This really hit me. Thank you. I am moving to Germany in a few months to be a missionary and this letter reminded me why. To share parts of myself in the hopes that it will help another person.

I love this.

1 | Left by Molly | Feb. 9, 2010 at 12:39pm

this was beautiful.
almost made me teary even.

2 | Left by laura | Feb. 9, 2010 at 12:50pm

thanks for that piece of beautiful writing.

3 | Left by Jill | Feb. 9, 2010 at 3:37pm

I've been struggling with this issue for about 2 years now im only 14. I have the same dream as Esther, i want to sing and i want to write a song so powerfull it could save a life. Im still unsure of who i am, but the only thing i know i want is to sing. I still can not seem to find the courage& confidence to do it. I tired of people telling me i can't and i just want to realize that i can. But i dont know if really can. It hurts. But thank you TWLOHA for helping me finding at least the slightest bit of hope.
-Kalle

4 | Left by Kalle | Feb. 9, 2010 at 4:12pm

Giving hope to the hopeless. That's what u guys are about, hey? I have no hope. But who cares? It doesn't matter. Atm im laying here wishing i was dead. I am scarred by all the times i have cut, but frankly cutting doesn't do it for me anymore. I really want to hurt myself very badly. Like crashing a car into a concrete building. Maybe i will die. That will be nice.

5 | Left by Colette | Feb. 9, 2010 at 7:51pm

Colette, there is ALWAYS hope. we just have to be strong. if there is anyone in the world who believes in you, then you must live. and I believe in people.

6 | Left by amilton | Feb. 9, 2010 at 8:54pm

Colette!

I've been where you are right now. there is ALWAYS a light in your darkest hour. Don't give up yet. I know you're stronger than that. I bet you that everyone here at TWLOHA wants you to keep going. If you're having a rough day, please listen (or at least look up the lyrics) to "Famous Last Words" By My Chemical Romance. It helped me live.
Peace
Jovie

7 | Left by Jovie | Feb. 10, 2010 at 4:12am

Colette,

I understand why you would feel that way, but there is always hope. Remember everything that To Write Love on her Arms has to say! These is always hope and there is always love. I can promise you that you are more loved than you will ever know. You're not alone and this is not the end of your story. I promise. If you need someone to talk to, please... e-mail me. I have been there.If you've never heard it, listen to the song "Love is the Movement" by Switchfoot. It helps me sometimes.

8 | Left by Sam | Feb. 11, 2010 at 1:07pm

This made me teary eyed. I have no one to be proud of me. I have no one to believe in me. No one to love me. My mom blames me for the cancer she got and beat. My dad doesn't like me truthfully. I'm just here to have them yell their problems to and blame them on. I had to be an adult at 3 years old, and no one cared. No one noticed. I somehow survived 10 more years. Not only that but I've been raped way more then once. For everyone who has had that happen to them knows how bad it is. I will pray for you every night. But as I'm telling you this I feel guilty. Because it doesn't really matter and neither does my pain. The thing that keeps me from killing myself (though its hard) is God. And I've even failed him so much, I don't think he likes me anymore. I need help, but have no intensions on getting any.

9 | Left by Smile, I love you | Feb. 11, 2010 at 3:32pm

To Sam-

You're in my prayers. I've been there, I've been down those roads and it's not a good place to be. But please know that despite the fact that I don't know you, I still love you. God still loves you. There is Hope, there is Love still in this world. TWLOHA has shown me that.

To TWLOHA-

Thanks so much for doing this. When I was in treatment I had people encouraging me and helping me through. However, letters from people who cared about me despite not knowing me would have had a significant impact on my recovery and my depression. I love what you do; it changes lives. Thanks for the gift of Hope.

-Matt

10 | Left by Matt Kaiser | Feb. 11, 2010 at 9:25pm

To Smile-

I've floated in your boat somewhat, and trust me, I know it's hard. Just remember to keep your hope alive. I'll pray for you tonight.
Peace.
-Jovie
*by the way, listen to Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance when you're down. The chorus is really inspiring.

11 | Left by Jovie | Feb. 13, 2010 at 4:31am

I hope and pray I have given my daughter that feeling. I think I have. I haven't given it to myself yet, though, even though I am 47. My parents were quite absent and saw themselves, I didn't experience what you did. But that is okay, because I am an adult and know the worth of my being. Sometimes it seems selfish to me, but that is old, old stuff.
Believe in yourself and your love will spread. Ultimately it is a gift for all the people we love.

12 | Left by lori | Feb. 13, 2010 at 8:30am

i am so scared. I just found this website and i have written love 1000 times. All over myself and i am so scared of what i may do to myself. I didn't know where to ask for help on this website so i clicked the first thing that allowed me to express my feelings (comment...) but believe me i want to stop so badly but i can't. Cutting is my only escape. Tell me what to do or help me before something terrible happens. Please just help me. please.

I'm so scared.
Sarah

13 | Left by sarah kreutz | Feb. 13, 2010 at 5:27pm

Hi Sarah,
You have written Love all over yourself. Now, when you feel like things are the worst and when you feel like you want to cut, look at all the Love all over you. Do you want to cut that? Let love protect you; even when the written words fade away, you will still have love around you.

i believe in you. stay strong.

14 | Left by adela | Feb. 13, 2010 at 8:06pm

I don't know if Colette and Sarah will read this, but...your words shaked me on the inside girls. Please take care of you, and don't give up. Please. There is always hope and love for you, always. This is tough,I well know it is, but don't give up. We believe in you. We are with you.

x

15 | Left by Veeee | Feb. 14, 2010 at 3:16am

To Smile : I know your pain...if you feel the need to talk to any of us first, please do it. All my thoughts are going for you girls. x

16 | Left by Veeee | Feb. 14, 2010 at 3:20am

I am doing a project on suicide rates for my school and some of these stories make me almost cry. I use to think somewhat like what some of you are thinking in about the 8th grade I guess it was just someone I was hanging around that I thought these thoughts. I use to think that there was no point in life. The only thing people really do or are good at is death and destruction. Like killing animals, global warming, people getting murdered and robed every day every second. But when I got into high school those thoughts when away. At some points to I wanted everything to end cause my parents yelling at my sister for the bad chooses she has made (drinking, smoking weed, constuntly way from the house ,and please excuse my spelling) I use to listen to really depressing songs which made it wearse. I got through it though so... I just wanted to add to the songs that may help you when you are feeling sad and that is You're Not Alone by Saosin.

17 | Left by Peyton | Feb. 14, 2010 at 1:29pm

This letter is absolutely amazing. It's very powerful and moving. I was wondering if I could use this as a monologue for my Drama class...I totally understand if you don't want me to. But if I could, could you email me-- efrancisco107@gmail.com
Thanks a ton.

18 | Left by Emily | Feb. 14, 2010 at 5:06pm

That's a really neat idea. I would love to organize something similar for my Letters of Love project.

To Colette, Sam, Sarah, and anyone else who feels like they have no way out: I've been there. It's a hard place to be. But please don't give up. If you need someone to talk to, I am here. You can email me at elizabeth@lettersoflove.net. I would love to be your pen pal, your friend, there for you through these dark times. I love you and I believe in you. Keep fighting.

19 | Left by Elizabeth Kaylene | Feb. 15, 2010 at 11:16am

I have written love. But only to cover up all of the scars from hate. I was told to "go f**ing die" today because of my cuts i'm guessing. And all i can say is, i am so scared. However, i have no fear of dying. I am frightened of everything else but that.

I'm still alive today. doesn't that count for anything?

From
Sarah

20 | Left by Sarah kreutz | Feb. 16, 2010 at 4:50pm

Of course it DOES count Sarah!!
Don't listen to these haters (I know, easier said than done,but)...Please keep fighting. You deserve to be happy.
Please come and write here whenever you want to, ok? :)
x

21 | Left by Veeee | Feb. 17, 2010 at 4:16am

You are all so beautiful, because of what you have been through, the strength you have gained from it, and how hard you fight. Keep on fighting. You can beat this. I know sometimes it is hard to keep fighting; believe me, I'm having one of those days today. But it matters because you keep trying.

Let's keep trying together. If we stick together, we will have hope, because we'll have each other.

I am here and I am listening. You can email me at elizabeth@lettersoflove.net any time.

Hugs and love.

22 | Left by Elizabeth Kaylene | Feb. 17, 2010 at 9:56am

All of you. Each and every single one of you, Colette, Sam, Sarah, Vee, Elizabeth, you are all amazing and beautiful examples of hope. Look at yourselves, you, each of you, you are all alive and life represents hope. Every moment you keep on breathing you keep on breathing in hope. *hugs to all of you*
Love is so real and it is so present. God still reaches into our darkest valleys and still picks us up and rescues us. He is still in the business of redemption.

I used to hurt myself. I still struggle with it every day, but i've discovered...To hurt myself, not only hutrs me, but it hurts the ones I love most. The girl who stopped me from suicide? well, every time I cut, She helps me get back up. she hugs me, reminds me she still loves me, talks to me.. but I know it hurts her just as much as it hurts me. That is just how much she loves me.
Each of you are loved by someone. Even if there is nobody in person, I love you. I really do. And I care about what you're going through.
I've been in the process of quitting SI for over a year now. With only 2-3 relapses. God is making my story of hopelessness into one of beauty. He brings beauty from the ashes.
I am here for each and any of you. Feel free to email me.
blackandwhitefantasy@gmail.com

23 | Left by Em | Feb. 17, 2010 at 12:38pm

thanks for these kind words Em. xx

24 | Left by Veeee | Feb. 18, 2010 at 8:22am

Em, you rock. Thank you for sharing that. *hugs*

25 | Left by Elizabeth Kaylene | Feb. 18, 2010 at 10:07am

I also wanted to say, to everyone who emailed me: I got your emails. I will definitely write back today. I am here for you, and I love you.

26 | Left by Elizabeth Kaylene | Feb. 18, 2010 at 10:11am

I love this beautiful peace of writing. It really touched me. I agree with aother person that had left a comment,Kalle, and i trully want 2sing. Not for the money but for the ffame in a way. But i want someone to look up to me, and think im amazing, and believe in me< and if i had millions of fans and people that loved me, like miley cyrus or something, than i would love that.I would open my eyes every morning with the biggest smile on mt face and tears of joy in my eyes. I use 2 want 2 sing and be a singer, but i had soooo many people tell me how hard it is to do that< even my own parents said that they would pay for voice lessons and music lessons but its a one in a million chance that it would happen and in the end i would prob. be left with nothing. So i had givven up. ut about a year ago i had to do an easy on what i wanted to when i grew up, i had no idea. I made something up but there is never a day that goes by that i turn on the T.V and see someone performing infront of a camera and makeing they're dream come true and also putting hope into the hearts of otheres. so i will hope but i need help to find the courge to go after my dreams. I cant realy turn to my friends cause most of them know what they want and its something like a doctor, or a teacher. Something that almost anyone could get and well, at least for me, it will never give me the same feeling as when im on stge. I have bin on stge before, a little singing, mostly acting, and i love it! I love singing and acting! Maybe acting a little better, but my heart also wants to get on that stage and perform. I know all this is really long and no one might read it, but if u r i could really use some help! -Amanda

27 | Left by Amanda | Feb. 18, 2010 at 6:33pm

I would also just like to say that i love this website. I had heard about this website only about an hour ago, and i love it. Everyione hear has very similer problems and pray and hope for one another,and i just wanted to say that i love this site. I have had times where i had such bad depretion. Never cut myself or anything, cause i was to scared and i knew i would get caught...just like my brother. MY brother use to( and i think still a little) be deprest and one day while wakeing him up he had scratch "death" on his chest. At the time our life was fine, the only problem was,and still is, my dad's temper. He loves us and would give us as much as he can which is just enough, but he has this temper that sends me in a dark and scary place, never beat me, but the way he yells and we agrew, just hurts..u know?... Then god gave my mom cancer...i guess trying to open our eyes and look a life...it work for a while but as my mom finishes treatment i feel like that the darkness is getting stronger. All of my famliy is bussy. My dad with work and then he usally just sleeps or gets mad at me or my brother, my mom with cancer and my grandmother whio i think just doesnt like me, and my brother with his own problems, bringing girls home, getting his tounge pierced and now comeing home at one the other nigh. And here i am, always in my room or in school...i feel like what can i do....im nt spiecal at all....i guess i can bore out my feelings here...

28 | Left by Amanda | Feb. 18, 2010 at 7:17pm

Hello Amanda!

Thanks for sharing your dreams and thoughts here!
Believe in your dreams,always. You want to act and sing? what about asking for musicals auditions in yr city or school? It's a little step but still, a step on your goal :)
These things require time and perseverance. Don't give up!
Also, you are a pretty strong girl, seeing all what happens to you and your family.
You are special Amanda, don't let people get you away from your dreams and hopes.
x
Veeee

29 | Left by Veeee | Feb. 19, 2010 at 6:06am

Thanks Veeee! I'll try, but im nt sure if i can get into that kind of schools...if i do try i need to get better at my music, but acting i guess im pretty good. I do try to be strong but at times it is hard, tnx 4 ur help! :D

30 | Left by Amanda | Feb. 19, 2010 at 4:30pm

It's been a long time since I visited here. So much has changed since I last commented, for worse and for better. Really it doesn't matter right now, no pain can stop me from telling all you souls out there. There IS at least one person who cares. Don't EVER think different. Recently a girl in my area committed suicide and didn't think anyone cared. She was an 'outcast' and a 'loner' and she thought no one would even care if she died. Guess what? There were so many people at that funeral not even half of them could fit in the church. Some of the people she thought she barely knew, well they knew her better than others. Please, believe me when I say this. You ARE beautiful and someone DOES care. No matter how alone you think you are. Feel free to email me ANY TIME.

31 | Left by Smile, I love you | Apr. 14, 2010 at 7:45am

P.S. My email is aqua32123@yahoo.com

32 | Left by Smile, I love you | Apr. 14, 2010 at 3:46pm

Where can I send "Letters of Encouragement" to people in recovery programs??? Please email me and let me know. Also, if anyone ever needs someone to talk to, I'm here for them. =]

33 | Left by Melissa | Dec. 20, 2010 at 1:44pm

I started hurting myself in seventh grade. I stopped but only after I had attempted suicide. Cutting was the only way to get the pain out. I still feel the desire, the need, but I don't. Not because I am a good person but because I made a promise to someone who is more important. Sometimes though I have to have my mom hold my wrists to keep me from ripping up my arms. When I get like that I have even hurt her. I have been to the point where I didn't even have the energy to want to comment suicide. I hurt worse on the inside than the outside. I wonder does the feeling ever go away? I know it has lessened but when things get bad it increases. I am a very social person, or I used to be, but now sometimes I hate being around people. I am afraid they will see me. Or even worse that they won't. I am sorry when I decided to comment I meant to encourage others...sometimes I let my own feelings get in the way. I probably shouldn't post this but for some reason I want to. I am better, happier now. Everybody can see it. But inside it still hurts, not all the time, just most of it. Please don't feel sorry for me that isn't what I want. I just want people to, well, know. So now you do. Thanks.

34 | Left by Bree | Dec. 20, 2010 at 3:54pm

There was a time when I forgot what love felt like. When no one believed in me...I'd go to bed, praying to die. Feeling like a coward because I was too afraid to end it on my own. Thinking if I just concentrated hard enough, I could just...stop...breathing.

It took a long time...but I found someone, then someone else, and then someone else to belive in me, to love me...people who see me, who know me, who think I'm special even on the days I don't.

Hold on, please please hold on. It does get better. Sometimes you have to believe in you and you have to give your self breaks. You are going to mess up. I don't make many promises but I promise you, you will mess up. But it is okay. You weren't created to be perfect. Just keep trying. Hold on...you'll find love. Wait for it...and don't mistake it. If someone "loves" you by hurting you-physically or verbally...that isn't love. And it is NOT your fault. That is their baggage. True love, real love builds you up, helps you hold on, holds on to you. It's out there. Believe in it.

Whatever your beliefs, please know I'm praying for you. It would sound ridiculous to you for me to tell you that I love you because I don't know you, but I do feel love for you. Maybe it's because of my daughter...watching her struggle. Cleaning her cuts, holding her so she won't cut, loving her through a time when the hurt is so deep I can't reach it. I don't know you...but I know her. I know the struggle. I believe in her. I believe in you.

35 | Left by Cindy | Dec. 20, 2010 at 4:14pm

This letter speaks volumes to me. I am lost, with a vague sense of belief in myself, and I'm looking for a place to belong. To be loved for who I am. And that search is not easy.

I admit, that sometimes the search gets tough, and keeping my chin up is hard. And I've thought of ending it all. And lately the thoughts have come closer to reality; and it scares me.

But thank you Esther for this letter. Thank you for being honest and showing me that being weak is not a flaw. It's just part of being human.

36 | Left by Izmir | Dec. 20, 2010 at 10:44pm

Love is the movement!! YES! It truly is it's like the song lyrics by Between the Tree's: "A little love, a little love is all it takes." I have been reading the comments on this and all of you are truly beautiful survivors and I am thankful that you have the courage to stand up and tell your stories THANKYOU. This letter was beautiful I too, am grateful for a mom who helps me and encourages me. And to those who may not have that parental support remember someone, somewhere is thinking about you and cares about you and LOVES you for who you are. No one will ever force you to change that's your job but we can give you the tools to learn to help yourself. I am thinking of you, I care about you.

37 | Left by LeeAnn | Dec. 21, 2010 at 9:56am

i know that i haven't been through much compared to other people. but i'm having such a hard time right now just dealing with life in general...ever since about 4 years ago (somewhere between graduating 8th grade & being a freshman in hs) i've been struggling with depression. it wasn't that i wasn't depressed ever before but that's when it got really bad. i had just lost my grandma to cancer & i was very close with her. my mom & i lived with her parents until i was about 9, so they were second parents to me. at first it was uncontrollable emotion but then numbness sunk in.

i started seeing a therapist after i had muttered under my breath,god i wanna kill myself, within earshot of a teacher or someone. i didn't really mean it at the time & the person who told officials immediately did not have good intentions. but i am glad i started going. before then i had already gotten really into a bunch of different bands but they weren't exactly "life changing." but 2 of them ended up being extremely life changing for me: Fall Out Boy & My Chemical Romance. i don't care about the criticism that comes with them anymore.

but at the time when i was really struggling i just remember that if anyone, my mom was always very positive. she had always been the kind of person who saw the positive side of most things but obviously she had her bad moments & rough times. but she was always there for me & i felt like she enjoyed being around me. i feel bad too because around that time i was in a really dark place & was listening to a lot of dark music. she would try to cheer me up & i would almost shoot her down, but not meaning to. :(

but i got better eventually, not the same as before that, but i was functioning again for the most part. i spent a lot of time with my grandpa still & went out with my friends more again. i actually felt good. but late last year my grandpa was diagnosed with colon cancer. everything was supposed to be ok after a simple surgery, but everything snowballed & he ended up suffering up until the beginning of this month. i really haven't been doing well since around spring now. i'm really trying, i am but it's just so hard. watching him slowly die was killing me too. & the worst thing is my mom has totally changed..

not just this yr but starting a few yrs ago, she stopped being her normal self. she was always tired or by the neighbor's house (which sounds horrible that i'm complaining :( ) & she was drinking a lot more. my step dad/her husband has always been pretty rough on me, not physically but mentally. really high expectations & he thinks that i'm always trying to play people against him (??). but i think that took its toll finally & she kind of gave up. i tried to help her but after last november i just couldn't do it. but her drinking has gotten way worse especially with this yr while my step dads has actually gotten better.

they did decide to "take in" her brothers family in july. i hate to say it but it's absolute hell & not making things better at all :( he's a complete slacker & expects everything to be handed to him...everyone bails him out. oh & he has 7 kids with his wife pregnant with another due in february. they only homeschool the children & they have taken complete control of our home. both of my parents are very passive, so they're being taken advantage of.

i just am not sure how to deal with all of this anymore. the death of my grandpa (who was also my friend). my mom's drinking. my depression & her depression. i just always thought that she would always be there for me & now i feel like things will never be the same again with her. she's lost something. i really miss her positivity and just her. i feel like i have no one anymore. with the depression all this year i haven't been going out really anymore. i think all of my friends have long since abandoned me, except for one who i feel like we've really gotten distant. some days i can't leave my bedroom. i want help & i ask for help from my parents, my mom says she's overwhelmed (which i understand). my step dad (who i asked very weerily/last resort) tells me that they are trying to help me but i'm just not listening. that they can't help me anymore. that i'm just trying to get everyone to pity me. that i need to grow up. all i want from them is to be near me for the most part, they are always working, & even though our house is always full because of my uncle, they act like i'm invisible. they literally make no contact with me unless i go out of my way to talk to them. i try. if it wasn't for my mom who checks on me when she gets home from work around 5pm no one would even check on me in my room.

i just feel like i am dead already. i almost feel like this is worse then the last time. i'm on antidepressant & antianxiety meds. the anxiety ones help a little. i just feel so lost & like literally i have no one anymore. or at least anyone who cares. i'm just in a really dark place again & i'm really scared right now. i don't know what to do anymore. my mom's drinking is out of hand, she's very bitter even when she's sober, & when i am with her i get the feeling that she'd rather be anywhere but near me...my step dad never had a "relationship" with me anyway so no difference there. i'm trying so hard not to cut again. i'm trying so hard not to fall back into an eating disorder. i'm trying so hard with everything but nothing's working. my parents have even suggested i go live with an aunt or my step dads mom. i feel like they want to give me away.

sorry for writing so much but once i started i just couldn't stop. i know i'm definitely not close to the worst off on here but this is the only place i thought might listen

38 | Left by s | Dec. 26, 2010 at 5:11pm

This is amazing. This organization really helped me. Ive been wanting to get a suicide prevention program in my school. I have *alot* of friends who come to me when their at their breaking point. I seem to be the rock to everyone, when really I have tha most problems. I would love it, if I could get TWLOHA, as a proram at my school,

39 | Left by Madey | Aug. 4, 2011 at 6:51am