To Write Love on Her Arms

In Loving Memory: Kenny McKinley

Sep. 21, 2010 at 11:36am

The death of Denver Broncos wide receiver Kenny McKinley was announced last night, his death an apparent suicide and the news making national headlines. I went to school with Kenny in Austell, GA at South Cobb High School. We shared three years in the same uniform, both on the football field as well as making our way around the track. And it was Kenny who sold me my first rap CD as a sophomore, a memory that makes me laugh and a story that I still tell at least once a week. He made some special memories for me during a time when life was difficult.

Since we graduated high school, our lives have taken very different directions. Kenny went on to the University of South Carolina to play football. As was his way, Kenny did more than just play. He broke records, and he went on to play professionally for the Denver Broncos. I decided to take a year off to pursue my own passions, or at least to do my best to figure out what that meant. It was that time that led me to where I am today, working with TWLOHA, and next month marks three years that I've been with the organization. My job has taken me all across North America and to places as far as Australia and Peru. I've had the opportunity to hear the stories of people from all around the world. They have shared with me their struggles with issues of pain, including suicide, and I've had the chance to tell my own story as well.

As the years have gone by, I've loved catching Kenny's games on Saturdays during his time at USC and Sundays last year. It felt good to be in someone's corner like that. On a scale that seemed larger than life, I still got to search and cheer for number 11. It made the game something different. I didn't care much if USC won or lost, but what mattered was knowing that Kenny was a person I had memories with, someone I got to get excited about. I was proud to celebrate his talent and it was amazing to see where that talent was taking him. Seeing Kenny on the field took me back, and I loved sharing those stories. He was a day-brightener in his own right. Reading quotes from his friends and teammates, it seemed to be a trait he never lost. He could work a room and motivate the lowest morales.

I had a picture in my mind of who Kenny was, and watching him become more successful in his career only reinforced that picture of a guy who was confident, successful and happy. The news of his death was the last I ever expected to hear. Reading comments from people under articles about Kenny's death shows that many others are finding themselves in this same place. Some people are saying it was selfish, others wonder how someone with the world at his fingertips could do something like this. I am reminded of one thing: pain does not discriminate. We all have our battles we fight in the day-to-day. We are meant to care about one another, and to come together when things seem to be falling apart. We have the chance to share the things we deal with and fight together for our stories. We have a chance to believe in the story we are making for ourselves.

Kenny was a leader, friend, son, and father. I'll never shy away from sharing the memories I have with him because it's the best way to celebrate his life.

Our thoughts and prayers are with the McKinley family. Find peace in one another and the love that thousands of people shared for Kenny.

We will miss you, Kenny.

Chris

Posted in General by Chris Youngblood

Comments (20)

That was a beautiful tribute Chris

1 | Left by Anna | Sep. 21, 2010 at 2:53pm

I remember my first day at South Cobb I was lost and Kenny helped me find my class. He was always such a great guy. What a lovely tribute, Chris.

2 | Left by Annie | Sep. 21, 2010 at 3:24pm

It breaks my heart when I read stories like Kenny's. He obviously had some pain that he felt was more than he could handle and for some reason felt he couldn't share it so others could help him bear it. You've written a beautiful tribute, and touched on the truth behind suicide. I've lost more friends and acquaintances to suicide than any other issue. My prayers are with the family and friends of Kenny's...you included Chris. May God's peace flow despite the river of pain.

3 | Left by Lily | Sep. 21, 2010 at 3:25pm

Chris, thank you. The story is the same everywhere. Those who have no idea say things like "he had everything going for him." Or "what a cop out." Or "why didn't he ask for help?" You said it best: pain does not discriminate. As with every story like Kenny's that goes public, the best we can hope for is that one person will stop long enough to seek help. I'm sorry he didn't know that his (real) story was just as important than everyone elses. Keep doing what you do, Chris. You're making a difference.

4 | Left by sarah | Sep. 21, 2010 at 5:59pm

Pain does not discriminate.

I know others have said this, but its so true: this is a beautiful tribute, Chris.

5 | Left by Kendra | Sep. 21, 2010 at 7:06pm

Beautiful tribute to an old friend. My son died of suicide on June 24th. Depression kills and I hope people will soon start to see that suicide is not selfish. It's a desperate act to ease inner termoil that will not cease. Anyone who has never been to that place couldn't possibly understand. RIP Kenny. There's so much truth in the saying "The good die young."

6 | Left by Samantha | Sep. 22, 2010 at 12:42pm

Suicide isn't selfish. It is, as far as you can tell, your only option when your pain level surpasses your coping skills.

Praying for his family. What a sad loss.

7 | Left by Stephanie | Sep. 22, 2010 at 1:21pm

this is a beautiful and very fitting tribute. You hit the nail on the head by saying that pain doesn't discriminate, it doesn't matter if you have the whole world in your hands- you can still be hit with the same darkness and sorrow as someone who has nothing. RIP Kenny

8 | Left by Jess | Sep. 22, 2010 at 1:48pm

I've heard your words in my head for two years now, I had a picture in my head of my brother and so much reinforcement of that picture, that I couldn't see or hear the warning signs. The news of his death was the last thing I ever expected to hear. I just wish the people in this much pain could just trust that there are so many people that love them, even if they can't feel it at that time, trust in that, try to get help, wait, wait.

9 | Left by cathy | Sep. 22, 2010 at 4:24pm

So sorry for the tragic loss of another young person with what outsiders saw as a "wonderful life". We never know what is going on in the heart and life of any other person, even if we are with them every day. I have struggled with mild depression and know that sometimes we can't control those feelings of pain. We have to just lean on God and pray for strength to endure. Even then there are moments of weakness. I am praying for the family and friends of this young man. May the memories he left behind comfort them and may our wonderful God wrap His arms of love around them.

10 | Left by Vicki | Sep. 22, 2010 at 10:13pm

we all have our losses, but everyone here still continues to comfort. thank you. and, peace to everyone.
..may we never forget those who went on ahead.

11 | Left by gludz | Sep. 23, 2010 at 9:39am

"Pain does not discriminate. We all have our battles we fight in the day-to-day. We are meant to care about one another, and to come together when things seem to be falling apart."

What a perfect sentiment. It can be so difficult for people to understand each other's problems and hurt when we all come from our own perspectives. So many people are afraid or ashamed to come forward when they need someone out of fear of dismissal or mockery, and it always seems to be that lack of speaking up that leaves loved ones behind, hurt and confused, saying "I just never saw it coming. I should have been able to do something." It doesn't need to be that way. I've learned in the last year just how many people are willing to listen and just be supportive when we let them. I truly wish the world would learn this lesson, that we can open up to others and take others seriously when they open up to us. Maybe then people would understand each other's pain and it would help to prevent these tragedies.

12 | Left by Sam | Sep. 23, 2010 at 5:34pm

That brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. It was a very great piece. "Pain does not discriminate" was the perfect way of summing it up. I will be sure to send others to read it also.

I know that I'm a Georgia Bulldog all the way,but when I heard the news of his death I was sadden. Not only was it the loss of a promising and from what I'm hearing exceptional individual; it was also a very horrible thing for his family and friends to have to go through. I pray for them. I also pray that someone out there sees the pain suicide causes and decides against it.

13 | Left by Heather | Sep. 25, 2010 at 2:33am

Thank you for this beautiful tribute and for your perspective. My sister committed suicide March 29 of this year. It's hard for those of us left behind to understand why someone would want to do this to their loved ones, but they are not in the frame of mind to look at it objectively. Thanks again for your words...

14 | Left by Suzie | Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:03am

This is a really good blog. I don't really watch the Broncos, however I think almost everyone heard about the loss of Kenny. May he R.I.P. and may our hearts and prayers be with his family.

15 | Left by Tori | Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:20am

I spoke at a TWLOHA group last night in Mobile, AL and will stay in agreement with the line mentioned above: PAIN DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE. I did not have coping skills for a long time. Today through recovery, I have chosen to accept a love from God like I have never ever known. It is so nice to be out of that dark room and out from behind closed doors screaming your new slogan I AM ALIVE!

16 | Left by Bridget | Sep. 28, 2010 at 1:52pm

oh my goodness! Thats so sad :(
Bridget~ I just read your comment! IM PROUD OF U GURL!!!!!!! Stay outof the dark! The light is so much better! XD

17 | Left by Haylie | Sep. 30, 2010 at 1:28pm

It's so distubing how this has happened so may times and how we a rendered helpless to help>I wish I could help them.

18 | Left by Alexis Diaz | Oct. 1, 2010 at 6:22am

i know quite a few people who chose suicide.. and i don't think its selfish.. i think they thought it was the only way out of their pain..they don't WANT to hurt the people they love..they just cant handle the hurt they feel everyday..

of the people i know, two of which were my cousins.
i miss them dearly, they were amazing guys and could light up a room.
They had issues they couldn't handle and they didnt think they could go to anyone.
i love and miss them will all my heart.. and whoever thinks that suicide is selfish..obviously never felt so alone that they needed a way out..for some people thats what they feel is the only option.

your tribute was beautiful...

19 | Left by lalalaa | Oct. 6, 2010 at 5:57am

First of all, I love your tribute; it was beautiful and really sweet.

I know that pain doesn't discriminate at all, and that many upon many people are struggling with depression. I myself used to struggle with it and I see many of my friends struggling as well as committing suicide or overdosing. They may seem happy, but everyone fakes smiles at some point in their life. Do you think that Kenny was pretending to be happy or that he had struggles deep down inside that nobody knew? If people did know a little about his struggles deep down, do you believe that someone could have stopped him from this? Do you think that his sporting career had anything to do with him committing suicide?

thank you. TWLOHA is probably the best thing to ever happen to me and I appriciate how much they are willing to help.

20 | Left by Hannah | Nov. 11, 2010 at 9:58am

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