mom" if you will. I don't mean to baby or lecture you, I just want you to be better than me! I want you to be happy, and not scar up your arms and legs. You are beautiful,no matter what you think! You are to me and your boyfriend and ALL of us! :] I love my bf to, so much I believe it truly love him, eve though it's only been a year. and again I am sorry if it sounded like I was lecturing you, I didn't mean for it to. And thanks! :]

I am really trying to! :S I just Hope I don't falter! :[

155 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 16, 2008 at 12:21pm

no, you didnt. sorry if i made u think u sounded like that. i understand. sometimes i just want the scars to go away, and other times i think they tell a story. thank you =] i dont really like being complimented. i'm never comfortable recieving a compliment, i usually end up arguing with people about it. i've been with mike 4 months now, but i know i love him, even though i'm so young. nah, u didnt =] your welcome.

i believe you can do it (:

156 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 12:39pm

Hey you guys i dont know much about the whole cuttint thing but i do know aa little something and i need help. see my best friend on this whole entire world has been cutting since last year and it is kinda sad because we are only in the 7th grade and now she says that she is bleamic and it got so bad that i just quit eating too beacuae she asked me to and so she doesnt eat because she says that she doesnt like to taste her food a second time and so i didnt eat for a while and she doesnt want any help and i dont know what to do i am so confused she is only 12 years old and her mom beats her and i am only 13 and i just dont know what i should do, i try to act like i can help her because when i grow up i want to be a councelor but am so messed up now and my friend wants me to go to a mental hospital because she might have to go. i am so confused she has like 4 or 5 councelors and they do nothing and if you have any help for me then just tell me because i am starving for your help and anything any advice that you could give me. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! =..( this was the only place i could turn to and if you have no help or advice that i could use then i am going nowhere and i just dont want enyone to get hurt so just please help me or atleast try too. :) <3


P.S.
IM BEGGING YOU (advice i need it...i dont want her to commit suicide and she is soooooooo close to it)



*tear*

157 | Left by Raechel | Dec. 16, 2008 at 1:06pm

Ok. So what you are doing as in being there for her is good. Not eating because she asks you to is not healthy for you. And [being a little hypocritical I am trying to be anorexic,but] I suggest you call your local crisis line, They can help you! It's what they are there for! Call them!

you can also call the 1-800-4-A-CHILD - National Child Abuse Hotline
they may be able to help to!

Stay strong for you and your friend, I know you both can get through this!

sorry if that wasn't much help I am sure the others here can help more!

<3 Hope and Love

158 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 16, 2008 at 1:51pm

oh sorry to ask this at such a time,

but if any one has msn and would like to talk, about anything! Pleas feels free to add me!

minty_dreams@hotmail.com

You to Raechel!

<3

159 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 16, 2008 at 1:59pm

Whoever sent in the card, I want you to know that i feel the exact same way. That people may look at my arm and think different about me, or think i cut for attention. After reading this, it has given me hope. that there are people like me out there. Thank you

160 | Left by Fiona | Dec. 16, 2008 at 1:59pm

Also, i would like the add that I am still struggling to stop cutting, and i havent for about 6 weeks. It is one of the hardest things i have encountered. Sometimes i feel as if no one is there to listen, or if they are all the say is " thats stupid, just stop". So if anyone is will to talk to me sometimes, or just be there for me, my screen name is fionalayme ( hahah its a joke ) but i'm always up for new friends. And you can talk to me too

screen name: fionalayme


thanks

161 | Left by Fiona | Dec. 16, 2008 at 2:04pm

hahaha sorry this is like my third comment, but i forgot to add my email

talk to me, and i'll isten to you tooo
leahylove@yahoo.com

162 | Left by Fiona | Dec. 16, 2008 at 2:40pm

omg. you guys are all so supportive and nice. its amazing.
its almost...surreal to hear the words i think in my head said by others!

163 | Left by Kailey | Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:35pm

Kailey- we're just trying to help =] if u need to talk, but post something here. we'll all try to help, or at least i will (: there are people who care. you are not alone.

<3

164 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:37pm

thanks (:. it really means a lot. I mean, I know I need help, but there is no place to get it. People wouldn't get why the validictorian, pretty, nice girl was so screwed up inside, ya know? But I'm so sick of hiding everything, and being paranoid of people seeing all my scars/cuts.

165 | Left by Kailey | Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:49pm

ELLA> I've LITERALLY been dying to write to you guys. I WANT TO CUT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD. I haven't cut since June or July. I snapped a rubberband. Happy day 5 =)))
You can soo do it. Not to sound fake or anything but how many cuts did you have before?

MORGAN> EHH. LOVE YOU!!! I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SIAD ABOUT THE MEDIA ARTS THING. I HAVE REALY BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU GUYS SOO MUCH. YOUR LIKE SO HELPING ME. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?


NOBOBDY IS A LOST CAUSE!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

166 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:50pm

Kailey-Well, you've already started getting help by coming here. Talking about it, although it doesn't seem like it, really helps. And I know what you mean. I'm not going to be able to swim for a long time...til the scars fade. And i'm afraid every time my mom does a body check, that she might see the new cuts/scars.

167 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:59pm

Talking about it does help me. Mostly because I've had everything bottled up inside me for so long. The problem with where I live is that the average temperature is like 75 all year, so its shorts and tee shirt weather (and bikini season from like April-September >.<). That + scars makes everything very hard to hide. Basically, anyone could see all my scars at anytime. and whenever I catch someone staring at my I freak out that they were looking at my arms.

168 | Left by Kailey | Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:06pm

Well, here yuo can let it out. It'll help tons =] Hm...ever try arm warmers? They help to cover up scars, plus they look really cool x] I'm afraid for next summer, when people will ask why I never swim or wear shorts (the scars on my arm faded). It'll be hard til they fade too.

169 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:11pm

KAILEY>
ugh yes bikinis im scared too it wont be for a while but theres so many scars soo deep i dont know if i can hide
i use shorts and a tank over it :]

RAchel> body check?
man your moms tight.
i would fail
i would be killed
by my family :]
honestly theres houndreds (new)
a thousand (old)

Taryn>
to answer how many i have prolly about 600?
roughly
i mean the number gets bigger everyday
day 5 yay!
good job keep gooing your the reson twloha is stilll going!


so in my science class yesterday someone
(my friend not anymore)blurted out " whats one your wrist"
ohma gosh you have cuts freesia are youa cutter
i freaked it took all i could not to cry as everyones like wooaahh thats why she wears long sleeves ans stuff
i was terrified and if she really cared or was concerned about me she would have brought it up privatley im pissed!
she keeps giving me sad looks like she feels bad for me
im thinking biotch i dont need no sympathy
im PISSED
and people are making fun of me


RACHEL-
only twelve?
thats scary
be strong

what do i do????

170 | Left by deleted | Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:15pm

hey so morgan, obviosuly you know who this is, and wow. just today you facebooked me and said that you owe me for telling you about this site, but that's not true. i'm just glad you've got this place to go now when nothing else really helps. i didn't really know much about cutting, or anything before but i was reading some posts and this blog and i've been on the site before, it's just amazing that a group of people can be so supportive of each other without knowing eachother personally. it's great. so morgan, as always i am there for you forever and i feel like i haven't been all that supportive, but it's really because i don't understand but i really want to. especially because you're not the only one in my life who is hurting themselves. my sister cuts, on her hips..er, i don't know if thats weird or not but i think it's because she can hide it the best there. She has anxiety and depression, she's only 15. it's hard to see her like that and i don't know what she's going through, i don't think i could even imagine and i won't try to. however, i want to help. morgan, and my sister. i guess why i'm writing is just for advice. wondering what do you say to someone hurting the way the two girls i care most for in the world are hurting? morgan has been my best friend since i was born, my sister; my best friend since she was born. i don't want either of them to feel the way they do, i want to help. it seems like with my sister, listening just won't help and offering my opinion? forget it. she doesn't want to hear it, so i've stopped giving it. i think everyone here is so brave, it's unbelievable. but sometimes, i feel guilty just feeling sad about my life, because i see my sister, or morgan, or anyone here and think god, i don't deserve to be upset. they are so much more courageous and i can't even deal with this. any advice, please, i would love some. and i think this organization is great, an amazing idea, a wonderful refuge and space for people to give and get support. it's incredible.

xxo-tisha

171 | Left by tisha | Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:20pm

freesia-Ya, and every time she does, its like she wants there to be a cut on me. so she can yell at me and punish me. and really, i think so she can pretend 2 care around my dad, and make him feel bad. theyre not married, and kinda hate each other.
mhm, 12. young, huh? at least adults dont think kids would do this.

<3

172 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:52pm

rachel- yah. no one would think I kid would do this. I mean, I've been this way since I was 13, and I'm 14 (and only have been for a month) now. People don't expect it. if my mother knew, she's ship me off to an $1000 an hour shrink, and I'd be sent to a troubled child boarding school.

173 | Left by Kailey | Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:37pm

kailey-mine doesnt even care. think of yourself as lucky, she'd do that much for you.

174 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:57pm

It would be more of a disownment that a caring jesture, trust me.
If I was lucky, I wouldn't be the way I am. I'd be normal, and happy. >.<

175 | Left by Kailey | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:02pm

kailey-...i dont know how to help. i'm sorry.

176 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:04pm

Guys day five almost over and i cant believe it

Rachel we are here for you, and dont give up, you can make it through.

Morgan, i'll put up poems in few days.

Taryn- i have about 200 cuts i used to cut everywhere on my body and from being beaten up when i was younger, . So now its hard to wear certain clothing so i wont show any scares.

I'm here for all of you and i hope you all make it through.
i just wish these scares could go away so i can wake up one morning and live a normal day.

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT, I"M SUPPORTING ALL OF YOU.
Ahh i hope my sweater and shirt comes in before christmas.

<3

177 | Left by Ella | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:07pm

oh and i live in London in Canada.
and it is 9:07pm here.
tomorrow day 6, keeping fingers cross i hope i can do this.

<3

178 | Left by Ella | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:08pm

Ella- i'm trying, but i just found out one of my best friends (even though i've never takled to him outside of the internet) killed himself. its hard...i dont know what to do.

179 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:15pm

I live in Los Angeles, California. it's 6:14 p.m here.

I'M SO SORRY.
Your still beautiful.
Merry Christmas by the way.
I'm sorry to be so personal.
You can soooo do this.
YOU KNOW YOU CAN.
We're here for you.
I'M here for you.
I'm trying not to start.

180 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:17pm

Like Jamie said.
Nobody is a lot cause.
Let's prove there's a better life out there than this.

PEACE TO YOU ALL TONIGHT.

181 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:17pm

Rachel i'm so sorry, i know it must be hard for you. (hugs)
just be strong i know you can do this, i know losing someone close to you is not easy i lost a lot of family and friends in the last past 9 years. and its really hard no matter what people say it dosnt stop the pain.
But i am here for you I mean it.

when ever you need someone to talk to come here and we are all here for you. I PROMISE I"LL BE HERE.

182 | Left by Ella | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:42pm

Hey Ella,

I'm going to write "Happy 6th Anniversary Ella" on myself for tomorrow.

I promise.

Good luck.

I'm here for you too Rachel. =)

183 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 16, 2008 at 6:51pm

wow it is day 6th I made it. I hope i can keep going
THANK YOU TARYN
YOU ARE ALL SO SWEET.

Rachel I'm here for you too.


HUGS TO EVERYONE TODAY, I HOPE WE ALL TRY TO HAVE A GOOD DAY.

It is 5:43 am here and i'm on my way to work grr. and it is very cold.

I hope work will keep my mined clear.


hugs to everyone again.

184 | Left by Ella | Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:44am

It's 6:36 here and i'm getting ready for school, its my day 1 (:

i signed on chatango this morning, and i had a message from Zero! (the guy who i'd thought had killed himself). he's going through alot right now and told me he'd suicide, and yesterday it said he was online, but he didnt answer...i just figured. but now i have hope, and i plan on today being a good day =] (i know its stupid to care so much about someone you've never talked to outside of the internet, but we'd gotten really close). he turns 18 soon, and has been saving to live on his own. hopefully things go as planned.

i think i'll write "ZERO" on my arm, since i'd wanted to carve it there last night.

Happy Day 6, Ella!

<3

its 6:44 AM (getting ready for school) and i will NOT cut today.

185 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:44am

oh my goodness. i know how you all feel. i used to be one of those kids that nobody likes. everybodies alwys wondering why i look so sad but doesn't care to taslk to me. but i have learned that rescue is possible!!! i can stop cutting &nd i WILL!
we can do it guys!!! DAY 8 for me! wish me luck.
i love you all.
add me on myspace err aim. PLEASE i need hep through this.

186 | Left by Alexis<3 | Dec. 17, 2008 at 7:00am

i post comments and they dont show up!
ugh!
RACHEL>
thats mean of your mom to do that
its like shes testing you
and its lame that she feels theneed to punish you to please your dad or impress him w/e
thats not cool
she doesnt sound like she cares. i feel bad :[
i would tell her she doesnt have to worry about it
your not going to cut especially when it satisfyes her!
have a good day
<3 always freesia

187 | Left by freesia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 7:06am

im glad hes still alive
but you should be happy
and not hurt yourself :]
please dont doit

188 | Left by freesia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 7:08am

Freesia. AGAIN SOME SOME DID THAT! uhhgh why!> that makes me so mad that people just shout it out like that! I wish I went to the same school as you cause then I could be there and hug you and help you! Hold on! They can say what they want, and I know it's really hard to block things like that out, but stay strong ok! :]

Tisha> ohmigosh I pretty much teared up in Media class right now. You are helping me, it's just really hard sometimes to not cut myself when I feel stupid, or pathetic,miserable,stressed, etc.. I feel horrible for still doing this and all your are trying to do it help me. I know you don't know what to to, and quite frankly I don't know what to do either. Your sis I think feels the same way, an no I cut on my legs and hips so it;s not really that weird... It hurts to know she is still doing it and her knowing that I do it probably doesn't help. I am sorry I can't stop! I want to Tisha, i really really do! You are my best friend in the whole world and one of the few people I would take a bullet for! You always make me laugh, and we may argue, but we get over it in a day sometimes less. We have been together literally since birth, and I am so close to both of you! Please don't feel like you are not helping or "failing" in any way, it's a complicated situation and well just being there for me is what I need, and you already do that. I love you tisha, as a friend and as sister.<3

Kailey> You are very lucky! You are here alive right? People care about, just look, we all do. That goes for you to Rachel! There re people who care about you! I do, I think about you all everyday, it really helps! Please know I care about you!!:]

Ella> YAY! CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING DAY SIX XD! Oh ok London is far from me :[ hehe I can't wait to read them! :) Ella you really do inspire me to try to stop, you went through something I can;t even imagine going through, and if you can find the will to stop then I should be able too to! Thank you for showing us that it is possible to try, and it is possible to succeed in doing so! Keep going!

Rachel> I have hope for him to!
Stay strong for both you and him ok![I say that alot, sorry]
Rachel I know I am probably wrong but are you sure your mother really doesn't care? I mean I know it's a possibility, but I am sorry this is not my place to say anything. Just know I really do car about you, and every one here. Add me on facebook or msn if you ever want to talk okies! SAME GOES FOR EVERYONE! :]

Taryn> I LOVE YOU TO! [btw i never say that unless I mean it, and yes, i truly mean it] I actually have been thinking about you to! Yesterday I wanted to cut sooo badly, but I thought of you. I truly though about you and how much you are there for me and the hope and love you send to me, and I thought of Ella and going six days with out cutting, and Rachel and Freesia and how they are supporting me with trying to stop. You all make is that much easier to stop and think before I cut. Especially you Tisha.Thanks!

Today I haven't really eaten, I know it's dumb to try to be anorexic but I really just don't want to eat any more. I don't know I feel fat and ugly because I don't fit into the stereotype that everyone else fits into... I know it's really bad but it I feel like eating I then start to feel like cutting cause I feel stupid. :[ Now that my boyfriend knows he's getting worried and trying to make me eat his lunch, lol which I ate yesterday, which then made me feel bad cause I ate his lunch! :[ I also feel as though I sometimes annoy your guys, maybe cause I say "stay strong" to much or try to help when it is not my place. I have this problem of trying to care for people and make other people happy instead of me. If my friend is sad and to make her happy I have to give up something I have wanted for along time, I will do it to make her or any of them smile. I hate to see them sad, especially if it was because of me or something I am doing. I always try to make people happy and put them above me and it;s not because i feel I HAVE to it';s because I want to. So I feel like I try to help some of you but like it doesn't help at all, and i am really really sorry if it bug you guys, or offend you. Sorry. =[

Sorry this so sooo long!
<3

189 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:13am

Its 10:30 where i live and its been snowing here for almost a week...i love the snow and all but today is not a day i that feel like being happpy...It was Monday nite when i found out i had to go to a probation officer for the stupidest reason...i was so mad i was about to cut i felt so amad and i didnt know what to do i felt like i was in my own personal hell...i was sitting in my room crying and i felt like the razor blade was calling my name and telling me to just do it..to just cut myself..but i didnt instead i went outside and shovled snow..but yesterday when i felt like my life couldnt get any worse i got into huge trouble and i felt like nothing matter cus i just lost the 2 most amazing ppl in my life...i was so hurt and numb that i couldnt even move from my bed for about 2 hrs..which i didnt do anything lastnite but this morning be4 i got ready for skewl i did it i cut my arm so much which i already had scars from 2 weeks before but i felt so alone that i just needed to do it again. so i know how that person feels here i sit today in skewl wit fresh scars on my wrist while wearing my twloha shirt....i know i need help and i know i need to tell my parents i just dont think i can and i dont know how to even start...i feel so alone cus i lost everyting..my life feels so meaningless sometimes i feel like i should just get a gun and blow my brains out!...but i cant!

i love this movement too much too go and hurt myself when i know i mean something to ppl

190 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 9:36am

morgan>
i dont eateither and i know its wrong
eat do it
becasue eventually you dont get hungry anymore
and you wont eat
and your in trouble

191 | Left by freesia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 9:48am

morgan>
its none of their business why cant they just leave me alone
so this morning i realized i accidentaly put on a pair
of pants and it had slits down the side
you can see all my scars and cuts
its horrible
people are ntoicing
i dont want them too
i tried to cover them up but cant!
ugh!!
its scary

192 | Left by freesia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 9:54am

ELLA>
how was yur day today??
i havent heard from you lately

193 | Left by freesia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:00am

Felicia> Its snowing here to :]
First things first, at least you tried not to cut, and that in its self is a really amazing thing. You do mean something to people, to some you mean more than you think, trust me I know that. I know at times it feels as though no one care, heck I feel like that all the time, but when I think really hard about it I can see the different ways and different people who care for me. You are really strong by choosing to walk away from the razor. I find it EXTREMELY hard. You are not alone, even when you feel you are, you arn't. If you ever feel that way, try to come on this site. You are not alone :]

Freesia> hmmm you don't eat!?
WHY NOT??
I didn't eat, and I lied to my friend about it. My lunch is over and I didn't pack any food, I feel kind or proud not having eaten, except for two slices of toast this morning. I have work after school and I didn't pack food for that either, and I don't have my money with me, so this way I won't have anything to eat either! This sounds horribly crazy but I don't know what else to do.

I cried after media class today because of what you said Tish. It hurts knowing you care so much and I keep cutting, but I can't stop. I want to cut now you guys, I want to. I want to cut because I feel like I worry my boyfriend to much and because I cause more harm them good. I want to cut because I am falling behind in school and if I can't get good makes I can't get into university.I want to cut because I feel as though I am not going to go any where in life. I want to cut because next period we a re doing essay peer editing and because I have had to concentrate on my English sumative, I have had no time to concentrate on my anthro sumative essay. My friend asked me why I wasn't able to do two essays and balance work if she can, but she can work on her homework at her job, where as I work in a toy store and I obviously can't! Fcuk why are things so hard? Guys I am really trying but I actually think I am going to do it. :s

<3

194 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:09am

Freesia> I don't know why they do this, why people have to broadcast everything that is "abnormal". I hate it! Freesia I wish we could know why they hate us for it! Why we have to be mocked and teased for it. It takes so much to hide them but yet they see them any way. I try not to cut my arms because them I can't wear short sleeves. I put Vitamin e cream on all of them just to that they fade, so then I can wear t-shirts. If I wear long sleeves everyday then people will start to suspect it. Since it's winter here, and like minus 40 out side I always wear jeans or leggings that are black so you can't see my legs. If i do co it on my arms it's hard because i don't have alot of long sleeved shirts... so i wear like sweaters, but then I have worn them all and i am left at Friday with nothing but short sleeves, so I pray that my boyfriend brings a sweater! it's horrible, and I hate it so much! They just don't understand! I do though...I am happy we share similar feelings! :]

195 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:18am

This site is amazing, im glad that people who self-harm can come together and talk about something nobody else understands. I have to say im a self-harmer and to come here and see im not the only person who feels so bad about myself to do such a thing.

Everyone out there self-harming im so sorry its come to that. I wish you all the luck in the world that you can find a way out and realise your life is worth alot more :)

196 | Left by Amy | Dec. 17, 2008 at 11:28am

Its 12:41 here and i just recently got bak from lunch...and it had to be one of the most horrible lunchies ive had in months...i went to my sisters and i sat there thinking if i didnt screw up i would be out there wit my two friends...but no instead i'm here alone looking out the window and the snow and wishing i could just dig myself a hole and never come out....but i was sitting there in my sisters bathroom looking at my scars and looking at the damage i did to myself this morning and i started crying and thinkin why did i do it...it was so stupid. But i start therpy sometime after the holiday break..which i hope its a good one. But thank you Morgan for these amazing words i just dont know if they can help me right now...just not in the state of mind iam in =[

197 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 11:47am

Felicia> You are very welcome, and I know what you mean. I know I should take my own advice, cause I sound like such a hypocrite. You all give me such good advice but [I haven't yet ] I still cut. I don't know why, because I want to stop, but I don't. I feel as though I am hardly ever in the state of mind to be positive that often any more. it makes me sad. But just know Felicia I think your really great for trying and I wish I could give you a hug. :]

I wish I could hug all of you, cause to be honest... I really need one right now :[

<3

198 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 17, 2008 at 11:54am

Morgan>Truly thank you! because of you i called someone and im getting therpy with this...and i know how you feel i look at my scars and i'm so mad at myself and i feel like i just want to go home and crave f-ckup in my arm! cus thats what i feel like it...I'am trying not to think like that but its very hard some ppl dont know what i'm really going thru. But if i could i would most likely give you a hug! cus i fer sure need one right now too! and this weather aint helping me either =[

199 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 17, 2008 at 12:43pm

guys its 357pm now here in london.
i just want to say day 6 is very hard BUT I GOT MY HOODIE and when i got it all i did was cry. i'm wearing it right now its the one that say "to write love on her arms" all over it. i love it feels so nice.

Rachel i'm glad your friend is alive, and i hope your day one goes well.
i have the tatto that says Love on my four-arm i got it for many reasons, for my family because i love them even after all the SH*T i went through, I GOT it because of my friends even if there not they piss me off at times i still love them to, and the best reason why i got love on my four arm is for all of us here. <3

I love you all even though we dont know each other, but i'm glad we are here for one another. its so nice to see the supports for eveeryone
i want to thank you all for the beautiful message for my 6th day means a lot.
I'm here for all of you and i support all of you even if you fall back. (hugs)

Morgan you better eat somthing, if you dont you will fall down and get light headed. trust me i did that back when i was 14 years old i didnt eat for 2 weeks and i ended up losing 45 pounds and got very sick from not eating and just drinking and geting drunk. please your young and beautitful dont do this to yourself.

freesia - sorry sweetie, i tired leaving messages but it would cut some things out or not post at all and then i have to write again and forget what i wrote, its day 6 but almost done for me since it is now 405 pm. umm day 6th is going pretty well i had work this morning. very early i had to be at work for 6am, then i got home around 1pm and i found out that my hoodie came in wich was amazing, my parents did not say anything about it, i just said i love it i thought it was cute. :D umm now i have to get ready for work again for 5pm today is a busy day. and me and my mother later tonight like 1030 and tomorrow or starting to get some stuff ready for christmas.
Yes me and my mom get a long now after all the SH*T that i went through when i was younger. but still at times its hard to look at her espically when i'm having a bad day, or when she is having a bad day too, i'm afraid i might get beaten again. but i keep strong and just be glad that she has not laid a hand on me since i was 17 years old.

sorry i'm writing so much just a lot of people wrote comments and i'm trying to reply back and be supportive to everyone. its not just about me. lol.

Amy !! you can come here anytime you want, and we will be here for you. i like to think that we are helping each other and becoming friends in a way. (not in a creepy way)
so you can talk to us anytime and we will TRY to help.


Morgan i hug you from far away (hugs)
and i could use a hug to. hugs all around to everyone in different parts of the world. we all need a hug a day.

again THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT the HOODIE IS AMAZING AND MAYBE IT WILL BRING ME LUCK FOR ME TO GO ON MORE DAYS WITH OUT CUTTING. tomorrow day 7. i think i can do this, and hopefully i can go to and through the new year. even though i hate the holidays. just because of family reason.
or else christmas is a very nice and spicale holiday. with jusus christ being borne. i wish i could fine him again and start praying for everyone and myself. but its hard

so for those of you that pray, please pray for yourself and for everyone in the world. and if you have a chance in your PRAYER please pray for me to fine our lord so i can start praying again, and pray for all of you

i'm sorry that i cant right now. but i slowly i will fine him. and i will pray for each and everyone single one of you out there.

HUGS


here is a rose for everyday to keep the pain away.
......... , . ~ . ~ , ~ , ...........
......... ).. - ~. . ' ..( ............
........ ( . . . ...(......) ...........
.........| . . . . . ).....| ...........
.........{.. . . . .(. . ./ ............
............ =(.. /.)= ...............
............... -;..;-' ................
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​)​|​(​ , .................
................. || _.-'| .............
............. , _|| .._,/ .............
....... , ... ....|| .' .................
.​.​.​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​,​.​.​.​|​|​/​ ...................
..../...| /|., |Y|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
... '-...'-._....||/ ...................
........ >_.-..Y| ...................
............. , _|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​|​|​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​


<3

take care guys and talk to you all later.
<3

love you all and big hugs to all of you.

200 | Left by Ella | Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:18pm

wow i just realized that 200 ppl commented wow that is amazing, this is # 201.

you are all amazing and beautiful keep trying and you will succeed and continue to being supportive. means a lot to me and EVERYONE ELSE.
<3

201 | Left by Ella | Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:29pm

Sorry i'm not responding to the parts of posts for me, there are alot and i dont think i can think straight.

i'm majorly depressed right now. i havent wanted to talk to anyone in days, not in person, not on the phone (for some reason, AIM is okay). i've been avoiding my friends in school, and snapping at every1. i keep making excuses to hang up with my boyfriend, i love him, but talking to him just makes me feel even more terrible. whenever i tell him i love him he asks why, and i can never say n e thing. i just go quiet. a million reasons go through my head, but i just cant say them. i just go silent until he changes the subject. i'm extremely shy, even with him, and i hate being like this. i think he thinks i dont love him, but i do! i love him so much, but every time i try to tell him why it sounds so artificial and generic. i dont want him to think i'm avoiding him, but i just cant talk 2 him right now.

theres more, but i cant type it all now. maybe later.

202 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:29pm

ELLA> HAPPY 6TH DAY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! I WROTE IT ON MY ARM LAST NIGHT AND ON MY HANDS TODAY. IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!I KNOW MY FAMILY IS HXLL TO, I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS BUT IT GIVES MY MOM EXCUSES TO DRESS ME IN THESE PREPPY CLOTHES I HATE. YOU ARE SO STRONG!!!!! YOU DESERVED WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAY BETTER THAN HOW YOU WERE TREATED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, I KNOW YOU ARE, YOUR A REALLY BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING THERE.

MORGAN> OMG. I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU TODAY. I WROTE A POEM ABOUT YOU YESTERDAY. IM PUBLISHED IN A POETRY BOOK CALLED FOREVER SPOKEN. IM A REALLY GOOD WRITER. IT'S RAINING CATS AND DOGS HERE IN LOS ANGELES. CAN'T BELIEVE IM A INSPIRATION. IF ANYBODY SHOULD BE A LOST CAUSE IT SHOULD BE ME. IM THE WEIRD ONE WHO WEARS BLACK ALL THE TIME[WHICH I DON'T, I BARELY OWN BLACK] AND WRITE POETRY. IM THE WEIRD GIRL. I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU PULLING ON YOUR SLEEVES. I REALLY WISH WE COULD ALL BE TOGETHER. IF YOU WERE MY FRIEND ID SOOO HANG OUT WITH YOU 24/7. IMAGINGE THAT, ME, YOU, FREESIA, TRISHA,RACHEL, ELLA ALL TOGETHER JUST LAUGHING IGNORING EVERYBODY ELSE AROUND US THAT SAYS WERE STUPID. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY. YOU SO DESERVE IT. EH. I FEEL SO FAT TODAY. LOL. LOVE YOU LOADS AND THANKS

PEACE

203 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:55pm

Taryn, i like ur vision (: i think itd be great if we could all get together, maybe exchange stories. and i know what its ilke 2 b the "weird one", i'm the only "emo" or "goth" person in my grade, and sometimes it gets so lonely sitting there w/ my friends who r all so different. althugh, i'm not so good at poetry(:

<3

204 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:27pm

haha rachel.
i know, they like so don't understand anything.
the music you listen to, how you feel.
it effects your point of view.
it's okay about the poetry.
i don't think im that good.
im just better at words than most of my class.
they're easy.
so watcha been up too?

205 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:30pm

It isn't even the music.
It's the way I dress, the way my hair covers my eye.
I wish the world was blind, itd be such a better place(:
I'm more into writing fiction stories than poetry. i like creating new people and new scenerios.
i love words<3
hm...nothing much=/
i think i'm going 2 call my boyfriend how...see how his day went(:

Peace. Love. Vampire bites. <3

206 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:35pm

Awesomeness.
What the freaks wrong with you hair covering you eyes!!!
these people...
Love can make a new you.
They never die.

207 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:54pm

It's "emo", thats what.
i've decided to write the names of everyone who's helped me on my arm.
i'll tell you how many names i have afer (:

<3

208 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 5:36pm

I have 16 names so far(: including you guys.

209 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:14pm

aw. me?
im soo not worth that.
but i should do that as well.
it's gonna be you, ella, morgan, jamie, renee...

210 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:56pm

aw, taryn, of course you're worth it =]
ooh, renee! thats a great idea! 17 =]

<3

211 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:58pm

Rachel you are ok, i'm the same way i got like that few days ago , i know what your going through, you'll make out i'm promise just seems like you need your own time right now.

Taryn I LOVE YOU TO AND THANK YOU SO MUCH i was going to do that to but i couldnt do it cuz of work and stuff, so thank you. means so much. <3 and what you said about all of us being friends and hanging out and just having fun not caring about everyone else made me smile, i so wish we could do that. be fun and we all could be there for each other because we understand eachother. we support one another <3

wow i'm not the only one with the wierd names i got called "emo" though i hardly ware black. but like i have my hair over my eyes all the time too. and i love poetry but i dont think i'm good at it :(
i got called a bunch of names from friends, strangers and family. I KNOW IT HURTS

SO HERE IS A HUG to all of you that have been called stupid names for stupid reasons. THOSE PEOPLE HAVE NO RIGHT CALLING US NAMES BECAUE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND US.

GUYS I"M WEARING MY HOODIE AND I LOVE IT. I CRIED WHEN I GOT IT BECAUE IT IS FINALLY HERE, I"M WAITING ON MY LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT SHIRT ITS ON BACK ORDER.

love you guys so much.

its 10:54 and i'm just happy that i can be here writing back to you guys and ware my hoodie. <3

take care guys i'll be here soon.

212 | Left by Ella | Dec. 17, 2008 at 7:57pm

thanks for having us on your arm. i'll do the same for you guys for tomorrow my day 7 :D because you guys helped me and supported me through these 7 days.
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH. I HOPE I CAN GO LONGER I HOPE THE HOODIE BRINGS ME CORAGE THAT I CAN DO THIS.
SO THANK YOU.

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND I"LL DO THE NAMES ON MY ARM TOMORROW for my 7days which is a week. <3

213 | Left by Ella | Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:00pm

Ella. I am about to cry. I've been talked about and teased, and to receive so muck love and suppport is awesome. I ordered my black twloha shirt. it should be here in 2-9 business days. lol. i will write your name for sure. your one of the big parts of twloha. A WEEK!!! OMG. You should be sooo proud. I certainly am. (hugs) Stay strong. Have a good day tomorrow. =)))))))))))

214 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:10pm

Taryn, thanks sweetie but remember you are beautiful and i'll always be here for you. and you are a big part of TWLOHA too remeber that, we all are. YOU ALL ARE.

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT

215 | Left by ELLA | Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:39pm

Guys it's day seven so far things are looking good. It is 12:42 in the afternoon here and i'm feeling great I think this weekend I'm gonna be going down to Windsor to see some old friends that moved from London to Windsor tell them about my goodie and how this be are slowly changing in a good way.

I have all your names on my arm today and I think it's a big part why today is going so well. I love you all and I am here for all of you. Thank you for your support.

Big hugs and roses to all of you. Sorry I can not put the graphic up Im at work on my ipodtouch so it's hard to do it I. This but I will put it up later today.

Have a good day or try to.
Lots of love.
Ella
<3

216 | Left by Ella | Dec. 18, 2008 at 9:48am

ella>
im glad your mom doesnt do that to you anymore and im suprised that you have the courage to be around her (since she hurt you)
i would somehow find that unforgivable.
good job on day 6!!
i think for a new years resolution im going to stop

MORGAN>
no i dont eait. like right now its lunch and i dont want to eat so i come to the library makes it seem leess noticable)
and theni also get to chat with my twloha buddies :]

MORGAN> your very nice
and im glad that i know people are out there who feel the same, or close to, as ido
no one made fun of me in that class im glad
but now toomany poeple know and im scared of being found out ya know??
like theyd tell on me
i just finished reading the book "cut"
by patricia mccormick for the second time
its amazing i advise reading it if you havent
its short too about 150 pgs!
have a good day thanks for talking to me :]
<3

freesia!

217 | Left by freesia | Dec. 18, 2008 at 10:41am

My sister said that to me once, "you support twloha, but you still cut, you're a faker and a failure"

218 | Left by Genevieve | Dec. 18, 2008 at 10:45am

Freesia> OMG I READ THAT BOOK, I wrote an essay on it and another one like it called "the Luckiest Girl In The World" by Steven Levenkron. I also just finished a book called "Skin Game" by Cathrine Kettlewell. It was scary good cause i was exactly how i felt :s I love the book "cut" :) I am happy no one made fun of you! Me to It makes me feel not to alone. :] I do eat but I am slowly stopping... I know it's not good but I just feel so fat when i eat. My friends keep asking me if I ate and I say yes. :s My friend got me a box of Mochi, and I really want to eat it but then i don't [i will though ;P] but you should eat! We should both eat! cause it's not healthy :[I had a good day thanks I hope yours was super awesome! <3

219 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:19am

TARYN> ohmigosh you just made my day! WE BOTH LOVE WRITING! I WISH we lived in the same city! Thats it I am moving to LA! Oh can I read your poems!?! you can read mine my blog is www.x-endless-sorrow-x.blogspot.com and my password is : breathless! [The older poems are under the affiliates link :}]
Yes you are my inspiration! How can you not be :] I don't wear black all the time but I do alot. I do like the colour black because it's slimming haha, but I wear like every colour haha. OMG I write poetry every day almost every hour, its like I HAVE to! :] I can't wait until writer's craft next semester, maybe then I can become a better one, I have this friend to how used to cut and stuff and she is AMAZING at writing and I wish to be just as good as her some day! I would love to hang out 24/7 I can so picture it! I can see us all just chillen and having fun and most of all smiling! :] (HUUUUG) XD I feel fat today to, well every day. hehe but thats just me, I really need to stop feeling that way though, and you do to, cause we are both beautiful girls with beautiful story's and poems to tell! :] I love you to, don't you ever think differently!<3

for some reason it won;t let me post these in one post...:[

220 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:20am

Here where i live the snow just keeps pileing up and its about 12:30 here in this town i live in..the wind is blowing and its very freezing outside. But we get out of school early today which thats one thing to be happy about..But lastnite was the very first time i felt so so happy when i was home i never thought i could feel so happy and i didnt know that i could smile. I woke up this morning thinking things will change. Yeah that lasted about 5 mins. I cut again this morning before i went to school . I went to school and its gone okay i just want to be alone right now...Then one of my old friends that i thought i lost cole. texted me and i just told her that i didnt feel like i diserved to live and i'm trying to hold on i'm trying to stay alive for her its just hella hard. Then i got my dad & mom worrying about me 24/7 which makes me so sad and mad at myself for putting them in this position. I really dont feel like i diserve to have such Amazing people in my life...But as for now i only care for cole & josh...

221 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:35am

freesia- it is hard to be around her but at the end of the day we are family. even thought being around my family its the hardest thing to do. I try to be strong and forget the pain i went through it is hard. and took me a long long time to get where i am today. I guess being 20 gets you thinking a lot lol.
You should try to eat something though even something small lie an apple or something. you will get sick if you don't eat anything. But i am glad you come to this site and talk to us during your lunch , Twloha BUDDIES <3
and i really want to read "cut" i think i might buy it later on today.
Freesia we are all here for you. and thanks for the message <3


Genevieve- you are not a fake or a failure . your going through a hard time and you don't know what to do. people don't understand us. thats why we are all here together to support each other. So remember your not fake or a failure you are beautiful your not only supporting yourself with TWLOHA you are SUPPORTING ALL OF US. <3 so thank you.

Morgan- thanks for posting those books they are good. and i'm glad you are eating a lil. you should trust me, you dont want to be send to a hospital for not eating. its really bad. <3

Im GLAD THAT NO ONE MADE FUN OF YOU GUYS. I KNOW WORDS HURT

SO I AM HERE FOR YOU ALL.

i'll post the poems later on. today maybe write after this one gets posted up lol because they wont let me post it all in one shot either.

<3

222 | Left by Ella | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:39am

I can't post anything :( It won't let me!?

223 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:42am

I just got a texted from someone who i thought hated me for everything ive done to them. But idk whats going to happen i'am hella scared of what shes going to say... Man everyone keeps asking me if i'am sick or if i dont sleep anymore...but idk what to do anymore


plz people give me some advice??? =[

224 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:51am

I cut myslef yesterday, and pretty bad to.

See I had this HUGE screaming fight with my bf;s friend and like this was a screaming match, He was saying how I was a "dumb stupid B-ich and like how I was the dumbest person he has ever met and like I already y know I am not the sharpest tool in the shed, but it just hurt alot. It all started when he told me that I defended my bf to much when he "jokingly" disses him, but sorry if I defend the one I love. Like I can't help it. So after we stopped I turned to my bf and said I had to goto work [which I did] and ran down the hall and started balling. Once I got to work, I ran into the washroom and cut my arms and legs. I felt so dumb and useless and that my bf was really mad at me, and i felt that all those things his friend said to me were true [cause they are] and I just wanted to cut those things out of me. And now I think that some of them are infected and some are like purple around the edge and I think it's like "flesh eating disease" and I am freaking out, plus I didn't want to tell my bf cause i don't want him to be "let down" even though he keeps telling me that he is never, and like I don't want to make him sad anymore. I want him to stop worrying about me! He keeps saying "I am worried about you, cause you aren't going to stop!" I am sorry guys, I let you down, I am so so sorry..

225 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:52am

A girl-- june 2003

there is a girl i know,
she is lonely,
She never knows what to do.
people call her phony

Look into the glass
she doesn't like what she sees
feels like a fat A**
she looks down to the wrist that bleeds.

she cries on the bathroom floor.
yelling I CANT TAKE THIS ANY MORE
I JUST WANT TO DIE.
I JUST WANT TO DIE

i see her in the hall ways.
i close my eyes.
i know she wishes for better days
i see the tears she cries.

She walks towards me
I try to smile to show respect
but how could this be
she thinks its fake.

she past by me
i say hi
she starts to cry
i wonder how could this be.
she looks up and says sorry.

when i got home that night.
i look in the mirror
holding my wrist tight
realizing that girl in the hall ways
is the same girl in the mirror
It was me.
i start to cry.
it was me

by Ella

226 | Left by Ella | Dec. 18, 2008 at 11:54am

Felicia> The snow is soooo deep here to!? Do you live in Canada by any chance? [you don't have to answer...] Ok you do deserve to have these people in your life, and don't you think any differently ok! they are there for a reason! I feel like there is NO way I deserve my boy friend, I hurt him so much and I still cut even though he keeps asking me to stop, but he's still here, and if your friend is still there for you then that mean something right!? Please don't end your life, you are so young and things can change! Please don't! We all deserve to live! We all do, so why would you think you don't "deserve to live" You DO! We all do! Felicia, you have so much ahead of you, please see that, I wish I could be there to hug you and tell you this face to face so it would mean more than a typed message, but please know you deserve everything nice in life ok! Please know that!<3:]

Genevieve> Just as Ella said, you are not a failure. I have heard and seen that word so much in my life that it has, in a way, become me. Don't believe that! Just as Ella said " your not only supporting yourself with TWLOHA you are SUPPORTING ALL OF US." Thank you Genevieve, and stay strong!

227 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:01pm

Morgan>I know how you feel i cut myself this morning even when i promised my friend josh i wouldnt do that crap anymore. But i'm nervous as hell to see what my friends has to say to me which i'm talking to here in like 10 mins. i feel like i'm gonna throw up because i'am so scared. But o-well

228 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:02pm

ELLA I LOVED YOUR POEM! So TALENTED! XD

229 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:03pm

MMMM I hate telling him i am trying and it just seems as though he is getting really worried and I am SOOO scared I am gunna push him away just as his last gf did, eh tried to help her but he just couldn't do it any more, and now I am afraid I am making him suffer again. I nevre wanted to do that to him!

Good luck, I am sure she is going to say something nice, i hope she does! STAY STRONG NO MATTER WHAT OK! <3

230 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:05pm

i'll talk to you guys tommro...i'm gonna try and make it thru tonite i promise you all!

231 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:06pm

Ella. Poem. Amazing. I almost cried. wow.
LOVE you guys!!
:)

232 | Left by Paige | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:10pm

Morgan, Paige and Felicia
thanks i'm not good a poetry but i do love it.
that was an old one. :(

Felicia you are stronger then this, we are all here for you. please like morgan said dont give up we all have the right to live and to be happy i wish i could give you a hug. i hope you have a good night. (hugs) we are all here for you

morgan, thanks again sweetie, and paige.

I'll put more up later. it is 3:33pm here and i'm so tired. ah
but i cant wait for tomorrow night driving down to windsor, grr jsut there is a lot of snow on the 401 theres going to be a big storm. so i hope it be ok

wow day 7 almost over. i did it. THANKS GUYS

233 | Left by Ella | Dec. 18, 2008 at 12:35pm

I always feel the same way when i wear a twloha shirt over cuts. Like i'm betraying something, or saying f*ck you to the cause when thats so not what i mean to do.

234 | Left by Ristyn | Dec. 18, 2008 at 1:41pm

i did the same thing today. fresh cuts and a TWLOHA hoodie instead of a tshirt the whole point on TWLOHA is to show that were trying to fight it. instead of feeling sorry i felt proud. it made me feel better and it reminded me that i am trying to help myself. hang in there we will get through this together

235 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 18, 2008 at 3:14pm

i'm the same. the only person who ever can help me get through my day is my boyfriend, and i havent seen him in forever, we just talk on the phone all the time. my moms taking my phone away, and im so scared, cause right now, im pretty close to overdosing, ive got enough pills to do it. and im wearinf my alive twloha shirt right now.. ha...

236 | Left by Rachael | Dec. 18, 2008 at 3:29pm

ELLA<
im glad you can cope with her
( btw i get sick if i DO eat)
i cant it makes me feel fat
like today people called me fat just cuz i wore a skirt
lame huh?
also just because 7 days is up
doesntmean your done and you can do it again
keep going amke it to two weeks
just a step at a time and you can get better
i have nothing better to do at lunch
i dont eat so im super bored so i got o the library and hang out
or go to the bathroom and sadly cut.
i dont know what else to do
btw amazing poem
ive written some just like that!


Morgan>you should eat
i knwo that too but i also feel fat
and im now at the point where if i eat and ill get sick
i had a major breakdown today
i cried to one of my freidns i nromally dont to
it was horrible i told him everything and he said im sorry i didnt know that you were that "severe"
like i had a disease or something
hes my friend i care about him but hes kinda mean sometimes
but thats who he is and know that i told him what i do hes nice
just like that
its horrible to know that if people knew we hurt ourselves theyd watch what they say instead of not caring
he said hes telling
im scared he cant
ill have to stop
my parents would kill me
im soo far gone that ill prolly be sent to rehab or somethin.
im scared
today was a bad day but im glad yours was good

-freesia<3

237 | Left by deleted | Dec. 18, 2008 at 3:30pm

I give up. I get so depressed, nothing helps. nothing is going the way i'd hoped. i'm sorry, i'm just...hopeless.

stay strong <3

238 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 18, 2008 at 6:16pm

RACHEL> U ARE NOT HOPELESS. DON'T GIVE UP. YOU ARE SO STRONG!!! WRITE TO ME. DEPRESSION IS TREATABLE. THINGS GO THEY WAY THEY WANT. YOUR ARE NOT HOPELESS. YOUR A BEAUTIFUL.

239 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 18, 2008 at 6:34pm

Ella> i love you so much. HHHAAAPPYYY 1 WWWEEEKKK AAANNIIVVEEERRSSAARRYYY!!! I had a horrible day. Nothing productive. How's the hooodie?


Morgan> you are so awesome. you are an inspiration. i could just hug you!!!!! i love you soooo much. i LLLOOOVVVEEE your poems!!! they're freaking amazing. i'm soo speecheless. your amazing. your my best friend on TWLOHA!! and Ella. I love you!!!!!

240 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 18, 2008 at 6:41pm

Freesia when was about 14 years old i stoped eating , my friend told on me and so i was sent ot get helped because i lost 45 pounds in 2 weeks. so know what they do, they put a tube in you and you got to eat form a tube. it hurts and its not fun. so please sweetie eat somthing, i worry about you. (not creepy way or anything just i care about every one) so eat. even somthing small at least 2 lil meals a day. please at least try.

Morgan you are a sweeite, and i hope you have a good day tomororw.

Rachel you are not hopelles dont give up, we are all here for you, like taryn siad you are beautiful. we are here for you talk to us.

Taryn thank you so much (HUGS) i hope tomorrow will be a better day, the hoodie IS AMAZING I LOVE IT. I THINK IT HAD A BIG PART IN MY LIFE TODAY

YOU ALL HAD A BIG PART IN MY LIFE TODAY

today i was feeling very low i wanted to cut so bad, and then i looked at the hoodie and said wow , then i looked at my arm and seen all the names i wrote on it, and siad i will not cut no matter how sad and low i am feeling these peopel are supporting me and i'm supporting them i can not cut, and i will not cut OVER THERE BEAUTIFUL NAMES. and so i didnt cut
day 7 was very hard, but i'm gonna go for two weeks and then longer and i hope i can do this. and i hope you all can to

I AM HERE FOR ALL OF YOU <3

i siad i will put up the rose so i am

......... , . ~ . ~ , ~ , ...........
......... ).. - ~. . ' ..( ............
........ ( . . . ...(......) ...........
.........| . . . . . ).....| ...........
.........{.. . . . .(. . ./ ............
............ =(.. /.)= ...............
............... -;..;-' ................
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​)​|​(​ , .................
................. || _.-'| .............
............. , _|| .._,/ .............
....... , ... ....|| .' .................
.​.​.​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​,​.​.​.​|​|​/​ ...................
..../...| /|., |Y|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
... '-...'-._....||/ ...................
........ >_.-..Y| ...................
............. , _|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​|​|​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​


it is 12:22 am here so i hope you all had a good night, and i have a good day.

<3


love you all and THANK YOU SO MUCH

today will be day 8 wow,

<3

241 | Left by Ella | Dec. 18, 2008 at 9:23pm

i eat some.
i eat 500 calories a day
compared to the normal 2,500
im fine ill live
im just fat
im like 5' 9" maybe a couplr inches taller
and 140 lbs
gross...
have a great day and im glad you care!

242 | Left by freesia | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:08am

Yesterday, me and my mom started fighting over something stupid, and my dad started yelling. when he starts he just keeps going, repeating stuff and blaming everything on other ppl. then i took a shower, and i could hear my parents yelling and screaming at each other, then the door slammed and it was quiet except for my dads angry mumbling. this, plus i'd told one of my friends that i didnt know if i could even trust him n e 1, and he'd gotten so upset, and i've just been depressed lately, itd been too much. i took the safety pin that was in my jean pocket and just cut a bunch of little incisions on my hip. theyd stopped bleeding by the time i got out, but i still put a really large bandaid on it. just in case. then when i got out my dad started blaming everything on me, she left because of me, he wouldnt be able to go to work now because of me (he had 2 stay home and watch my 2 little sisters), i'd ruined christmas, i never listened...he even said he hated me once. and the bad thing, is its all true...

i'm sorry guys, it was my day 2, and ur all supporting me so much...i feel so bad, i'm sorry...dont give up, stay strong.<3

243 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 19, 2008 at 8:48am

Its 9:54 here today i'am at school! and so much went on yesterday...where to start.It all started when i was sitting in 5th hour. listening to musik and thinking about alot of things and my friend who i thought was mad at me texted me and told me she wanted to talk to me. and i was hella nervous to hear what she had to say...Then me and her and another friend started talking and i told em everything that i did and they were both hella sad and they told me that i shouldnt think like that and that i was an Amazing person. Then my friends boyfriend and one of his friends come to her house...and me and her boi's friend started talking and he told me that i shouldnt think about suicide and i shouldnt cut anymore. and he told me he lost a sister and a brother to what i was doing...and i felt horrible for almost leaving and leaving my friends and family behind...I relized so much yesterday....

Then after that i went to my mom and brothers house (btw i have 2 families) but we just sat there and played rockband for like 4 hrs. but when we were playing i felt like i could fanilly breathe and then i smiled which i havent smiled in almost 2 weeks :]]] it felt so amazing to actually feel like i could fanillly be happy....
But i'm just going to say to everyone!! that if i can over come battling depression,suicide,addiction and self-injury then so can you!!! like i told my friends its going to be hella hard! and its going to take time...But todayy is DAY 1 in my adveneture!

Morgan & Ella: Thanks for all your support and it means so much that you both care alot for my life >3

244 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 19, 2008 at 8:54am

I'm happy to say that it's been 14 days since I've last cut my self. I went a mounth then had a bad day. I hate making my friend worry. I've even made a deal with him that if I don't cut he does something for me and if her doesn't hurt himself he gets something. With his help and the help of twloha I can even say that I'm loved and cared for and because of this simple feeling thoughts of suicide of gone down alot. I hope that the same can happen to everyone else. Also I'm hopefully looking forward to a twloha's shirt or hoodie ^_^

245 | Left by Katlyn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 9:14am

Freesia, i care and i'll always be here for you. (hugs)

Rachel, we all have those moments, and no matter what you can always talk to us, we are here for you and everyone else, i'm sorry. i hope tomorrow i will be a better day for you.

Felicia- i'm so happy for you (hugs) i hope day one goes really good for you. and you are welcome i'll always be here for you and everyone else. I know its hard. but i made it to day 8 come on now, you can do it and everyone else. its hard i'm not going to lie it is really hard, but try doing what i did. writing everyones names on your arm, and then when you feel the erg to cut you'll look down and see that these people really care about you, they dont want you to get hurt. and i'm sure you dont want to cut over beautiful names that you have written on your arm. thats what i think and do at least.
(hugs)

Its day 8 and its really cold and lots of snow. i'm in windsor for the weekend. i drove with some friends in the big storm i thought i would never make it, but thans to god we did. it is now 12:14 here in windsor and there is a lot of snow and its really cold, but i'm with some old friends. but I'm still feeling low, i love you all and thanks so much.

Since it is day 8 i wrote everyones names on my arms today. my friend sarah wrote love on my arm to make sure i will conintue going without cutting. or anything else.

THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPOR MEANS A LOT <3

......... , . ~ . ~ , ~ , ...........
......... ).. - ~. . ' ..( ............
........ ( . . . ...(......) ...........
.........| . . . . . ).....| ...........
.........{.. . . . .(. . ./ ............
............ =(.. /.)= ...............
............... -;..;-' ................
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​)​|​(​ , .................
................. || _.-'| .............
............. , _|| .._,/ .............
....... , ... ....|| .' .................
.​.​.​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​|​.​.​.​,​.​.​.​|​|​/​ ...................
..../...| /|., |Y|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
... '-...'-._....||/ ...................
........ >_.-..Y| ...................
............. , _|| .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
................. || .​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​
.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​|​|​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​.​

love Ella

246 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 9:19am

Shooting daggers at me
Letting it be known you're not impressed
I never fail at failing all your tests
Don't be so proud,
'Cause you're still so scared to be alone
You can't change your mind

You won't embrace this
But you'll accept this
You can't let go

Broken stars,
By a single shattered mirror
Seven years of trust
I know you'll never change for anyone
A cold heart never lusts

My mind's made up
And I would know I'd do the right thing
Get up and stand tall!
My mind's made up
Why am I scared? I won't be able
To get up when I fall

We cast a single shadow for so long now
It's so hard to see the sun at all (the sun at all)
But you need light to see
the writing on the wall

My mind's made up
And I would know I'd do the right thing
Get up and stand tall!
My mind's made up
Why am I scared? I won't be able
To get up when I fall...

...into the hole I've made
I place myself alone
I'll find the strength within myself
To climb out on my own, own!

My mind's made up (made up)
And I would know I'd do the right thing
Get up and stand tall!
My mind's made up (made up)
Why am I scared? I won't be able
To get up when I fall

Yeah!

These broken stars
Should be brought back up in the sky
I still can't feel your scars!
I won't, I won't let you die!
We won't, we won't fade away!
And now, right now,
save this lonely place!

wow! i have been jamming to this song all day on my ipod
it really is an amazing song! Thanks ella for that advice im going to start naming everyone who cares about me and write them on my arm! :]

I'am Loved By & Cared By:
>Mom & Dad
>Breezy,Kennedy & Kinlee
>Brandi & Josh
>Brittany,Mike,Davin & Nash
>Josh
...
>Mom & Dad
>Jayme
>Elliott,Heather,Addy & Christie
>Derrick
>Garrett
>Ivan
....
>Rosa :)
>Nicole :)
>Josh :]]
>Leslie
>Angie
>Javier
>Cleave
>Tere
>Chris
>Deja
>David
>Chance
......Thanks to these 2 ppl on this site who i'am going to list right now

>Morgan
>Ella
...I may not know you very well but the advice youve both given me is super Amazing :]]

I'm living proof that you can survive anything. and ppl would be sad if they didnt have you there!

247 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 19, 2008 at 9:52am

Felicia, HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS.
you are sweet there is a lot of people that don't want me in their lives. and its hard, because even though i suffer of depression all i want is to make others happy. weird i know but its true. in a way seeing others happy, makes me happy.

I'll always be here for you, and i hope the advice helped. I'm not the best to give advice but i try my best to be a good listener.


I'll always care about TWLOHA, BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL YOU ALL MEAN SOMETHING IN THE WORL> AND TO ME.

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT AND I"LL CONTINUE TO SUPPORT YOU ALL.

LOVE
ELLA

248 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 12:37pm

Your welcome Ella!!! I'm at skool right now but when I come home i'll make sure to right to you all!!! I hope my shirt came today. And i hope that they were smart enought to put it in the mailbox instead of thrown it over the fence so my dog can eat it. lol.

HAPPY 8 DAY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! I WISH I COULD GET A HOOIDE.

YOUR BEAUTIFUL.

249 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 1:15pm

hey guys, ok so today we had a snowday and i thought it was the perfect time to head down to starbucks grab a coffee and writesome new stuff. after sitting in a comfy chair in the corner for lyke an hour i finally started to get some good stuff out. and of course ryte as that happend a bunch of the super popular kds came in and started making fun of me for not being with friends on the snow day and writing instead. they were calling me emo and laughing in my face. does anyone else here hate being called emo just cuz i cut does mean im a stereo type IM NOT STEREO TYPE IM A PERSON!

250 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 19, 2008 at 2:33pm

ELLA!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!! I'm sorry I haven't posted on here in awhile, I've been really busy. I'm sooooo happy for you!!! If I was less tired I'd do a happy dance lol. But I don't do that kinda thing anymore so much... ;) It's funny how this makes me so happy.
I realllly wanted to cut last night. oh man it was really bad. I ended up making a couple (very) light scratches. That doesn't count, does it?? I still felt a little guilty but I don't consider it really cutting...a little better today.
LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Taryn, Ella, Felicia, Freesia, Rachel! Love to all you guys.
You can beat it. I can beat it. We're gonna make it. <3

251 | Left by Paige | Dec. 19, 2008 at 4:43pm

Taryn thanks your beautiful to. i love my hoodie and i cant wait for LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT BLACK SHIRT TO COME IN.:
lol I HOPE YOUR DOG DIDNT EAT IT TOO lol.

MELISSA PAIGE, I HATED WHEN I GOT CALLED EMO espically from my brothers and cousins. made me want to cut more. and i did. EMo means emotional and i am very emotional i cry a lot. but your right they use the E M OOO for stero typing depression people, peopel that cut, wear black, hair in the eyes. like have of that does not mean EMO gzz. it pisses me off when i hear people calling eachother that. like i'm angery right now for you (HUGS)
JUST IGNORE THEM OR WALK AWAY, dont cut or anything you are stronger then that. those kids afre A** wholes anyways when you all are older they are going to be no bodies, they are going to be the ones you read in the papers that do drugs and crap and your are going to be a BAUITUFL PERSON BEING VERY SMART MAKING MORE MONEY, and saying i remember when i was depressed and used to cut but i made it out and look at me now i am a BEAUTIFUL SUCCESSFUL PERSON.
<3


Paige your a sweet heart, i used to do the same back then, just little scratches, and i thought it didnt count and people told me it did, and made me feel worse. i dont want you to feel worse but to me i think a cut is a cut that you dig deep into you, and a scratch is a scratch like a cat or dog or brohter sister did to you with their nails. so i dunno if it counts or doesnt count anymore lol. i would say it doesnt but i could be wrong.

thanks you eight days going on nine, it is 7:58 here in WINDSOR ONTARIO lol i miss london but i'm liking windsor, being with my friends, we went to the CASINO today and i won some money so that made me happy. Umm my friends got me the best gift ever, and that means i'll be coming back here more oftern. they bought tickets to see Celine Dion and so i'm seeing her in feb with my windsor friends. i now believe that i have the bestest friends ever, they are helping me a lot since they know i dont like the holidays, so i'm trying to get used to everything.

I'm here for you all, and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT I"LL BE WRITING EVERYONES NAMES ON MY ARMS TILL I GET TO TWO WEEKS SO I"LL EVEN HAVE YOUR NAMES DURING CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS <3

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS AGAIN.

<3

252 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 5:02pm

Melissa paige> it's cool. I HATE IT WHEN THEY CALL ME EMO!!!!! IM NOT FREAKING EMO. IM A PERSON WITH FEELINGS. HOW WULD THEY LIKE IT IT IF I CALLED THEM A SK8TER PUNK. OR THE DUDE WITH THE GLASSES!!! WTF. I SO GET HOW YOU FEEL. WHO CARES!! IF YOU WANT TO BE ALONE, THEN YOU DO IT. DON'T LET THEM INFLUENCE YOUR DECISION.

PAIGE> THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT, YOUR AMAZING. AND IT'S OKAY ABOUT THE "LIGHT SCRATCHES" I DID SOME WITH MY FINGERNAIL, THEY DIDNT EVEN SCRATCH MY SKIN, JUST MADE IT RED. DON'T WORRY WE ALL SLIP UP. YOUR STILL LOVED!

ELLA> HEY ELLA!!! HOW WAS YOUR DAY?!! MY SHIRT DIDN'T COME =(
i keep bothering my dad about calling USPS. He still doesn't kknow what it's about. but im sick of feeling empty and need some insipration!!! seeing others makes me happy as well. I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE. YOUR A BIG PART OF MY INFLUNECES. YOUR STORY, YOUR EVERYTHING. I REMEBER RUBY. IT REALLY PAINS ME TO TALK ABOUT THIS. I LOVED HER, MY GRANDMOTHER WORKED AS A HOUSKEEPER FOR HER MOTHERS HOUSE, IN MALIBU CALIFORNIA. SHE WAS 15 AND I L'VD EVERYTHING ABOUT HER. HER STYLE, HER FASHION[SHE WAS VERY REALISTIC]. EVERYTHINGG. AND I KEPT TYPING TO HER ON MYSPACE LEAVING MESSAGES FROM THE HEART AND I GUESS IT SCARED HER TO KNOW THAT SHE MEANT EVERYTHING TO MEM AT THE TIME. SHE TURNED ME IN. I GOT PICKED UP FROM SCHOOL AND I WENT TO THERAPY. I WAS MINDBLOWN WHEN MY THERAPIST TOLD ME WHAT I WAS THERE FOR. SHE DIDN'T EVEN CHECK ON HOW I WAS DOING. SHE IGNORED ME, SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR FROM ME ANYMORE. I'M BROKEN. I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY. SINGLE. DAY AND IT CRUSHES ME, TO KNOW WHAT GOOD FRIENDS WE COULD'VE BEEN. I HATE IT. YOU HELP SO MANY PEOPLE ON THIS SITE. YOUR AMAZING =)

253 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 5:13pm

I'm looking at pictures of her.
I'm crying.
She was standing right were I was, and i was wishing she was there.
But she standing where I was.
Kissing her boyfriend.
Not thinking of me at ALL.

254 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 5:28pm

wow this is the third time me trying to write something.

grr

Taryn i've been trying to post comments up here since 830 here.
hopefully this works.
you are amazing, and i would have been honored to have you as a friend that cared about me that much, its really rude of her for what she did and i'm sorry that you are crushed but remember IM here for you and i'll always be.

I love to help people its one of the reasons why im trying to stop cutting, and doing drugs, and drinking. so far everything is working. and i'm going to go on this way, because the way i was before was really bad i got sick so many times because i drank way to much i even brought drinks to school and got drunk. since i was not eating at all either i became very thin because of the drinking and drugs and throwing up everything, because i didn't want to be fat. then throwing up because of drinking, getting drunk. it got worse i was at the point where i was 17 years old and i was 5'6 and was 90 or 100 pounds. i was sent to a hospital to get treated and it was bad because they had to put tubes in me and shove the food down. it was painful.

Taryn we all have stories to share, and my life is not the worse, out there i just been through a lot with the beaten and so much more that i'm always scared to talk about. but i know that my stories help people it took me a long time to realize this.

my friends in windsor want me to go and talk to schools and help young teenagers like all of you here. to help them to stop cutting and if they are taking drugs to stop, to stop everything bad. I want to do it but its hard, i think i would have a break down if i did ti. because there is so much history.

anyways i'll put my new email up in a lil while.

talk to you all soon

REMEMBER I LOVE YOU ALL.

you guys are going to be on my arms, everyday
wow tomorrow day 9 :O wow.

love Ella

<3

255 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:11pm

wow it finally worked after the third time lol

256 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:11pm

she slid down the wall,
crying,
the next day they found her in the stall,
dying,
the bullet might have missed
but she did succeed to slice her wrists

freesiathank you paige i love you too
thanks for posting again!
keep it up
im debating whether or not im gonna go see the guidance counsler on monday
if i dont do it my friend will
he said he will
im scared
i dotn want to stop
i dont think i can

257 | Left by deleted | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:38pm

^
|
|
| comment #257 left by me freesia

:]

have great night

258 | Left by deleted | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:41pm

Thank you Ella!
I'm happy.
Like always, music saved me.
I'm listening to Paramore =))
They always make me feel better.
You are getting your name on my arm!
EVEN THOUGH YOUR ALREADY ON THERE!
I PRAYED FOR YOU LAST NIGHT, I THINK MORE THAN I PRAYED FOR MYSELF. I PRAYED FOR MORGAN, FREESIA, RACHEL, JAMIE, RENEE. AND THE WHOLE TWLOHA MOVEMENT.
YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.
THANK YOU FROM MY HEART.

259 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:52pm

Freesia, i like that little poem you have up top.
you should see the guidance coundler and its better if you go yourself, instead of someone going and then the counsler calling you down from the PA while you are in class. trust me, i got made fun of so bad and stuff. makes me sick just to think about it.
anyways Freesia, we are all here for you and i wish you the best of luck

love always Ella.

wow 259 comments <3

260 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:52pm

sorry about the 3 time thing.
mhhmmm.

261 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:58pm

WHY DOES ELLA ALWAYS GET THE GOOD COMMENT NUMBERS!!!!

MS. 260!!

262 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 6:59pm

ella and taryn, thanx i was starting to get really down on myself again and giving into wat they wanted me to think of myself reading ur comments made me stop thinking i was weird and just think that they were wrong im not gonna give them the joy of seeing me do exactly what they want me to instead im gona take my feelings out in a new song and when it gets published dedicate it to them! <3much love thanx

263 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 19, 2008 at 9:04pm

o i forgot when im done writing it i'll post it i'd love some feed back. and i have an announcement today i decided to really try to stop cutting. im going to take out my anger and sadness in my songs art and poetry its gonna b the hardest thing ive ever done. depression runs in my family and i dont want to end up like my grandpa jumping off a building. ive tried to stop b4 but now that i've found twloha i feel like this time i might have the support to be able to actually stop. its time for me to take my life back and live it

264 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 19, 2008 at 9:11pm

It's what I'm here for.
I really mad, and sad right now.
Mad because my TWLOHA shirt isn't here yet.
Sad because my grandmother is moving to Texas.
She'll be back in January but i'll miss her.
Im going out with my mom tomorrow.
I'm super mad. I'm going to Irvine.
I HATTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEE shopping with my mom because she so preppy. I'm casual. Jeans and a freaking t-shirt!!
No. Leggings, a skirt, boots, a vest!!! wtf.
Uhh.
I'm going to get my dad a christmas present with $10 even tho my mom is going to get me money, and something for my mom.
I hate this.
Happy Holidays everybody!
I hope it's going better than mine!
NO CUTTING! =)

265 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 19, 2008 at 9:13pm

Melissa paige, i'm sorry about your grandpa, depression runs in my family to, and i know how you feel. poetry and music is one of the best ways to escape the way you feell. it is your time to stome, and you can take control of your life again. YES ITS GOING TO BE HARD, BUT YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN YOU (HUGS)

Taryn, I know how you feel. But your shirt will be in soon I believe it will be if i got mine and i live in canada i'm sure you'll get yours before christmas, ah i know how you feel about shopping with the mom, i hate it, thank god i dont have to go through that anymore. i feel bad, but jsust tell her you dont like it.
i hate the holidays to, its so hard to look at everyone in the eyes. but maybe this year will be a little easier.

I AM her for all of you. <3

266 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 10:20pm

wow it didnt let me put up the poem i had written grr

267 | Left by ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 10:36pm

i hope this works


so i'll do it on another comment <3

268 | Left by ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 10:38pm

#269

the holidays use to be so bad
all i did was cry and get mad
take the razor to my body

tired of the fights,
holding wrist so tight
so i could make one more cut
and feel something happy in the gut

this is year
I'm determined to fight
i'll laugh and i'll cry some tear
but i will fight through day and night
to live for another day
instead of the thought of runaway

I'm tired of hiding the way i feel
time to show what is real
this is how its going to be
you'll start to see a new me
i hope you'll like what you see

269 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 10:46pm

wow it wont let me put the rest of it up

:(

270 | Left by Ella | Dec. 19, 2008 at 10:51pm

You guys are all amazing. I've never felt actual hope ever.

I'm 13, and I suffer from depression. I seem like the happiest person on the outside, but on the inside, I'm screaming for help.

The other week I actually talked to my teacher. He knew I was upset. It was something that happened a few years ago, that kept haunting me back. I finally got the courage to talk to someone.

I don't know what the point of this comment is. But I just have to say, you all are amazing people.

271 | Left by Kylie | Dec. 20, 2008 at 8:59am

Kylie - we all know how you feel, acting like you are the happiest person in the world when really you are so sad and broken in the inside. if you ever need someone to talk to, come to this site, we are all here together to try help one another so you can talk to us, and we will try to help. that is if you want us to. <3



TWLOHA, it is day 9!! wowy i made it this far. it is 12:06 in the afternoon my friends are taking me out for lunch. the snow is so shiny because of the sun, its so beautiful. and i believe today will be a great day for me. I have all your names on my arm and i have my "To Write Love ON HER Arm" hoodie on, and i feel confertabel for the first time in a long time, i have courage and support. i feel strong, and i know this will go on. i know i'm going to fine my faith again. and fight this battle we are all fighting.

Good luck everyone, and i'm here for every single one of you.

Love

Ella

<3

have a good day

272 | Left by Ella | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:09am

Ella- Thank you. Thank you so much. You don't know how much I needed that. <3

Well today I'm going over my friends house. I'm gonna sleep over. :)It's gonna be fun. Hopefully it'll get my mind off of everything else that has been happening.

It's also snowing outside. It's beautiful. I could look at this for days. A few inches only, but so so pretty.

I hope you too, have a good day. :)

273 | Left by Kylie | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:20am

Sorry I haven't been commenting very often lately, you're all commenting so quickly its hard to get back to you all.

I've realized i'm not ready to give up cutting, yet. its just...something i do. i'm sure i'll stop some time, but not right now.

although i'm terrified. i was reading quotes from people who self-injure, and it told you how long theyd been self-injuring. alot of the people who were in their 30s and 40s started at 12. i'm scared i'll end up like them, unable to stop...i dont know what to do.

cutting has taken over my life. its all i can think about now...i hate it. i cant focus in school anymore, and the stupidest, smallest thing makes me want to cut. i dont even have to be upset; i woke up this morning, and my first thought was "i want to cut".

i want to get help before i go from safety pins to razors to knives. but i dont think i can.

stay strong <3

274 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:24am

Kylie- i love the snow, there is a lot of snow here. and i LOVE IT.
and i hope you'll be able to clear your mind trust me you need it, i'm 20 years old and it took me a long time to stop a lot of things in my life. i too suffer of depression. :( but i'm fighting it.

Rachel- it is ok that you have not comment a lot, i know its hard. and that i comment back way to fast , i just this site really helps me, and so i comment a lot.
I'm sorry that you are not ready, but you'll get there.
Rachel if you put in your mind that you want to give up, then you'll be able to, i started at a young age to, and i'm 20 now, going on 21 january 4th, and its so hard. because i dont want to be 50 and still cutting and doing drugs and stuff. i'm drug free for a long time now, and cutting its been 9 days. so i think i'm doing pretty good. but tis hard. and i know how you feel.

Rachel, i know it takes over your life its an addiction and most people dont understand that. But i do. (hugs)
I started with safety pins and i moved up, i dont want you to, trust me it gets worse soon you'll skip class just to get that last cut in, before the end of the day. and its scary when you walk out of the bathroom and students are staring at you,knowing what you did, start saying sh*t to you. Rachel take its easy sweetie. we are all here for you. Please i dont you to get hurt (hugs)
listen to music, try to relax, come to this site and talk to us.
<3
stay strong sweetie, you are beautiful and you can make it out, I BELIEVE IN YOU.
if you need help, do what i do, write everyoens names that means somthing to you on your arm, this way when you feel like scratching or cuting your arm you'll see the beautiful people's names on your arm and you dont want to cut over them so you stop and move on with your day. it works for me, i just hope it works for you. <3

Love Ella<3

275 | Left by Ella | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:37am

ELLA> AWW. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY. I FEEL STRONG TOO. MY SHIRT DIDN'T COME YET! EHH. I HOPE IT'LL BE HERE TODAY, BECAUSE NO MAIL ON SUNDAYS!!! HAVE FUN AT LUNCH. YOU DESERVE IT.

RACHEL> I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. TRY NOT TO CUT. YOU KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE. I WIILLL ALLWAYS BE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU. MERRY CHRISTMAS. TYPE TO ME IF YOU NEED ME =)

I LOVE YOU EVERYBODY!!! I HAVEN'T GOT MY TWLOHA SHIRT YET.
I HOPE EVERYBODY HAS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
MY NEW YEARS RESOULUTION: TO MOVE FORWARD NOT BACKWARD. =)

276 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:39am

Happy 9th day anniversary Ella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(HUGS) (HUGS) (HUGS) (SMILES) (SMILES) (SMILES) (TEARS) (TEARS) (TEARS)

277 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:45am

Ella-this site helps me alot too, and i try 2 comment, but its hard when so many other people are commenting. i'm glad so many people are commenting tho, so many people have hope now.
i thought i aws ready, i'd been able to stop for months at a time before, but maybe that was out of fear my mom would find out again (she found out twice). now i'm not afraid, i know she wont find out.
ya, but you have so much support and you've already gone 9 days, and youre so strong. i kow u'll stop soon. my friends are drifting, they arent as supportive as they used to be, and i've almost given up on hiding it. alot of ppl know now, and i talk to probly 10 ppl about it, but theyre all...drifting.

thanks. it helps to have some one who understands. i have 2 friends who used to cut (even though 1 doesnt know i cut), and one who still does. but one i barely talk to, and the other who quit, is my best friend, one of the only ppl i'm still close to.
i dont want to move up, either. its just...so hard. i dont cut at school, and if i did, it wouldnt be hard to hide. alot of people already know, my friend told a few people who told everyone else. i can live with other people saying things like that. it honestly doesnt affect me anymore.
i dont have an iPod, and the computer is the only place i can listen to music, and my mom is cutting down my time =[ i cant write because my mom reads it, and i've read all my books =[ i'll try to get on here more.
<3
thank you, ella. i'll try to stay strong. its really hard.
i would, but my mom yells at me for writing on myself, and i dont cut my arms. i cut my hip. its easier to hide, and the skin is thin.

-Rachel

278 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:56am

taryn- thank you. but i'm not ready to stop. merry christmas =] the holidays dont excite me much anymore, i hate what theyve become. it used to be all about the birth of christ and being together. now all it is is getting the latest phone or ipod. i wish we could have the days of christ back (even though i'm agnostic). i will =]

stay strong <3

279 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:59am

Aww.It's okay. Yoyu have to stop when YOUR ready to stop. We can only help. Just write back to us. Use a different name if you have too.

280 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:05am

taryn- yaah. i'm going 2 try a little, tho. who knows, maybe my mom will stop being a b-. i'll try =]

<3

281 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:22am

haaha. i've been there.
depressed.
child services.
cut.
therapy.
broken.
here. and not doing to hot.

282 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:27am

Rachel i know what you mean about the holidays, i feel the same way i just put it up for those here that do feel for the holidays and stuff, for me it really means birth of christ and celibrateing wiht my family and friends but its hard when you suffer from depression, though i'm trying hard to fight. rachel no matter what we will be here for you. I PROMISE. I hope things get better for you its not easy what your going through(what we are all going through) but i am here for you and that is one that is true, take it easy. and like tarynball said you got to stop when you are ready hopefully its sooner then later. (hugs)

taryn i'm here and i hope it comes in before christmas.

ok its time for us to go for lunch, but remember you all i'm here so talk and when i get back i'll message back.

love you all and i'll always be here, because we are all trying to fight this harsh battle.
stay strong everyone.

<3

Love ella
talk to you all soon.

283 | Left by ella | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:38am

MY SHIRT IS HERE.
I RAN DWN MY DRIVEWAY SCREAMING.
IT'S A LITTLE SMALL BUT IDC.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

284 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:40am

hey guys ok so here goes day 1 without cutting wish me luck!!!! i think that to keep me on track im gonna come up with a reason everyday y i shouldnt do it
todays reason #1 is im 14 and i have my whole life ahead of me. even though my life sux ryte now it will probably get better (i hope) so heres to day 1 love u all (hugs) i'd love to hear your thoughts on if this is a gud reason xxxPEACExxxLOVExxxHOPExxxFAITHxxx

285 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 11:23am

Hey tarynball so happy that it came in. <3

Milssa Paige good luck. And your reason one is very good. I hope this works out for you. I'm here for all of you. <3

286 | Left by Ella | Dec. 20, 2008 at 2:13pm

I look so good in it.
I think everybody looks good in anything TWLOHA.
IT LOOKS LIKE THEY MADE IT FOR ME.
Even thought it's kind of small, when i lift my arms up it doesn't go up and when i go down it stays cool, it's a little tight around the chest, but i'll live =)
It's 100% cotton so it'll shrink, but i'll live.

287 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 3:12pm

I'm refunding my shirt.
It will shrink.
I'm ordering another right now =)

288 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 4:20pm

hahaha taryball i totally agree everyone looks amazing in TWLOHA! no doubt the best clothes ever

289 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 4:22pm

I agree to. TWLOHA. Is amazing love you guys
Take care.
Woot 290

290 | Left by Ella | Dec. 20, 2008 at 5:05pm

ella>
thanks for saying thanks to my poem
im debating it still
i hope i have enough courage
today i went shopping with my mom
it was horrible
she knows somethingsw rong with me
she kept asking then she yelled and i cried
alot very badly in fact
but i still didnt tell her whats wrong
i missed my chance because i was afraid of what she would say
i just found out my uncle had to get surgery today too
blah i dont feel good either
my parents are fighitng now
its super bad im sick of it
i dont know what to do
im gonna go calm down

goodnight and merry chrustmas :]

<3 freesia
btw i love paige ella and rachel <3

291 | Left by deleted | Dec. 20, 2008 at 5:18pm

ella honestly how do u always manage to get the best comment numbers?! HAHA

292 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 5:27pm

Im now 19 was a self harmer for 6 years and used to do more than just cut. I tried taking my life 7 times overdoeses,cutting deep,anerexia,walking in front of moving cars,and just doing idiotic things. Its been two years since my last self induced cut and used to hate showing my scares on my arms legs and stomach i used to hide them but recently ive felt unwanted hated useless and my depression is back full belt. i havent cut but i have started pulling lumps of hair out my head,burning myself,drinking alot and my scares im now wearing with pride so a friend recommended this website for help again i cnt seek proffessional.
if anyone could help plz do coz i am a shell of what i used to be

293 | Left by Ronnie | Dec. 20, 2008 at 5:46pm

ronnie> u've defenitly come to the right place i've been cutting for 3 years and i just recently found TWLOHA and its already helping with everyday things that get me down. just being able to talk to ppl like me and know that there are other ppl out there like me helps. TWLOHA is a life saver literally. if u wanna talk or could use a friend im here for u and im sure everone else at TWLOHA is here for u 2! (hugs) and remeber ur stronger then u think! Email me at NotJstAntherGurl@aim.com if u wanna talk about something er just wanna say hi! much love

294 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 6:52pm

i'm in ba...happy? mood right now. i'm just think about mike (my bf) and how much i love him and i love him and it just gives me this...calm, ya know? like everything really will be okay. i think if everyone had just one person who could make them feel like this, we'd all be so much happier.

i feel like i actually can make it now. i'm going to write his name on my arm and start over- day 1 tomorrow <3

stay strong <3

295 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 20, 2008 at 6:55pm

oh my gawsh. i just noticed all the typos on my last post. wow, i mustve been preoccupied. here, this is what i meant:

i'm in a...happy? mood right now. i'm just thinking about mike (my bf) and how much i love him and he loves me and it just gives me this...calm, ya know? like everything really will be okay. i think if everyone had just one person who could make them feel like this, we'd all be so much happier.

i feel like i actually can make it now. i'm going to write his name on my arm and start over- day 1 tomorrow <3

stay strong <3

^

ok, hopefully no more typos!

296 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 20, 2008 at 7:39pm

rachel i think thats totally great i have a great bf to.! his name is gabe. weve been in love for almost a year and a half and i know exactly what u mean. when i talk to him even if its the worst day ever he can make me smile. he's been with me through alot and i dont think i would b able to handel it without him anyway much love to u and mike!im happy 4 u both happy holidays <3

297 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 8:13pm

Eh.
I just came back from a Christmas Party.
I nearly cried.
I quit piano a few years ago after my piano teacher yelled at me after a horrible practice.
I wanted to play something for my mom.
I could'nt remeber ANYTHING. Except Jack and the Stupid Freaking Beanstalk.
I have my TWLOHA shirt on.
It's a little small, and I have an XL coming on the way.
I'm not refunding it before i get my other one.
The message on the inside is wonderful.
I read it, it helped me feel better.
I ordered the wrong zip code.
Does anybody know if it will still send?
For the Billing adress[credit card] i put 90017.
for the Shipping adress[home] i put 90018.
It's 90018!
Do you know if it will stip ship?
Thanks everybody.

298 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:00pm

I am so happy for you guys.
In honor of all you guys of TWLOHA.
I wear sleeves, to hide YOUR scars.
I have no scars, but if you guys cut it hurts me too.
I haven't trust anybody for a while.
And i trust you guys.
I'm wearing sleeves to hide your pain.
Ella, Morgan, Rachel, Freesia, melissa paige, Ronnie, Kaitlyn, Felicia and everybody and anybody who has pain.
I think I'll do it until winters over.
I share your pain =)

299 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 20, 2008 at 9:30pm

tarynball> much love to u. i cant tell u how great it feels to finally have ppl on my side. thanx for you support ur amazing. i trust u to and know u can trust us with anything. happy holidays <3

300 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:06pm

WAIT HAHAHA YESS I GOT COMMENT # 300!!!!! WOOT WOOT

301 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:08pm

ok i swear this is my last post for the day since i already have lyke ten... woot! i made it through day 1 with no cutting! which is already an adjustment from cutting everyday! so yay

302 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 20, 2008 at 10:18pm

OMG guys sorry i couldn't comment i was out all day <3

I'm here for you all.
melissa paige SO HAPPY FOR YOU I MADE IT THROUGH DAY 9 <3
it is officially DAY 10 !!!
because it is 3:44 in the morning here, and we are getting a snow storm, again. <3


wow 303 comments how amazing. Melissa paige you took my nummber 300 lol. since i supposly get the good ones lol. JUST KIDDING

I love you all and i cant believe its day 10, i hope today goes well. because right now i'm really pissed off and all i want to do is take few drugs and start to cut. but i wont, i wont give up, i'm fighting for me and all of you out there.


SO here is to all of us, FIGHTING.
stay strong even when you give up .

LOVE ALWAYS

ELLA<3

303 | Left by Ella | Dec. 21, 2008 at 12:47am

Wowww.
I've been out of the loop for a good while.
(haven't been online..hehe. (: )
Welllll....
SHELLEY'S BACK!
And I'm still praying for all of you guys.
Including myself.
Especially Paige though, 'cause I know her in real life.
She's like a little sissy to meh.
(:
I'm ashamed to say it..
But I seriously f**ked my arm up the other day..
I feel bad about it.
I've been doing this ish nonstop for the past...week or two, and it's really weird because I randomly picked it up again after stopping for two or three months..
Anyways, I hope we all make it past this.
We're stronger than this.
I have faith in us.
We can do it.
<3

Hit up the myspace:
www.myspace.com/evilpunkchick

304 | Left by Shelley | Dec. 21, 2008 at 8:12am

Shelley, we are here for you and i hope things look better for you.

wow it is cold here and lots lots of snow I LOVE IT

today is day 10! wow <3 and THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU FOR THE SUPPORT
I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO GET THIS FAR WIHT OUT OU GUYS HERE.
SO THANK YOU and THANK YOU TO TWLOHA.

<3 love you all

i'll be back later

it is 12:09 in the afternoon here

<3

305 | Left by Ella | Dec. 21, 2008 at 9:09am

I woke up feeling well today.
I'm just on the computer listening to videos.
I hope my shirt comes before new years.
I prayed for everybody on TWLOHA and supporting it last night.
And i read the story on the inside of my shirt.
Since my other shirt should be here soon, i'm not returning mine until the other one comes.
I love you all and it;s 9:27 A.M here in "Sunny Los Angeles".

306 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 21, 2008 at 9:27am

HHHHAAAPPPPYYYYY 10TH DDDDAAAAYYYYY AAAANNNNIIIVVVVEEEERRRSSSSAAAARRRRYYY ELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

307 | Left by TARYNBALLLL | Dec. 21, 2008 at 2:01pm

I'm terrified right now.

I left my safety pin on the shampoo shelf in the shower.

And my mom is in there.

i'm so afraid she'll see it. i'm shaking. if she does, i'm going 2 faint. and break down crying. oh my god. what do i do?!?!

308 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 21, 2008 at 3:29pm

She found it.

I told her.

I'm so screwed.

309 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 21, 2008 at 5:33pm

Rachel> I'm so sorry. Breathe. It's okay!!!!! Just write to us. What did she say? Are you in trouble. Breathe, it happens. =) Write to me. I still have your name on my arm.

310 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 21, 2008 at 5:39pm

I know exactly how you feel, when you shake, and u feel like throwing up. and crying. it's cool. just breathe. aw i wish i could be there. dont cut. just relax.

311 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 21, 2008 at 5:42pm

Taryn- she asked me what was so traumatizing in my life. i started shaking and crying and told her i dont know. she sent me to my room. i pretended 2 sleep for an hour.

tarynball- ya. i almost fainted =[ i'm not going to. i cant.

312 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 21, 2008 at 5:48pm

tarynball>
thank you for trying to understand what im ghoing
through the long sleeves thing is awesome!

anyone>
wow all yopu guys r doing so good keep it up i love it how your couting days im proud of you guys!

rachel>
breathe hun its ok
im glad you told
keep talking what happend
i know what it feels like when you know someone will find out its scary
you shake and you almost blow chunks
its the worst feeling ever!
i love you and im here for you
why did she send yout o your room?
<3

freesia
have a good night all of you

313 | Left by deleted | Dec. 21, 2008 at 6:42pm

rachel> gud for u! stay strong everything will be ok.
Ella> WOOT WOOT!!! day ten! im so happy for you.! as for me heres to day 2. its been hard but i think the first few days are always gonna b the hardest its been exactly 48 hours since last time and i was literally shanking trying not to earlier today. i wrote a few songs and felt a little better but what realy got me through was thinking about u guys but im trying to stay strong not only for me but for everyone at TWLOHA. praying for everyone and *tarynball, ella, ronnie, and rachel im am proudly wearing your names on my arm much love to u all talk to everyone soon.

314 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 21, 2008 at 6:48pm

btw guys does anyone have a facebook? if u do lemme know! i wanna friend request u!!! much love

315 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 21, 2008 at 7:01pm

wow you guys are so amazing, love you all sorry i wasnt on. i just got back to london. <3
i had so much fun being in windsor and being with my friends and their families.

Anyways it is 10:09 Pm

and i'm a little tired, but i'm so happy for you melissa paige day 2 it will be easy i promise its jsut going to take some time.

take it easy everyone.
I am here for you all
I promise i'll be here.
<3
tomorrow day 11
christmas eve will be 13 days, i hope i make it :)

I love you all

have a great week
<3
Love Ella

316 | Left by Ella | Dec. 21, 2008 at 7:12pm

hey Melissa Paige - I have a facebook. But Paige is NOT my real name and I'd rather not say here in case my parents see. So if you could tell me your name (or email?) I will message you and tell you who I am :)
so guys, I have hope. If not for that, no doubt I would not even be this far. <3
and I guess my justification for light scratches (even though I still try not to): If it doesn't show up or hurt in the morning, I'm okay... but idk..
love to everybody. <3

317 | Left by Paige | Dec. 21, 2008 at 7:18pm

hey paige. my email is NotJstAntherGurl@aim.com
and my real name is melissa paige but i dont wanna say my last name love u

318 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 21, 2008 at 7:35pm

ELLA> OFCOURSE YOU CAN MAKE IT.
YOUR AMAZING.
YOU LIVE IN LONDON? happy day 11!!!

RACHEL> IT'S TOTALLY OKAY. TARYN AND TARYNBALL. THEY'RE BOTH ME. LOL. IT'S OKAY. JUST WRITE TO US.

FREESIA> YOUR MORE THAN WELCOME. I'M NOT WEARING THEM NOW BUT I DO WHEN I GO OUT. I THOUGHT U'D THINK IT'S STUPID, BUT THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT.

melissa paige- i have a facebook. search taryn frazier and it should come up.

319 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 21, 2008 at 7:38pm

this is for all of you

christmas eve, christmas day, news years ever and day, i will i have everyone names on my arms <3

love you all

320 | Left by ella | Dec. 21, 2008 at 7:54pm

Wow I love reading all your comments they make me feel so much better.

I will be keeping Everyone in my prayers.

Ella- i love the idea of the names on your arm and Happy Day 11!!

Unfortunately I have to start back at day1 after 3 and half months, but everyone here gives me hope.

Peace love and A merry Christmas everybody!!

321 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 21, 2008 at 8:56pm

OMG. wow 3 and a half months. It's okay. Like Renee Yohe said, "It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it matters how many times you get back up".

I do pray for you guys everynight. Brittany, Anon, Ella, Freesia, Rachel, Morgan, Ronnie.

I pray Ella that you deserved SOOO much better than how you were treated, to let you be at peace tonight and everynight. Because you truly deserve it.

Freesia- I pray to keep you safe from cutting, for not letting anything harm you.

Rachel- I'm sorry about the saftey pins. You are in my prayers. I pray for you not to cut.

And the rest of you to keep you safe and warm, and keep you alive and well.

I love you and thank you, Merry Christmas and a Brand New Happy New Year. It's a chance to start ALL over!!
TWLOHA <3

322 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 21, 2008 at 10:00pm

You wouldn't belive how much I love this website and how much it helps me.

323 | Left by tarynballlll | Dec. 21, 2008 at 10:11pm

welll i think i made a break through. i finally tied my cutting to something. its taking me a while to come to terms with it but i think i can handle it a little better now. i was raped 4 years ago and ive never told anyone until now. i became depressed rte after that and have been ever since i also have been abused my my dad not alot but enough and i think the combination of those things are what drove me to this point ive tried to kill myself 3 times before and landed myself in the hospital once im so happy i found TWLOHA cuz i finally found somewhere i feel safe enough to talk about this much love to u all i pray 4 u and us

324 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 21, 2008 at 10:20pm

Hey there guys, i dont know if its just me but christmas is really depressing :( I made it 3 days last week without cutting but i released yesterday its christmas on thursday. I dont know why i think its soooo depressing :(

I hope that everyone has a good christmas anyway and i hope everyone is geting on cut free.

Love Amyyyyy
xxxxxxxxxx

325 | Left by Amy | Dec. 22, 2008 at 5:36am

It's been playing on my mind lately, that I have to say thank you, to everyone here. Your words of encouragement are amazing! This year's been a much better year compared to the last 2 years. I'm finally trying to live my life. It gets difficult, but I'm sure it's all worth it. Goodluck everyone & never give up.

Thank you for caring, and sharing your stories.

"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." - Henry James.

I hope this quote will mean as much to you as it does to me.

<3 TWLOHA

Love you all!

x

326 | Left by Hazel | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:43am

Melissa Paige - I know how you feel so hard to talk to anyone, i too was abused but not by my dad, it was by my mother it was horible and it went on for a long time, it was hard to tell anyone about it but i got out of my shell and started talking to few people. that was what led me to cutting and tempting to kill myself by downing anti depression pills and tynol 3 with whisky. it led me to the hospital and i was there for 2 weeks because i had an eating problem i lost 45 pounds within 2 weeks so i was in a bad shape. there is so much more that has happened but i dont want to get into it right now, because
ITS DAY 11 <3 and i just want to continue staying this way head up hill being happy for this moment. i will talk about the rest sometime.

I"m here for you whenever you want to talk, i understand what you went through, and how you are trying to deal with things.


this is for everyone out there, you need a place to talk TWLOHA is the best place. you need someone to understand you, we are all here together understanding one another.

Love Ella

DAY 11 :D

327 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:21am

Thanks Tarynball, it is nice to here that someone was happy for my 3 and a half months, even though i have to start over. Your words mean a lot, thanks again.

Melissa Paige- i am sorry for what you have gone through, but i know you can make it. I am so glad you feel safe here. peace and love.

Amy- no its not just you i relapsed yesterday as well after 3 and a half months because of getting down over Christmas. Just remember to keep strong and realize that every day with out cutting is a victory even if you stumble.

To everyone keep strong, Merry Christmas, and thanks for all the words of hope.

328 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:46am

tarynball>
of course i wouldnt think its stupid
its still supporting twloha!
and all of us on this website
you care and i thank you!
im wearing long sleeves today to :[
blah!
i pray for you to
keep helping the way you do
all of you guys are helping me!
thank you so much

merry christmas!
<3 freesia

329 | Left by freesia | Dec. 22, 2008 at 8:01am

Its 9:05 here. but Wow! its DAY! 4 fer me which i havent made a single cut on my arm since Thursday!. Ive been spending alot of time wit my brothers who i havent seen in along time and we have just been playing rockband and laughing alot.But i have been busy alot helping my parents and just doing alot of other things seems to help me alot and to not have negitive thoughts. But its still snowing here which i love the cold fer some reason. and...i have alot of people who are supporting me thru this...its hella hard but my friends and family seem to keep the bad thoughts away.... :]

tarynball:Thanks fer putting my name in one of your comments.

Ella:wow day 11! im so proud of you and i'm only on my 4th day and it feels amazing!!! to just be able to be happy :]

Everytime i look at my arm the scars are still there and so is the pain i went thru but at the same time there is the days of the numbers i'm counting down to be self-injury FREE! and all the other things i went thru!

Morgan:man where are you i havent talked to u in alongtime how is everything going

330 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 22, 2008 at 8:14am

Brittany i think it is amazing that you went 3 and half months, i'm sorry that you had a relaps but i'm here for you. I know how you feel about the holidays and christmas, i'm the same way. but if you need someone to talk to , we are all here for you. AND I MEAN IT <3

Tarynball you are beautiful and amazing. and i hope your new shirt comes in.

felicia, i'm so happy that you made it day 4. today i have everyones names on my arms again, and so for you Felicia i'm going to put day 4 next to your name.
i love rock band and i play with my older brother to, i have 2 older brothers but the oldest and i don't really click or get along or anything for that matter. but my other older brother we are close sometimes. i'm the "odd" one in the family i guess the one that makes a fool of themselves the one no one really wants to talk to or get to know. so thats another reason for me cutting, but i trying and it is day 11 and thank you so much.
And i'll always support you
i'll always support anyone.
<3

i have a question to everyone that has ever cut. on odd day when you feel so low does one of your scares seem to hurt like trigers you and says hey remember when you cut me.
every once in a while my scares hut and its a lil weird but they hurt a lot like the older older ones start to have a pain in that spot. wow i'm just weird i guess. but it true the scares hurt once in a while.


anyways everyone have a great week
i'm back in london after my weekend in windsor, and there is so much snow every where.
<3
i think the snow is beautiful.

LOVE ELLA and

Felicia keep it up, and Brittany i hope you can have a day 1 again and work your way to 3 months if not more.

LOVE YOU ALL.


ELLA <3

331 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:06am

guys i found one of my old poems and i thought i would put it up, its an oldie so i hope you like it, if not doesnt really matter lol.


here i am again.
lying on the floor
waiting for my life to end
but i cant take this anymore

all i do is cut and cry
wishing my life to die
the blood is out
i'm lying with doubt

all i need is a friend
to help me all over again
my life is not the same
i dont even know my name

lying on the floor again
feeling like i lost a friend
lying on the floor
cant take this anymore

i'm tired living life this way
hoping for a better day
wake up in the morning feeling new
but instead i cut few

lying on the floor
cant take this anymore
want my life to end
but all i need is a friend


this time i'll stop
but for how long
this time i'll stop
listen to another song

lyng in my bed
feeling like i'm dead
my body numb and cold
knowing now i wont get old

this time i'll stop
but for how long

lying on the floor
cant take this anymore

help help help

this time i'll stop
but will i start again
i need a friend.
lying lyiing lying
lying on the floor
CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE
this time i'll stop

By Ella 2007



take care guys

i'm here for you and if you ever felt the way i did in the poem, i'll be you friend and i'll always be here for you.
<3

332 | Left by ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:30am

Wow is snowing here too yay!

But Ella:Thank you so much fer putting my name on your arm that means alot to me XD But really i know i love rockband its hella funn! and i know i have 2 families so it makes this so complicated! and in one family i have 5 brothers and no sisters ha.

But thanks fer supporting me it means a hell of alot. But i know what u mean about cuts hurting. Mine hurt right now but i just drew a 4 over it...

333 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:34am

Felicia No problem i'm so happy you made it to 4
i just have one f*cked up family, and two older brothers. but we never really together they moved out and i'm home with the parents and its so hard and scary im always afraid of what might happend. i'm 20 years old and i'll be moving out soon, once the new year comes i'm moving on my own maybe with some friends.

but keep strong felicia i'm here for you
THANK YOU TWLOHA
<3
LOVE ELLA
<3

334 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:45am

Ella>Dont worry i know what u mean about a f*cked family. I have 2 of them. And it is hella hard..when you've lived with one your whole life..then your real one tries to get involved and then your mom keeps doing some messed up things to you time after time!

Yeah moving is going to be hella scary and I'am 17 and in the summer i'm moving in with my sister fer a while then going to Florida for like 6 months...Then i'm moving by myself to Canada so its going to be hella scary...

Thanks i'm trying to keep strong for everyone

335 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:53am

ELLA>
ahh i love the poem
and dont mind me asking but can i have my name
on your arm?
please!
id write yours on mine but ahem there covered?
sooo yea whats new
omg day 11 right?
thats crazy i could never do that
im soo proud of you!
have a great day
were here for you if you need to talk!
and were geting alot of snow too
:[ ughhh!



<3 freesia

ANYONE>
i love you all!
merry christmas

336 | Left by freesia | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:13am

Felicia i understand, and your so young to :(
where in canada are you moving to, if you dont mine me asking. you dont have to answer if you dont want, i'll understand lol.
i'm in london in canada, its ok here but i might move to windsor to be with my good friends and stuff, or vancouver. <3

anyways i'll be on later, i have to clean the house and stuff. it s 1:22 in the afternoon and then i have to get ready for work

take care guys, keep it strong
and i'm always here for you and always will be

<3
lots of love
ELLA

337 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:23am

freesia your name is already on my arm lol has been all day, and it will be there until the new year and new year comes and everyones name will still be with me.

<3
and thanks that you like the poem i'm happy that you like it

338 | Left by ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:25am

Thanks Ella, your words are so helpful. I really liked your poem its says a lot.

I am so jealous you get snow, i live in Florida so except for the occasionally cold front its shorts and t-shirts weather in the middle of December!

I hope your move goes well too.

Anyway love to all and Ella your name is going on my arm!

339 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:26am

Brittany thanks sweetie, i hope things look up for you too, and its kinda cool that you get to wear shorts and tshirts in december lol.

take care guys

wow 340 comments <3

LOVE --- TWLOHA
wearing my hoodie to work <3

340 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:34am

ella> thanx for the support. i have an eating disorder too 30 pounds in a week and a half. i also left out that im kinda addicted to advil and Tylenol i take like 5 er 6 of each everyday sometimes twice a day. but asof ryte now i working on cutting. im gonna dealwith the pain killers by new years here goes day three for me and congrats on how far youve come! ur r and inspiration for me much love to everyone. i'll be back later today
stay strong<3

341 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:53am

Ella>I know i'm pretty young but i have alot of things i want to do in life lol and i wanna move to Toronto..oh u live in london wow that sounds hella fun :]and i dont get it u live in canada too?

But tommro its going to be a week for me since i havent done any harm too myself...I cant believe ive came this far it means alot that i have so many ppl on this website helping me and supporting me thru this crap....

But i prolly wont be bak on till like January 6th or 7th. I'm leaving firdayy to stay with my sister. so Everyone have a happy Christmas and ill talk to you all soon

>3

342 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:38am

ok, so instead of answering directly 2 ppl (unleess its a specific question or something) i'm just going to post updates.

it went better than i thought, actually. she sent me to my room (cuz ya, punishing the depressed girl really helps -.-') and i pretended to sleep. now its like nothing ever happened. she didnt ground me like last time, at least =/

today is my day 1, i'm really trying <3

i wrote all ur names on my arm in a spiral pattern, it doesnt look very good lol but ah well. i think when i'm 18 i'm going to get a tattoo on my arm of all ur names in a spiral like i have it right now, but better <3

Ella-Morgan-Freesia-Paige-Mellissa Paige-Brittany-Felicia

Tell me if i missed n e 1 <3

343 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:51am

melissa paige thank you so much, you are a wonderful person. and you'll make out, I'm still addicted to tylenol 3 and precasts also weed, and a bunch more stuff, but thing is i'm a 11 days clean from cutting and about 3 since my last joint, and 4 months from everything else, the only thing i continue to do is drinking, because i need something, but with drinking i dont drink as much as i used to, i almost died 2 times from being so drunk i got alcohol poison 3 times, so now i drink maybe three drinks every other day. and thanks i will come her to talk, its a healthy way of calming down i guess.
take it easy kido your young and i dont want you to get hurt

that goes for everyone be strong you'll make out. and i'm here for you.

Felicia its London Ontario its in canada lol not london england lol
Canada is beautiful Toronto is amazing its the second biggest city its like New york. you'll love it. and i'm so happy that tomorrow is going to be a week for you <3 keep up the amazing job. and we are always going to be here to support you, and i hope you have a great christmas , i'm not one for the holidays anymore, just to many sh*t happend. in my life for me to care about it anymore, plus christmas is about the birth of christ and i hate how everyone thinks its about gifts and stuff. but w.e. lol.

OmG i'll be 21 years old on january 7th,, this is scary, i didnt even remember till i saw felicia say she wont be on till then, and i was like hey thats my birthday lol wow see i dont even care about that. maybe this year things will change in my life for the better, and i hope ths goes for all of you too.

love always Ella
<3

344 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:52am

Rachel I'm so happy for you<3 and i have your name on my arm to. and thats so sweet of you <3 i hope your day 1 goes well. I'm here for you anytime.
take care and try to have a good day./
wow its 2:54pm here and on the comment post says its 11:52 wow. lmfao

take care guys

<3

love ella

rachel take care, i know your strong and you can do this.
<3

345 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:55am

Ella- thanks. yours is the first one, on my wrist, because i feel like ur giving out the most support and empathy and fighting one of the hardest battles.
i hope it goes well too, my mom took my safety pin =/
i will =]
haha. its 3 here, i wonder why the time is off? ah well.

<3

346 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 22, 2008 at 12:00pm

OMG. I'M SOO SORRY EVERYBODY, AS SOON AS I WOKE UP IM LIKE..TWLOHA!!!..IT'S 1:20 HERE AND I WOKE UP AT 1:00. I WAS READING THE PEDRO THE LION STORY LAST NIGHT AND PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU GUYS. THAT SOUNDS REALLY BRAGGING-ISH. BUT IT'S TRUE. IM SORRY GUYS!



RACHEL> YOU MISSED ME!!! LOL. YOUR ALWAYS ON MY ARM, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME ON THERE THAT'S COOL.

FREESIA> OH YOUR WELCOME. HOW'S THE CUTTING GOING? THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT, BUT HOW'S YOUR HOLIDAYS? I PRAYED FOR YOU LAST NIGHT SO I HOPE YOUR DOING OKAY.

BRITTANY> YOUR WELCOME. YOU MEAN ALOT TO ME AS WELL. UHH. I HAVE TO DO THE NAMES AGAIN!!

FELICIA> YOUR SOO WELCOME. HAPPY 6TH DAY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!! I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY FOR YOU. YOUR BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING.

ELLA> HHHHHHHHAAAAAPPPYYYY 11TH DAAAAYY ANIVERSARRRYYY!!!![[[[HHHUUUGGGGSSSSS]]] THANKS YOUR BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING TOO!!!! WHICH HOODIE DID YOU GET? AND IT'S AWESOME YOUR WEARING IT TO WORK. AM I ON YOUR ARM? LOL.

LOVE.PEACE.HAIRGREACE =)

347 | Left by Tarynball/Taryn | Dec. 22, 2008 at 1:27pm

ELLA> You are fighting one of the most hardest battles! My prayers are with you. And the poem isn't half bad!!

Who did i miss?

Freesia-Melissa Paige-Ella-Morgan-Rachel-Brittany-Felicia.


anybody else?

348 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 1:33pm

i forgot u?!?!? =O oops! i didnt mean toi!! of course ur going on there!!!

349 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 22, 2008 at 1:34pm

I wrote this poem myself, it's copyrighted and published =):
I was like 8
Mysterious

Some say she's mysterious
Some say she's strange
But as soon as she got there
She got out of range
Her every dream wasn't fufilled
She found herself lying in a green wide field
She looked up and said too the sky
I must go now
So she said goodbye
Some say she's strange
Some say she just needs some time alone
But it wasn't that
She just wanted to go home.

350 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 1:35pm

thanks Ella and things will get better for both of us!! (hugs)
Happy Birthday since i may not be on until the 7 after today.
Going to see the family.

Rachel- thanks for putting my name on your arm i also have yours too. Ella is also the first name on my wrist lol. keep strong and congrats on day 1 it is my day 1 also.

peace and love to all

names on my arm: Ella, Tarynball, Alexis, Morgan Kylie Tisha Rachel Mellissa-Paige Felicia Freesia Amy Hazel Shelly Ronnie
If You don't see your name drop a message and i will surely add it!!

351 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 1:39pm

You all are so great best wishes to everyone!!!

352 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 1:42pm

Aww thanks for putting my name on your arm. goodluck! and happy 1st day.

353 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 22, 2008 at 2:14pm

Aww. thanks Rachel! your the 3rd on my wrist!

It's
Ella
Morgan
Rachel
Melissa-Paige
Freesia
Brittany
Felicia.

354 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 2:16pm

Your Very welcome Taryn, and thanks for supporting me and everyone else!! smiles and hugs!!

355 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 2:30pm

Some how i get the feeling that people think tarynball and taryn are diferent people.

THEY ARE BOTH ME. TARYN.

356 | Left by tarynball/taryn | Dec. 22, 2008 at 2:32pm

I know they are the same lol.
I figured Taryn was your first name and ball the last.
peace and love Brittany

357 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 2:53pm

Oh. No my last name is Frazier.
I chose tarynball like because one of my favorite bands are paramore and whenever the lead singer hayley like posts on the website she puts like hayleyball. so i did tarynball.

lol

358 | Left by taryn | Dec. 22, 2008 at 3:01pm

Brittany> How's your holidays coming?

359 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 3:07pm

Ahh that's cool. Holidays are fine for now i have got a 9 hour drive tomorrow to meet the family for the holidays we will see how it goes.

How is your holiday?

360 | Left by brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 3:40pm

It's cool.
We didn't put the Christmas Tree up.
And i feel kind of ehh about it.
Um. I only wrapped 1 present.
And it wasn't even i a box, so i had to wrap the shirt just like that.
So it's about a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10.
It might as well be Christmas.
Do you have a TWLOHA shirt?

361 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 22, 2008 at 3:44pm

Sorry you didn't get to put up a tree thats my favorite part i had a table top one for my apartment but it became a cat toy when my to cats got a hold of it lol.

Yes i do have a shirt(a dog tag as well) and i am looking at getting another one.

do you have one?

362 | Left by brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 3:57pm

HAAAA!! THE CATS. THAT'S CUTE.
YEAH.
MINE WAS A MEDIUM AND IT WAS TOO SMALL, IT FIT, BUT I KNEW IF I WASHED IT, IT'D SHRINK. SO I RETURNED IT.
I ORDERED ANOTHER ONE.
AND IT'S XL SO I HOPE IT SHRINKS DOWN TO A LARGE AND THERE WE GO!
AWW. YOU HAVE THE DOG TAG!?
AWESOME.
I WANT TO GET A HOODIE OR A DEON.
DEON.
I HAD NEVER HEARD OF THAT.LOL
IS IT LIKE A JACKET OR SOMETHING.
BUT YEAH..

363 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 4:34pm

Yeah i want a deon too and i had never heard of it before ether. lol.

i am so glad i have you to talk too it makes the holidays a lot better!

364 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 4:44pm

Random i know but do you have a youtube account? mines ValkyrieAngel1

365 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 4:46pm

Okay so I LOVED the idea of writing names on your arm. It kinda feels good to write them too, and this way you're not harming yourself in any way. I have my best friends' names, a bunch of the people on here, and also a couple of my little cousins who idolize me. If they picked up on cutting I swear I would die. On my left arm, down the outside, I wrote a quote from one of my favorite songs "Someone loves you even when you don't think so don't you know you've got me and Jesus." Also, on the inside of my wrist, a quote from my best friend, what she said after I told her I had cut [and had stopped]. "Don't worry. It's okay. I love you." I also wrote "It will end."
=)
LOVE EVERYONE HERE!!
<3

366 | Left by Paige | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:18pm

Paige- i am glad you are using the idea of writing names on your arm.
we love you too!
you are on my arm too

367 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:25pm

YAY!! <3
I think I have Ella, Rachel, Taryn, and I had others but they rubbed off lol I need to wash them and start over.
You'll be on my arm!! :D
After I finished writing, I just started crying. I realized I felt no desire to cut at all. Plus I wrote the names big so in order to cut I'd have to cut through one of my reasons. I don't wanna do that. I wrote a kinda good poem last night, maybe I'll post later.
love. <3

368 | Left by Paige | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:31pm

I am so happy for you adding me! i feel the same way when i see the names and i have to start writing them over too lol.
i would love too hear your poem i am sure its great!

369 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:37pm

okay, here it is, please critique. my first try really writing anything relating to cutting.

Knife
Has become my friend
it doesn't break or bend
bleed, bleed the evil out
hate of self is hate devout

Cuts
Blood is not all that's left
a trail of tears and regret
stuggles, self-induced pain
blade with a tinted stain

Put away
it cut much more than skin
it cut deep within
it hurt for them to see
when I thought I was only hurting me

Stop
Only stop to think
the damage I will wreak
just a little cut will do the trick
even if I stop it quick

Tremble
Razor hovers above my skin
shall I drop it and see if the torture ends?
just to end the sleepless nights...
but how can one more scar make things right?

No-
I will stay strong
I will not give in to what is wrong
I will stop this endless circle of harm
I will stop before it goes too far

Ink
Exchange my knife for a pen
write on my arms the reasons
names upon my wrist
give me power to resist

Now
Blades forever put away
torturing thoughts stay
wonder if they'll ever end
if I'll ever sleep again

Tears
I'll cry but not cut
won't hurt the ones I love
Keep my skin unscarred for them
wait for the glorious End.

IT WILL END.
<3

370 | Left by Paige | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:44pm

WOW WOW WOW !!
That was really good one of the first poems that shed light on the fact that we aren't just hurting ourselves. Every Verse means so much and carrys with it the message of hope i don't think you could make it any better.

371 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:48pm

I thought i should post mine now! it was the last one i wrote!
here ya go

A Dance With A Silver tongued Devil


Razorblades and scarlet tears
Help me release all my fears
Keep me sane
And bring the pain
That I cherish
And let me relish
In every drop of precious blood
Falling down upon the ground
Turning dirt to mud
As my mind swirls round and round
Dreaming as it does
Of blood soaked skies
And days when I could cry
And times when love and comfort
Wasn’t held in the palm of the open hand
Filled with scarlet tears.

372 | Left by brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 6:52pm

Wow. That's seriously deep. And good. wow. Writing has helped me alot. It helps me organize my feelings, I guess. ;]

Love ya! =]

373 | Left by Paige | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:00pm

Thanks i am glad you liked it. maybe i should have but a warning on it.

love ya too it s 10:05pm here how about there?

374 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:04pm

Aww. Brittany> Thanks. Sorry i don't have accounts. Ever since what happened with me this year i don't do accounts.Your poem was speechless. The title was awesome. Wish i could do that. A dance with a silver tounged devil.
Uh. I think that's going on my arm.

Paige> That poem was amazing.

YOU GUYS R ALL SO FREAKING TALENTED!!!!!!!!

DID ANYBODY LIKE THE POEM
#350

375 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:06pm

i do like your poem especially the end i have had people tell me that. Sorry i didn't say so before thought i had.

I am glad you liked mine i just wish i was as talented as you think, i can only write that stuff when i am in a really dark place.

I am sorry for whatever happened to you this year and Remember no dancing with a silver tonged devil.

376 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:14pm

Feel free to use the poem however you wish i think its great you like the title so much you would write it on your arm!!

you are still on my arm! i have 16 names now with TWLOHA at the top! If you want me to add anyone let me know!

377 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 22, 2008 at 7:19pm

OMG.
I read it over again.
Your amazing.
No amazing is a insult.
BEST POEM AWARD!

378 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:04pm

Hey, I recently found out about TWLOHA from a friend, and as soon as i heard about it i went straight to the sight, I am truly amazed at the way you help and reach out for people. (:

Well i am a very quit person, Always scared to show any feelings, I always feel alone no matter how many people I'm around, I've been cutting for almost three years now. I saw a consoler about it but that just made me want to do it more.. I stopped for awhile, but then recently started again and now i feel it's the only thing i can do for myself when i am depressed. I've think about suicide a lot, And I'm to scared to ask for help or guidance.

379 | Left by Sierra | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:17pm

Sierra> Well first off. WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.
Almost half the people on this site cut. And we all wrote eachother's names on our arms. Just come talk to us. Ella, Freesia, Melissa-Paige, Rachel, Felicia, Paige, Brittany. We all are here to help. I know how you feel, when the urges come. But your beautiful and amazing and your worth it. Ella today is her 11th day anniversary of not cutting! She was abused and we all have her name on our arms because she is truly fighting one of the hardest battles. I'm sorry for whatever makes you cut, and the pain. I understand. And you are always welcome to be yourself here. It's amazing. Like were all related almost. =) Peace to you.

380 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 22, 2008 at 9:26pm

Its been a long long day for me with work and fighting with some friends. it is 1:26 in the morning, and i was just ready to give up today, and take that knife, and take a sniff, and drink away the pain i carried all these years.
but instead i cried few tears and i came here. to the place where people care.

i read all the comments but its hard to write back since there is so many, so i'll write this.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND FOR YOUR SUPPORT ALL YOUR NAMES ARE ON MY ARM AND WILL BE THERE, TODAY MY BOSS ASKED ME ABOUT MY HOODIE AND THE NAMES ON MY ARMS i explain to him HOW WE ARE SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER SO WE WOULD NOT CUT THE NAMES THAT ARE PART OF US or AT LEAST TRY NOT TO. i explained TWLOHA, and he gave me a look of surprise but he never new what was wrong with me, all these years that i ran to the bathroom crying and cutting, he never new. today he was in shocked. but he gave me a hug of support and comfort and told me to tell all of you to KEPP FIGHTING.

KEEP FIGHTING

I LOVE THE POEMS THAT YOU GUYS PUT UP, I CRIED WHILE READING THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZING< i cried a lot today and tonight while reading your beautiful comments to each other, and towards me. means a lot to me to see that people really care.

Sierra Welcome , i put your name on my arm right after reading your comment and you can talk to us anytime you need to because we will comment back and help you through anything or just listen or should i say read, and try to be here and understand, if its not me that could understand can be anyone of us, we all share a lot in common but also share different reasons why we did this some might be the same feeling depressed feeling alone, like you have no one to talk to , no one understands you. fight a lot, got raped, abused , hurt, feeling like the world is agents you. we all know how this things feel
TALK TO US< FIGHT THIS BATTLE AND LIVE A DAY THAT YOU CAN SMILE AND BE HAPPY IN THE INSIDE FOR ONCE AND THEN THE OUT SIDE..


THank you tarynball lol. for explaining all of us, we are a family.

this is so much to say, and let out. today was very hard since it was day 11.. well for me now it is day 12 since it is 1:35 in the morning. lol

wow 12 days,

my friend started an argument with me today, i'm pretty sure she was just trying to listen or talk to me, being a good friend, but she brought me back to my past to when i was being abused by my mother, and so much more that i have not explained here because the memories scare me and make me so depressed, when i asked her to stop talking about it we got into a huge fight. an we have not talked since 430pm my time. and its now 138 in the morning so i feel like sh*t. i would love to talk about the past more, but its the memories that haunt me.

one day i'll talk about it, talk more about the abusing and the rest of the stuff that has happened to me, but right now today its not about me, its about all of you out there.
I AM HERE FOR YOU

I HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL SOON<
YOUR NAMES ARE STILL ON ME AND ITS GOING TO BE THAT WAY.

<3
love always
ELLA

381 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:44pm

SORRY THAT IT WAS SO LONG ^^^^^

JUST WANTED TO EXPLAIN MY DAY.

BY THE WAY THE HOODIE IS THE BLACK ONE THAT HAS THE WHITE AND FEW AQUA BLUE WRITING THAT SAYS "TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS" all over it. I LOVE IT.

love you all
ELLA

<3

382 | Left by ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 10:46pm

the blood, the scares, the knifes, the lives, the pain
the blood, the thoughts, that marks, the cuts, the rain.
feel so down, feel so low, cary a frown, no place to go
tired of living in a world so cold. wonder if i'll ever live to be old.
my thoughts, my mine, my pain, the same as yours.
i cry myself to sleep in bed, feeling like i'm half a live and half dead.
i know im not alone trying to fight, fight a battle that might not end.
but some day we'll fine the light, and start life all over again.
make the wrongs to right, and starting a new beginning with new friends,
might be here on earth, or a place called heaven.
i'll be here for you, and my words are true.
no matter what happens.
I ELLA WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR ALL OF YOU
BECAUSE I CARE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH.

never put yourself in the dark
wake up take a walk to the park
no more sleepless nights
here is to things being right
stop feeling so down
but a smile on
instead of a frown
go for walks
take a chance and talk

through the razor, kife,glass, or safety pin away
and start living each and single day.
YOU,ME,HER, HIM,US, WE can fight this battle that is killing people everyday.
lets make a change in this world and save our lives.
TWLOHA, TWLOHA, scream out loud TWLOHA.
TO WRIGHT LOVE ON HER ARMS.
SHOWS THAT YOU CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, AND EVERYONE THAT SUFFERS AND TRYING TO FIGHT THE BATTEL OF DEPRESSION, WE CAN DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT, THINK TO YOURSELF, "I" CAN DO IT.

love you all
good night/day

here is to make making it to my 12 morning, here is to your 7th day, here is to our day 1, here is to your day 2 or 3 or 5. here is to your that is trying to start all over again.
this is for you that feels like you lost a friend.

i'm here for you, we are all her for you and each other
so

TALK
<3


I LOVE YOU ALL

LOVE ELLA

383 | Left by Ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:18pm

sorry there is some spelling mistakes and at the bottom of everything its suppose to say

here is to me making it to my 12th morning, here is to your 7th day, here is to your day 1, here is to your day 2 or 3 or 5. here is to you that is trying to start over again, this is for you that feel like you lost a friend,

i'm here for you, we are all her for you and each other. so TALK TO US.
<3

LOVE ELLA

I LOVE
TWLOHA


<3
Ella

384 | Left by ella | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:21pm

rachel> r u seriously gonna get a tattoo of our names? i think thats the fu***** kewest thing ive ever heard ur amazing.
Ella> thanx for the support and congrats on day 11? i think its day 11 <3

As i walk down the street,
I feel the concreate,
With pavement so cold you feel every fold.

Your bare feet brush the ground,
Hoping some one will come around,
So it's not just you on a coner,
Watching life from the border.

You try to brake through,
But it's too hard to move,
Made with ignorance so thick,
It makes your heart sick.

With hearts of stone,
And the eyes of the blind,
Together these things have closed their minds.
They've locked you in, and they wont let you out,
Is it such a crime to want to know what lifes about?

You try to brake through,
But somthing stops you,
The rustle of trees,
Soon you feel a cool breeze,
It sends shivers up your back,
Yet you still do not crack,
It reaches down to your soul,
Wrapes itself around you holding you tight,
Still you try to brake free with all of you might,
You dont shead a tear,
For you do not feel fear,
Instead you feel warmth,
Sun beating on your back
For this breeze has moved you over and broke throungh the border.

You love your new life for it's finally begun.

You've never looked back,
Nor have you wondered why,
But your thankful to god for sending wind from the sky.
--------melissa paige
12.19.07
lemme know what u guys think this was one of my first poem when i started to get serious about my writing i was 13 when i wrote this. i actually wanna b a writer when i get older and well yeah anyway its not very gud tho i'll put more recent things up later. latley ive been writeing a Shi* load of songs tho like over 150 in the past year anywho i'll stop talking now
much love
Obtw I GOT MY NEW TWLOHA HOODIE YAY!

385 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:22pm

Thank you All so much.
It brings tears to my eyes that people can be so kind.

Congrats. to ella! that is amazing!! (:

And hearing peoples stories it's so touching I know now I'm not alone.
I'm am so greatful to be welcome. And i will add names to me.

I couldn't thank you guys enough<3 .

386 | Left by Sierra | Dec. 22, 2008 at 11:24pm

This seems like a small and insignificant comment seeing as I'm number 387. But I felt really sickened by myself the other day because my wrist bled right through my TWLOHA sweater. I feel sick when I wear it now, like I'm being a hypocrite. I feel sorry for this, because I feel like a fake.

387 | Left by xxminxx | Dec. 23, 2008 at 12:17am

xxminxx- You are not small or insignificant everything great in this world started form a small comment or idea. You are also not a fake or a hypocrite, many of us here have done the same thing. We wear our shirts even if we are still struggling.
Remember it doesn't matter how many times we fall, it just matters that we get back up. You should read Jamie's response to this blog and watch the 2nd video at the end of this blog i think it will help.
Love peace and welcome to the family your name is on my arm!

Sierra-- Glad you found us here WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!
Just be yourself here if you can't anywhere else, and remember you are worth everything. We are all here for you. Your name has been added to my arm! What a great boss you have to. tell him we all are thankful for the support and will keep fighting.
Peace and love Brittany

Tarynball- Thanks so much for the best poem award!! You don't know how happy that makes me. i hope it helped you in some way. much love brittany

Ella----I am so sorry for your bad day but very happy you came to us and made it through HAPPY DAY 12!!! Your poem was great. And remember we are here for you and it is about you just as much as it is about us!

Mellissa-Paige--- great poem to hard to believe a 13 year old wrote it!! It sounds so great!! much love!

388 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 23, 2008 at 4:20am

Here is something to help us through:

Sure sometimes we might fall, but GOD"S love for us is so great that it covers the times we fall!

He has not given up on us and i haven't given up on anyone including myself. Because even GOD thinks we are worth it!

389 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 23, 2008 at 4:25am

Here are some songs i like you can find them on youtube
!!warning!! they may be triggering remain safe when you listen and watch !

The Last Night By Skillet
Whispers in the Dark by Skillet
We are Broken By Paramore

They are saved to my favorites on the account ValkyrieAngel1 if you want them. Note I didn't make the vids and take no credit!

390 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 23, 2008 at 4:46am

hey thank you to all of the people who wrote my name on their arm
ill return the favor when my scars fade :]
<3
thank you ella
and paige
and rachel im glad your ok
but sorry gtg


<3 freesia

391 | Left by freesia | Dec. 23, 2008 at 6:19am

Britney your words, thank you =D After my cut yesterday and reading that i want to try my hardest to stop!

Hope everyone today is feeling the need to fight, i hate the thought of others harming there selves =[ Please find the strength to stop

Love Amy
xxxx

392 | Left by Amy | Dec. 23, 2008 at 8:01am

Day 12 11:09 in the morning

THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL comments

for those of you that are new to the family, welcome, we will try out best to help you all out, but we are all here together, your names on my arms, i have everyones names on my arms and i'm happy that i can be part of yours too.

Wow tomorrow is christmas eve i'm so not looking forward to this, its going to be so hard to be with everyone and just trying to act like nothing wrong. and top it all of i'll be 21 in like not even two weeks. January 7th.
i think i'll be moving at the end of january, i can not take this anymore, and the only way i'll be able to fight the battle of depression is if i move out of my parents house, its so hard to live there and look at my mother in the face everyday even if i dont look at her in the face i'm still scared that she might crack open and start beaten me again. so i made up my mined and i'm moving at the end of january.


thank you everyone for being here for me, i'll be here for you

love you all so much

names are on my arms

<3
have a great morning, try to at least.

393 | Left by ELLA | Dec. 23, 2008 at 8:16am

ELLA> HAPPY DAY 12 ELLA!!!!!! IN 2 MORE DAYS IT WILL BE 2 WEEKS! I WAS LIKE, "WHAT IF SHE NEVER CUTS AGAIN"!!!. I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. I'M SORRY ABOUT THE FIGHT. I TOO WAS REMINICING[IS THAT HOW YOU SPELL THAT?] ON MY PAST. LISTENING TO SONGS, THINKING ABOUT "HER" AND HOW SHE LEFT ME TO DIE LIKE THAT. I'M SOO GLAD YOU CAME HERE. I TOO THOUGHT ABOUT CUTTING! AND OVER YOUR NAMES. BUT I SAID NOOO! THESE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME TOO MUCH, AND OVER THE WONDERFUL NAMES.THAT SAFETY PIN WAS JUST CALLING MY NAME. BUT I DIDN'T.MY SHIRT SHOULD BE HERE SHORTLY! MERRY CHRISTMAS. I HOPE ALL IS WELL. YOUR NOT ALONE. LOVE YOU =)

BRITTANY> YOU SO DESERVE THE AWARD!!! THAT WAS AMAZING. IM GOING TO WRITE IT ON MY ARM IN SILVER!!! AS SOON AS I GET SOME WASHABLE DRY ERASE MARKERS. TO WRITE YOUR LOVELY NAMES. THEIR ON MY ARM BUT I WANT MORE COLORS. YOU ARE SO AMAZING. AND I LOVE WE ARE BROKEN BY PARAMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE IT ON MY IPOD AND LISTEN TO IT ALL THE TIME. I EVEN DECORATED THE BACK OF MY REMOTE ORANGE SO I CAN PRETEND IT WAS A MIC. [DID I JUST TELL YOU THAT] XO

SIERRA> I'M GLAD YOU CAME TO US. YOUR ALWAYS WELCOME HERE. I'M PRACTICALLY IN SHOCK FROM ALL THE SUPPORT. =)

XXMINXX> YOUR ARE NOOOOTTT FAKE. IT'S OKAY. JUST MAKE SURE YOU WASH IT WELL. JUST THINK OF WHAT JAMIE WOULD SAY[THE FOUNDER OF TWLOHA]. YOUR NOT USELESS. YOUR INCREDIBLE. WITH AN INCREDIBLE STORY. STAY STRONG. WATCH THE TWLOHA VIDEOS. THEY'LL HELP =)

394 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 23, 2008 at 10:51am

I still suffer from depression.
But we'll get through it guys.
I PROMISE.

395 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 23, 2008 at 10:52am

Brittany, you said you have my name on your arm. Thank you.
Everyone's Names are on mine too! :) We Are Broken is a great song, thanks.

And Ella, you're amazing! Happy Day 12! Stay strong. <3

Sierra- Welcome! I'm relatively new to commenting too, even though I come here everyday. You're never alone, please don't feel like you are.

And like Tarynball said, We'll get through it!

Christmas Eve tomorrow...Oh crumbs!

Love you all!

xx

<3

396 | Left by Hazel | Dec. 23, 2008 at 12:05pm

Thank you all for welcoming me(:

You guys are so amazing.

I hope everyone has a great day.

Xoxo, Sierra.

397 | Left by Anon | Dec. 23, 2008 at 12:06pm

I just realized.
ELLA YOUR 2 WEEK ANNIVERSARY IS ON CHRISTMAS!!!!
HAPPY 12TH DAY =)

398 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 23, 2008 at 1:06pm

Here's a poem that I wrote a few months ago.

My Taped Mouth

I cannot speak at all
The locked me inside
And turned me inside out
I'm surrounded by darkness
I have nothing
The left me with tape over my mouth
So i speak in mumbles
I'm screaming like hell inside
And nobody aids my groan
The left me here all alone
In the dark like always
A tear drops down my face
I lay my head down, in shame
It's my fault
It's my problem
As usual.

399 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 23, 2008 at 1:09pm

Ella> do whatever you think is best.
I know how you feel.
This is YOUR battle.
And i want you to be happy.
Write to us =)

400 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 23, 2008 at 1:15pm

Ella and Melissa Paige - amazing poems. :) And Taryn too.
uh, a word of advice. Don't write names on your arm in marker. It'll be everywhere in the morning. XD
My three month anniversary is on Dec. 31. New years eve. :)
I love you guys. :]
I second the Skillet songs!! Whispers In The Dark and The Last Night are great ones. I also love Collide and A Little More and Under My Skin. :)
love. and hopefully a good Christmas. And here's to a 2009 with no cuts!!! Definitely gonna be a resolution of mine. I'm kinda nervous about Christmas though, my family's been a bit tense. It could go either way. :/

401 | Left by Paige | Dec. 23, 2008 at 1:23pm

THAT'S AWESOME PAIGE.
KEEP FIGHTING.

402 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 23, 2008 at 1:57pm

Oh one other thing - on my arms I have the names in little sections, and the list of people on here is in its own little group - above where I wrote you guys' names I wrote "WE ARE THE FIGHTERS."
Anyway I thought that was cool :)
I think the marker catches peoples' eyes more than my faded scars would...so I have to be wearin long sleeves more than normal...but when I'm alone I take my jacket off and just look at my arms and smile :) Plus it's cold here so whatev.
aw I love you guys so much :)

403 | Left by Paige | Dec. 23, 2008 at 3:00pm

melissa paige- haha, in 6 years xD i've always wanted a tattoo, but it had 2 have meaning. and i think thatd b very meaningful =]

i wrote your names on my arm again, but only a few cuz they wouldnt fit in the spiral =[ then between that spiral in anothre spiral i wrote LOVE-LOVE-LOVE (etc.) <3 and on my palm, 30 (number of cuts/scars), and on the back of my hand, 2 (for day 2).

i almost cut today. yesterday i was talking 2 my bf and he told me he might break up w/ me (might?! -.-') because he didnt want 2 make me do something i didnt want 2 do, or i'd regret (he's 14 and i'm 12, so...ya). i had no idea what 2 say. i wanted 2 tell him he wasnt pressuring me at all, but i just...got all quiet. like usual. so i went through today majorly depressed thinking i know he's going to break up with me, i'm going to lose him. then he called me when i got home and was like "well...its ur choice. do u wanna stay 2gether?"...UH DUH?! -.-

so, i'm feeling pretty good right now ^.^ but i need 2 get him a present! i cant get what i wanted 2 get him, so does any1 have any ideas??

stay strong <3

404 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 23, 2008 at 3:05pm

hahaha, i know my question is totally irrelevant. but i really need help =/

405 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 23, 2008 at 3:09pm

Rachel-I'm sorry.
Guys love video games.
Or give him something, like a letter or something telling him that you aren't going to make yourself do something.[did that come out right?]

406 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 23, 2008 at 4:51pm

Taryn- actually, that gives me a great idea! thank you!
i think i'm going to write him a letter saying why i love him. since i'm never able to tell him.
i also think i'm going to give him my journal. the one he always seems sad that i wont let him read (its sort of an emotional-release journal, with detailed descriptions of my cuts), with another letter explaining some parts (like the ones about him...hehe =/ ).
i want him to know the truth.
i'm also going to buy him something, just so my parents will be happy =]

<3

407 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 23, 2008 at 5:30pm

408 comments, and this is what i have to say

I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THEN YOU"LL EVER KNOW< BECAUSE OF YOU I"M FIGHTING HARDER AND HARDER EACH DAY< TO FORGET THE PAST AND LIVE FOR TODAY,

I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS< HOW YOU ARE HERE FOR ME AND EVERYONE ELSE< I"LL BE HERE FOR YOU TO>
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT
YES CHRISTMAS WILL BE 2 WEEKS WITHOUT CUTTING, IT WAS SO HARD TO MAKE IT THIS FAR, AND I'M SO SCARED. THAT I MIGHT GIVE UP, BUT WITH YOUR NAMES ON MY ARMS I KNOW I'LL GO ON, I KNOW I CAN FIGHT AND IF I CAN FIGHT YOU ALL CAN DO THIS TO

SORRY THA I WAS NOT ON TODAY, I WAS BUSY WITH THINGS FOR TOMORROW. AHH SHOOT ME. IT IS 11:43 PM HERE IN LODON AND I CANT BELIEVE THAT ITS ALMOST 13 DAYS.

MY MOM TOLD ME THAT SHE LOVED ME TODAY, I WAS IN SHOCKED AND I STARTED TO CRY. I COULD NOT BELIVE WHAT SHE HAD SAID, I GOT SCARED AFTER AND I STARTED TO SHAKE SO I LEFT THE HOUSE AND I WENT OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS GRABED A DRINK AND TALKED. THEN I WENT TO SEE MY BOY FRIEND WE HAD DINNER TOGETHER AT HIS HOUSE AND WE HAD A GLASS OF WINE THEN HE SAID HE LOVED ME AND CARES ABOUT ME A LOT AND HE'LL DO ANYTHING TO SEE MY SMILE AND HAPPY AGAIN, NEXT THING I KNOW HE GIVES ME A PROMISE RING, THESE WERE HIS WORDS.

"ELLA, I'VE KNOWN YOU SINCE WE WERE IN GRADE 1, I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE THEN, AND I THINK YOUR AMAZING NOW. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU AS A FRIEND AND MORE, AND SO TO SHOW HOW MUCH I CARE FOR YOU I WANT TO MAKE YOU A PROMISE. I PROMISE TO BE HERE FOR YOU, DAY OR NIGHT, I'LL BE HERE TO HOLD YOU TIGHT, AND HUG YOU IN THE MIDDEL OF THE NIGHT. I WOULD ASK YOU TO MARRY ME TODAY, BUT I KNOW HOW THINGS CAN GET ON CHRISTMAS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, I'M SORRY FOR YOUR PAST AND I WISH I COULD HAVE DONE MORE BACK THEN, BUT I PROMISE ONCE THINGS LOOK BETTER IN YOUR LIFE, I WANT YOU TO BE MY WIFE. I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE WAITING FOR THAT DAY, BUT FOR RIGHT NOW, FOR THIS MOMENT, I JUST WANT TO SAY, I LOVE YOU, AND I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. THIS IS MY PROMISE THIS IS MY HEART, AND THIS IS TRUE. HUNNY I LOVE YOU."

I LOVE MARK, <3


TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, THANK YOU AGAIN, AND YOUR NAMES ARE MY ARMS EVEN THE NEW PEOPLE TO THIS FAMILY. YOUR ON MY AMRS TO.

TAKE CARE GUYS, TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS EVE, AND ITS DAY 13 FOR ME.

<3

LOVE ELLA.

408 | Left by Ella | Dec. 23, 2008 at 8:53pm

This blog just made me cry. Thank you so much for everything you do at TWLOHA and for everything you stand for. You help me so much, and I wish I could do something in return besides wearing a shirt and a bracelet.

//love is the movement//

409 | Left by Kayla | Dec. 24, 2008 at 8:59am

AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! <3 YAY IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU ELLA!!!

Well last night I had a really good night too. My best friend and I haven't stayed up late texting in awhile, but last night we did. We actually set a record for us. Almost 3 am. It made me happy. I love her so much. :) Her name is on my arm realllly big.

LOVE YOU GUYS.

Oh I have to wash the names off my arm so I can wear non-long sleeves tonight (Christmas eve. Marker on my arms for church? My parents wouldn't have it. I doubt they would want marker on my arms anyway...) but afterward I will go write them again!! :D

410 | Left by Paige | Dec. 24, 2008 at 9:03am

Ella, that's great! Happy day 13 =]

Mike's in new york right now =[ i slept in today (about 1) and i got a message from him saying he was going to visit his dad for at least a week. i thought he was leaving saturday, but i guess not =[ and i'm not going to be able to talk to him very often.

i had a dream last night, and i'd cut up my right arm, and was wearing short sleeves. throughout the whole thing (it was pretty random and confusing) people were staring, and i just felt like a freak.
but i know i'm not a freak, i'm a normal person just like everyone else. and i'll stay strong <3

if anyone's interested, Santa's now in Kirov, Russia (:

no, i dont believe in Santa. its just fun to track him xD

411 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 24, 2008 at 11:13am

Oh ya, i forgot, day 3 (: i have to wash off the sharpie on my arm...haha. mom would get mad if she saw. but i'm still doing the palm/hand thing. and i counted wrong, its 32, not 30. so...

32/3

i hope to get more days than scars. thats my goal (:

stay strong <3

412 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 24, 2008 at 11:27am

ELLA> AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. ELLA. YOUR SO LUCKY!! THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF HIM. I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP HIM. =). YOU OFCOURSE CAN DO IT. YOUR AMAZING. UHH. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. CRAP. IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE. WHATEVER. YOUR BEAUTIFUL. LOVE YA! =)HAPPY DAY 13!!!!!!!!!!!

RACHEL> AWW. STAY STRONG. I TRACK SANTA TOO.LIKE I SAID. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. I WISH I COULD BE IN RUBY'S ARMS. SHE HURT ME THIS YEAR. SHE WAS THIS GIRL THAT I REALLY LIKED[NOT LIKE "THAT"], BUT IT EVENTUALLY CAME TO BE LIKE "THAT". I KEPT SENDIND HER MESSAGES AND SHE PUT ME IN FREAKING THERAPY. IDK. IF I'M LIKE "THAT". BUT UHH. THIS IS CONFUSING. YOU GUYS ARE PROBABLY GOING TO HATE ME FOR "THAT". IM SORRY. =/

413 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 24, 2008 at 11:54am

taryn- i will =] i got texting today (early xmas present!), so i can talk 2 him alot more now even if he's away =] my little sisters like 2 know where he is (theyre 4 and 2, so cute!) so i'm gonna have the site up probly all day. aw, i'm sorry about Ruby. its ok if u liked her like "that". she was just trying to help, she didnt mean to hurt you. i dont hate you! of course not!

414 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 24, 2008 at 12:02pm

Aww Tarynball, you don't need to be sorry! We could never hate you! You help everyone here and we love you for that. :)

Where's Santa now guys? I wonder if he's gone over the UK yet? :P

Hope you all have a good Christmas!

<3
Much love!
xx

415 | Left by Hazel | Dec. 24, 2008 at 12:06pm

hazel- prince edward island, suoth afraica (: he moves every 5 minutes, tho. google search "track santa" and click on the norad site.

416 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 24, 2008 at 12:14pm

Aw. thanks Rachel. I thought you would hate me. "THAT" is still undecided. And i have track santa. It won't tell me where the heck he is tho. And when u close up on the reindeer there faces are smooshed. hahhahaha. no. it's not dark in the UK yet silly!!!

417 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 24, 2008 at 12:19pm

I have it on google earth.
thats why.

418 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 24, 2008 at 12:21pm

taryn- of course i dont hate u. right now he's in...mahajanga, madagascar xD hahaha.its not dark in the US, either.

<3

419 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 24, 2008 at 12:26pm

so because of my past and present life... i want everything to end... i want things to be better, but I feel so out of place in this world! :(

420 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 2:33pm

As you grab my arm,
I try to scream.
you tell me to stop
or you will enforce more harm.

You pull me to the room,
I tell you to stop.
I know you won't quit, but I have
one chance to beg, so to my knees I drop.

"Please, grandpa, don't do this again!
I will pick up my toys,
do everything a little girl should."

You pull me to my feet,
I cry out another cry.
You drop me to the bed,
I wish I would die.

You make me take off my clothes
as you do the same.
Then you set me up
to play another of your sick games.

After the game is over,
you give me a piece of candy and make me shower,
let me go back outside,
after showing you have all the power.

I go back outside scared to death.
I don't have much to say
because I know it isn't the end,
I will rise to the same game the next day.

I go to bed that night
and as I say my nightly prayer,
I pray to God that he stops
my grandpa and his game of double dare.




Screaming in the Rain

I open my mouth

to scream about the pain,

but no one hears me,

I am alone

screaming through rain.




His Fun My Nightmare

He throws me to the bed,
I scream out another cry.
Running through my mind is the things he said:
if I said a word,
it would only make things worse.
To escape this nightmare,
I dance on the ceiling listening to every verse.

He removes his red shirt, then his pants.
He starts to remove my clothes,
but I yell "STOP!"
Of course that does me no good
he continues with what he was doing,
just to show that he could.
He enters me from behind,
I watch from the ceiling as I scream out.
He has lost his mind!
I really wish I was anywhere but here,
watching from the ceiling,
but I wouldn't survive at all
if I was down there.



These are all poems I have wrote over the years about me... life is hell!

421 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 2:37pm

were u molested tabby?
I'm so sorry.
YOU ARE A CONTRIBUTION TO THIS WORLD.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR STRUGGLES.
COME TALK TO US.
ME, ELLA, FREESIA, RACHEL, MELISSA PAIGE, PAIGE, FELICIA.
WE ALL ARE HERE.
FIGHTING THROUGH THE SAME THINGS.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO US.
YOU NEED TO LET THESE THINGS OUT.
WERE HERE.
=)
STAY STRONG.

422 | Left by taryn | Dec. 24, 2008 at 3:06pm

hey im seeing if my computer is letting me post ive been trying to comment but its hasent been posting anything i write! (tear)

423 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 24, 2008 at 4:11pm

its not letting me write anything over a line long! what should i do i need to be able to talk to u guys

424 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 24, 2008 at 4:17pm

i was molested... you can message me

425 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 4:44pm

www.myspace.com/tabbycat2007 or tabathasu@goshen.edu

426 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 4:44pm

I was molested.
It is hard to have a past
like that! I hope this
will work.
this website isnt
letting me post.
i guess everyone
is having trouble
with it.
but i am having
a bad night,
so i hope that
it gets up
and working soon!

427 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 4:46pm

do it the way
i did it
and only put
a few words
on one line.
it seems to work
that way.
i hope your still on
i think we both could
use someone
to talk to...

428 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 4:47pm

i wish someone
was one darn it!
I am going nuts without cutting!

429 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 5:03pm

HEY EVERYONE MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Sorry I haven't posted for a while my internet was down! Wow so many people have posted here! It's great I am so behind though :[

Felicia> I am so honored to know that I have helped you. That's all I ever want to do, was just help SOMEONE! Knowing that I made a difference in your life makes me want to cry. Thank you! I hope I can still be an inspiration, just as you are one to me! :] And you don;t need to thank me for being there for you and supporting you, cause it's what friends do!

Ella> Your poems are so great! It makes me just want to write and write and write! :} and thank you for that hug! :] I could feel it and i hug you back! XD

Taryn? YOU WROTE A POEM ABOUT ME! WHAT!? REALLY! OMG NO WAY! can i read it!??? ohmigosh that makes me feel so warm inside! About me, eeeee yay! XD There is NO SUCH THING AS LOST CAUSES! no way! Just cause you wear black all the time doesn't mean anything! I love black! How are you it's been a while!

To everyone who wrote my name on their arms, wrists, where ever, THANK YOU! To know you are thinking about me even when we live worlds apart makes me teary eyed! You all mean so much to me and not being able to post here has driven me INSANE! >.< I Hope you all are doing good, and I would love to catch up! HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! <3

430 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 24, 2008 at 5:18pm

i tried that thing with a few words per line it still wont work im just gonne use a bunch of comments per message

431 | Left by xxxmelissa paigexxx | Dec. 24, 2008 at 5:49pm

hmm... i dont know.
that is the only way
it will work for me.
so how are you doing?
im doing horrible! I really
need some support right now
to keep me from going for that
blade! I keep thinking about
my past, cant get HIM off my mind!

432 | Left by tabby | Dec. 24, 2008 at 6:03pm

TABBY> OMG. DON'T CUT. I'M HAVING A REALLY BAD NIGHT AS WELL. MY COUSIN IS OVER AND IT'S HORRIBLE. I TOO WANT TO CUT. BUT STAY STRONG. TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. THE BLADE IS NOT IMPORTANT. WE ALL HAVE PASTS. WE ALL HAVE THINGS WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT. I HAVE THINGS I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT. WE ALL HAVE PASTS. IT'S OKAY. I WILL WRITE TO YOU.

MORGAN> I'M NOT FEELING TO WELL. I FEEL LIKE CUTTING. I FEEL FAKE. I FEEL STUPID. I FEEL UGLY. I FEEL LIKE WHATEVER I TOUCH JUST VANISHES. IT'S A HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS EVE. AND YEAH. I WROTE A POEM ABOUT YOU, AND SOME OTHERS. THEY'RE NOT FINISHED. I'LL POST THEM UP LATER. THEY'RE NOT DONE =)


STAY STRONG X33

433 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 24, 2008 at 8:25pm

Sorry, i have freaking parental controls.
I can't get on myspace or send messages without my parents knowing.
I'll write to you on here.
Love you =)

434 | Left by taryn | Dec. 24, 2008 at 8:29pm

Tabby- stay strong hun we love you so much i hope things start to get better soon! your name is on my arm!!.Your poems were so heart wrenching but written very well.

Sorry i haven't posted in a while put it is hard to get time when i am visting the family. at least its a little better this year.

Amy- i am glad my words helped you stay strong girl i know you can do it. And i am so proud of you.

Ella- stay strong we love you and i am so happy for you and Mark much love he sounds like a good man. HAPPY DAY 13!

Taryn- thanks so much for your comments and i love the painting the remote to look like a mic. lol. Your poem was amazing it touched me very much. And not everything is your fault remember that. Also i could never hate you no matter what "THAT" means, we all love here. love is the movement:)

HAzel- you are very welcome i will add anyone who wants to be on my arm to my arm.

Freesia- you are also welcome.

Paige- congrats on the 3 months that is awesome and thanks for adding us to your arm we all love you. And it is ok to cover the names when you don't feel safe.

RAchel- always remember to do what you want to do and i think you are so brave for giving your bf your journal stay strong.

Anon- you are more than welcomed here we love you!

Kayla- Even though i know you wish you could do more, i think you are doing so great just by wearing the shirt and braclet. your name is on my arm!

435 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 24, 2008 at 9:22pm

Tabby, I am so sorry, I am Ella i've been through a lot, some of which i have not mention here because the memories haunt me like crazy, the only thing really have said is i have been beaten since i was little i am now 20 be 21 years old january 7th and i have done drugs and cut and tempted suicide i try killing myself at the age 13. i had an eating problem and sent to the hospital for 2weeks and got a tube down me to eat, i used to drink way to much that caused me to go to the hospital again, for another two weeks.
right now i am clean from weed since october from other drugs since summer maybe longer, from cutting today is day 14 since it is 2:12 am where i live- MERRY CHRISTMAS, and i only drink a lil now. i wont have more then 3 drinks in a day.
Tabby, I'm really sorry for what happen to you in your life, life is hell but we have to keep moving on, I am here for as everyone else on this site, we will try to listen read, message back, and try to help. you can talk to us anytime. <3 (hugs)
Everybody needs a hug, and hugs can make all the pain go away for just a moment, so in this moment i hope the pain went away.



TO EVERYONE SORRY I CANT WRITE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU I AM SORRY. BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.


THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS IT REALLY MADE MY DAY.
christmas eve was alright, it wasn't to bad, and i had 2 drinks and that was it, I'm really tired and I'm sorry i didn't message sooner just been buys and stuff. but I'm here now. Tomorrow or should i say today for me, today is going to be a long day and i dunno if i'll be able to message again.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU, I HAD ALL OF YOUR NAMES ON MY AMRS TODAY AND PEOPLE ASKED ME ABOUT IT. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I SAID< ITS THE PEOLPE THAT MEAN THE WORLD TO ME< AND TO KNOW THAT ITS CHRISTMAS EVE ITS MY GIFT TO THEM TO HAVE THEIR NAMES ON MY ARMS, sorry i didn't want to get into a whole thing about TWLOHA today.

Rachel don't be sorry, and your not stupid. i totally understand, and im here for you,

I AM HERE FOR ALL OF YOU ALWAYS WILL BE

LOVE YOU ALL

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS OR WHATEVER YOU CELEBRATE lol.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOUR NAMES WILL CONTINUE TO BE ON MY AMRS>


LOVE ALWAYS
ELLA

436 | Left by Ella | Dec. 24, 2008 at 11:21pm

I am feeling a little
better today.
things were crazy last night.
i called one of the staff people
at the group home i live at and
talked to her. she helped me alot.
i was haveing a really hard time,
but im doing ok.

437 | Left by tabby | Dec. 25, 2008 at 4:15am

and Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope you all have a GREAT Christmas!!!

438 | Left by Tabby | Dec. 25, 2008 at 4:16am

TABBY- Oh my gosh, are you still going through this? How old are you? [You don't have to answer that, btw.] I read your poems. They're really good but almost made me cry.

Sorry guys, I never wrote the names on there again. :( My dad is really weird about that kinda stuff and might get mad. And if he found out WHY I'm writing names on my arms....uh, consider Christmas essentially ruined. I couldn't handle that. Not today. I'm so sorry guys, I feel really stupid. :/
After this is all over though, I'll put everybody down. :/
Love you guys :]

439 | Left by Paige | Dec. 25, 2008 at 6:28am

Taryn>Don't DO IT! Stay strong! You are a beautiful person no matter when you feel or what any one says, I feel that way to but I think about you [i know creepy] but like i think, if they all believe in me then I should to! I haven't cut since the second last day of school, and I feel proud! And Proud of all of you! I figured out that the ones I last made were minorly infected and they were purple and it scared me soo much. So I am kinda scared to cut again plus it's Christmas....

Thanks you guys :)

440 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 25, 2008 at 8:28am

Ella>Oh i see lol i didnt know that ha. But really i know i'm pretty scared to move there but its sumthing i want lol
But really u dont like the hoildays?
Dont wrry i'm just thankful that i have my whole family wit me and i didnt ask for anything at all becus i have my family and thats all i need lol
Morgan>How have you been doing its been a way long time lol
Tarynball>Thanks for sypporting me it means alot and yupp today is DAY 7!

Happy Christmas everyone! =D

441 | Left by Felicia | Dec. 25, 2008 at 8:47am

Felicia i'm sorry happy for you that its day 7 its a week <3
today is 14 days for me, <3

i'm just wondering how today is going to turn out, yesterday was alright.

i'm here for all of you, and thank your for your support and beautiful comments

MERRY CHRISTMAS i hope i can come on here later and talk, but i dont think i'll be able to because its going to be a crazy day.


LOVE YOU ALL AND MERRY CHRISTMAS
ALL OF YOUR NAMES ARE MY AMRS
AND I"M WEARING MY TWLOHA HOODIE TODAY
<3

442 | Left by Ella | Dec. 25, 2008 at 9:19am

Ello loves.
Merry Christmas!
:D
My birthday is in three days, and I'm ready to have some fun.
I can't believe I actually slashed more on my wrist on Christmas Eve..
But..
Oh well.
Sometimes I do stupid ish.
Anyways, Brittany-Thanks for writting my name on your arm.
^-^
Love to all of you.
I luh y'all!
(:

443 | Left by Shelley | Dec. 25, 2008 at 9:29am

no its not still going on, thank god! it started and ended at a young age. but i am having a better day today. i got $150 from my mom and i still have 3 christmases to go! we will see. i made my mom a scrapbook of her wedding for christmas and she loved it! anywho... thanks all for everything!

shelley> happy early birthday! hope its a great one!

444 | Left by Tabby | Dec. 25, 2008 at 11:56am

Merry Christmas everybody!

There's not alot of posts.
But, i tried to post last night and it wouldn't work.
Christmas was decent for me.
I got a Nintendo Wii.
My mother is mad at my family.
My dad and I.
She wouldn't give me my present or accept any of ours.
She'll get over it.
How was everyone else's christmas?
I hope everyone's doing well.
Happy 2 week anniversary Ella.
Happy [Almost] Birthday Shelley!
Thank you Morgan.
I didn't.
Stay strong =)
It's okay Tabby.
We all have THOSE urges.
I hope everyone's okay, and happy whatever day it is for ALL OF YOU.
Love is the movement.

=))

445 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 25, 2008 at 6:14pm

i get to see mike 2moro.

i'm not sure if i'm going to give him the journal. it could either make our relationship stronger...or break it beyond repair.

i'm working on little notes for each entry, to clear some things up, but idk...i dont want 2 lose him =[ idk, i think i'll just give it 2 him. if he breaks up with me...then i just need some1 more understanding.

...should i do it?

i keep having these nightmares. and these huge urges right b4 i fall asleep. i keep seeing myself carving in2 my arm...its hard.

stay strong <3

446 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 25, 2008 at 8:17pm

wont let me post... do what you think is best.xxx tabby

447 | Left by tabby | Dec. 25, 2008 at 9:01pm

i would probably give it to him if he doesnt like it oh well, but thats my opinion.

448 | Left by tabby | Dec. 25, 2008 at 9:01pm

thanks, tabby. i think i will give it to him. hopefully the notes will help him understand =/

449 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 25, 2008 at 9:13pm

I dont' know if anyone will read this, but I wanted this out there.

I am sitting here reading all of these things, tears running down my face. It's been three months since I cut, I promised my friends I wouldn't, but I have the need, that yearning to. I can't stop thinking about it. Everything has just gone to the dogs lately and I am willing myself not to. Reading these things helps. It does and I want to thank everyone at TWLOHA for helping me in my journey.

450 | Left by Cassidy | Dec. 25, 2008 at 11:21pm

christmas was ok, been busy all day sorry i didnt get to post much, so merry christmas and happy boxing day.

thanks for the beautiful comments and support its now day 15.

i love you all and i have your names on my arms

talk to you all later, sorry it is 4:54 in the morning here in london and i'm so tired, so good night,good day, talk to you all soon

love

Ellla

451 | Left by Ella | Dec. 26, 2008 at 1:55am

I used to be a cutter and i have tried to take my life twice. I have gotten out of that place that I was once in. I wasn't happy for a very long time, and I wanted to just die. I have ignored problems for a very long time, just stuffing them down...

I'm feeling down again and it has been at least three months since i cut, and before that it was even longer partly because everyone was watching me so closely.

I just want to say that there has been things that have pushed me over the edge, that has made me cut so deep, but right before i started to cut my friend showed me this website and i didn't really think anything of it, but now, it means all the more. Reading all the comments on this page has just overwhlemed me and i'm so thankful for twloha.

take hope everyone, the journey is long and hard....but there is one who is there and will love you no matter how scarred you are...

452 | Left by Hannah | Dec. 26, 2008 at 3:08am

To Hannah and to Tabby and to Rachel AND Ella:
TABBY-Stay strong. I know how you feel. You are NOT alone.
HANNAH-alot of people say that when they read these comments. I said that before I posted. It's just amazing that you and everybody else on this site cares so much for one another. It's amazinggggg. Stay strong.
RACHEL-So how was your Christmas?! Haven't talked in a bit. I got a Nintendo Wii. I hope you got lots of presents. =) So did you give your bf the notebook? Whatever decision you made, remeber that you did it for the best of your relationship. Your beautiful and amazing!
ELLA-I hope your holidays went well. And i hope you got lots of presents. My TWLOHA shirt should be coming today. I hope. I got a Nintendo Wii and it's awesome. Happy Day 15!

453 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 26, 2008 at 11:39am

Hello.
I was recommended this site by my best online friend Rachel. Hi rach-chan!

The ugly story of my depression started in the 6th grade (I'm now in 8th). I prefer not to go into any of it, but last year and this past summer was really hard for me.

I'm 14 and an off and on cutter. Some time last year, I had stolen a knife (yes knife) from the kitchen and started to cut away at my arms and legs until blood would drip out. Now I'm not as bad as I was, but every now and then, I still find my self reaching into my dressor and pulling out my 'friend' and giving my self fresh cuts. I guess I use it to make me feel comforted...Idk why but it just does. I've also attempted to take my life...I don't do it anymore though...just thought I'd say that.

I've never told anyone this...my depression...I've always tried to hide it.

My mom has put me into a program thats sort of like twloha...and its helped me some... but knowing that there is a website like this when I feel my self slipping...its a great reasurance.

Thank you.

454 | Left by aiming4hope | Dec. 26, 2008 at 2:32pm

I am having a better night so far, but we will see how the rest of it goes.
tomorrow we are going to huntington where my grandfather lives... the one that molested me.. well my mom and step dad is going there and i think they are taking me to my grandmothers because they know i dont want to be around him... atleast that better be what they have in mind! if they find out at the group home that i was even near him, they wouldnt let me back at my moms house! and that wouldnt be good because i have a little sister that i need to see. so i guess i just dont tell them that i was around there and if i go into flashbacks and nightmares again, then i guess i cut and dont explain why... oh well.
thanks all for your love and support! I am so far doing better today... im just worried about tomorrow... :/

455 | Left by tabby | Dec. 26, 2008 at 2:58pm

i don't think i can keep going, 15 days wow. today was messed up and i just wanted to die, instead of cutting or doing drugs or heavy drinking like i used to, i just asked god to take my life away. i guess I'm still here.

to everyone- I'm trying hard to fight for me, and to fight for all of you. because i know if i can do this all of you can to. i'll be 21 years old soon and i have been through hell and back since i was 6 years old. the very first time i tried cutting was when i was 11 the drugs and everything else came later. the drinking came to me at age 3. little sips here and there, heavy drinking came at 14.

I want to say i am here for all of you.

tabby i was to molested finally i can get that off my chest. not bye a family member or anything, i got raped. in the forest. i was 15 years old. and i was riding my bike with my friends and some how we lots tracks. next thing i know some guy jumps out of the bush and starts to hurt me fight me and made me do all these things, i was screaming for help and the guys had a knife and started to put the knife agents my neck and staid " if you don't shut the F*ck up i will cut your neck off you better listen to me and do what i say."
as he was putting his ____ in me for the 5th time my friends were trying to fine me, i heard them calling my name, and then they came the guy left before my friends found me he left me there naked and cut and blood everywhere. my one friend ride his bike home and called 911 and then told his parents. i had to go to the hospital for a 1 week. now its hard for me to be in a relationship because its hard to trust anyone and be close at heart. iv been with my boy friend mark for so long. we were really good friends when i got raped and it was so hard for him,every time he came over to see how i was doing he would just cry and say "I'm so sorry, i shouldn't have left your side. i should have ride my bike next to you. we all should have never raced." I LOVE YOU MARK

Everything in life is crazy, being beaten by my mother ever since i was little till i was 17 years old. was scary and being raped to. i just wished things could have been different in my life. then the drinking and the cutting and the attempts of taking my life, and the eating problem, and being in the hospital so many times for different reasons. just drove me up a wall.

I have so many scares not just from myself and each time i see them in the mirror i just cry. its hard for me to be naked and i know thats sounds weird and I'm sorry, but its hard for me to look at myself, and have others look at me to. me and mark have done it 2 times all these years that we have been together. but I'm just scared. the first and second time we did, i cried and i was scared. he was understanding, because it was after i was raped.

I'm sorry that I'm talking about all this right now at once, just I'm really sad and I'm ready to give up, and my point is I'm trying to fight, and if i can fight and do this, I'm sure you all can to.

HAVING YOUR NAMES ON MY ARMS HELPS ME A LOT. AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS.

I LOVE YOU ALLL

ELLA

<3

456 | Left by Ella | Dec. 26, 2008 at 5:35pm

I saw some guy at EBgames today and he was wearing a TWLOHA sweater and I almost died! I wanted to should "OHMIGOSH I ADORE YOUR SWEATER!" but I was wayyy to shy heh, but it did indeed make my day!

Rachel> I think you should give it to him, because if he truly does love you [that is if you believe in true love/love] then he won't leave you because of it. I felt the same way when i told my bf about an incident that happened over the summer, but we got over it and moved on. He will understand, and I am sure it will only make things stronger! :] Keep being strong Rachel!

Taryn> YAY! That makes me smile! How long has it been now!? I think it's been a whole week since I haven't cut! [wow it feels WAY longer than that, dang] You got a Wii that's so sick! What games do you have??? :}

Ella> ohmigosh, I wish I could just hug you and never let you go! You have gon through to much for one person to go through! You are sooo strong it is really inspiring! Ella I think you should definitely be a public speaker and tell girls everywhere how to be strong and aware individuals! Ella your story touched me sooo deeply. I just WISH I could hug you! You are gorgeous no matter how many scars are on your body! Always know that! You are so strong!<3

457 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 26, 2008 at 6:02pm

i didnt give him the notebook =/ but i still saw him today, and i'm so happy but at the same time want to slit my wrists. i cant tell u why, i just...cant. maybe i will later.

today is day 5 =]

aiming4hope- its ok if u dont want 2 come out and tell everything all at once. it took alot of us a very long time to be able to talk openly. just know we're here 4 u, and we'll all try to help =]

ella- i'm so sorry, i know that sounds so gayt and insignifigant, but i'm not good at comforting ppl =/ we're here, ready to talk when u need 2. stay strong, listen 2 some music, get some sleep. just relax.

taryn- my christmas was good. i didnt get much, but i did get an iPod, and i have 2 younger sisters who need to believe in santa, so i'm extremely happy =] i'm sad we couldnt go 2 my aunts, tho. my mom doesnt like my dads family, and my dad doesnt like my moms (i dont like hers, either).

tabby- stay strong. remember we're here, if u need 2 talk.

stay strong <3

458 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 26, 2008 at 6:04pm

Rachel> You are lucky you get to see your boyfriend...because the buses are son strike here I haven't been able to see mine. Not seeing him makes me feel so empty, I sometimes want to cut but I know he wouldn't smile if I did. >.< uhhg it's so hard, it's like going through withdrawals! Aww I hope you don't cut them! Stay string Rachel! Stay strong!

I am getting really really stressed! I have and eleven paragraph essay to write and it's worth like 20% of my mark and I don;t have time to start it and I have to apply to University really soon! LIKE AHHRG! The more I think about it the more I just want to feel that blade kiss my skin! r a w r ..>.>

p.s any one have facebook/msn, [not to be creepy] it would help to talk to someone! :]

459 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 26, 2008 at 7:19pm

Whenever I wear my TWLOHA shirt, I feel like I'm setting myself up for getting bullied at school that day.
But no, you're not letting the movement down at all.
You have the courage to wear it, so you might as well wear it with pride.

Stand strong.

460 | Left by Eric | Dec. 26, 2008 at 7:31pm

you all mean so much to mean thank you.
i would love to be a public speaker and talk to schools and clinics. to help girls that are going through the same thing, or have gone through the same things as i have. Just it is so hard. I'll think about it and see what i can do.
thanks for supporting me.
Morgan thanks (hugs) i smiled when you wrote that. i was like aww i want to hug ou to. (not creepy way lol)

Eric dont be scared to ware it at school i do know what you mean though. when i got it i was affraid to ware it around my family and everything, i still didnt get to explain what "to write love on her arms" means to my family and i dunno if i want to , becasu e i know they would make fun, and put me down even more. so i just go on and ware it. no one donst really say anything, i got made fun of once but that was it.
Eric you got to do, what you think is right.


Thank you all for the beautiful comments i am listening to music and relaxing thanks. it is 11:26pm and i'm not feeling so good. so i'm going to go to bed maybe lol.

i hope you all have a good week.
tomorrow will be day 16 holy sh*t never thought i make this far.

ALL OF YOUR NAMES ARE ON MY ARMS AND ABOVE THe NAMES IT SAYS
"HOPE, LOVE, SUPPORT, THESE ARE THE ONES THAT MEAN THE WORLD TO ME" and between the names it has stars and hearts.
and for my 21 birthday i am getting a tattoo i've been wanting one since i was 17 but never new what i really wanted and now i do,
I am going to get the word LOVE on my four arm and around it is going to be the first letter of each of you guys names and with hearts and stars.
because you all are so supportive.


take care everyone
talk to you later
<3
love Ella

461 | Left by Ella | Dec. 26, 2008 at 8:31pm

Morgan> OOh. I just have Wii Play. and Wii sports. My dad and i keep playing. My mom is still mad at me. She told me that I better start doing better or shes going to start hitting me again. My TWLOHA shirt should come tomorrow. I'm glad you had a good christmas.

Ella> I'm so sorry. About the rape i mean. You have been through SO much. I'm so happy your still here. I think im going to get a tattoo as well. I think im going to get, "Ella", "friendship", or "love", or TWLOHA. I don't know. But I think your strong. I'm afraid to wear it to. My shirt. Cause' I don't feel like explaining it. I told my mom it was an organazation that prevents peer pressure. It does. But thats like 6% of it. Ella i can't speak for everyone, but I think it's AMAZING that you would even let me remotely be a tattoo. a letter i mean. I think your amazing. I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm still wearing sleeves to hide your pain. I think I'm going to get Ella written on me. I think so. Your amazing. Thank you so much

THANK YOU MORGAN, RACHEL, ELLA, ERIC, TABBY, MELISSA-PAIGE, and everyone else who has even remotely felt touch by this story.

Peace,tonight.

462 | Left by Tarynstar | Dec. 26, 2008 at 10:13pm

I cannot wear a t-shirt; my arms are too scarred.

463 | Left by a little frog | Dec. 27, 2008 at 4:56am

ella> I am so sorry this happened to you! It makes my problems seem like nothing... your story is so gut wrenching! I am truely sorry this happened to you! You are a great support and I am glad that we have found each other along with everyone else on here. I can relate to your story alot for i was molested and then raped last year.. the one year reunion is coming up in february and i am sure i will cut that day... i cant stop myself from thinking about it... he was a "friend!" what kind of friend does that!?!? we knew each other every since i moved to LaGrange and started at lakeland and he was always nice to me. untl that day when his girlfriend left and we were all alone.... anyway... i can relate and i appreciate you sharing your story because it helps me to not feel so alone.
but you can't give up! giving up gives them all the power.... you have to remember that... everytime i want tocut i think about that if that is the reason im cutting... i am giving them so much power over my life. they are not worth that! keep going! I know i would defently miss you and im sure others on here would too! i love you ella!! and thank you for the tattoo thing that is really cool... talk to you later....

464 | Left by tabby | Dec. 27, 2008 at 5:19am

Ella> OHMIGOSH! Are you ACTUALLY going to get our name's first letter tattooed onto your arm! That makes me feel so special, more special than i have felt in a looong while! Ella I am SOOOO honored! Same goes to everyone that wrote my name on their arms. I can't stop smiling right now haha, and I am trying haha! Ella thank you for being here for not just me but all of us!

Tabby> Stay strong, your story also touched me. Its hard to imagine myself going through that, but you are really strong. I have been molested but I was drunk so I kinda feel as though it was my fault. And the other time well he as a friend, but neither time were like severe, just unwanted touching and trying to do more, but each time I was able to get away. The first time was really scary cause the guy like pinned me to the ground far from my other two friends who were like makingout and he like pulled my shirt off and ketp trying to like kiss me and undo my bra. It was scary adn each time I tried to get away, I would fall and he's come back. This is nothing compared to both you and Ella, which still makes me feel stupid for cutting because like I said before It's as though I don't really have a reason to. But Tabby you are really strong and stay string ok! :]

Taryn> You are lucky you got a Wii, is it fun!? WHY your mom said that to you!? That's not right at all. ohmigosh no! ww Taryn, do better at what? How is hitting you going to make you do better at what she wants you to do better at!? Taryn stay strong ohmigosh! I care about all of you so much that it makes me want to jump on a plane and rush oevr to LA and hug you! Stay strong girl!

My bf is going to Toronto soon, which is just making things even harder for me, I feel so lonely not being able to see him. I miss him so much it physically hurts. Pooh oh well, I just gotta try not to get so sad I cut, cause then he will be sad:[

<3

465 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 27, 2008 at 7:04am

Thank you Rach-chan!

Ella, I know how you feel. Some days, I wish I could die in my sleep. It is really hard to support yourself when your the only one who really knows how your feeling (that makes sence right?) Some times when I walk down I cross walk, I close my eyes and pray that a car will hit me but other days, I'm also happy just to be alive.

I gave my self a few cuts today... badness. =[
I just can't seem to stop it. when I look at those tiny white scars, it reminds me what has happened to me and it makes me feel a little ashamed...idk.
any one got any advice to stop?

466 | Left by aiming4hope | Dec. 27, 2008 at 11:23am

Aiming4hope> hey. about cutting. i know what you mean that it is hard to look at the scars... reminds you of how horrible life really is and how horrible the past can be. I also feel like jumping in front of a car somedays. especially today. it was hell. but any way. just keep trying and know that you have some wonderful people on this site that are willing to support you if you need us!! :)
also, I am in a program called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and it has helped me quite a bit. it teaches you skills... how to distract and do things effectively and one-mindfully. it takes a while to get the hang of it, but it really does help if you stop and think a minute before you act, ya know? i know how hard that is! it takes alot of practice, but I am sure with the support of us and your family/friends you can do it! :)




I have wanted to cut all day today and now I am trying to distract with music. We had Christmas at my grandmother's house today... my mom's mom. but it went horribly. my family was fighting and making little comments about other family members.. I just wish for once they could all get along and not fight... that would be nice, but that never happens. i will stop complaining now and go... sorry.


tabby

467 | Left by tabby | Dec. 27, 2008 at 5:54pm

I dont think I can handle this any longer! I need my blade!! I can't stand it! my parents went to my grandfather's house today and took my little sisters with them.. well the one isnt so little... she's 18 but still... they took them over there and God only knows what could have happened to them.. he is the one that molested me... the one i wrote the poems about. It is just hard. I want to cut so badly! I can hardly stand it! what do I do??????????????? AUGHH!!

Dear god,
please help me get over this urge to hurt myself for you are the only other one that truely knows how much i need this right now and how angry i am. My family had no right taking my sisters over to that.... mans house. so father please keep them safe as they go around him. please help me from not having flashbacks or nightmares tonight though the memories or are strong. in your wonderful, holy name i pray,AMEN.

468 | Left by tabby | Dec. 27, 2008 at 6:07pm

To EVERYONE

there is so much to say to each of you, so i write one big thing to all of you at once.

I cried so much reading the comments i love you all so much. my birthday is coming up soon which means I'm getting my tattoo, i booked my appointment today and i explained what i wanted and how i wanted it done, i even drew it out for them so i'll have an original on me, my own drawing and my own tattoo they just have to ink in me. :D
the tattoo will be
the word love on my four arm, and around the outside of the word is going to be each FIRST letter of everyones name and i'll keep adding to it too. in the inside where the word love is im going to have hearts and stars. i'll have as many hearts ass first letters on me, the number of hearts i'll have on me is the number of letters i'll have meaning all the love i have from each of you and close friends and very few family member. the number of stars will mean how many people i have loved that had died.

I am here for all of you, and i'll always be here. I'm fighting not just for myself but for each of you.
i have got hit by a car once because i walked in-front of it, but it did me no good all that happened to me was rushed to the hospital for a broken arm. i didn't get hit hard enough, i guess I'm lucky because now I'm here with all of you. trying to help and support each of you.

there is many stories to come, because my life is full of stories and horrid memories that i would like to share with you all, but when i get the courage to i will. one day.


if anyone ever needs to talk come on to this site and i will be here, to read/listen and answer back.


I love you all so much

Keep fighting, and if you fall back its all right, just remember i'll be here in the middle of the night.

love Ella

<3

oh TABBY my christmas dinner went pretty sh*ty to, i was going to cut but i didn't. and it was the same as yours everyone fighting and talking about each other and other people. i thought the meaning of christmas was getting along and being with the family. I GUESS NOT, I GUESS THINGS CHANGE.


LOVE YOU ALL

ELLA
<3

469 | Left by Ella | Dec. 27, 2008 at 6:27pm

wow there is 470 comments
LOVE YOU ALL

470 | Left by Ella | Dec. 27, 2008 at 6:28pm

I am doing so bad! :'(
I want to SI so horribly! I wish I could call the staff where i live ( i live in a group home because of all the cutting)!
I just cant do this any more! The memories are getting stronger... im going to end up having a flashback and that will just sned me over the edge i KNOW!! Oh SH*T! what do i do?
i promised my mother that i wouldnt cut while i was here... i promised... this is so hard! what the heck do i do? my stomach is in knots and my hands are shaking i am so upset.... AUGHH!! they wont let me back here at my moms if i come back with new cuts or burns! i cant ruin this! what the hell do i do??? OMG!

471 | Left by tabby | Dec. 27, 2008 at 6:41pm

Tabby> STAY STRONG! I know I am of no help in this situation but i guess what works for me is to talk it out with someone. Tell them about it and lean on them. That helps me. That is also what this site is for. You can do it Tabby, I believe in you! Talk to some one! :}

Ella> That Is soo AMAZING! ohmigosh you are my hero! XD I hope it doesn't hurt to much :S! Where are you gunna get it again?? wow that's so awesome! X] I kinda feel like I don't deserve it though, cause like I feel like I cut for dumb reasons unlike all of you who have real reasons. I just feel like my letter shouldn't be there you know ... but I am honored that you want to, and i in no way mind that you do, but yea...I know i keep asking ppl for this but if you have facebook could I like add you/ add me cause it would be easier to talk about things but i mean I am in no way trying o be creepy... sorry If I am creeping you guys out...>.>

472 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 27, 2008 at 7:26pm

I am still having a hard time.... i had a flashback and am having a really hard time trying not to slip into another one. it is so hard! why does it have to be this way?
I have no one to talk to but you guys. i could call the people at my house, but my mom will worry.
maybe i can just try sleeping since it is 11pm here....

473 | Left by tabby | Dec. 27, 2008 at 7:49pm

Morgan> Aww. it's okay. She's not talking to me. She has hit me before. But im african-american and that happens with alot of black families, and i was bad. It was May 3rd and she hit my head against the steps, i got a bump, and the child services, i had to stay at my grandparents, grandfather hates me so i have to go to Malibu at the mansion were my grandma worked, grandfather went to texas, never came back, isn't coming back, grandma moved out there to be with him, she cries everytime i talk to her, it's all my fault. I'm wearing my TWLOHA shirt right now. It's a dream come true. I can't believe I'M wearing that. Me of all people. Yeah, but it's okay. I feel like such a failior sometimes. Morgan, i do things for stupid reasons, trust me. Your not creeping anybody out. Your amazing.

Ella> Thank YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! I DON'T deserve that. I think your such a beautiful person. I hope I'm on there though[eheheee]. Uhh, Your amazing. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Stay strong <3

474 | Left by tarynball | Dec. 27, 2008 at 8:00pm

i am sorry I haven't been on in a while been so busy!! Dealing with family at Christmas but at least for today its good!
I have read everyone's comments they are so wonderful i really feel loved here.

TO ALL - happy day # without harm, I love you all and Hugs From me, Welcome to the Family for are new members(Cassidy, Hannah,Aiming4hope, Eric)Your names are being added, For anyone feeling bad about a slip or a not wanting to explain some things don't we all have those days remember it only matters that we keep fighting.

475 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 27, 2008 at 9:13pm

Ella- I love the tattoo idea you are so sweet and i don't think i deserve to be on there but i am very grateful. Iam sorry for your pain but I am glad that you can open up to us and try to feel better happy day 16(I think.) love and hugs

Aiming4hope- I am not sure if theses things will work for you but here you go:
1 stop and wait a minute
2listen to music
3 write
4 come here
5 talk to someone
6 make something with your hands
These are some alternatives that are safe, but if you think i just can't do it today try and think of this

"i will be giving those who've hurt me all the power"
and hopefully that will clam you some.

I really hope this helped!

476 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 27, 2008 at 9:23pm

brittany> that was really nice of you to leave that list of things for aiming4hope! i was in a bad place last night and just couldnt come up with the positive outlets.

I am feeling a little better though it is only 2:45am. I couldnt sleep. atleast im not having nightmares!!! love you all!!
<3 tabby-cat

477 | Left by tabby | Dec. 27, 2008 at 11:46pm

To those people out there who feel they cannot wear, nor buy a twloha t-shirt because you self harm.
you deserve to wear these t-shirts as much as anyone else out there. You are fighting for what you believe in. sometimes it is hard. To give up an addiction and something you have grown accustomed to. But with the love and support of others, and the word of God. You will overcome this. You deserve to wear these shirts because this issue matters to you. It is an issue in the world that we all have to work together to help people overcome this and realise that they are loved, that they are here for a reason. Embrace what you have because one day it may be gone. love what you have, who you have and who you are. You are an amazing, unique person. and you deserve to live as much as the person next to you.

478 | Left by Sophie | Dec. 28, 2008 at 5:20am

sophie> that was great of you to make that point! I agree.

479 | Left by Tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 5:37am

Your not a fake. Your a cutter. Thats what you know. You reached out to people and got plenty of advice. Now it's up to you to do something about your problem. Try to write LOVE in bold letters where you cut then when you go to cut you'll see the word and think of everyone that is trying to help you. Remember your not alone and never have to be if you don't choose to be. Luv ya and keep rockin twloha shirt.

480 | Left by lilshirk | Dec. 28, 2008 at 7:22am

Tabby- I am glad you are Feeling a little better, Keep trying we love you! You don't have to answer this but, Do your sisters know what happened to you? *HUGS*

Sophie- wonderful post

481 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 7:37am

my sister that is 18 does, but my other sister is only a baby, so she doesn't know any better. :( im just so scared for them!

482 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:12am

i lost count of days i think its day 18 but i could be wrong i know christmas was 2 weeks 14 days, so lets see ok so it day 17 since over here its a new day its sunday december 28th .. YEAH 17 days

I'm fighting for you all because i know if i can make it out and trust me its really hard and i'm sure you all already know, but if i can make it out, you guys sometime will make out too..

thank you for the beautiful comments,

you all deserve to be inked on me, because of the support and love you have shown towards me and everybody else. i wish i could know you all in person and hang out and go for drinks,coffee, whatever. just chill and talk and be there for eachother.
i hope one day i will be able to save enough money and visit some of you. (not in a creepy way or anything)


i hope you all have a good day, i'll awalys be here for each adn every single one of you.
I PROMISE, and I"M GOOD FOR MY WORDS

KEEP IT STORNG,
LOVE
ELLA

483 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 11:07am

Guys i did a lot of thinking and i hope you dont get mad, but instead of each letter i'l just have hearts for each of you so i'll have lots of hearts instead of letters because it would look a little weird. PLEASE DONT GET MAD.
so this is how the tattoo will be

the word LOVE on the four arm underneath it will say twloha family.
around those two words i'll have the hearts and stars and each of you represence a heart. <3

i would have to many letters and it would look a lil funny, so i'm sorry i hope you guys dont get mad.

LOVE YOU ALL
ELLA

484 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 11:24am

Ella> I think that is a good idea. it does sound better I think. that would look better :) im not mad and i dont think anyone else will be either. :) when are you getting it done again??

485 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 1:02pm

hey all.

Brittany - Thank you so much for those ideas. I hadn't even thought of half of them. I'm stupid.
-_-'

Tabby - I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I know where you're coming from and temptation is a dreaded curse.

and everyone, You're in my thoughts.

486 | Left by aiming4hope | Dec. 28, 2008 at 2:33pm

you all should really check out the myspace of dreamcatchers for abused children.. it is so sad! makes me really see how horrible the world really is! it is sick! my bff is sittinghere with me and it was making her ill! that is how graphic the pics are... but anyway you guys should add that page if you have ever been abused because the lady there is amazing and she responds promptly to whatever you want to talk about... she is the one that helped me last night. myspace.com/abused_children

487 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 4:44pm

Tabby-I am glad your 18 yearold sister knows at least she is someone you can talk too in person. I am sorry that you and your sisters are still having to deal with him. If you or your sisters are in danger though please call the police or child protection. I know its really scary but it is best to put him behind bars and get him away from you and your sisters. Remember I am here for you and love you and your sisters and don't want any of you to get hurt.

Ella- Of course I am not mad about changing the tattoo it even sounds better. I also wish i could meet you and the others. Maybe if we all get the chance we can meet at one of the concerts or meetings TWLOHA is a part of.
Happy Day 18.

Aiming4hope- You are very welcome for the ideas and i am glad you seem to be a little better. You are not stupid, I have just been there several times before. today is my day 6 without cutting so i know you can make it.

488 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 5:29pm

Ella, i think that's a MUCH better idea.
I really think that's awesome.
Hearts.
Yep, hearts.

489 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 28, 2008 at 5:37pm

I am doing HORRIBLE! I want to cut SOOO badly! The urge isn't going away. I got on that site and it triggered me. So you guys be very careful going to it!! promise me you will be careful!! I am having such a hard time now! :'(
just wait until i go home tomorrow... i have my handy dandy blade there... yay i say... yay.

490 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 5:49pm

Ella> I like that idea to! What ever you want to do sounds great. It may have gotten tiring when ppl asked you "hey what do all those letters mean?" lmao But the hearts sound like a splendid Idea! :]

Taryn> I still don't understand why your mother would want to abuse such a beautiful person like you. It really confuses me. Well that and why parents abuse any way. But still i really don;t see ANY reasoning behind it.I know what you mean though, a lot of my Asian friends including my bf are beaten. It;s hard to hear about let alone see the scars my bf has. I think about it and think about the one time my dad hit me. I could never imagine going through that. Thats why I try to help but I often end up not doing anything any way cause I don't know what it's like. Then again, I guess I go through abuse to but just from myself =__=" You are really strong though :] Very admirable I would say! <3 and it's nice to know I am not creeping ppl out, cause I am really worried I am!

Tabby> I went to the home page and yea i just didn't want to see those things. Stay strong Tabby, you can do it. Try to watch a movie like Wall.E it will make you happy, it makes me happy! :]

It's been like nine days since I last cut! YAY! You all help soooo much! Thanks! <3

491 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 28, 2008 at 6:33pm

it wouldnt let me post, and there are too many comments now, so i think i'll just leave an update.

i'm not doing so good. since i saw my bf, i've just been really depressed and hating myself. i want to cut so badly! yesterday i was laying on the floor talking to my bf and playing with my dog, and he scratched me. it was small, but i just kept playing rough, hoping he'd scratch me again. and again. or bite me. but he didnt, and after i felt even more terrible. the nightmares are coming back, i hate it. and the images...i'm going to call them daymares, because i'm not sleeping yet. but theyre still vivid. i got another safety pin, its dull though...idk what to do. i just...i hate myself.

day 7...hoorah?

stay strong <3

492 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 6:37pm

Daymare: noun- a nightmarish fantasy experienced while awake.

493 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 7:09pm

i can relate to the daymares... it is hard

494 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 7:35pm

flashbacks is what i call them... very difficult.. dealt with one today...

495 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 7:48pm

now i want to cut... badly!

496 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 7:48pm

Morgan- happy day 9 and no you don't creep us out:)

Tabby- Its OK Just keep trying to do those things i listed and i or someone else will be here to talk. If none of those things work talk to me i may have some more tips.

Rachel- you can do it girl stay strong no safety pins! Happy day 7 we can get day 8 just taking one minute at a time.

497 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:35pm

Tabby i will be on for awhile please write to us so we can help you through this bad time!!!

498 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:36pm

Update on name list

i have turned the names into a shooting star design. with the out line of the star being names and i fill in with shorter ones then have a few that create the lines for the shooting effect. I haven't drawn them back yet and i feel bad for that but i can't have writing all over my arms when i am around family. put as soon as there gone its going right back. i hope that doesn't upset anyone! i still wear the dog tag though!!

499 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:40pm

I had a flashback and havebeen doing bad every since... it is just hard!

500 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:41pm

Random note my time is 3 hours later than posted
Comment 500 yay!!!!!

501 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:42pm

TAbby
i understand why don't we talk about something good: like your favorite song

Happy Day #?

502 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:43pm

Tabby - you got my 500 spot lol i didn't notice that until it posted

503 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:44pm

I know those daymares, and the nightmares too. This blog is so inspiring... the letter, the response and the comments. There are so many good people here.

Tabby, I hope things start to look up. I'm sure you know we're all here for you, but it's so true it bears repeating as many times as possible. You can get through this.

504 | Left by Mike | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:46pm

It is great to see that the blog inspires you Mike Welcome to the FAMILY!!

505 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:48pm

brittany- i'm trying, but i just feel so guilty and everything...its hard, it really is. my hands were shaking this morning, i wanted 2 cut so badly...

tabby- stay strong! try drawing something very detailed, concentrating on every line and curve intensly. it can take ur mind off of everything else.

506 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:48pm

mike- like brittany said, welcome! i'm glad you found this entry inspiring, and yes, the daymares are terrible.

507 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:50pm

the memories haunt me
the memories haunt me
i dont know what to do
i want to give up
just like some of you
i'm fighting you i'm fighting for me
but right now i want to give up can this be
i was doing so good but now i'm done
here we are again back at number one

I'm sorry for letting you down
here i am crying with a frown
because i made it to this day
but i couldnt take the memories
i couldn take the yelling
today was so bad
and i got so mad
i cried for how sad
but now i'll give up

Just because i fell
doesnt mean you will
i believe in you
you can do this

today was hard
becasue of the yelling
and the hitting
the screaming and the drinking

i wish i could take all back
go back to that day
where i was nearly dead
this way i would not have to say
blood is gashing from my thighs
while i lye here in bed
i'm sorry i just want to die
but i dunno if this will work

today was bad and i fell back
but maybe tomorrow will be a new track
i'm sorry for letting you all down
you mean so much to me
please dont carry the frown
for what is worth i tried so hard
now i know i can fight even harder

i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry

i'm still going to get the tattoo on january 7th the day of my 21 birthday

i love you all so much and thank you for the support
but today was bad and i had no internet i looked at the names on my arms but i couldnt stop myself and i cut some where else on my body where i had no names.

I'm so sorry
i'll try harder hopefully tomorrow be a better day where i can start over and last a life time.

i have my hoodie on right now and i'm feeling a little better

i'm sorry for putting in 11 new scars in me i made a simbole of a star and i bunch of straigh lines every where that i thought i could cut my foot, ankel, thigh, hips(same thing i guess) arms, the top of my hand.

tomorrow will be a day of sweaters and hoodies,

talk to you all later and i love you all so much

THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL COMMENTS
AND I"M SO SORRY THAT I GAVE UP
TODAY WAS SO HARD AND I GAVE UP ON EVERYTHING I SMOKED LOTS OF WEED AND I DRANK LOTS OF VODKA
it felt so right, but i hope i'll make it through this night
and fight another day, im going to fight this battle in the ass tomorrow will be number 1 again, i'm sorry to all my friends.

LOVE ELLA
<3

508 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:51pm

Hay Rachel- Glad you are talking to me I have had those same feelings but you have nothing to feel guilty about!

I know this is going to sound so dumb but what i do when my hands shake is try and exercise or just sit on them or hold on to something as tight as i can until i stop shaking.

it puts your focus completely on stopping the shaking.

509 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 8:55pm

Ella- Don't worry remember it only matters that you try agian so here is me giving you a hug and never letting go.
I am picking you up and carrying you through this bad day and cheering loudly and proudly for your DAY 1!
This is your new start and new life, wish i was there in person all the best

Love Brittany

510 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:01pm

ella- its okay, we all have those days. we all fall, but the fact that you're willing to get back up is fantastic. ur such a strong, willing person, with a bright future ahead of you. we're all here for you, just come here and talk to us. i love you (NOT TO BE CREEPY), you're so strong, you can do this. for you, i promise i'll make it to day 14. dont be sorry, you fought as hard as you could, we all slip. all you have to do is get back up again <3

brittany- yes i do...i'm afraid 2 talk about it, it seeems so insignifigant and stupid, and my mom probably checks this, she reads everything i write, i have no privacy...that isnt dumb, it might actually help, thanks(:

511 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:01pm

I am glad it might help

At least with me remember you have nothing to be sorry for and you can do nothing to lose my love!

512 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:05pm

Lyrics i found important warning be safe!!!

How was I supposed to know
She was slowly lettin' go
If I was puttin' her through hell
Hell - I couldn't tell
She could've given me a sign
And opened up my eyes
How was I supposed to see
She never cried in front of me

These song lyrics open my eyes to the fact that if i never spoke out who would know how to help.
It gave me strength to talk to ya'll and Everyone of you is brave for speaking out!

513 | Left by Anon | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:08pm

brittany- ya, too bad my hands arent shaking now =/ i feel like crap, and nothing is really helping. my iPod is playing The Way She Feels by Between The Trees, its a little triggering, but i cant bring myself to change it...

514 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:09pm

Above was left my me
do not know why it did that?

515 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:09pm

try this song it could me a little triggering but remember to listen to the hope at the end

Whispers in the dark by skillet
LAst night by skillet

Stay strong keep talking

516 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:11pm

You can find the songs on youtube

Love you girl remember you got through the shaking you can get through the feelings

517 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:13pm

ugh, now its playing Made Of Scars by Stone Sour...2day is not my day -.-'

i really want 2 talk about this, i just...idk. i'm...ashamed? i guess. i just feel guilty because of the stuff i do w/ my bf, like i'm...slutty? idk. my friend keeps telling me i'm not, but...idk. i still feel terrible (yes, i am still a virgin). i mean, i'm 12...i just dont know. help?

stay strong <3

518 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:15pm

513 comments

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH I CRIED WHILE READING> I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU ALL A HUG IN PERSON TO> MAYBE This is summer i'll take a travel first go to LA and see tarynball lol. then go and visit the rest of you.
i hope i can do this, i'll save money and travel and visit. and i'll stay a week or two at each place and we can chill and talk.

i just did another cut, kinda deep but its few words it says "this is my last 12/28" mean december 28th 08 will be my last scar mmark i'll put onmyself.
tomorrow is day one again and it be the alst day one. becasue from tomorrow i promise you and myself that i wont cut again.

thank you so much, i cant wiat to get my tattoo.
love Ella

519 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:16pm

wow i mean 520 lol

and rachel talk about it, we are here for you
we are here for each other
we are all here together
<3
Love Ella

520 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:19pm

Brittany> i lvoe that song... the last night. it is wonderful. i just listened to it myself...
I am doing horrible! it is 12:30am here and I am not tired at all! things just seem to be horrible!

521 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:20pm

ella- i know i should, i just...idk. i'm afraid of what ppl will think about me, and i dont want 2 cry, my parents would want 2 know what was wrong, and if my mom read this, i'd just...idk what i'd do. i hate this.

522 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:21pm

RAchel
You can talk to me. And If you feel kind of bad about your actions with your bf just take a little time to think about them. Then decide if you think there right for you only you know that do not let someon else tell you what to do in a relationship.

Hang in there honny

523 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:21pm

Tabby- Glad you like the song its 12:23pm here too
Just keep talking to us we love you!!

Ella-- I am glad you liked the comments we do love you and we want you to talk to us and lets us help you HAppy DAy 1

524 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:24pm

to everyone>
I just wanted to say i may not be strong and may not show the right things to do, but I want you all to stay strong! you can do it! even if im not, i know you can... i will cut tomorrow or tuesday for sure.. for sure... maybe tonight...who knows.... i dont eve want to try any more... i dont care what happens

525 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:25pm

Rachel do you believe in god, do you pray to god. if you do here is something someone once told me, pray to god the answers will come to you when you feel what is right in your heart.

i think that is true. i used to believe and i used to pray but things got hard and i gave up, now i'm trying to fine him again but it is hard.

if you want to talk about the things that are bothering you talk to us, i'll be here for you.
just remember once you lose it there is no getting back, you want the first time to mean somehting spicial to you, you dont want to do it just becasue. and somtimes once you do it, the boy leaves and that is it. your heart broken, so be wise and think about what you are doing a lot of emotional problems can happen not to mencheion stds and aids, and pregnecy can happend. so be wise.

when i got raped i got an std so now i cant have a relationship its so hard to have one, i love mark and i know we are going to be together forever we have done it twice and it was the hardest thing for me to do. i have not done it in so long and i plain on that, until me and mark get married. but because of being raped i can not have kids. there is so many things i would like to tell you all, but its so scaring. just think about what i siad.
and remember

I"M HERE FOR ALL OF YOU EVEN WHEN I"M DOWN< I"LL TURN MSELF BACK UP JUST TO HELP YOU ALL

LOVE ELLA

526 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:26pm

brittany- i do, i think about it all the time, and it only makes me feel worse, because in a way i like it but then i hate myself 4 thinking like that. i try 2 tell myself its ok, but it doesnt help. i dont let some1 else tell me, and thats the problem, cuz i know i'm the 1 thinking like this...god, i hate it. I HATE IT.

527 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:26pm

Tabby you do care it will get better remember right now you are talking to us and not cutting that is being stronger and braver than you know

528 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:27pm

it is 12:29 am here and all i can think about is all of you. tabby brittany is right you do care and if you didnt you would not be here talking to us, so be strong keep talking we are here for you.
we love you and you can do this. i'm sorry for putting you down but remember that i'm trying again. and you can do this, better then men i believe in you.


LOVE ELLA

529 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:31pm

Ella you are beautiful and your comment was completely right
RAchel-If you are thinking about the stuff and having bad feelings then i think its not right for you and I think you know that, so it causes bad feelings! Remember we all think our cutting/addictions are good and that we like them when we first start, but we find that even though they work in a moment they aren't what we need.

530 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:33pm

Ella- how are you now? I hope you are a little better

531 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:35pm

To ALL:
Stay Strong I Love you and hold each one of you tight through your bad days and cheer you on during the good ones.

Hope that doesn't sound to creepy!

532 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:38pm

Ella what did you think of my name list design at #499

533 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:41pm

well, while you guys were typing that stuff about me caring... i was in the bathroom cutting... not bad... just some cuts on the back of my thigh wehre they never look.. hopefully they wont look there this time....:(
i dont really feel any better but my racing thoughts have settled a little so i am going to lay down... you guys stay stronger than me, ok?

534 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:52pm

Its Ok Tabby Just remember that it only matters that you try again so here is me giving you a hug and never letting go.
I am picking you up and carrying you through this bad day and cheering loudly and proudly for your DAY 1!
This is your new start and new life, wish i was there in person all the best

Remember my love is ever lasting no matter what

535 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 9:54pm

Thanks Brittany... and everyone else for all your love and support!!! goodnight

536 | Left by tabby | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:00pm

Your more Than Welcome Peace be with you tonight!

537 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:10pm

i dont know what to do. i'm shaking. none of my options are good. EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WRONG. i hate myself. i hate how i think, i hate the things i do, i hate that i like the things i do, i want to cut, i want to scream, i want to cry...i cant sleep because if i try i have day mares, then night mares adnd night terrors...my parents r fighting more and more now...i feel so out of place...i dont want to lose mike, but i hate what i do w/ him...i hate how i hurt so many people...i dont know what to do...

538 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:35pm

ella- no, i dont believe in god. i havent since i was 8. i keep telling myself maybe, but i know he doesnt.

1:40 AM, cant sleep...

539 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:37pm

if any1s on, could u plz talk 2 me? i cant sleep, and i really need some1 2 talk 2.

540 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:43pm

i am here for you its 1:48 am here.

whats up bella

541 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:48pm

thanks, same here. i'm trying my best not to wake my sister up so i dont get in trouble. i just need 2 talk 2 some1. nothing else is helping.

542 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:51pm

talk to me, i'm here. just maybe try to sleep and dont think about it to much. But i'm here for you no matter what.
<3
try reading a book or sleep, or listne to music, write a poem, or story.

either way i'll be here for but i might go to bed soon since its 1:55 am

love you so much

love everyone

and yes i love the name thing as a star very cool.

<3
love ella

543 | Left by Ella | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:56pm

i read all the books i have, i'm afraid to sleep, i listened to music for over 4 hours, and i'm trying 2 write now, but nothing sounds right. if youre tired, go to sleep, its ok, i'll just keep trying 2 write and maybe i'll crash. thank you for talking.

544 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 10:59pm

RACHEL AND EVERYONE ESLE

i'm here for you, and as long as you need i'll stay up to talk to you. <3
but i have work at 430 am so i better go to sleep since it is now 2:01am

talk to you later today.

love you all and take care.

Rachel go to sleep and think happy thoughts everything will be ok. i'll be here later on. I PROMISE.
Good night/morning.

LOVE ELLA

545 | Left by Ell | Dec. 28, 2008 at 11:02pm

mkay, go 2 sleep. i'll probly b on after 12 so talk 2 u then.

i dont think everything will ever be okay, but i'll keep telling myself that. maybe itll keep the nightmares away, even just for tonight.

stay strong <3

546 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 28, 2008 at 11:06pm

I am doing better today... i go home today after my sister takes her nap... then i dont know when i will be on here next because i dont have internet at home that works very well. so we will see. i lvoe you guys! thanks for your support while i was here at my moms house! <3 tabby-cat

547 | Left by tabby | Dec. 29, 2008 at 6:11am

Rachel- stay strong Honey we love you sorry i wasn't own when you came on. I am Glad Ella was there.

Thanks Ella- I am Glad you helped Rachel and that you liked my star design.

Tabby- Glad you are doing a little Better stay strong hopefully i will be on later.

548 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 6:21am

Hey guys sorry it wasn't letting me post
My mom saw my arm. Close call, very very close
call. Even she stereotyped that as "kinda emo".
Which hurts, but I hurt often so whatever. It's
just my mom. She probably will never have any
idea how much I hurt. She wouldn't understand
if I told her not to stereotype like that
because it hurts people. Besides which, wouldn't
she like to know how I know it hurts? Anyway I
kinda just laughed nervously and was like,
"Well I didn't mean it like that."
Me and my best friend were up way too late
last night talking. I love her so much but
she doesn't see why. She never listens to me
when I try to tell her the truth. It's...
frustrating. Anyone have any advice? :/
Okay please don't judge me on this...I'm over
the suicidal thoughts...but have you ever just
laid in your bed at night, almost just wanting
to stop breathing? Idk why but that hit me
last night. But then I was like, what would my
best friend do? I couldn't leave her here. She
needs me. :) Alot of times being needed
has helped me get through things.
Sorry I'm pretty much posting random thoughts
here.
Love you guys!!! =)

549 | Left by Paige | Dec. 29, 2008 at 7:46am

omg! Damn I wish I have more computer time -_-
then I would be here more often. eeeee hola man.

anyway...

Yes, Ella I'm happy you were there for Rachel too.

Brittany - I know I'm not stupid...at least I try to think that I'm not.

Rachel, I have those same thoughts. I never let anyone know how I'm really feeling cuz I'm afraid that they would hate me. I hate myself. I hate where I am. I hate what has become of me. Most of all, I'm ashamed of myself. You know. Why did I let this thing get so bad? Why am I hurting myself and (secretly) hurting others; letting them all down.

Guess what I'm trying to say Rach-chan is that some days are full of crap. other days, you feel like smiling. You're a beautiful girl Rachel, not a bad person just because of all the stuff you've fallen into. Don't be like me. I've always said to myself, "You're not worth it." but slowly, I'm realizing that thats not true. I am worth it and so are you and everyone else. So don't let your past get the better of you. today is today and yesterday was yesterday. Don't look back, instead look forward and try to make it better.

all you can do is try. Try your best.

I did cut my self again yesterday. guess we all fall of the wagon sometimes huh?

I'm trying guys.

bibi

550 | Left by aiming4hope | Dec. 29, 2008 at 8:03am

Guys I'll always be here , it is 11:15am here i'm so sick, i cried all night hoping that rachel will be ok , that you all will be ok, and that i wont give in today. i'm sorry i let you all down, but here goes day 1 again.


LOVE YOU ALL

ELLA

551 | Left by Ella | Dec. 29, 2008 at 8:16am

ELLA- It's okay. It gives me strength that you're trying.
WE ARE THE FIGHTERS.
STAY STRONG!!
<3
Okay I'm going out on a limb here and gonna post up another poem. This one is about God. I finished it this morning. Sorry if I'm stepping on anybody's toes by posting this but I know a couple of you have mentioned God. God is basically all I have aside of my best friend, so I write about Him. It's kinda Christmas-ey, but then not. So idk. Don't be closed. read this anyway even if you're not open to God and stuff. We're all here looking for something. I promise you, you can find it in God. Don't judge me on this. I just bared my soul. ;]
-
He came upon us clothed in night
He stilled our hearts and made things right
and in the silent stars above
conveys His unfailing stream of love
and when on us the dark enshrouds
He brings the silence, hear Him loud

look upon Him, see Him there
in that bed of hay so bare
hardened hearts and chaos still
watch the boy whom we will kill
in that stable - there He lay
the bringer of our glorious day!
our King, asleep in swaddling shell
will live to save us from ourselves.

His assasins' names upon His lips
me, whom He touched with fingertips
He hurt so I could live within
so drowned in tears, so lost in sin
I cried in shame, "How could this be?
why would ANYONE die for me?
He replied, "I made your flaws.
I've seen your wounds. I love them all.
your broken heart I want to mend
I love you more than you can comprehend
you may not ever fully understand
but trust in Me, take My hand
I will never let you down
I see that doubt upon your brow
you forget that all-important thing
I died, yes, but I survived death's sting
you were worth every bit of pain to Me
and if anyone, Me you can believe.
I want so bad to dry your tears
I want so bad to still your fears
I'm waiting here with open arms
to keep you eternally safe from harm
I can be all that you need
here I am, fall into Me."
<3

552 | Left by Paige | Dec. 29, 2008 at 9:54am

brittany- its ok, ella helped me.

paige- eek =/ ya, i know how it feels. the first time my mom saw my arm, i was just like heh...ya. stay strong.

hope-chan- its ok. dont hate urself, you're a beautiful person and you have no reason to be ashamed. we all know what its like. thank you. u are worth it. and what if the future is the same as the past? keep trying, we're here 4 u =]

ella- i'm sorry i worried you so much! please dont worry about me, i'll be ok, i was just having a bad night. plz stay strong <3

paige- i like the poem =] its very pretty, and meaningful. i dont believe in god, but i still think it helped, even just a little (:

stay strong <3

553 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 29, 2008 at 12:11pm

Wow Paige! You must be a really talented writer, your poem is great, I like it.

Ella stay strong! Your story inspires me to keep fighting, and even when you fall back, your determined to try again. You're so brave, please keep going!:)

Love you all!
x

554 | Left by Hazel | Dec. 29, 2008 at 12:20pm

okay I know I've posted alot today...But I heard this song and thought of you guys. Look it up on YouTube: It's called Ocean Wide by The Afters. Slow and sooo sweet. :)
Thanks Hazel and Rachel! <3 It means alot when people say they like my poems, I guess I feel cared about then, because in each of my poems is a little bit of me. Being loved I think is the best feeling ever. :)
love you guys.

555 | Left by Paige | Dec. 29, 2008 at 12:54pm

Paige - wonderfully touching poem!
Rachel- Glad you are doing better and that Ella helped

love to all

556 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 2:10pm

TABBY-Wow. You have alot of urges. I'm so sorry. I truly am. I wish i could help you, i mean be there in person. Stay strong. Keep talking to us. I mean your a wonderful example of TWLOHA. Of why it's still going. So we can help you. I love you[that sounded creepy], but stay strong.

MORGAN-Aww. thanks for the encouragement. I'm sorry about your boyfriend and your friends. I'm not abused, I went to therapy[even though it only made things WORSE]. My mom still isn't talking to me. She went shopping today and brought home alot of food that i liked so i guess she's, well, trying to compromise. I'm sorry. She hasn't hit me in a while. I'm trying to keep it that way. How are things going with you?

BRITTANY- I feel like you have been helping everyone so much! Thanks for all the encourgament. The star desingn is awesome. You've been there for alot of people. I hope your doing well. I love you very much. And thanks.

RACHEL- Rachel, I know how you feel. You are NOT a slut. I know how you feel. There's things you cannot talk about. I get it. Just know that we ALL care about you. Ella cried, i probably would've to if i checked last night. I was watching the number 23. sorry. Ella wouldn't cry if you didn't mean alot to her, to me, to us. Your wonderful. Listen to music, write it out, fall asleep, compromise with yourself, find alternatives. I am here for you =). I always belone here =)

ELLA-BEAR- Aw. I'm sorry. We ALL give up, and give in. Your body had cravings. It was your first try! You did DAMN good for your first try. Happy Day 1. Aww. Ella. Wear your hoodie. I dedicate this song to you : Breakaway, by Kelly Clarkson. It's soft. And just imagine yourself there, in the song. With all of us. I just thought of something. When i was little, and i used to get in trouble with me mom. I used to always tell her,"Somethings wrong with me". And i used to listen to that song. I'm here for you =). I love you and i wish you peace on your first day. And p.s- you totally should come see taryball =))

ANON-Thanks for the lyrics.


I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
.........

I can't say that enough.
Even thought that sounded creepy.
Thanks for the songs.
Brittany.
Im going to listen to skillet right now, alond with the misfits, black sabbatth, and kelly clarkson.

I dedicate:

Breathe Me- Sia
Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson

to all. their wonderful. and the music videos.


Stay strong =)

557 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 29, 2008 at 3:23pm

You are such a wonderful person Taryn thank you for the great comment. I am glad you liked the star design, i love you too and hope you are well.

PS you are welcome for the songs and the lyrics under anon are actually from me don't know why it did that.

558 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 5:08pm

I love you all much you mean a lot to me,
i stand here thinking how lucky can one be.
to have such great people supporting her.
when they dont even know her.
I lye here crying of sadness and joy.
beside me is mark, my man, my boy.

He says thank you for supporting me
I thank you for supporting me.

Paige your poem is so dame good. and its so true.
i will pray tonight for the first time in so long.
thank you all for the song.
it time to remember the man that made my life.
i feel so bad that i wanted to end my life.
but things are messy, and i dont do well with messy.

Mark says keep strong everyone.
he blows a kiss to all of you out there.


Rachel i wish i could have done so much more, i am here for you i'll always be. (not creepy) just i care=.

I care about you all so much, and thank you for the support.
day one is almost complete it is 9:08pm here, and i might go to bed early tonight, but i'll be on later. maybe. i dunno. lol. either way i'll come on every once in a while to keep an eye out for everyone. like last night (i love and care about you all)

I will try to fight harder then i did, because i was not fighting just for me but i was fighting for you all. and i felt like i let you all down, so here we go again, tomorrow day 2.

LOve Ella

LOVE YOU ALL
and KEEP STRONG

ELLA....

559 | Left by Ella | Dec. 29, 2008 at 6:10pm

WOW 559 POSTS CRAZY! :}

Taryn> aww no worries I am just TO emotional, like a real "emo" kid I guess you could call me. Bleh I dislike that word. hmm sigh oh wellz .>.> I am doing ok, just making it through. Today my boss at work whom I love cause he makes me laugh, said to me, "you must be the happiest person I know" and that really made me take a step back and all I go do was nervously laugh. I had this razor blade zipperpull on my sweater [it's from this company called kidrobot<3] and i was comparing it with my co workers sweater and he shouted out "OH YEA well i have RAZOR blade on mine!" and my boss replied "that kinda worries me considering your the happiest person i know, but your facebook status's are always so bleek" Kinda felt embarrassed. I hope things get better for you Taryn, your one of my best friends here :]

Ella> DON'T WORRY! You are still UBERLY strong in my eyes! :] And I hope you come visit me here in Ottawa! XD I would LOVE to have coffee with you! :] [with all of you] But Ella you are trying and that's all that matters! Gosh I have gone 10 days and it feels so short a time.. Bleh and I feel like doing it but i dunno I just can't right now, but i am sure that will change [I hope it won't] :S I still and always will care about you Ella! No matter what happens!

Brittany> I like that idea! It sound super cool! you should take a picture of it and like put it on photobucket then post the link or like myspace/facebook! That sounds like it's pretty sick! :]


Rachel> You are by NO MEANS a "slut" I don't know why you would think that! If you do not like the things you do with your bf talk to him and tell him. I mean that's what I do, because one of the key factors to a healthy relationship is communication. So tell him the way you feel. He should understand. I mean o guess I feel kinda that way to cause I was the first one in my group of friends to loose my virginity. Yet I have moved on form it and what I do is what I do right? Rachel just as Taryn said> Just know that we ALL care about you! <3

Same goes for you Tabby, we all care :]

Thanks you guys :3

560 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 29, 2008 at 6:16pm

561 :)

Morgan your sweet, and maybe i'll come up to Ottawa ive been there once and i thought it was pretty FN sweet.
i would like to visit all of you, and maybe one day i will (not creepy way or anything)
i'm fighting day one is almost done.
<3

561 | Left by Ella | Dec. 29, 2008 at 6:47pm

its 947 here, and it says whne i posted the last one that its 6:47 lol three hours difference lol


LOVE YOU ALL TAKE CARE

562

LOVE ELLA

562 | Left by ella | Dec. 29, 2008 at 6:48pm

to whoever posted the pic or w/e thank you. i haven't cut since march of 2008 and i recently got a TWLOHA shirt. everytime i wear it i feel guilty and like i'm a fake, but i've made it through and eventhough i still suffer from mild deppression i know how to sometimes get through. i write, listen to music, talk to friends and sometimes think about the old me..which sometimes makes it worse. so if this makes any sense at all..ur not alone...


Geri


P.S. if anyone ever needs to talk my yahoo/email is sharp_objects507@yahoo.com and i'm on facebook(Geri Tisdale) and myspace myspace.com/guitarchic

563 | Left by Geri | Dec. 29, 2008 at 7:34pm

Gerl we are all here for one another what you said makes sense, and your not alone either. congrads on not cuting for that long, i hope i can make it that far to, i had made it up to 17 days, but then gave up.here i am again at number 1, 2morrow will be day 2 :D

take care

LOVE

Ella

564 | Left by Ela | Dec. 29, 2008 at 7:47pm

i just bought a shirt and cant wait till it comes in, anyway dont be sorry twloha is here to help and sometimes we all have trouble, hope your doing ok and try to stay safe

565 | Left by mandy | Dec. 29, 2008 at 8:18pm

Ella- Congrats on day one and tell Mark we love him for the kisses. I Hope I can Find someone like him someday he seems so wonderful you are a lucky girl.

Morgan- Happy Day 10 It's my day 10 in like 12 minutes! I am Glad you liked the Star Idea I will see if i can get a pic up I don't have any of those accounts so i will have to see.

Geri- Welcome to the family And Congrats on 9 Months that is so awesome.

Mandy- Welcome To the Family

566 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 8:51pm

ella- you did all you could, plz dont feel bad :[ i'm okay now :]

morgan- i tried 2 talk 2 him 2day, but then i felt bad cuz i ended up accusing him of wanting 2 take my virginity =[ i felt really bad and just told him 2 forget it. i apologized later and told him i'd just been depressed lately, i didnt think he'd do that.

i'm doing ok now =/ i had 2 throw out 2 safety pins so i wouldnt use them, and the daymares/nightmares/night terrors are going away. but my mom just accused me of taking 2 of my dads pills for his foot (he broke it when i was 2 :/ ), and she searched all my pockets and everything. now she things i'm a thief and i'm on drugs?!?! :[

tomorrows days 9<3

stay strong <3

567 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 29, 2008 at 8:53pm

Happy day 9 Rachel

I am so sorry your mom thinks that about you. I gald your terrors and day/nightmares are fading. Remember you are doing great by throwing out your safety pins.

To all:
Remember this even if you feel like giving up, Hope, Love, and Peace are here waiting for you and in God's arms if you believe in him. No matter how Many times you fall or how many marks may be on your body in my eyes and God's you are all Beautiful just the way you are.
(Hope that doesn't sound creepy i just care.)

568 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 9:00pm

brittany- thanks. i dont understand y she thinks i'm such a bad person, that i'd steal my dads medication...i'm glad 2, i was afraid 2 go 2 sleep last night, but i think i'll b ok 2night. thanks, but i found a basket w/ a ton in it, and i'm slowly getting rid of them. theres only a few left.

it isnt creepy. its nice[: i just wish i could find god.

569 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 29, 2008 at 9:07pm

Well Keep getting rid of your SI stuff and I understand about wanting to find your way back to God I am still trying to rebuild my relationship with him.
Thanks your saying it was not creepy that makes me feel so much better. If you need to talk tonight let me know!

PS I still haven't been able to get rid of my stuff guess it is my security blanket.

570 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 9:17pm

i'm not sure i'll b able 2 find him again. and even if he existed, if he loved us, would he let us all go through this? ...agh, here i go again, being all depressing. sry. of course its not creepy, we're a family[:
its ok if you cant get rid of ur SI stuff. the thing isnt if u have it, its uf u use it.

571 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 29, 2008 at 9:40pm

I know I am not sure if i can ether, because i have often wondered why he would let things happen to people especially children who haven't even had the chance to do anything wrong.

But don't be depressed we are worth too much to get depressed *smiles* and *hugs*

And i know it only matters if you use it but its good to hear it from someone else!

572 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 9:44pm

yaah, same.

*hugs back*

[:

i have 2 go 2 bed, i'll b back on 2moro, stay strong <3

573 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 29, 2008 at 10:00pm

I will stay strong you too NIght

574 | Left by Brittany | Dec. 29, 2008 at 10:11pm

Rachel dont feel bad, your not starting again, i felt and feel the same way as you. after losing a lo of family members that i have loved i wonder why it happend, since god loves us. but this is puzzel in life we have to put the pieces in the right place, sooner or later we will get it right.

i love you all, i'm so sick and i have work in the morning, i'll talk to you all later.
riachel take it easy your strong you can do this. happy day 10 since its nowa a new day here. (hugs)
britany stay strong.
(hugs)

HUGS TO Everyone

love you all.

<3

LOVE ELLA
it is 1:28 am here

575 | Left by Ella | Dec. 29, 2008 at 10:27pm

Rachel> HAPPY DAY 10! IT'S DAY 9. BUT YOUR PROBABLY NOT GOING TO READ THIS TILL THE MORROW. SO HAPPY DAY 9.

BRITTANY> I'M ADDICTED TO THE LAST NIGHT BY SKILLET. IT'S AMAZING. I CAN'T TURN IT OFF.

ELLA> HAPPY DAY 2!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A NICE NIGHT.
I PRAY FOR YOU ALL AT NIGHT.
I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO.
I LOVE YOU ALL.
VERY MUCH.
TOO MUCH.
=)

576 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 29, 2008 at 11:00pm

Rachel> HAPPY DAY 9 GIRL!! Congrats! Rachel at least you tried to talk to him right? I mean it's not always the easiest thing but you are trying! You'll be able to do it when you are ready, and i am SURE he will understand. I mean you shouldn't force yourself to do anything you don't want to do! :] And I am happy to hear you are throwing out your safety pins. I still have my EXACTO knife blade with me. I guess just like Brittaney it's my safety blanket. Keep staying strong girl!<3


it's my day 11! XD

Ella> HAPPY DAY TWO! XD lmao Ottawa isn't really that awesome I prefer Toronto hehe. But it would be sweet to be visited by you! Stay strong Ella:]

Brittany> HAPPY DAY 10! Yea np that idea is sick! I don't believe in the "big man" if you will, I am more Buddhist/atheist. heh, but i believe in friends and peer support I guess. I believe in you guys :}

Keep stayin strong XD

577 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 30, 2008 at 6:38am

I cut again last night! ALOT! covered both arms. it is so hard when i have a flashback, but the flashback last night wouldnt go away!!! that is a good reason for relapse right? they just wouldnt stop! I hate life! I am so sick of dealing with this past! why me?

578 | Left by tabby | Dec. 30, 2008 at 9:38am

day 2 going welll its 1:42 and i'm keeping strong talk to you all later, work time.

love ella

sorry its short, just in a rush lol


<3
LOVE ELLA

579 | Left by Ella | Dec. 30, 2008 at 10:43am

Happy Day 2 Ella.
Tabby. CALM DOWN. I know how flashbacks are. It doesn't mean you have to scar yourself up because of them. Here's some tips:

Scream in a pillow.
Write out the pain.
Rip up a paper.
Listen to music.
Cry.

It helps.
I hope you take my advice into consideration.
I worry about you =)

Love you all.

580 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 30, 2008 at 2:54pm

HAPPY DAY 10 BRITTANY.
HAPPY DAY 2 ELLA.
HAPPY DAY 11 MORGAN.

AND IT'LL BE A NEW YEAR IN 2 DAYS.
WELL 1 DAY, IF YOUR IN CHINA OR SOMETHING.
LOL!!

LET'S START IT OFF RIGHT.

581 | Left by Tarynstar | Dec. 30, 2008 at 2:58pm

oh dang oh dang oh dang... guys my day was not the best... I haven't really slept in a couple days from a combination of general sleeplessness and daymares (as I've seen them called here...) I was really bored today and watched this video on youtube...I didn't know it would be triggering but it really was...oh dang oh dang oh dang i don't know if I can do this!!!! The names are off my arm because last night I was wearing short sleeves and didn't want my family to see. Oh my gosh...................idk if I can do this. I'm going to go upstairs, crank Skillet and maybe write names on my arms and try my freakin best not to cut...
love you guys. I guess that's a reason not to. I'm gonna try. I really will. =/

582 | Left by Paige | Dec. 30, 2008 at 3:44pm

ella- thanks ella. i'm trying my best.

taryn- thanks. its day 9, tomorrow will be day 10 =]

morgan- thanks. i talked to him, and i feel alot better. he said he'd only do things when i'm ready. god i love him <3 its ok, its not easy to get rid of your SI stuff, i actually have 2 fight myself and flush the pins. stay strong.

tabby- its ok, if u need to talk, but come here. when you have a flashback, try to read something or remind yourself it isnt real, youre still in your room or in the kitchen or wherever you are. stay strong.

paige- stay strong! dont watch anything that might even be sort of triggering, relax, write, listen 2 music, just lay down. get ur mind off of it. i love you (not trying to be creepy!) whether you fall or not. just get back up <3

<3

583 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 30, 2008 at 7:50pm

I don't experience depression personally but i do support TWLOHA. I think this is a great organization and to see things like this posted makes me sad. If you cut yourself and you own a TWLOHA t-shirt, you should wear it to give you confidence. Good luck everyone and remember that total strangers want to support you.

584 | Left by ET | Dec. 30, 2008 at 7:51pm

ET- thanks, alot of people do go through this, and it helps to know that people who dont even know us care.

585 | Left by Rachel. | Dec. 30, 2008 at 7:54pm

thank you everyone for the support its so amazing. day 2 is almost done here for me, since it is 11:08pm
tomorrow is new years eve, oooo i hope it will be a better yaer but i know its only a number it really is just anohter number nohting changes its just the contuinuesashion of the last year. grr..
anyways

my
"love is the movement" shirt has come in today, i'm so happy because i'll be wearing it tomorrow. new years eve, and maybe or maybe i'll waear it january 1st <3

the tattoo date is for january 7th yeah. i'm so happy and each of you is part of me so far i have 25 hearts going and 15 stars, and the word LOVE .
i cant wait.

either then that today was alright. i hope everyone had a good day, if not try to have a better one tomorrow.
remember i'll always be here for you all

THANK YOU SO MUCH


LOVE

ELLA

586 | Left by Ella | Dec. 30, 2008 at 8:12pm

Aww. Happy Day 2 Ella!!!!! I'm happy about the shirt. and the tattoo. stay strong.

587 | Left by Tarynball | Dec. 30, 2008 at 8:22pm

there were days where i would cut huge and wear my shirt around and feel it like a hug around me.

i used to be active in a suicide forum. not condoning...just talking with each other about our own problems, thoughts, etc, laughing/crying with each other and so on...

anyways, i once read a post on there about the first time someone cut 'too deep'. i was still fairly new to the self injury scene and sort of laughed at them, thinking that i'd never let myself get that bad.

lo and behold several months later, i was standing at the cash wrap at my retail job with red soaking through my pants and two shirts like i was in some sort of war film. thankfully i was allowed to leave to tend to myself and as i was in a store's bathroom, fighting the crimson onslaught for two hours, i couldn't believe i was right where i said i would never be. it's such a slippery slope. it's like a drug. not only in its addictiveness, but sometimes all it takes is just that first time, that first hit, to muck you up for life.

if you're just starting, stop. please. just stop. it's impossible to hear the plead i now make to you but if you don't find SOME other way to cope or deal...who knows how you'll end up. i thank God i'm still alive. every time i think of how disgusting that clothing felt as i was peeling it off, coagulated blood, fibers sticking to my skin, it makes me sick that i let it go so far...

there is a choice you can make. a better way to take.
a new direction to go without losing trust, blood or soul.

talk to someone. ride a bike. scribble.
anything good.
anything but cutting.
anything.

blessings to you from the Most High.
- H

588 | Left by insinuated porpoise | Dec. 31, 2008 at 1:33am

hey guys... I'm doing a little better. Last night went alot better once i went to bed.. i slept all night! YAY! I was so tired! she was searching my room and i layed there falling asleep because i was so sleepy. lol. hope you are all well! stay strong.. day 1 for me!

589 | Left by tabby | Dec. 31, 2008 at 5:05am

tabby good to know your a lil better, (hugs) YAY day 1 hope it goes well
here is day 3 for me wowy, hope it goes well.
its 10:08 am here, and i have to go and get ready for stuff,
so happy new years if i dont talk to you all later.


LOVE ALWAYS

ELLA

KEEP STRONG

590 | Left by Ella | Dec. 31, 2008 at 7:09am

I made it. Thank God I made it. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I cut again. My parents have been acting a bit suspicious lately so I think they might have a little wonder in the back of their head that they can't quite silence. So I'm trying to keep everything on the DL for awhile..
this is a poem(ish thing, to help relieve my writer's block) I wrote last night for my best friend but also to all of you guys. <3 Love you all. :)
the many old tears
have become a window
now I can see
within
I see
a broken heart
healing
I see
memories
stealing
I see
tangled thoughts
and feelings
I see pain
I see fear
I see regret -
These things you see.
But I see hope.
I see light
I see strength
I see beauty
from pain
I see
Love.
I see
everything you are blind to
through my window.
<3

591 | Left by Paige | Dec. 31, 2008 at 8:29am

Ella> congrats on day three! Are you excited for your tattoo? You HAVE to post a picture sometime! I really wanna see it! :)

Tabby> Please don't cut any more! I know it's hard but try all those things Taryn suggested! I know sometimes it's really hard not to and it seems like it's the only thing that will work, but please Tabby stay strong, I just wanna come there and hug you and be there for you! Stay strong Tabby! :]

Rachel> I am soooo happy you were able to talk to him about it. I knew he would understand! :} I am appy to hear that you are happy [hee hee] Keep staying string girl! Remember your bf and all of us are here for you! :] <3

Happy day ten Brittany!

Paige> It's ok! :] Just keep thinking of all those names that were on your arm and keep thinking they are still there! Maybe that can help!

Happy New Years EVERYONE! Lets start it out right,or at least for this night...<3

592 | Left by Morgan | Dec. 31, 2008 at 8:31am

MORGAN> HAPPY NEW YEARS. YOUR LOVED. =) HAPPY DAY 12!!

RACHEL> STAY STRONG!! HAPPY DAY 10!!! HAPPY NEW YEARS.

ELLA> HAPPY NEW YEAR!! HAPPY DAY 2!!

BRITTANY> HAPPY DAY 11!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! AWW. I HOPE NEXT YEAR GOES BETTER THAN THIS. INFANANT HUGS AND KISSES AND SMILES AND LOVE[THAT SOUNDED CREEPY]

LET'S TAKE IT STEP BY STEP EVERYONE. LET'S NOT THINK OF IT AS A YEAR BUT AS DAY BY DAY. WORRY ABOUT TODAY. HAPPY NEW YEARS. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. I DAMN SURE WILL BE WEARING MY TWLOHA SHIRT TOMORROW IF I GO SOMEWHERE. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. STAY STRONG.

TARYNBALL =))

593 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 31, 2008 at 3:52pm

Also, please post on the 3 new blogs that Jamie posted =))
Their wonderful. I suppose. lol

594 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 31, 2008 at 3:53pm

happy day 11 brittany
happy day 10 rachel
happy day 3 ella[sorry about before i meant 3]
happy day 12 morgan
happy day 1 tabby[happy you slept,i prayed for you alot] =)
wonderful poem paige!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL..
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

595 | Left by tarynstarrr | Dec. 31, 2008 at 4:02pm

Guys to tell you the truth.
I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND ABOUT NEW YEARS!!!!!
PLEASE HELP.

596 | Left by Taryn | Dec. 31, 2008 at 8:02pm

im on day 24.
ive been cutting for four years.
if i can do this, you guys can too!
dont giveup.
ur all amazing.
L O V E
il write you guyses name on my arms if u want.
and put them on my myspace.
never give up hope..youre worth more than youl ever know.
try to know a little =]
im gonna wear my title tee tomorrow, i think.
xoxox

597 | Left by Rosemary | Jan. 1, 2009 at 6:52am

oh and by the way, i mean today. haha
im in new zealand, and its actually 4:13am here so i automatically said tomtorrow, as in when its light. haha
its the 2nd of jan here!
happy new years to everyone!
______
taryn, i dont know you..but id be glas to help! - how come ur scared darl?

u guys can add me to msn too

rosemarywilliamson@hotmail.com

love!
xo

598 | Left by Rosemary | Jan. 1, 2009 at 7:24am

Hay Guys sorry its been so long i loved all the wonderful comments and congrats. I am sorry you slipped tabby, but congrats on day 2 i still love you.

Taryn- don't be scared we are here for you. Try and think of all the new "safe" things we get to do. Glad you really like last night by skillet

Welcome to the Family Rosemary you have been added to my arm

HAppy New Year everybody we already have the best start!


happy day 11 rachel
happy day 4 ella
happy day 13 morgan
happy day 2 tabby

wonderful poem paige!!! my favorite line " i see everything you are blind too through my window"

To Everyone you help me even if you are the ones asking for help you keep me strong and i hope i can keep you strong

599 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 11:30am

heyy everyone, thanks for all the support! day 11, and i'm doing pretty good, actually(:

Ella, its almost the 7th! :D cant wait, you have to post a pic! happy day 4(: you can do it, stay strong.

Brittany- its ok, what day is it for you?

taryn- if you're afraid of the new year, think about it this way; its not like everything has to change. its just another day (: stay strong.

everyone else, sorry i cant comment back, but thanks for all the support! my new years resolution: to get more days without cutting than scars, then once i do that, 365 days(: love you all <3

stay strong <3

600 | Left by Rachel. | Jan. 1, 2009 at 1:26pm

Hay Rachel Nice to hear from you its day 12 for me YAy!!
I have all the names on my arm in the shooting star pattern again it makes me feel so much better.

Happy New Year and day 11

601 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 1:41pm

hey brittany, happy day 12!
i have some names on my arm, but i forgot alot of them, sry :[

i have a feeling 2009 is going to be pretty good(:

602 | Left by Rachel. | Jan. 1, 2009 at 1:48pm

No worries about the names if you want my list i will put it up here. I think 2009 will be great to since we found each other here.

did you have a good holiday?

603 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 1:50pm

thanks, but i think from now on i'm just going to put on the people who helped me the most(: it will be, with each others help, i think everything will be okay [:

yaah, we had our usual party and everything, but only 1 person came cuz my friends who usually come got snowed in up in vermont :[ it was still fun, though.

you?

604 | Left by Rachel. | Jan. 1, 2009 at 1:54pm

Your welcome, Sorry about your friends getting snowed in.

Mine was fine a little better than other years, i got to spend some time with my grandmom which was nice.

605 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 1:57pm

I hope things stay well for everyone i have got to go see you later tonight.

606 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 2:12pm

One more quick thing before i get off for awhile!
Ella and Tabby i wanted to dedicate this song to you guys its called The Beauty of Grace by Krystal Meyers
look it up on youtube. It gave be lots of hope.

607 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 2:28pm

THANKS FOR THE ENCORAGEMENT GUYS.
I TRIED SOMETHING LAST NIGHT.
YOU SAT DOWN IN THE BATHROOM WITH A HOT BATH RUNNING AND YOU TAKE A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER AND WRITE DOWN ALL THE PROBLEMS AND THEN FLUSH THEM.
I LOVE THIS YEAR.
THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT.

608 | Left by Taryn | Jan. 1, 2009 at 3:11pm

Hey guys aiming4hope here.

I'm...well, no I'm not doing ok.

I've been feeling really depressed since yesterday. idk...I've been thinking hard about year 2008. My drepression, all my break ups with friends, all the lies, cover ups, mistakes, my scars and my suiside atempts and things I couldn't correct or felt as though I made things worse. For some reason, I thought that when the clock struck midnight that maybe all my problems would go away. But that was really stupid. -_- Yesterday, I made a small list of New Year resolutions but then later I ended up tearing it up and throwing it in the trash.

One of the resolutions was to start on my manga series (Japanese comics) cuz I've been putting it off for a while now. My dream is to be a mangaka (manga artist) and go to Japan as a foreign exchange student. My mom found out about an after school program called Club Japan and she really wants me to do it but idk...I'm shy and it's difficult to try and meet new people. I guess I'm just scared and feeling really out of place.

I haven't cut myself for the past 3 days though I've been tempted to do so but I didn't. I guess I should be proud of myself...but I'm not...

well thanks for reading my rant.

609 | Left by aiming4hope | Jan. 1, 2009 at 3:46pm

Hey Aiming4hope i am sorry that you are having a bad day, but happy day 3 without cutting. Don't think to hard on the past year i know that's hard to do but remember the past is the past we can't change it only learn from it so we can change our future.

Don't give up on your dream to be a manga artist. look at it this way at least if you try to become an artist anyway you can then when you look back on 2009 you want look badly upon your chance to become an artist.

610 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 1, 2009 at 4:21pm

Thank you so much to whoever wrote this postcard, and to Jamie for posting all this.
And thank you for everyone who wrote all these encouraging stories.
And as cheesy as it sounds, Jesus loves you & he saved you by sending someone.

611 | Left by Hope | Jan. 1, 2009 at 7:56pm

Thank you Hope and its not cheesy:)

612 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 2, 2009 at 12:07am

I hope just because they took the blog off the homepage, that Ella and everyone else comes to know that the blog is still here. lol.

AimingForHope> Whoa! Do i know what you are talking about, the regrets, the fake smiles, the lies, and everything else.Congratulations on day 3. I know it doesn't sound convincing but i'm happy for you. I made resolutions to think things through before i do them, that sounds stupid, but i don't think things through alot, soo...I think that's new, fresh, and interesting about the comics and japan. You can so do it. I believe it, truly. You SHOULD be proud of yourself. You should go for it. Your lucky your mom is encouraging your dream! alot of people wish their parents encouraged their dreams. I think that you should go for the club! And there is no such thing as ranting on this site. =)

613 | Left by Taryn | Jan. 2, 2009 at 12:09am

Taryn - i think everyone still knows its here lol!
glad to see someone else is up *smiles* *hugs*
Whats up with you?

Aiming4hope i agree with Taryn!!

614 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 2, 2009 at 12:17am

Ello lovessss.
^-^
Thanks, Ella.
My birthday was pretty radical.
I got to hang out with Paige for about an hour..
(I only see her once a year)
So yeah.
I was happy for the rest of the day, even though I was sick as a dog.
:)
I hope everyone had a great holiday.

We Are:

We are the ones.
We fall upon our knees and cradle ourselves in our tears.
We look up toward the ceiling, hot tears welling up and pouring down our cheeks, screaming, "WHY ME?!".
Who we are cannot be classified by silly stereotypes.
We are people.
We are human.
We live and breathe this hatred for ourselves, and yet are so willing to love one another.
It only takes a few seconds to make us want to go back;
Not because we want to, but because it's our sanctuary.
The razorblades and saftey pins shall be put back down.
We'll try our best not to relapse, not matter how bad we think we need it.
We'll fight for a life worth living at any cost.
We'll make it.
We've got hope.

I love all of you guys.
You're truely amazing<33333.

<3-Shelley
Hit up my myspace?
:)

www.myspace.com/evilpunkchick

615 | Left by Shelley | Jan. 2, 2009 at 12:33am

Wow your poem was amazing sorry you were sick on the holidays.
I love the part of your poem that says: "we live and breathe this hatred for ourselves, and yet are so willing to love one another." That part is something i still can't understand, how can i hate myself so much yet love you guys more than any of you know?

616 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 2, 2009 at 12:45am

wow took me forever to fined this blog again after they put up new blogs lol.
there is so many comments i have not read it on this blog, so i'll read them all and comment later, right now i want to say

its 12:02 in the afternoon here in london and it is day 4 :D <3

thank you all for the support,
i'll try hard to go longer,
i cant wait for wendsday when i get my tattoo <3

love you all and keep strong i am always here for you.
<3
LOVE ELLA

617 | Left by Ellla | Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:04am

hey guys! I am doing a little better. dealing with the flashbacks a little better. I had therapy today and it went ok. She is having me write down all the flashbacks i have, how long they last, and what they are... that is the hard part... writing down what i saw. i dont like to talk about it, just keep it to myself.... it is so hard! but i guess i am doing a little better. my mood is a rollercoaster. i hate it! but yeah... thanks for listening.
love you all!
tabby

PS.. i cant get on but 1 time a day and that is only through the week not on the weekend, so i am hoping things will be ok and i dont need to talk to anyone....

618 | Left by tabby | Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:07am

im back lol
happy new year
i gave up on cutting for a whole week
then i caved
blah!
but in 2009 i havent once!
im soo proud
its my new years resolution

ELLA>
tattoo?
awesome
where and what?

619 | Left by freesia | Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:00am

Hey Ella happy day 4 we love you and can't wait for the tattoo
results.

Tabby- I am glad your dealing a little better and i understand hating to write that stuff down. I had to do it as well. It helps a little and i hope it works even better for you. We all Hate the roller coaster of emotions that's the worst, but you can make we are all pulling for you! HAppy Day 3*smiles* and *hugs*.

It's my DAy 13!

620 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:03am

Hay Freesia Nice to see you back, and don't worry about the slip up. I am proud your still trying. Happy Day 2

Ella's tattoo was described way up there in the comments, but its going to be the word love with a heart for each one of us and for those who she loves and is loved by and a star for those she has lost. she is getting it on her forearm. That is the best i can remember.

621 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:08am

brittany good job that is what i am getting

the word love
and hearts and stars around it, the hearts is for each of you, and others that has loved me and i have loved. the stars are ffor those i have lost in my life, god bless them.

day 4 is not quite done yet, but almost it is 749 here, and i might go to bed soon i have a bad cold/fever :( hopefully i can still get the tattoo on january 7th.

tomorrow will be day 5 :O -_- already wowy O_O i cant believe it.
2009 is going to be the year were everything will be done with. so far i am clean from everything and thats the way its going to be.

love you all. and keep strong i am here for all of you remeber that.
<3


<3

LOVE ELLA>

622 | Left by Ella | Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:51pm

Congrats Ella i hope 2009 proves to be everyone's Best and healthiest year.

I hope you get over your cold i have one too. I just got through exercising and it made me feel much better. you should try it if you can.

Made a Shirt today with all you guys on it in the shooting star pattern i can't wait until its dry so i can wear it.

623 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 2, 2009 at 5:46pm

Brittany that is FN sweet. you got to post a pic of it up some where and give us the link.

since it is 12:15 am this means its a new day here, also means its day 5<3


thank you for all the support.

love you all


ELLA

624 | Left by Ella | Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:16pm

Tabby-I'm glad your doing better. I hope you continue to do so. =)

Ella-HAPPY DAY 5!!! OOh. i hope you can still get your tattoo as well. Happy almost birthday, =)). Please don't stop posting here. I don't know what to do without you! I have soccer playoffs tomorrow =). I'm scared, i hope we win. I hope you feel better. 2009 is a brand new year. New things, new starts. I KNOW you can do it. Peace to you. =)

Brittany-I'm glad your doing better. HAPPY DAY 13!!! Aww. your such and inspiration. I hope i'm on the shirt!!! Love you!

STAY STRONG EVERYBODY.
I LOVE YOU ALL.
MORE THAN YOU KNOW =)

625 | Left by Tarynball | Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:47pm

hi,
my name is rose and i support TWLOHA and i cut i so glad that people understand what everyday people [like me] go throught and thanks jamie like things you wrote back to her made me feel like there is hope and i hate that i can help peolpe out and not help myself...like i am a good listener and i do stuff in my school to help people like me but it kills me knowing that i do it too.
thanks,
rose:]

p.s if anyone needs help and someone to talk to...
myspace:myspace.com/rainbowcookies13 or
email:cherrychapstick62@live.com

626 | Left by rose | Jan. 2, 2009 at 11:41pm

Taryn- of course your on the shirt!! thanks for your support.

Ella- i will try to get a pick up but i can't find my up load cable for my camera.

Rose- its ok you are actually helping yourself when you help other people even if you don't realize it yet. Just keep Trying we are all here for you welcome to the family!!

627 | Left by Brittany | Jan. 3, 2009 at 7:54am

days go by so slow yet so fast
i set here and cry as i think about the past
today is a new day
to start over and not runaway
instead i throw all the bad away
and listen to all the good things my friends say

day 5 wowy.
<3
tattoo soon, hopefully since i am sick.

i'll be here for all of you know matter what.
<3

love ella

628 | Left by Ella | Jan. 3, 2009 at 6:23pm

Brittany-Aww. thanks, i'll always be here for the support. how's life treatin' ya? [sorry i've been watching Juno] HAPPY DAY 14! I THINK...

Ella- HAPPY DAY 5. Your doing so well. ALWAYS know that you can come here and talk about ANYTHING. and that goes for EVERYONE. I hope you can get the tattoo. Get better soon =))). Love you!!

There's a picture in the URL. of meeh!!

629 | Left by tarynball | Jan. 3, 2009 at 7:10pm