I just want to hug her and cry with her. And anything else she may need. Her granddaughter too.

1 | Left by Kelsey | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:01pm

Ha. It's beautiful, Brenda. And thank you Jaime for posting this.
I put "ha" because this expresses some of the confusing, complex thoughts and actions that happen when we are grieving. The constant "f**k you" is true, because when we do have insensitive people and tailgaters. but I love even more the "I forgive you" part. In all the anger and confusion and frustration we may project at others while in a time of grief, it is usually not serious. So yes, there is a moment of anger or irritation, but it is followed by forgiveness. I like many know the pain and surprise of a sudden loss, and the many emotions and conflicts that follow in trying to deal with loss...those are portrayed perfectly.

I express my sorrow and condolences to Brenda. Though I'm not a mother, I've lost a father, both grandmothers, and both grandfathers, just to say a few. This letter reminds me of my mom when she had to deal with her own dad's death, so I might pass this along.

I also wish support and healing to Brenda and her family, it's hard, but just stay strong and grounded, you'll get through this.

Love from a stranger, just passing along the movement.

2 | Left by Lilly | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:16pm

"To those of you who walked out of the service, first let me say this, DO NOT explain yourself to me. You can’t. You did one of the most self- centered selfish things and when I walked out to get Avigail as I planned, just coming out of such horrible pain and grief and see all of you in the lobby laughing and joking, the sight made me want to vomit right there. I was totally taken off guard by your insensitivity and I was supposed to take Avigail back in…… I couldn’t. I was totally numb the rest of the reception because I was so hurt over that moment."

People grieve differently. That is all.

3 | Left by Anon | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:18pm

That's amazing in so many ways. She seems to be an amazing woman, I'd like to be able to tell her that.

4 | Left by Reyna | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:21pm

To Brenda and Avigail, There are no words to comfort you now, there never will be. But I hope in time your pain will become more manageable and that you both find peace in knowing that even now, there are strangers who feel your hurt, and are crying with you, and for you. In speaking of death, Chris Rock once said, "You get used to it, but you never get over it." Truer words were never spoken. I wish you overwhelming love and support in this time of overwhelming grief and sadness. *hugs*

5 | Left by Cat | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:22pm

wow. what a strong woman. there are no words...no explanations that will EVER suffice. thank you, Brenda, for sharing from the depths of your pain and grief. thank you for letting us see your heart.

6 | Left by EmilyG | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:32pm

I felt terrible while reading this. I can't even imagine how painful it is. I hope she finds strenght and wish her the best.

7 | Left by Anon | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:40pm

You sound like me after my little brother died, only I had more "fuck yous", fewer "I forgives" and far less "I love yous." I want nothing more than you hug you at this moment and let you know you are not alone.

8 | Left by Christina | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:42pm

While reading this my tears were just flowing for Brenda and Avigail. She sounds like and amazing woman. Be strong for Avigail she needs you. I am so sorry on the saddest day of your life you had to deal with such insensitive a**holes. It will bite them one day. I know it's hard but somehow you just have to keep on keepin on. Be as strong as you can but remember you are allowed to lose it at times. It's all part of the process. Luv to you and your granddaughter.

9 | Left by Sherry | Jun. 15, 2011 at 2:44pm

And thank you, Brenda, for sharing your pain that we might share it with you.

I love that the list of people/things you thank is longer than the list of people/things that fucked you off.

10 | Left by Jo Malone | Jun. 15, 2011 at 3:00pm

This is beautiful and so lethargic, I feel every bit of her pain and anger and can say I have no words. This made me cry and think on my own life and loved ones and who I will be able to count on in a tragedy. Thank you for writing this in your time of grief and pain. I am sure it will help many

11 | Left by Cydney | Jun. 15, 2011 at 3:25pm

My heart breaks for you. If I could wrap you in a hug, Brenda, I would. The only words I would be able to offer you are these: You are loved, and you are not alone.

12 | Left by Amy | Jun. 15, 2011 at 4:47pm

Brenda, my heart breaks for you! I have no words, I only wish to tell you I am sorry for your loss and we stand with you... you are not alone.

13 | Left by chris | Jun. 15, 2011 at 9:29pm

"Fuck you night, thank you morning."
I think we can all appreciate the truth in those words. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and I will pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your words and know that there are people all over the world rooting for you. With love

14 | Left by Alexis | Jun. 15, 2011 at 9:32pm

This has made me so so sad but at the same time so thankful for my life. I understand the pain this woman is going through on a different level. She definately should know she is loved and although her daughter has passed she will always live on in memories and her beautiful daughter.

15 | Left by Ashley Grabowski | Jun. 16, 2011 at 9:03am

I cannot describe how much I wish I could be with you right now. A stranger, yet someone who feels so similar to me. I feel you pain and I love you for it.

16 | Left by Scarlet Huxley | Jun. 16, 2011 at 10:00am

I just lost my father 2 weeks ago and still have no words or feelings. I have been a zombie and completely lost... My heart and prayers go out to Brenda....

17 | Left by Amy Dodge | Jun. 16, 2011 at 10:32am

I have children. Young children. I can not imagine the canyon this ripped into your soul. My father died 4 years ago. He raised his four children and helped 2 of us raise ours. It hurt. It still hurts some days. You cease to hear the intended to be consoling words of friends and family. The only words that I remember were said by my older sister to my daughter, 9 at the time. The light of her grandfather's eye. My sister hugged her and said I'm sorry you hurt. It may not have helped, but I remember it.
Brenda, I'm sorry you hurt.

18 | Left by Suzy | Jun. 16, 2011 at 12:47pm

I can't imagine in how much pain are you in right now. You're in my prayers...

19 | Left by Leticia | Jun. 16, 2011 at 4:28pm

thank you for making this it is beautiful.

20 | Left by Megan | Jun. 17, 2011 at 12:10pm

Thank you so much for your kind words and forgiving me my not so kind words. I am open to any of you joining me on this journey through life. You can find me on facebook. Email is 2brendahughes@gmail.com It is set to private, but I will add you. Again, thank you.

21 | Left by Brenda Hughes | Jun. 18, 2011 at 8:54pm

Thank you for being real. Your words touched my heart. I have no idea what youre going through, but I hope it gets better. *hugs* sometimes thats all we can give

22 | Left by Kelsey | Jun. 19, 2011 at 1:54am

While reading this tears fell from my eyes. The pain really goes right through... it is painful, yet so beautiful. May she forever rest in peace.

23 | Left by Anna | Jun. 20, 2011 at 8:22am

i'm 16 and i've been through alot of shit. but have hope, have faith, have it in others who are closest and the one who is eternally closet, have hope and faith in him above, it may be hard but one day if you have the faith and hope he above has given me, all will mellow out. you may see what you lost one day wasn't lost after all.

24 | Left by stehanie dobson | Jun. 20, 2011 at 7:36pm

Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone. Each time I read it, it brings me to tears.

Thank you Brenda, you have expressed the words of many who face grief each day. This is beautiful.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family the best, though there are no real words to say.

Silence often speaks the loudest in most cases

25 | Left by Nicole | Jun. 20, 2011 at 10:32pm

I so feel you sister. I am Cindy, Carla's friend. I also have lost a child. Her name was Rebecca. I understand and can feel what you are saying. It is truly the hardest thing in the world to have to deal with., I would like to talk to you, It is a sad comfort, for me to know I am not alone. I am so sorry for your great loss. May God give you the strength you will need to get through this. It isn't easy, but can be done.
R.I.P. Rebecca Ann Starnes 1/21/86-3/25/2005.... .
God Bless You Brenda
Feeling for you, Cindy Kimbrell, in Florida

26 | Left by Cindy | Jun. 21, 2011 at 11:09am

To Twloha or to Brenda,
I cannot say that I know how you feel because I am not a mother nor do I know your exact situation. I do know the fear of loss and the pain of loss. There are no words to describe the void we feel for losing someone.
Around the time I read your words, I lost my grandmother. I wish I knew of some way I could comfort you and your family, or for that matter anyone who has lost someone.
I am so sorry for your loss.
-Mikayla

27 | Left by Mikayla | Jun. 21, 2011 at 3:28pm

Thank you.

28 | Left by Ellie | Jun. 21, 2011 at 3:50pm

To Brenda. You're my hero for the way you handled everything. I just wanted to let you know that. Reading your story is a painful thing, I've never experienced this, but you inspired me to keep looking up when the world is pushing me down. I lost my grandfather in January of 2008. I still miss him and love him. He was my father figure. He had always been my rock. I just wanted to let you know that to me, you are a hero, and an idol in my eyes. God Bless You, and I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

29 | Left by serenity. | Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:25am

To Brenda,
Your story is VERY powerful. Most days we don't listen to people to really empathize with them. It would make such a difference if we did! I don't have words except I'm sorry. As a sister in Christ I will share the pain with you. God bless you!

30 | Left by Mary | Jun. 24, 2011 at 3:07pm

Brenda, while I do not know you personally, spiritually I know your anguish and despair. I lost a son to suicide in 1993, he was 16, all that you wrote I experienced and still to this day often deal with. They say you have stages of Grief, it's been nearly 18 years and I have the world of darkness to deal with daily, the thoughts, the pain, the memories I don't know which is worse; However I do appreciate your coming forward with the Honesty and to the point of a parents loss, only we know.
cdbowling

31 | Left by charles bowling | Jun. 24, 2011 at 3:40pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I got chills reading Brenda's words. My brother passed away five years ago and this hits very close to home. Brenda, you sound like such a courageous woman, and I am so sorry for your loss. You do not walk this journey alone, and I will be thinking about you.

I wish more posts like this existed. Thank you, TWLOHA.

32 | Left by Anon | Jun. 26, 2011 at 5:06pm

I haven't experienced any death loss in my family since my granny died when I was seven...so I can't even begin to imagine the torture Brenda must have endured (and still has to endure) as she heals. I hope the best for her..and I wish I could give her an ole' Tennessee-style bear hug, I really do.

33 | Left by Lauren Jeanette | Jun. 26, 2011 at 6:35pm

I feel so bad for Brenda, as I read this I felt like I was greaving with her. I like how half away instead of saying "Fuck you, I forgive you" she says "Thanky you, I love you"
Always have hope

34 | Left by Zoe | Jun. 28, 2011 at 12:16pm

Thank you so much for sharing Brenda's words, thoughts. . . her heart. Beautifully written because it is meant from a bruise and battered heart which needs some TLC. My prayers are with you. . . .

35 | Left by Meggin Marie | Jun. 28, 2011 at 7:40pm

This is nice. This is also to encourage you all and tell you that there is still hope. I was all alone with almost all the existing problems. I was sucidal, then i met someone who turned my life around, solved my problems and gave me a new world. For more of my testimonies and advice on how to get help like i did. Email me on prettykatty85@gmail.com. I was helped and i am glad to help others.

36 | Left by Kate | Jun. 29, 2011 at 6:53am

Thank you for posting this. I just want to hold her and cry with her.

The consistent swearing is a true heart felt emotion, thank you for being so frank and not censoring yourself.


Much love.

37 | Left by Colleen | Jun. 29, 2011 at 10:31am

This is such a heartbreakingly beautiful display of what it means to grieve over someone so close to you. I could feel and relate to nearly every emotion Brenda poured out.
Stay strong and hopeful, because the light of the morning is far stronger than the darkness of the night.

38 | Left by Brenna | Jun. 30, 2011 at 10:28am

Thank you for this beautiful expression of loss and grief and pain and love. Love.

39 | Left by Anon | Jun. 30, 2011 at 6:28pm

I read this post a few days ago. I thought it was sad, and awful what this mother was going through. And then I went about my day. I ate, i slept, i laughed with friends. I kept on living, not giving much more thought to this grieving mother.

Then WHAM. In the blink of an eye everything changed, and when it did the first person I thought about was this mother.

Yesterday (7/1/11) two twin girls i had gone to school with for 13 years and graduated with, were in horrific car accident. I heard they were in critical condition, and of course being a young teenager, i assumed they would be just fine. People get in accidents all the time and end up okay, right?

then I got the news. One of them didnt make it. All I could think of was her mother. Her beautiful, wonderful, happy mother. Her world was now rocked to the very core. And while shes in schock over one daughter, she has to watch her other daughter be taken back for emergency surgery.

people always say the cliche things "you dont know what you"ve till its gone." but those words never sink in too deep until tragedy forces them down your throat.

please send up prayers an thoughts even though you dont know these people. And thank you TWLOHA for inviting me, and every one else hurting out there and alone, to come and feel like we can rest in the arms of something bigger than ourselves.

40 | Left by Autumn | Jul. 2, 2011 at 9:51am

I found this very inspiring. It made me want to go write a song for you. Thank you so much posting twloha.

41 | Left by EmilyNicole3 | Jul. 4, 2011 at 8:41am

I thank her for sharing this, I am so very touched by her grief. I thank you all for knowing it was right to share it with us all and just as it was written.

42 | Left by Candice | Jul. 4, 2011 at 4:12pm

Remarkably beautifully written....

43 | Left by Chelsea | Jul. 9, 2011 at 11:47pm

Absolutely beautiful. God bless you Brenda. It gets better. Your story is enlightening, and I know you will get through it. I too share some of your pain.
I love you.

44 | Left by Taryn | Jul. 15, 2011 at 12:37am

That really touched my heart, and made me cry. I don't pretend to understand your pain, but I felt a bit of it as I read your story. xx

45 | Left by christie | Jul. 15, 2011 at 10:56am

I cried when I read this. It touched me, in ways most things can't. I can't imagine the pain you're going through, and I won't pretend to. But I will pray, for you, for Avigail, and for your daughter. Always have hope, the pain will fade. It will never go away, but it will fade. Keep her memory alive for you and for her daughter. Stay strong

46 | Left by Anon | Jul. 21, 2011 at 3:38pm

Hi. I came on this site months ago looking for support, i couldn't navigate as i was too much of a mess and left.
I came back today being more together now and now im sitting in floods of tears after reading your pain and suffering.

I feel so much that i felt i had to write to you. I suffered the same loss when i was a young teen & i wanted you to know (As much as you may not be able to hear it)that in time it will hurt less. Live for your daughter now, remember her and bless the time she was here with you. Never forget her but never feel guilt for surviving her. It is okay to scream, its okay to fall into the pit you would have been feeling. It is equally acceptable to stand up again and acknowledge you are still here, that you love your daughter & miss her and will never forget her.

She is with God now and when your time comes you will be reuinited with her as will everyone you love. Start to live again for you will see her again. You will hear her laugh and see her smile, for now in your heart and minds eye which will keep you going.

My thoughts are with you & my pain. I hope you take strength from these words, i hope you find comfort.

47 | Left by Roxanne | Jul. 24, 2011 at 9:59am

Brenda,
Thank you for sharing this, I love you. My sister passed away from a car accident in 1999. She was just 30 years old. I understand your horrific pain, I have watched my mother mourn her first child. I know people say it gets easier, but I dont think it ever gets easier. I think you just learn to live with it better. Stay strong Brenda, your daughter lives on in your granddaughter.I am so sorry for your loss and will think of you and your daughter often.

48 | Left by Jennifer | Jul. 28, 2011 at 1:01am

This is absolutely beautiful and yet so tremendously heartbreaking. It brought tears to my eyes.

49 | Left by Dylan | Aug. 2, 2011 at 5:18pm

Wow. At first i had no idea what this would be about. And for not knowing her, for never experiencing this myself, i suenly feel her pain.her words make me want to cry with her, to make everything ok. But i know from my own personal experience that when people are in pain sometimes nothing can make it better. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

50 | Left by korinne | Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:41pm

Dear Brenda
Thank you
I love you

Love,
Bliss
P.S. you are a strong woman dont let any one tell you other wise. :)

51 | Left by Bliss | Aug. 16, 2011 at 1:44am

Thank you for reminding me that there are so many more important things in life than what I worry about. Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for making me cry. Thank you for being a strong, wonderful, beautiful woman. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I cannot pretend to imagine the pain you are feeling, but I thank you for giving me a glimpse of it.

52 | Left by Hannah | Aug. 16, 2011 at 12:57pm

This story took my breath away and broke my heart. I felt a part of the pain you shared today and I thank you , it reminds me that it shouldn't be possible to judge someone , EVER . It reminded me that you have no idea what people are going through the second you say hello to them , even if you just saw them five minutes ago . I can't begin to imagine the pain you're feeling , but I love you for sharing it .

53 | Left by Bethany | Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:02pm

Thank you for sharing that. This story left me speechless and it broke my heart. It showed me that even though people stay strong on the outside. You don't know what they aren't telling you. That you never what people are going through. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain that you're feeling. But I thank you for sharing your story. And I love you for sharing this. And staying strong. Now that I have read this. Often I will think of you and your daughter. And I don't think I will ever forget this story.

54 | Left by Cayla | Aug. 20, 2011 at 10:10pm

Oh, Brenda.....
Thank you for your brutal honesty..... your willingness to tear aside the veil that society wants us to wear, that hides our pain, because the depth and breadth of this kind of pain makes people uncomfortable, makes them *squirm*.....
I stand with you in your pain, in your loss, but I can never stand beside you. I have been blessed enough to never feel that kind of loss, bear witness to this kind of pain, but, because of your courage, because of your selfless-ness, because of your willingness to accept your pain and cast it out there for the whole world to see.... I stand with you. I stand behind you. I want you to know that you have touched me, in a way that no one else ever has..... and I want to say thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss.... words cannot describe how sorry I am. I wish I could do more than just write these words, but there is no way for me to show you how I feel or how deeply you have affected me...... But thank you.....

55 | Left by Katherine Paph-Rose | Aug. 29, 2011 at 9:19am

Dear people of twloha, I think that what you are doing here is amazing. As a person who has been through a lot and still going through some things I think that this is a great cause to fight for. Self harm is an issue that not a lot of people face the right way. I think that there should be more orginazations like yours. I wish I could help with something like this in a way as big as you have. Im an English student for ZBVance High School in Charlotte North Carolina. When my teacher told us we had to choose a blog to write to that promoted change I knew I would choose yours. I love what you're doing.

Sincerly, EnglishStudentForChange.

56 | Left by EnglishStudentForChange | Sep. 6, 2011 at 2:20pm

2 yrs I have hurt. Not knowing. Here it was along. I go to therapy. I've reached out but nothing has hit as hard as this. My heart aches bc I know a similar pain. I know of a sudden lose that it's so overwhelming that you lose yourself in it. One thing right after another it seems. Brenda you saved me today. You pulled me up from the dark. I hope the same for you. Thank you. Thank you for allowing your words to be posted. I love you.

57 | Left by Ashley d | Nov. 2, 2011 at 8:59pm