i have realy bad depression because of my dad he was vary mean and other things i live in ohio and iam 12. is there a twloha in ohio

1 | Left by kaitlyn | Apr. 10, 2011 at 3:45pm

depression.
it really gets the best of us huh.
affects how we treat other.
well thats my struggle and im....

stuck.

2 | Left by lupe | Apr. 10, 2011 at 6:15pm

To Kaitlyn of Ohio
To answer your question, There is no location or destination of TWLOHA. Its not a place you can arrive at but a destination you find within yourself and within others who take time to care for those in need. When two people talk about their struggles and find strength or safety in the knowledge that they are not alone, not the only one facing hard times or in your case depression. That moment when you feel hope for a better tomorrow, that is the location of TWLOHA. That feeling of love and hope that the words and/or actions of others bring is where TWLOHA resides. I hope this helped to answer your question. I am also an Ohio resident and have wondered the same question. "Where is TWLOHA"? It is in you d[^_^]b

3 | Left by Chris | Apr. 11, 2011 at 2:00pm

i am depressed. I admit. And yet, i still relie on self mutilation.

4 | Left by Jordan | Apr. 11, 2011 at 5:09pm

That shouldnt HAVE to be the case, Jordan! thats not the right thing to do! Look to friends for support! thats what i have done. I've had depression for two and a half years. i just met a great many people who are very supportive of me! Who WILL support me, and i have two friends especially that go to my school that both have friends like me. who have depression. Do not give up. plus self-harm can be very dangerous! lol, im totally quoting my friends right now, odd!

5 | Left by Lorena Terry | Apr. 11, 2011 at 8:03pm

(Kaitlyn)
Yeah sorry there is no ACTUAL TWLOHA location, its actually a lovely, beautiful non-profit organization. but i agree with Chris< TWLOHA is not a literal place, but it is people who give hurting, depressed, broken people- hope!

6 | Left by Lorena Terry | Apr. 11, 2011 at 8:08pm

i have depression.. and i cut.. i dont know how to stop. its like its hard to stop because i feel like im addicted...

7 | Left by maryan gasper | Apr. 12, 2011 at 7:45am

Maryan
I know where you are coming from! I also deal with self harm and sometimes it is difficult to stop because there is something enjoyable about it. I do not cut so i dont know exactly how to help you with your situation but I would HIGHLY recommend talking to a trusted friend of to find something to do when you feeling like cutting or harming yourself. Every time you get the urge to cut, try to talk to that person or go do something to get your mind away from self harm. Finding that HOPE and security is the best thing i feel you can do to help battle your depression. Dont be afraid to ask for help! Its the most difficult step to take but it only gets easier from there.
I hope this helped d[^_^]b

8 | Left by Chris | Apr. 12, 2011 at 8:53am

why is it that self-harm is like an addiction?
i can't stop and i'm scared,i don't trust anyone anymore.....

9 | Left by Lauren | Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:28am

I guess they consider it an addiction becuase we do it to cope with our suffering, I mean alchoholics drink to cope, heroin addicts shoot up to cope, so that's what other people do, cut or burn or anything else to harm themselves.
Through everything i've been through losing my best friend bescause so much had happened to him, it was hard. So I jjust started cutting, im in the same place as other people.
I feel stuck and lost. I'm afraid i'll end up like him

10 | Left by nikki grace skye | Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:51am

Actuallyyy, cutting releases endorphines in the brain which causes addiction from the pleasure and release it causes(:
Lalalala, that's coming from a fellow cutter and psycholigist to be(:

11 | Left by L(: | Apr. 13, 2011 at 1:04pm

You should come to Jacksonville or Macclenny. I really wanna see you speak but you never come close enough for me to come.

12 | Left by Ashleigh | Apr. 13, 2011 at 3:16pm

Beauty. There's so much more than the brand. Look behind the brand. Look to the heart that created it. ((((: I like this a loootttt.

13 | Left by Kendra | Apr. 13, 2011 at 7:17pm

I have some friends that are cutting themselves and i need some advice on what to do.

14 | Left by Emily Palmer | Apr. 14, 2011 at 6:44pm

To Lauren/ L(:
L(: is right. However, it also releases enkephalins. Endorphins and enkephalins together are the brain's natural response to pain and has the similar effect of morphine. (because your body wants the pain to stop.) Over time, your body is used to more of that in your system and when you stop, it's a lesser version of withdrawing from a drug.
Another reason is the same reason people get addicted to pain killers, only opposite. There are TRPV1 receptors in your brain that need a regular cycle of pain and non-pain to develop healthy, 'normal' habits. Abuse of pain killers disrupts that cycle, so it could be assumed that the opposite is also true.
Hope that helped.

15 | Left by court | Apr. 16, 2011 at 12:10pm

I suffered through depression. I suffered through it all. But thank god, I survived. I know how you all feel. You are not alone.

All of you, you all are beautiful.
Don't hurt yourself because you all are way, way, way to beautiful for that.
There's someone out there that cares for you, or loves you.
You're not alone. Believe me. If I can survive through depression, you can too.
Good luck.

Love, Catherine.

16 | Left by Catherine Castaneda | Apr. 16, 2011 at 6:44pm

I'm so glad im not alone. I'm scared and I'm never sure what to do..

17 | Left by Shaina | Apr. 17, 2011 at 1:41pm

I didn't realize that you were in RI today and Im so sad I missed it. I used to suffer with cutting. I used to feel trapped by my depression, and cutting myself many times a day. But, the story of TWLOHA really changed my life. I haven't cut myself in almost one year, thank you so much!

18 | Left by Marisa | Apr. 17, 2011 at 7:37pm

hi jamie,
Im doing a senior project and am wanting to do it on twloha. i have been following your organization for 4 years now and would really like to help contribute to it. what i am planing on doing is buying about 50 braclets and sell them for 2 dollors more, and hoping they will sell then i will give all the profit i make back to twloha. im wondering if there is anything else i can try to do for your organization. please email me at jaime.weber@ymail.com
thank you

19 | Left by Jaime | Apr. 18, 2011 at 11:15am

TWLOHA is amazing. Me and my friends write love on our arms every day in support of it. I have cut once, my friends have helped a lot. And after seeing the story on here, i realised that there is more to my life than just the stress and pain. I noticed that i can release my pain and any other feelings through my artwork, writing and songs. So thank you twloha, youn have been a great help.

20 | Left by Nic | Apr. 18, 2011 at 12:39pm

i'm depressed .. and i do self-harm .

my problem ?
i've tried everything .. talking to friends , i've been to school guidence , teachers , a pyschologist , family .

Literally almost everything .. i'm so lost and addicted to cutting and burning . i don't know what to do .. ):

21 | Left by Lindsey | Apr. 18, 2011 at 2:08pm

I know this may sound bad but i love reading yalls comments cause it reminds me that i'm not alone.
I've been self-harming for 6 months and 18 days.
It has been exactly 2 weeks since I last cut =) Thanks TWLOHA!

22 | Left by Vivie | Apr. 18, 2011 at 5:57pm

im still depressed... but i've found the strength to stop cutting.. i feel like i've made an acomplishment.. i was cutting for 3 years. thanks for the help TWOLHA! :) its awesome to know that im not alone. :)

23 | Left by maryan | Apr. 19, 2011 at 7:15am

i've been really depressed lately. i cut a lot and burn. only recently have i been able to stop. but i keep having urges to go back to it. i feel like no one cares for me. i'm bullied a lot. and teased. just for being different. i don't know where to turn. i've been thinking about running away. but i know that will just cause more problems. can someone please help me?

24 | Left by Samantha | Apr. 19, 2011 at 10:20am

TWLOHA saved my life and my best friends. I was just randomly looking up pictures of my favorite bands and I saw them with TWLOHA on their shirts and I was like...Wow, that's awesome!! And when my friend attempted suicide a few months ago, i just wrote LOVE on her arms and told her taht she needed help. It's saved my friends and my own life.

25 | Left by Hannah | Apr. 19, 2011 at 1:14pm

I really don't know how to put my feelings into words. I feel like I'm drowning in water and no one is here to save me. I'm suicidal, I have been for over a year now. I need someone to help me through all of this :/ all of my friends have gave up on me. They've turned their backs on me. They don't think I can change. But I want to change so bad, I just don't know how. Please help me :(

26 | Left by -lmm | Apr. 19, 2011 at 5:08pm

im suicidal and i cut.... i dont know how to stop. i cut when i feel sad, and even happy... im screaming for help but the silence is louder than my screams.. my friends and parents dont understand me. i feel like i have no one to turn to. and its like im an outcast. im bullied constantly because of my lifestyle choice... :/ im depressed and i dont know what to do... ;(

27 | Left by mary elizabeth | Apr. 21, 2011 at 7:30am

I know how the both of you feel. Im in the same boat, my friends have given up, and my parents. But im tryin to look at the shiny sun. if you guys need to talk im here :) you can email me. :)
nikki.grace.skye71@gmail.com

28 | Left by nikki grace | Apr. 21, 2011 at 9:37am

Last year i was so Depressed. I had lost two of my really close friends. I somehow got though it. I also had to help someone with cutting..but i had to soon stop talking to him because i was getting to upset i almost started to, and i new i couldnt help if i started to. I dont talk to him, but the last time i saw him he seemed fine. I just wish i could had done it a different way. I read Mary elizabeth, and i remembered how i was. I dont know what you/ are being put though. But theres people that do care. I care, and i dont even know you. I believe everyones here for a reason. Maby instead of cuting, you could write,draw, or sing it out.Dance even. I got into an after school activity. It might help. Or read when your feeling sad. To destact you. I dont know much, but i hope maby some of these will help.

29 | Left by Anon | Apr. 21, 2011 at 4:46pm

hey guys.
i self harmed for 5 years and have been depressed for 9 years(im 16). i was ready to kill myself. i just want you all to know that after therapy, the right meds and an after school activity, i feel so much better. there is hope for all of you, i know you can. feel free to contact me for support. firesofyoureyes@gmail.com

30 | Left by emma kait | Apr. 21, 2011 at 7:18pm

I've been feeling depressed for as long as i can remember.
I've been bullied since kindergarden. ever since 6-7th grade i've been cutting. and it keeps getting worse. i cant stop tho. i've been trying to for a while. i'll stop for a few months then starts back up. people are starting to notice.. What can i do to help myself stop? Im scared to tell an adutl because i dont want my parents to know. im scared right now, and i dont know who to turn to. Help me please?

31 | Left by michelle | Apr. 24, 2011 at 7:07pm

TWLOHA

32 | Left by Sami long | Apr. 25, 2011 at 1:10am

idk. it just hasnt helped me like it has other people. i hate it, cause even though i know people who are going through the same stuff, i still feel alone. i just feel like no one REALLY understands when they say they do..and people say they'll help me through anything, but they end up leaving anyway. i just hate the feeling....

33 | Left by carmen | Apr. 25, 2011 at 7:06am

Hey Carmen,
I never been though that but i no alot of people that cut, i try to help them. Im just not strong enough to get them to stop. Im still at that teenage age were it hard for me to not pick up on others when im around them alot. And i believe im no help if i start to be the same way.Even though i love them, i can only do so much, and if something really bad happend to them i probably be a walking Zombie.. Idk what age you are, and i dont no what your going though. But I would try to get grown up help. If anything remember that there are ones that love you. Even if you feel alone. Theres alot of people that feel that way. For awhile i had to force myself to eat because i felt so alone i was trying to make myself pretty. but i soon grow out of it. I see it as a piece of gum. Most people will take up (teens) if its handed to them. that gum is were your trying your best to be better, even if your not perfect. Your trying. And thats all that matters is that you try. I rather no i tryed than to not have tryed at all. Even if the outcomes not what i want it to be. Your placed on this earth for a reason. Thats for everyone.

I hope this might help,
Em

34 | Left by Em | Apr. 26, 2011 at 6:14pm

TWLOHA has changed my attitude towards life in general, I truley believe TWLOHA has saved my life..love is the movement.

35 | Left by Sara | Apr. 27, 2011 at 3:36pm

I am a recovering cutter. i recently went to a hospital to get treatment, and even though they released me, i'm still having troubles not cutting. i have been doing it since i was 11. thats almost three years now. its also hard knowing that other people know. im not embarrassed, but the way they look at me is like i'm a danger or a freak. but im not, right? and being told these things just makes me angry and hurt, and makes me want to cut again. i have 'coping skills' but i don't wana use them cuz they are strange for me...i feel...

lost.

36 | Left by Kay | Apr. 28, 2011 at 10:00am

My friend Megan and i have been friends for over a year now, and we're best friends. we're going through the same things, we both cut, and we're both suicidal but we never really talked about it until a counselour called her dad, then came to my house, and yelled and screamed at us. we got through it, but now everyone calls us "emo" or "outcasts". and we don't know how to get through all of this, we need help. if we dont get help soon, something might happen to one of us, and we're scared. we dont know what to do. please, help us.

37 | Left by brittani luke | Apr. 28, 2011 at 4:09pm

The world is very differnet now than it use to be. Its normal to feel lost when you have cutting or other problems. Your not outcast or emos. People are just scared of things they dont understand. I understand why people do/have or had the problems they have or use to have. Brittani you were here to meet megan. You guys try to stay together and try to help each other. Your here to help others in someway. even if you dont think your helping, you are. No your not a freak kay or anything else bad. You just have had/have not such a good life. It happens. But you have every right to go get more help. and as you were talking about "coping skill", (i guess there to help you not to hurt yourself?) well i no they may seem stange, but you might as well give them a try. If there for help. Its like if your trying to eat healther. It feels strange and hard to do, but its worth it in the end. Your strong in your own ways. You guys are strong for asking for help. Alot of people couldnt/wouldnt do that. Your getting there. keep trying to get better. Even if you feel like your getting no were, you are if you dont give up. that what matters. Remember, there is help out there, and i hope this helps.

38 | Left by Em | Apr. 28, 2011 at 7:34pm

I don't cut but one of my best friends use to. Alot of her friends stoped talking to her but it was really sad beceuse it made her suicidal so I talked to her about it and it really helped her. Just remember allways to be strong and keep good friends around you and never give up even it your really sad and it feels like the end think of the future and how sad it would make the people you love. I belive in you all love Brooky

39 | Left by Brooky | Apr. 28, 2011 at 9:09pm

cutting has become a part of me... and i dont think i can give it up... i feel like im not worth anything.. and i've been cutting for 4 years... :(

40 | Left by Xxalone in alabamaxX | Apr. 29, 2011 at 12:28pm

Your are worth the world, you are a bueatiful soal, and can do anything. Just stay strong and no there are people out there are praying and love you. I hope you can get some help. Its not easy, but your getting there, and you can stop, because you want and need to. We believe in you Xxalone.

41 | Left by Em | Apr. 30, 2011 at 5:55am

Reading the comments here reminds me of how I used to feel (sometimes I still do) and how I used to treat myself. I hope that someone who is feeling lost and scared will read this and know that there is hope, happiness, love, and help available. Even if you feel like you have tried everything or that you will never change, DO NOT stop trying. I have dealt with bullying, depression, anxiety, and self harm and I know people who have had it worse than me. I got help, my friends got help, and you can get help and you can get better! Don't give up xx

42 | Left by xXxLizZxXx | Apr. 30, 2011 at 7:20pm

I'm depressed. I admit it. And I cut. I have the scars to prove it. I'm seeking therapy for it. If it wasn't for my best friend I don't know if I would be seeking therapy. Once I seek help and I'm okay with myself again, I plan on getting "LOVE" tattooed on my arm where I cut so I can be reminded of TWLOHA everyday, and to remember that my best friend was there for me when I needed her most.

43 | Left by Noel | May. 2, 2011 at 10:22pm

Self Injurers,,
i completely understand where you all are coming from. i was there, and im still half-way there. just remember, you are all beautiful and special and strong. you guys have done and seen things most people cant stand. and you have your own personal reasons for this that nobody but you will ever understand completely. i know this from personal expierences. juss remember, you are all beautiful. you are all special. you are all strong. when the sun rises, memorize how it feels against your scarred skin. when the moon cools the air, watch the pale light shine upon your skin. then you will realize, you are alive. take one day at a time. one foot in front of the other. you are alive. i promise.

--love you all! stay strong

44 | Left by Kay Jo | May. 3, 2011 at 1:21pm

i am depressed. i admit that i have tried to cut myself. I know I am not alone as I have a friend who also has cut herself. we have to to stay strong!

45 | Left by Ali | May. 3, 2011 at 1:36pm

I been feeling really sad lately.. I feel like im not really close to my friends like i use to. I always feel out of place. Is this Depressin? I no i use to be skinny (not to skinny) but enough were my mom was worryed.. i dont no, i seem really happy and chearful, but after a while i feel so down.. i even gotten a hair cut and new glasses and nicer cloths. But No one seems to notest. I Feel like im not there at times. I dont understand it. I no people love me, and i love them back, and i would never cut. but i no i was worst befor and im scared ill fall back into that dark hole of mine. I just feel alittle alone lately.. and im worryed im just going to get worst.

46 | Left by Mar | May. 3, 2011 at 6:36pm

I am struggling with overcoming cutting as we speak. It isnt easy and Im not doing very well, its only been 3 days... :( but you have to take it one step at a time, today it is 3 days but tomorrow it will be 4, and the day after, 5! Just wake up and take a look at the world around you, underneath all of the pain and suffering there is beauty and hope. And a chance for a better future. You just have to stay strong and know that there is love out there, and more importantly, there are people who love you NOT MATTER WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE. You have to know this, even in your most desperate and hopeless moments. No matter what you have to keep going, and never give up. Day by day, step by step, moment by moment. TWLOHA helps me to get stronger every day, and I hope that one day I will be strong enough not to resort to cutting when I'm in pain. And I hope that all of you will be able to be strong enough for this too. With the help of TWLOHA, this is possible. We have hope, and we will be the hopeful.
Please feel free to email me, I'm 15 and I'd love to talk to anyone who is feeling lost, or anyone who has encouragement for me

47 | Left by Abby | May. 3, 2011 at 6:53pm

This Is Why I Love TWLOHA So Much.
Everyone Has A Story, And This Is A Community That Feels Like Home To Me. Just Read The Comments. Everyones Already Offering Advice To each Other.
We Might Not Personally Know Each Other, But We Believe In The Mission, And Try To Help Each Other Accomplish It.

Its Like A Big Family.

48 | Left by Hannah | May. 3, 2011 at 7:10pm

When i was struggling with self-injury, i felt like i was the only person in the world that was going through this. i was online one day and the TWLOHA was brought up in the seach engine i was using. i went and read all the stories that people had posted and i realized that i wasnt the only person that was going through this. I currently still struggle with the temptations.. especially with Graduation coming up so soon and all the stress of finding a college and making sure i have everything i need. i just love TWLOHA.. its like a family i can trust to know what im going through and not judge me for it. :)

49 | Left by Brittney | May. 5, 2011 at 10:27am

Thank you abby and everyone else! that really helps and i did see that today.. i was going though old papers, and i found this one that my sister wrote i love you she gave me. I started crying, but it made me relise how much life has to offer. Thank you TWLOHA and everyone else!

50 | Left by Mar | May. 5, 2011 at 7:13pm

I have thought about cutting and suicide even. But I think about if thats really what i wanna do. If i were to commit suicide, i will never be back. I will never be able to enjoy life. I will never be able to go out with friends and live my life the way i want to live it. I think about this, and i realize that i have a great life, and there is not reason to think like that. People can help, and i won't be left in the dust. TWLOHA has helped me come to these conclusions. Do i want to just throw everything away? No, and i hope you all feel the same(: STAY SRONG

51 | Left by Kalista | May. 7, 2011 at 4:24pm

i've been struggling with depression for a while and don't know what to do. the person i trusted to talk about with decided to turn their back on me because they were tired of hearing it and now it is hard for me to trust people it still hurts to think about it and some days i think no one cares about me

52 | Left by Allison | May. 9, 2011 at 1:26pm

to allison and anyone else feeling lost and alone..as corny as this may sound: we all care about you, we love you and respect you and we'll be here for you, just remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!

53 | Left by share the love, theres enough for everyone | May. 10, 2011 at 12:49am

i just got out of a treatment center. it helped for about..three days. then, i started cutting again. it just became once. then twice. and then, it was at least six times a day. now my hips, legs, and ribs are covered with bleeding and scabbing cuts. it gets harder and harder. i started bring things with me to school so i can go into the bathroom at least twice a day and cut. i dont know why i fell back harder than i ever been before. its like im making up for the lost time from when i was locked up for a month. and you know how you saw rescue is possible? for me...

thats a lie.

54 | Left by Kay | May. 10, 2011 at 1:13pm

I cut. im addicted, i cant stop... everytime i try to stop i always find another reason to keep doing it.. it feels good when i do thoug..

55 | Left by Christowpher | May. 10, 2011 at 2:02pm

This year is the year my life really changed. In the fall I was depressed and stressed, and no one saw. I didn't eat very much, I'd skip at least one meal every day. I buried myself in my schoolwork and applications because it was easier to deal with books than to look at the happy, carefree people around me. I started to think about cutting. I even did cut a few times. I hated going to school, and I hated going home. Weekends were torture. Still, no one around me noticed, not even the girl who was supposedly my best friend. She had her own stuff going on, and I understand that. But when we tried to fix our friendship, she blamed me for everything that went wrong. She was angry for many things that I didn't know I even did wrong, since she never told me. I blamed myself. I don't know what I did wrong. I tried again and again to reach out to her. Now, I have been essentially forbidden from talking to her. She won't even look at me. I feel like she hates me and I don't know why. She's dating one of my friends, and I feel like I can't talk to him anymore because of that. I feel like I lost them both.

I told my closest guy friend what was going on months ago. My parents know now about my depression, but they think that I'm getting better. I don't think I am. I'm afraid and I want it all to go away. I'm tired of feeling like this, but I promised my guy friend I wouldn't cut or do anything. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of feeling this way.

56 | Left by Anon | May. 11, 2011 at 6:17am

Christowpher

i am in the same situation,i know it doesnt seem long at all, but ive been clean for 2 days now, which is a giant step for me. My friend told me that i didnt have to make this addiction stand in my way. He asked what i wanted to be wheni was little. I told him that when i was five i dreamed of being a Jedi Princess. although my dream may not be possiable, your still can be. It is so addicting, but what i found was when i start to get the earge, i lock myself in my room, blast "Who says" by selena gomez, and play with my lightsabor. I think its time for you to become your own dream. I belive in you.

57 | Left by Jessay | May. 11, 2011 at 10:07am

I had been cutting for years... I stopped for a few months but then I found out that my niece was doing it and every one turned to me for help, so agian i started cutting. now its been over a month... I dont get why i cannt stop this time but it makes everything seem ok for the brief moment of ecstasy i get! i just dont know what to do... i feel so lost and consumed by it!

58 | Left by sarah | May. 11, 2011 at 2:18pm

I suffered from deep depression and lived my life through some melancholy days. Ever since I was smaller. I know this is completely irrelevant, but I do not think it's right to have an age limit. I was on the verge of suicide prior to my depression when my girlfriend had changed my perspective of life and helped me find hope, I did cocaine as well as meth. I found my way to soberity .
I'm 14 years old and live in Las Vegas, Nevada. And I'm asking why is it really necessary to have age limit on the move program? There's plenty of people under the age of 18 who are willing to help.

Just saying.

59 | Left by Michael | May. 11, 2011 at 4:20pm

i have also been struggling with cutting, myself.
i have been sent to a mental hospital and went through 3 mons=ths of therapy. i was good for a year.
this year, i fell in love with this boy. he treats me like dirt, but i still love him. im back on the cutting and i feel weird, because unlike alot of stories i have read, i really don't wanna stop. what is wrong with me?

60 | Left by katie | May. 12, 2011 at 8:52am

I've been cutting for two years and in the last few months I've been trying to stop. Every time I throw my razor away I get really stressed and my breakdown ends up worse then before. I've told very few people what i do, but now i really want to stop. I just don't know where to start.

61 | Left by Jenny | May. 12, 2011 at 1:06pm

I have been depressed for as long as i can remember. When i was little i remember running upstairs at times and pulling my covers over my head hoping to suffocate to death. I have self-harms for as long as i can remember as well. It's all i've ever known to deal with the emotional pain. This past year i started cutting, but at the end of march my friend told me that if i cut, she'd kill herself. She's had a much rougher time than me, and i havent cut since she said that but honestly im breaking again and i miss cutting. there are times that i remember what it feels like and want to cut again... i know i need help but my parents wont let me. and i have no one to turn to to even vent anymore.

62 | Left by Rose | May. 13, 2011 at 7:58am

You ask me why I seem sad.

I tell You I'm just tired. You believe me, so You move on, and I am alone again.

If I told You that I was depressed, You wouldn't understand.

I told Him that I was going to cut myself. You didn't know.

He told me about this TWLOHA website...

You would have left me to die.

He saved my arms... and my life.

Thank you, Milan.

63 | Left by Louise | May. 13, 2011 at 4:40pm

I got baptized a couple week ago, on the first of May. I suffer from depression, and I cut. I don't feel like a Christian. I feel empty and gross.

But today, things are going to change. Today, I found this site. I truly believe I will get help.

Thank you to all the people who contribute to this. You saved me.

64 | Left by Sarah | May. 14, 2011 at 9:33am

The first time i cut was about one and a half months ago, on my arm. The second time was about 2 weeks ago on my left wrist. After the first time, I thought it was just a weird freak-out moment. But when I cut the 2nd time, and actually felt RELIEF afterward, I was scared. The reason why I did it was because I'm the kind of person who takes anger and depression out on herself; not others. I feel like people take advantage of me and feed off of my happiness.

Just yesterday at lunch when we were at school, my friend's sweatshirt sleeve slipped down, and I saw dozens of red marks on her arm. She didn't think I noticed, because my head was turned the other way. But I decided to call her after school. We talked about it, and it turns out that we both had things in life we wish we didn't have to deal with... emotions we wanted to bury... cuts that were created purposely to make emotional pain go away. I've only told my mom and my friend, because if I tell anyone else, they'll think I'm a freak. I hear how they joke about "emo" people, and it's not funny. They think people who hurt themselves are ridiculous and dangerous. But we're not. We just needed some kind of escape or reassurance. WE NEED HELP. WE NEED TO LIVE. WE NEED LOVE.

It's just really hard to hide something that's engraved on your body.

65 | Left by Jasmine | May. 14, 2011 at 2:22pm

I have just read through some of these comments about pain and suffering I have been there too and it is shocking to know how many people are going through this. I have had depression for five years and have been hospitalized twice. I have horrible scars all over my legs and arms. People notice and it is a huge regret in my life. But it was a coping mechanism and it did keep me alive so while it may not be the best strategy it worked. I felt the addiction but once i stopped I started to count the days I hadn't done it and i felt a strive to build them up. i still made mistakes but kept trying. I live in NZ and while depression is a big deal here i didn't have friends who understood, I didn't really have anyone for a long time. That is why this website is so amazing, to know that there really are people put there like you who are struggling but can make it through. I am nineteen now and I live with my partner who is amazingly supportive, I don't cut, I barely drink and I don't do drugs I am alive and I am well. I never ever thought I would see this day. But here I am. You can be too.
xx Loren

66 | Left by Loren | May. 14, 2011 at 4:28pm

Hey. Ive been struggling with depressions and social anxiety the past 3 years. Everytime things seem to go better, i always fall. And the better i have it in my positive periods, the harder i fall when the struggle comes back. I know im not alone with having this problem, but im so tired. I Have no friends that would understand, and my family tries, but they don't really help at all. Ive just stopped my appointments with a shrink ive had for 2 years. My Anxiety is almost gone, but now ive got these depressions and insomnia again..
Does anyone have any tips for me?

67 | Left by Marius | May. 14, 2011 at 9:23pm

Hello Marius,
First of all I'd like to say that I am so sorry that you've struggled so much with depression and anxiety. I myself go to counseling for both of those things, and although no two people experience this in the exact same way please know that there are people out there who care about you. If you don't mind my asking, did you end your appts because you feel that things are improving, or for a different reason? Because if you feel that your friends don't understand it might be a good idea to continue counseling for when those symtoms seem to reoccur.

68 | Left by Carisa | May. 15, 2011 at 7:35am

Carisa;
its actually several reasons.
The main reason I ended counselling was because my therapist was having a baby. But also because my Anxiety is not that big of a problem anymore. Ive had 2 months now, with mostly positive experiences, and everything seemed to be going fine.
Then i got some issues i had to resolve, and this just lead to more problems. Ive slept 30 minutes the past 2 days, and i barely eat.

Ive contacted my therapist privatly (since she's not working because of the baby), to get some advice on what to do from here. This may not be the best way to handle things, but i need advice from someone i trust. You know?

Thank you for replying to my post, btw!

69 | Left by Marius | May. 15, 2011 at 9:27am

I personally have never cut myself or anything of that sort but friends of mine have. A suggestion was to draw a picture of any living creature (a dog, a flower, etc) and name it after someone you love or admire. Every time you harm yourself your creature (whatever it may be) is hurt, too. It has helped some of my friends and I thought this would be a good place to share that info!

70 | Left by Kensie | May. 15, 2011 at 12:02pm

Im depressed and i cut. My mom was concerned so she sent me to a place to help me. While i was there we talked about ways to deal with depression without hurting yourself. At first i was upset about going because i couldn't be with my friends or family but that place helped me soooooo much. If you are cutting i encourage you to talk to your parents to find a place to help you. It really helped me.

71 | Left by Vikki | May. 15, 2011 at 5:09pm

im just confused by life and whats the point of living it?

72 | Left by Aarlyn | May. 16, 2011 at 4:42pm

im 12 & my moms a druugie & im dads a liar my story in 12 words

73 | Left by Kara | May. 17, 2011 at 4:40pm

is there a TWLOHA in Illinois

74 | Left by Kara | May. 17, 2011 at 4:41pm

To kara- But thats why were all here because we have a stroy to share or just want to be heard or to let someone known. But we all know theres hope and love.

75 | Left by Aarlyn | May. 17, 2011 at 5:27pm

I used to be bullimic and occasionally burn myself. I was bullied at school by people I didnt even know their names, my closest friends abandoned me, i moved multiple times across cali with my mom, i was threatened, got in unwanted fights, I was 'the school slut'- It was soo stressful and hurt me, but I didnt let anyone know that I just kept my head held high and I had too much pride to let anyone see me ever cry. So I shoved a toothbrush down my throat. I thought it was gonna be just a one time thing, but i was wrong. I was just 12 years old and throwing up everyday for months. Then I started to get heart problems and it scared me to death, my heart rate was about 180 so I stopped. I started again about a month later then got scared again and stopped. I wasnt able the whole time to tell ANYONE about my problems, I was so scared of judgement. I told my three best friends a couple days ago and I know they hadont really understand how hard it is but I felt so much better anyways, but now I just want to start vomiting again. I wanna tell my mom but im scared of her. i want to start again sooo bad, but i know i shouldnt. I wish those feelings of wanting that, being hurt, and self consciousness would go away. I just started a new private school in order for a new start and hope that will erase those wants,but i cant stop thinking about it

76 | Left by daisy | May. 17, 2011 at 8:12pm

I want to be able to take the first step to stop cutting. I wish I knew what that was.

77 | Left by Jenny | May. 18, 2011 at 12:38pm

i look at these post, and i remember how worryed i am about my best friend. Shes a sister to me. Shes been looking really depressed lately.. i freaked one day because it seemed like she was cuting.. but i dont think she is. i hope not. but idk if she is or not. I try to help and her life seems to be feeling better. Today though, she seemed different. Its really worrying me. How do i Help when i dont know what is wrong? i Know to just stay by her side and i hug her when i feel like she needs it. and we do talk, but today she seemed closed up to her self. Im worryed, what do i do?

78 | Left by Anon | May. 18, 2011 at 6:27pm

(Anon)
The best thing that you can do in my mind is be there for your friend. She needs to know that she is loved and that you care about her, and you obviously do. If she trusts you, you two can talk, and if she really trusts you then she might even mention if she is struggeling with these things.

(Jenny)
I think that the first step to be able to stop is to tell someone. Have someone to hold you accountable. Tell someone you trust. Someone you can call/talk to when you feel that you are tempted to cut. Accountability is always a good thing :)

79 | Left by HeartOfHope | May. 19, 2011 at 12:34pm

Thank you heart of hope. :)

80 | Left by Anon | May. 19, 2011 at 3:04pm

HeartofHope, I have a best friend who I can talk about this with when I'm having a really bad breakdown but I'm scared for her to find out its pretty much an everyday thing anymore. She says she's tired of watching me make the same mistakes over and over and I feel guilty for putting her through this as well. But thanks for the advice =]

81 | Left by Jenny | May. 19, 2011 at 9:17pm

Marius,

Wow, do I know that situation! I actually discontinued therapy once before because my therapist was going to have a baby as well. I was definitely improving at that time though, so it was a bit different. I'm really glad that your anxiety was improving, and I'm sorry to hear that it's worsened recently. It can be very disconcerting when that happens.
I think it was a good idea to contact your therapist, actually. Even though she isn't practicing at the moment, she still has experience, and most importantly, experience with you. Has she recommended that you see a therapist again?

Of course! I apologize for sending this one so late, one of the computers I use doesn't like this website sometimes >_<

Sincerely,
Carisa

82 | Left by Carisa | May. 20, 2011 at 3:27am

Jenny,

Your friend would probably rather help and know though. Instead of fining out later and not being there to help. Its always good to get help.

Em

83 | Left by Em | May. 20, 2011 at 6:41pm

hey. have you all ever come near/to Virginia? it'd be awesomee to hear you all speak. :)

84 | Left by Zack | May. 21, 2011 at 7:55am

You are definitely not alone. TWLOHA saved me honestly. I got help. I have had depression for years, and I finally have hope again. I stopped cutting. 8 months, I never thought I'd be free. My favorite quote is "walk with the knowledge you are NEVER alone." No matter how alone you may feel there are people who love you and want to help you. Life is hard, we need to help walk each other through it. Life was never meant to be lived alone. Hope is real, it may seem so unattainable, but it is real.

85 | Left by Carolyn Terwilliger | May. 21, 2011 at 11:30am

There's so many hurting people in this world. It sometimes makes me wonder if there's anyone out there that's truly Happy.
I just want everyone to know, me too.
I'm stuck, I'm depressed, I'm addicted.
But farther ahead, I see a Happier place, a better one.
I can get out of this, and you can too.
Let's do it,
Let's be Happy,
Together.

86 | Left by Maddi | May. 28, 2011 at 10:00am

why does depression hurt so much..?
Please, come to Minnesota!
There's plenty of people here, like me, who are still depressed. There's plenty of us who still have that feeling of suicide.
God... it seems like nobody notices anymore, eh? It seems like nobody's going to be there to help us again.

87 | Left by Lexy | May. 28, 2011 at 12:10pm

i'm trying so hard to accept change. Change has become my worst fear, because most changes i've experienced have been negative. I don't know where to turn. I just feel nostalgic and wish things were the way they were before. I don't recognize my friends, my family.... I don't recognize MYSELF. my first thought of suicide was when i was 11, but i haven't felt that way in a while. I began to cut, and i haven't done it in about a month. But the problems keep showing up in my life, and i keep getting the urge to cut again. I'm scared. Does anyone have any advice?

88 | Left by Jasmine | May. 28, 2011 at 1:13pm

we all love and care about you here, theres stress relievers, and i no this might sound stuiped, but we had a speaker that told us this helped with all kinds of probablems, because most probablems are from stress. some ways to unstress is takeing deep breaths, running/jogging, but not were it makes you sick or past out afterwards. singging, flexing your butt mussles (be careful guys on that one.) smiling helps blood flow so it will release stress. even fack smiles. reading and righting, and best of all is talk to someone if you can and get help. i hope some of that helps.

89 | Left by Anon | May. 28, 2011 at 8:31pm

i have problems because my life has damaged me in manyways.. i read about twloha and it has inspired me to try and get help... this takes alot out of me and i love to know that theres people out there that understand what im going thru...! i turn to a blade cos i feel as if its my only friend that unserdands my pain... id rather hurt than feel nothing at all.... i may be hut but i intend on staying strong and never giving in to temptations

90 | Left by Save me | May. 29, 2011 at 3:50pm

I'm depressed because of my parents and feeling invisible to everyone. I'm very self-conscious and negative about myself and I just to cry because it hurts. Finding TWLOHA changed my perspective but I fall back to my sad state. I have no one to talk to about this because who's to trust and give me words of encouragement? That is what I lack and what I need but I can't open myself to just anyone and expect them to be there for me (I've been let down a few times). I'm glad you guys are coming to Dallas. I wear the bracelet, the shirts and listen to the music for the support. Which reminds me of what I shouldn't be sad. I even write a few poems of how I feel to let the pain. But my problem is why do I keep falling back and how to stay strong?

91 | Left by Ana | Jun. 1, 2011 at 8:36pm

I myself unoffically suffer from depression.
My mom passed away when I was nine, leaving me with my father, temporarily depressed from medicines he was taking.
He is now remarried to a woman who none of my family like, and forced my family to move three hours away from everything.
Now, both of my sisters live with my grandmother back home, while I am stuck here, still dealing with my stepmother and feeling like an only child with no one to turn to.
I have friends, but they don't understand my pain.
My boyfriend, the only person I could really lean on and vent to, has left me, because he thinks I'm too depressed, when really, I probably inherited it from my late mother.
So now, I sit and wait patiently for my life to just fix itself because I have lost all control of what happens.
I don't cut, there are and never have been any negative substances in my system, and I just hope and pray it'll stay that way.
I don't know what exactly my coping mechanism is, and I'm scared that I'll find out only when it's too late.
I'd talk to my dad, but he has enough stress as it is.
I'd talk to my friends, but frankly, they can do nothing.
I still talk to my ex, and he still won't see that he was the only light in my dark world.
So, I am left with no one, and I hope to find a healthier way to cope than just to bottle it all up.
A lot to deal with for just a thirteen year old, huh?

92 | Left by Hayley. | Jun. 5, 2011 at 11:49am

As I've been scrolling down this page, I've read some of the comments. I think that all the people who have commented on this page are beautiful and you all have a story to tell. Everyone has a story and it's important. It might not be "as amazing as hers" or "as sad as his". But everyone has something to give. It's not about what you've been through or how your past was but it's about how you overcame those struggles. And there is hope. Whether you are hurting like a lot of people here have said, or you are just seeking help for a friend. There is HOPE.

I grew up in a Christian home and a Christian environment. I always went to church and was taught right and wrong. I was never physically abused, but I don't think my mom realized a lot of what she would say hurt me a lot. Sometimes if she was really mad she would slap me or corner me against a wall, but it was never more than I could handle. I was always strong, the leader, being the oldest child in my family. I never cried; I didn't really want to. I don't know the exact day it started but I was hurt and angry so I just started to cut and hurt myself physically. It made me feel better, and that became my method of couping, whenever my mom would yell at me or someone in my family, there was a cut. And it usually lead to another and another. Then it lead to burning myself and hitting myself. Anything to relieve my emotional pain. When I started to recover, or more tried to recover, I found I couldn't handle it. So I thought people can see the scars my cuts leave... but they can't see if I do other things. This lead to me drinking and experimenting with drugs. I was happy, I had friends who drank with me and we would talk about it together. Well, happy until the hangovers came. I was young when all this was going on I was about 10 when all this started. I just felt hopeless and abandoned. Right before this I had met my now best friend, he was so full of life and energy (he still is), and I wanted that. He always made me happy and I wanted to be with him. But one day I thought, "Wow, I screwed up he's never going to want me now." And I started to recover. It's been a long process and there are still days I want to cut, burn, OD, drink, etc. But I've realized there is hope! I finally told my friend a little over a year ago, I don't know if he was crying or not, but I was. He hasn't left me once he's always been here. He helped me find hope without even knowing what I was going through. I've struggled with my image growing up as well. But I'm getting better at accepting who I am.

I think that if anyone is reading this now, and I could talk to them personally I would look them in the eyes and say, "You are beautiful, and you are wonderful, you have a purpose, and you have a story. No matter where you've been or where you are going, hope is real, and help is real." And I believe that.

Recovery is possible, I don't know if it ever really ends because i feel that even after years and years of being free it never totally leaves you. But it is possible! If you are hurting and need help please try to reach out and get it. There are so many people willing to help who want to help.

Jenn, 17, recovering self injurer, drug addict, alcoholic, anorexic/bulimic...

93 | Left by Jenn | Jun. 5, 2011 at 12:24pm

I read some of these comments, and think that we all are unique and we all have our past and for most of us, we're living our greatest nightmares out right in front of us, right now. I've struggles with depression since I was 13 and began cutting myself. I would only wear long sleeves and that would limit my ability to do stuff to a massive degree, such as go outside for too long on hot days, go swimming or tanning, etc.. I finally opened up to someone who i thought was trustworthy, they were a person from our church, Lisa. Lisa was 19 and she totally burned me when I opened up to her. She would mock me and tell me to stop complaining and just cut already so I would shut up. That tore me and ruined me in more ways I'd like to imagine. It took so much courage to open up in the first place, and after this tragic experience, I locked myself up even tighter.

As the story of my life continues, I eventually manage to get away from Lisa and everyone of whom she was acquainted, and move onto a completely new group of people. This time, it took me a year or so until I finally opened up. I played the "everything's perfectly fine" card for that year. Until I met Stan. Stan was the youth leader at this new church I started going to. He was fairly young, nice, and pretty smart. I told him about my issues, and how I had been cutting myself and about Lisa and how I wanted to stop so badly but I couldn't, I was addicted. He prayed with me and told me to throw out all my razors. So that's just what I did. I wasn't too big on the whole "religious" side of things at this point, but I went along with it whenever he wanted to pray with me. However, there was one thing I never told Stan, and that was about my suicidal thoughts and impulses.

Fast forward a year or so, and Stan has convinced me to tell my parents I have been cutting and want to stop. Telling my parents had to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. At that point. What was even harder, however, was that 3 months went by, 4 months, and nothing happened. Still, nothing's happened, and it's been about 5 months or so now. I asked them for a counselor and even named a couple, but to no avail. So here I am, struggling with thoughts of suicide on a daily basis, and contemplating cutting my scars every time my abusive sibling strikes.

I want to end my life so badly, but I know that there is hope. I have one good friend, Klara, who has been through it all with me. The drug addictions, cutting, multiple suicide attempts and sleepless nights. Klara hasn't lost hope on me and that's what pulls me through it every time.

I have scars and they each have a story. Some speak of my abusive sibling, others tell a tale of a failed suicide attempt, yet others plea at the knees of mercy as they speak of a sleepless night and bloody razor. The names in this story have been changed for confidentiality.

94 | Left by Kris | Jun. 5, 2011 at 11:08pm

How do you explain to your family how you feel? how do you get them to understand that you you hurt yourself when you are hurting on the inside? How do you go to your mom and ask her if she can take you to the doctor, or to therapy or rehab? How do you explain that you are not crazy, that sometimes you can't control yourself? How do ask your family for help and beg for them to understand that you love them but you just need a beak sometimes. how do you explain your scars or attempts at death?

95 | Left by Anon | Jun. 8, 2011 at 11:27am

i have struggled with cutting for 9 months and 1 John 4:8 says that God Is Love. and anybody on here who is cutting & doesnt know Jesus. go to your closest church or talk to a friend who is a christian and God will come into your life & he will take cutting away from you. he will put a ligh in your darkness from depression, or drugs, or addictions, or self pride; ANYTHING. he WILL give you that hope & love you may have never felt before. and from somebody who went from 'needing' cutting everyday.. to going to a happy life. you will see a huugggeee difference. if you need help let me know! i have gotten through it and anybody can if they have a lil' faith!

96 | Left by devin! | Jun. 12, 2011 at 5:12pm

On May 6, 2011, I came home to the apartment I shared with my brother, and found him lifeless on his bedroom floor. My brother was my best friend in this world, and now he is gone. It still seems surreal after a little over a month, but each day I face a million memories and each memory breaks my heart because he is not here any longer to make new ones... My brother had one main message his whole life: HOPE. We all have our struggles... we all have our own "demons"... but we ALL have HOPE. Sometimes it seems like there is no other way to cope other than the things that actually hurt us more, and can lead us to death. My brother, I KNOW, is in the best place now... his Hope was in the Lord... and his life, although ended on this Earth, is just beginning with Jesus.
I guess my point is, please, when everything seems dark, look up, for Hope is right there... just reach out... Hope Wins.
I struggled with cutting... for a long time... from age 12... i'm 28 now. I struggled big time with depression... even addiction... but all of those things, I could not battle alone... I thought I had all the answers myself... i thought I could take care of myself.. and i thought i would just be bothering someone if I asked for help... but now, MORE THAN EVER, i know, I can not do this alone... there are people who care, and understand... and love you.... and there is ALWAYS ONE who knows your every thought, pain, insecurity, and hears your cry...
I BEG YOU... don't give up... don't stop HOPING.

97 | Left by Ash | Jun. 13, 2011 at 8:26am

I started cutting about 2 years ago. I did a lot of damage to myself. I had cuts starting at my neck and going all the way down to my finger tips as well as on other parts of my body. I hit a vein on 2 occasions and even cut through my bone. Not to mention damaging a tendon. I also started burning and I overdosed on all kinds of meds nearly every night. Lots of stomach pain and trouble breathing associated with that. I also started doing a lot of other harmful stuff. But a few months ago I met my boyfriend and he's helped me to stop my bad habits. Its still so hard though. I want to cut. I want to take all those risks again. I hate that I miss it and I hate that there's no easy way to get away from it. I need help.

98 | Left by michelle | Jun. 26, 2011 at 5:03pm

i have been struggleing with self injury. its not that bad and i dont cut but i feel like its more like an adicting feeling that i get when i puthard flowing water in places. i want to stop but at the same time i dont. i did porn for a while but my parents dont l=know anything i only have one friend that knows. i wish i wasent so ugly and tall and fat i feel like im a peice of scum im trying not to cuss but its soooooooo hard

99 | Left by kittyreed | Jun. 26, 2011 at 11:13pm

This is to encourage you all and tell you that no matter what you are going through, there is still hope. I was all alone with almost all the existing problems. I was sucidal, then i met someone who turned my life around, solved my problems and gave me a new world. For more of my testimonies and advice on how to get help like i did. Email me on prettykatty85@gmail.com. I was helped and i am glad to help others.

100 | Left by Kate | Jun. 29, 2011 at 6:55am

I am, sadly, one of the many people who suffer from depression (Also sadly I am young, 14). I do cut sometimes but other times I'm able to control myself and not do it but it's hard not too...What causes my depression is my dad (other things too, but mainly him)...He just makes me feel so low about myself and I hate it...Seeing how so many people have been able to overcome their "demons" has given me hope that maybe I can overcome mine...To those who have decided to read my post please know that if you are like me and are depressed and cut that there is hope. Don't ever give up on life because you will find a way to overcome your "demons". I know I will overcome mine and I am trying so hard to do that right now...I know I will eventually (hopefully soon) and I know that you will too. Don't EVER give up ♥

101 | Left by Shel | Jun. 29, 2011 at 9:05pm