beautiful words and message. brought a tear to my eye, honestly

1 | Left by Anon | Jul. 5, 2010 at 7:59am

What a lovely blog..I'm tearing up. Thanks for sharing.

2 | Left by Amber | Jul. 5, 2010 at 8:00am

Jamie this is beautiful. I did not see fireworks last night, and honestly I've never been a fan of fireworks...but this is a beautiful image of what fireworks can be.

3 | Left by Brittany | Jul. 5, 2010 at 8:02am

Jamie

I was moved by your words, and I don't often get moved from words about fireworks. It's what behind the moves that got me, that feeling you're talking about is something I've experienced when I lived in Manhattan a long time ago. I can't even remember where I've spent 4th of July back then but since it's not really a holiday for me (I'm not an american), it didn't matter much. Just being w/ the people I love, being surrounded by people who truly care about something - that's incredible.

I did enjoy the fireworks, I enjoyed your fireworks.
Thank u for that.

Have a great holiday
Isabel

4 | Left by Isabel | Jul. 5, 2010 at 8:14am

This is so beautiful. I wish I could say that I felt hope or joy or anything but despair last night. Eight months without work, unemployment benefits cut off thanks to Congress, and now the gov't is trying to take away the food stamps that my two children and I depend on.

I am trying so hard to believe that hope is real and that I matter but things are so bad right now I don't know what to do.

5 | Left by laid-off single mom | Jul. 5, 2010 at 9:29am

thank you for your words, jamie.

you encourage and inspire me... to not give up on myself and my fourteen months of sobriety, despite my struggles to begin a new chapter in my life... to not give up on vulnerability in community, despite my apparent lack of much community now... to not give up on hope, love, redemption.

thank you.

6 | Left by ally c | Jul. 5, 2010 at 12:54pm

I would have never thought of it like that. You are so encouraging. I wish I thought of the fireworks I saw last night like that.

7 | Left by Jennifer | Jul. 5, 2010 at 5:27pm

I've always loved how fireworks make me feel, but never knew the reason. Now I know. Thank you.

X

8 | Left by Sami | Jul. 5, 2010 at 5:28pm

I honestly hat fireworks with a passion. When they were going off, I was crying. Thinking about the hell I went through last year while telling my story to a new friend and explaining how much twloha means to me. I cried and cursed at the fireworks since I hated them, and after my friend left, my best friend, my ex, he person who one year later, I am still in love with, told me he had a new girlfriend, I cut myself. Reading this, it brought tears to my eyes. Your ability to find hope and beauty in simple things amazes me and gives me hope. These stories are what keep me alive. Thanks twloha

9 | Left by Brittany | Jul. 5, 2010 at 5:37pm

Beautifully written piece. It was incredibly lovely.

10 | Left by Autumn | Jul. 5, 2010 at 6:02pm

i spent the 4th of july with my family in a corn field lighting off fireworks. i sat in a folding chair next to my 85 year old grandma and my father. we sat and were amazed at the fireworks.
i have suffered with depression my entire life and last night during the fireworks i felt truely happy for the first time. i am so glad to see that i was not the only person who felt that way.

11 | Left by kate | Jul. 5, 2010 at 9:48pm

that was beautiful. ♥ truely beautiful. ♥

12 | Left by cheyenne | Jul. 6, 2010 at 6:34am

4th of July has never been a good holiday for me. NEVER. The past two July 4th's before this year in particular were rough. I've only seemed to experience loss and pain on this day. Which is ironic considering what we celebrate it for. When I first started reading this blog I thought it was going to talk about how great 4th of July was because of it being "independence day", etc. I'm glad I decided to continue reading instead of stopping because this blog truly spoke right to the part of my heart that was hurting and trying to find some sense from this holiday. It stated exactly what I was trying to find in this holiday (and every other holiday) and in every other day of my life: hope & wonder. This year my 4th was an improvement over the previous two, because this year I am trying harder (more than ever in my life) to always look for hope in everything, and to let the wonder of the world amaze me. What's amazing about that is I've been struggling with depression, and its height has been the past two years, and the thing that always gives me hope is that I'm still willing to struggle and to never give up. Even people that don't struggle with depression can easily forget that "beauty can be found, to believe that life does come back, that something can surprise you." that's all too easy in the world we live in. We become so numb with our daily routines and such, especially for me, "it's too easy to forget, to believe the black night sky is only always black." I had become that way due to the pain I've felt the last two years. However, lately life has been coming back to me, because I have the hope to search for wonder, and I constantly remind myself that "that it's possible, that beauty still happens."

xo

13 | Left by Megan | Jul. 6, 2010 at 7:08am

Jamie,

Thank you. That was great. Possibly...no, actually, it was genius.

Guess what?! I've gone 9 months of no SI!
Yesssss. It feels good.

Hope YOU'RE doing ok, finding help, happiness and healing.
Know that you're very (very) important and special, Jamie.
-Jovie

14 | Left by Jovie | Jul. 6, 2010 at 9:55am

To All-
I just want to tell everyone that they are loved. I know some people don't realize it that easily. And so even though it doesn't have to do specifically with this blog post, I want to make sure those people know. All people are loved.

15 | Left by Theh0pe | Jul. 6, 2010 at 10:57am

I found this through twitter. I just wanted to say that I thought about wonder this fourth of july, and how I used to feel swallowed by the falling colors...

16 | Left by Kasey | Jul. 6, 2010 at 6:23pm

i agree with every word you said, every year the fireworks bring new hope to me that one day we will all stop and look to the skies as we do to watch the fireworks, just stop and notice how beautiful the earth we live on is.When i was younger i lost my sister sami to cancer she was eight and i was three. Every year now ive been depressed by the fact that i can't ever make memories with her because she left us when i was so young..but her bestfriend eventually became my sister in everyway and this year we shared the memory of seeing the fireworks together, she held me in her arms and called me her sister..her sister. As the fireworks went on dark purple ones were appearing and i knew it was a sign that my sister sami was there enjoying the fireworks, dark purple was her favorite color. I didn't kno fireworks could change my life, but in every word it did. i shared them with both of my sisters.

17 | Left by ali | Jul. 6, 2010 at 6:46pm

3rd paragraph down..the whole paragraph. WOW. Every word to that paragraph has fit my life..to this date. I have been done from cutting for 1 year today. That paragraph reminds me why I started recovery in the first place..and why I continue to stay in recovery. TWLOHA you are all amazing! Thank you Jamie for such a beautiful message, and such an incredible paragraph that touched my heart.

18 | Left by Lacey | Jul. 6, 2010 at 10:49pm

jamie,
you really know how to make anything sound absolutely beautiful. i admire and absolutely appreciate how you find hope in the little places, and find joy in the little things. i too had bad fourth of julys, and this gave me so much joy and hope and just made me wonder. we all have a story, and when those fireworks explode in the sky, i think of who else is watching them, and what memories it brings to each and every person under those exploding lights. we find hope. we are hopeful. i am hopeful.

love.

19 | Left by Taryn | Jul. 7, 2010 at 10:42pm

My Dad passed away on July 3rd. I laid beside him on his nursing home bed as he lay dying. I held his warm hands that gripped mine with a passion. I know in my heart that his passing is a celebration since he was 95 and very ill. However, I wanted to be alone and thinking of people celebrating made me sad. Now, after reading about your experience, I feel hope and happiness for the first time. I feel that God led me to your message to relieve my suffering --- to renew hope that nothing ever dies, just passes on to a new life. Thank you

20 | Left by marianne | Jul. 8, 2010 at 3:56pm

I to stay balanced by avoiding anything too sad or too happy. I cry at fireworks and therefore don't go with the crowds. I can manage all right if I stay at a distance and see a few above the tree tops and can feel the fireworks from afar. It's as though I know hope is there but I just can't embrace it up close and personal and I only know that my therapist is the only one that "walks with me" and understands. Your message moved me greatly (I'm all teared up now). God bless you for your strength and your renewed knowledge.

21 | Left by left by Laura | Jul. 9, 2010 at 7:58am

sometimes it's moments like these where it makes me think, maybe there is a reason to keep trying. july fourth takes on a different meaning for each of us. some it brings more pain, maybe from past memories, and some it brings hope of maybe something beautiful does exist through the dark nights. sometimes i think i have to pretend to be happy even though i feel numb and alone. it's a rare occurance when i don't feel like i have to pretend.. like with fireworks.. it's not pretending. it's real. it's hope. it's not a lie. and for a moment i don't have to think about the past and the pain.

thanks for everything you do jamie and everyone at twloha.

22 | Left by Callie | Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:37pm